A/N : And we're back! Sorry for the long wait! I've been busy lately :( and this chapter was a hard one, I'm not that satisfied with it yet, but it's better than nothing. Regardless, I've tried my best so hope you enjoy^^
Chapter 4- Father-in-law
On Wednesday, Severus was rearranging the stuff he extracted from the library on various places in the house. The shelves he added on the walls in the living room, were filled with books, and he still had two more boxes of books to sort.
How had he ever lived in this house before? he couldn't even find a place to put the rest of them.
If only he could expand the first floor just as he'd done with the lab downstairs... but alas, the muggles were bound to notice the house suddenly changing its size, and he had many plans in his head other than spending the rest of his summer holiday dealing with ministry officials for the innocent crime of using magic in front of muggles...
After cursing whoever built this small house for the seventh time this day, he figured he should just move them to his quarters at Hogwarts since he'd live there during the school year anyway.
He was making his way to the kitchen to get a cup of water before continuing with this taxing task when suddenly he heard a sound coming from the hearth.
"Severus?" said a familiar voice.
He paused for a moment, mentally checking if today was really Wednesday or if he had been working for days and it was already the weekend.
Why else would Hermione be floo-calling him?
She never did, not when the children weren't here.
Was he imagining things?
"Severus! are you there?"
Severus quickly stepped towards the hearth, pushing the boxes away from his way to clear the path.
"Yes, Hermione, I'm here, has something happened?"
"Step aside."
He did, still trying to figure out what was happening.
A moment later Theo appeared, giving his father a worried look. He moved away quickly before Hermione came right after with Arya tucked by her side.
She looked around, clearly not expecting to see all the mess he had been trying to sort, scattered all around the living room.
Then her eyes settled on him, and judging by the heat he felt in his body and the desire he had yet satisfy of swiping his hand across his face to clean it of its sweat, he was sure she didn't find anything appealing...
He was completely dishevelled.
"I was vacating the library," he explained unnecessarily.
She nodded.
"I'm sorry we came at such short notice."
She was already vacating the bag she had on her shoulder, giving each child his things.
"I couldn't notify you earlier."
"It's quite alright, what happened?" he asked again, with a hint of irritation, she still hasn't answered his question, he was starting to get worried and the looks they had on their faces only made it worse.
"My mother just called, Dad's in the hospital," she said without looking at him.
"Hospital?" he muttered, trying to register what was said.
"Arya, help your brother put these in your room."
He had many questions, but Hermione had different ideas. All he could tell was that she was preparing herself to leave the kids with him and go straight to the hospital. Without further explanation.
She gave him the bag, still not meeting his eyes, but focusing on the bag "They have everything they need in this bag, or at least what I could figure they'd need. They already had lunch so there is no—"
He interrupted her by putting his right hand on her shoulder, making her look at him "Hermione, are you alright?"
She looked him straight in the eye, a thing she hadn't done in a while, and he quickly dropped his hand. But he was permitted another access to her, he could finally look deep into the brown eyes he loved and missed so bad.
He noticed that they were glittering, and could see how concerned and sad they were. How he could ever cause these very eyes to shed a tear was beyond him.
God, he was such a monster.
"I'm fine. I still don't know why he's there, it's not necessarily that bad, right?"
She was trying to sound strong, but he knew better.
"Hopefully, it's not," he said helplessly.
"I'm not sure how long I'd be there, I might come back today but I didn't want the children to be there if it was something ...you know"
He nodded, the uncertainty in her voice really upset him.
He really didn't like the idea of her going there alone, yes her mother would be there, but Amanda would be worried about her husband as it is, would she be able to take care of her daughter too?
Hermione was a strong woman by all means, but he knew better than anyone how unsettled she was when it came to people close to her having health issues, especially after recent events, the possibility of losing another dear one would crush her.
You have already lost your right to be there for her, a voice said, you were supposed to take care of her but you failed.
"It's their house, Hermione. You can send them here anytime you want," he assured.
She sighed and looked at him.
"I'll update you as soon as I have further information, tell the kids I'll be back soon."
When he nodded, she turned, heading to the hearth.
He looked at her retreating form and found himself calling for her...
She turned around and he hesitated, he wasn't sure if he was even allowed to ask her that, but he felt so helpless, he wanted to do something, and she was still legally his wife.
"Are you sure you want to go there alone? I can come with you."
"No, Severus, please stay with them"
He looked at her for a long time, trying to evaluate how sincere she was. Her eyes were still glinting but she had the visage of someone determined, so he sighed and submitted.
"Very well. Stay strong, it'll be fine."
with one last nod, she floo-ed away.
Severus could immediately sense their presence when they came out of their room.
"Will Grandpa be alright?"
"We still don't know the details. It's probably nothing serious, People go to the hospital every day." He was babbling.
"Is it because they are muggles?"
"No, it's because they are people," he said looking around "Seeing as you are here, I could certainly use your help cleaning up this mess, care to join me?"
"Do we have a choice?"
"No. Start moving."
With that, they spent the next two hours cleaning and moving things around. The library was finally vacated and the lab was magically expanded and vacated of old stuff.
"Dad, why didn't you just magically add more rooms or something"
"Despite the common thinking, you can't really do everything with magic. Besides, it's best to use it as little as possible when surrounded by muggles."
"Do you want to move Arya's stuff to her new room now or would you spare me to let me take the long-awaited shower I need and continue tomorrow?"
"Shower," they said together.
He already knew that'd be the answer, lazy brats.
"Alright, wait for me and then you each can have your shower, don't touch anything you know you shouldn't" He was referring to the dark books scattered around.
Theo eyed them while Severus walked to the bathroom muttering about how he didn't have any more room to vacate to add an extra bathroom and cursing whoever built this house.
Hermione paid for her coffee and headed back to her father's room. It was seven am, she convinced her mother to go take a rest after staying awake all night, although she didn't know if resting is a possible option, she only managed to sleep for two hours herself and spent the rest of the night drinking coffee.
Hermione almost asked Severus for a potion last night when she informed him that she'd stay the night but restrained herself so as not to worry him.
She snorted at the idea... why is she still expecting him to worry about her?
But why do you think he would stop? does our coming divorce mean we must stop having feelings for each other? stop worrying about each other?... is it morally appropriate for me to think about him at all? does he have thoughts about me as well? or did he already move on?
It was really hard to come to a decision regarding that man.
He is such an enigma. After over ten years of being married to him, one would think she'd have completely figured him out, but no, he was still full of surprises. Perhaps that's just how he is, unpredictable.
She couldn't get the picture of him looking at her with so much concern out of her mind, his eyes...they were the same eyes...those deep black eyes that always made her weak, they went straight into her soul and she felt so exposed looking at them.
Why is it that at times she couldn't bear the thought of him, and at others, she felt so weak and unable to get along without him? Why do his eyes still have such a deep effect on her?
Why is she reading too much into his normal concern over her well being?
She had resolved it with herself, she said she hated him, that she'll only put up with him for the kids, she said it'd be better to live without him than having to see his face every day, hell, she even demanded a divorce...but then why is she still hesitating?
Why is she regretting not forgiving him right then and there?
She can't forgive him... she can't.
She knew she was going too far with these thoughts, she felt like a teenage girl trying vainly to get a hold of her thoughts and emotions.
But letting her mind be lost in these thoughts, thoughts about her marriage, divorce, husband... ex-husband, was better than thinking about her father at the time.
Cancer.
She almost passed out when she heard that word.
Growing up in the muggle world, she always heard and read of people dying because of it. Although wizards didn't suffer from it, she still always shivered when she heard its name. Invading the body through different parts, in different ways, this disease was dreadful in every shape it came in.
And now she learnt that her father has it.
Blood cancer... and she thought her life couldn't get any worse.
Coming back to her senses she realized she had already passed her father's room. Turning around she retreated her steps.
Four hundred and forty-five.
...
Four hundred and forty-four.
How many people are in these rooms?
how many people will have to live the rest of their lives in a room with a number on it?
Four hundred and forty-three.
How many families are at the edge of losing a loved one...
Four hundred and forty-two.
And how many more will she have to lose?
Four hundred and forty-one.
...
that's the one.
Hermione sighed and closed her eyes, preparing herself once again for the fearful image of her father laying on that awful bed and opened the door...
Only to gasp in surprise when she saw who was before her.
Severus immediately motioned for her to be silent and whispered 'They are sleeping' then ushered her out and closed the door.
"What are you doing here?" she asked when she finally managed to compose herself.
"I had to come eventually, Hermione. He is still my father-in-law, nothing would change that"
Hermione sighed and nodded solemnly " What about the children ?"
"Don't worry, I left them with their grandmother. They wanted to come, but I thought it's best if they don't when it's still all fresh. Besides, I needed to check up on you first, you only said you'd stay the night but never reassured me about yourself, are you alright?"
She gave him a look and thought about just dismissing his question, but something stopped her.
No, she wasn't alright.
She has not been alright for quite some time, and she was tired of saying she is...
She is not alright.. in fact, she is...
"I really don't know..."
Severus took a deep breath, he probably wasn't expecting that answer.
"Let's take a walk outside, fresh air will help you "
Hermione hesitated at his offer, but he started walking anyway, so she had no choice but to follow.
They walked in silence, each contemplating his own misery. Families were all around them, hanging out with loved ones, helping them through hard times. Some people were eyeing them suspiciously, especially Severus who despite wearing muggle clothes still looked rather intimidating with his raven black hair and his tall figure.
"You do realize the kids will have to come, eventually. They have the right to see their grandfather, in case they don't discharge him... "
"I know they do..." she admitted.
"I just wish I could spare them all of this, Severus. It's paining me deeply "
Severus sighed "I wish that too, Hermione, but it's how life is. No matter how much we want to, we can't protect them from everything "
Hermione nodded absentmindedly... she was eyeing a man who was tossing his daughter up and catching her when she went back down, the little girl was laughing hysterically, trusting her father to always catch her before she hit the ground. The man was smiling as well, clearly enjoying the sound of his daughter's laughter.
She smiled as she was reminded of the time when she was a kid, looking up at her father as if he was the greatest man on earth. Her own hero.
It's a pity how a simple disease has such a great chance of defeating a hero.
She quickly swept the tears when she felt them on her cheek before Severus could notice.
But the man beside her was looking at the same scene, clearly lost in his own thoughts until he broke the silence.
" So it's Leukaemia?"
She looked at him, eyes wide open, "how did you know? I don't remember telling you."
"I managed to talk to your father before he fell asleep. He also told me how you and your mother stayed up all night and kept complaining about how you both worry too much."
"We don't worry too much, his situation isn't easy, he's not taking it seriously."
"I think he does and that's precisely why he's acting that way."
He started searching through his pockets, looking for something "Regardless, you shouldn't forget to take care of your own health, lucky for you I came packed."
He handed her three vials containing two Sleep Potions and a Calming Draught. She was thankful he thought of that without her saying anything.
"Thank you."
She knew he was right, she has to take care of herself, especially now.
"Did they say how long he's staying here?"
Hermione shook her head "They are still assessing the damage caused by the disease, they said he should remain here in the meantime. "
"Have you talked about what options you have regarding the treatment ?"
"We still haven't decided, our best option is stem cell transplant, of course, but we'd still have to wait for a match, Mum and I aren't compatible. We might have to go with Chemotherapy until we find one"
"I'll apply," he said simply.
"Thank you..."
He nodded.
"His blood type is rare though so it's hard to find a donor," she muttered.
We might never find one...
She felt her heart crack as she registered this thought.
Helpless.
That's exactly how she felt, and yet her brain refused to accept that.
There was a solution to everything, there must always be a way out. The only problem was actually finding it.
She must not feel helpless, this feeling was useless, it just made her weak.
This quarrel between her brain and emotions was oddly familiar to her, it was the same feeling she had when she felt her baby dying inside of her, refusing to believe she was losing him, her brain kept searching for something to do. There must be something she can do to prevent what was happening.
But alas, she never found it back then.
And she still can't find it now.
Hermione felt tears on her cheeks, and this time instead of sweeping them away, she couldn't compose herself, she closed her eyes and let them roll down, it wasn't too long until she surprised herself and let out a sob.
Severus who was still looking around them was caught off guard when he heard her sobbing, he stopped abruptly and put his hand on her shoulder "Hermione..."
"I spent the night reading about this ... awful disease... even if we did find a donor which is unlikely, the chance of success is so low."
She looked at him then, her eyes pleading with him, begging him to make it all stop, somehow.
He could tell she was composing herself all this time, trying to not think about it, not think of the mess her life turned into. But one can only take too much until he finally explodes, and Hermione has suffered... a lot.
And there she was again, vulnerable, within his reach, and yet so far away from him at the same time.
God, he wanted to hug her. The unfathomable desire to hold her close and comfort her was shredding his insides.
And yet the farthest he could go was squeezing her shoulder and repeating her name like a clueless idiot.
"Hermione..."
" I can't lose another person, Severus. Not again... not so soon"
You won't.
He wished he can utter those words, he wished he had some type of superpower that would prevent her from losing dear ones, to prevent her from any pain or sorrow.
But he can't control death or sickness...
And truth be told, he was fool enough to take himself from her without the help of those uncontrollable events.
He looked around them then. A few people were looking their way with pity and sorrow in their features, probably coming up their own conclusions of whatever their relationship was and what led that young lady to sob next to that scary looking man.
He let his hand slid to her back, the other one holding her hand, and led them to a close bench, one that was away from people's view.
As they sat down, her head fell on his shoulder.
He wasn't sure whether his touch at her vulnerable state would be welcomed. But frankly, he didn't care anymore. Yes, they are getting divorced, but she was still Hermione, his Hermione. He wrapped his hand around her in a half-hug further burying her head in his chest.
"I keep telling myself this is as bad as it gets... It won't get worse. But it does! It keeps getting worse and I can't take it, I can't deal with this anymore..."
She probably wasn't paying any attention to their closeness, not caring what so ever on whose chest she was sobbing.
"It'll be fine, Hermione... your father is as strong as you are, don't lose faith in him"
Hermione cried for a few more minutes, all the while Severus kept whispering encouraging words to her, doing his best to be there for her while struggling not to step out of boundaries.
It wasn't too long until she started to calm down, resorting to sniffling. She removed her head from his chest, apparently starting to realize who she was clinging to.
Taking the napkin he offered her, she avoided meeting his gaze and stared at whatever took place before them.
"I don't think I can make it tomorrow," she said suddenly.
"What are you talking about?"
"The meeting we have, regarding the divorce, I'll talk to my lawyer and see to when we can postpone it ... I hope you don't mind that. "
"Ah... it's alright." He knew that would also postpone the finalization of the divorce, but really he didn't mind... it's not like it was his choice in the first place.
Severus stood abruptly
"We should probably head back, you have to rest"
"I don't want to be asleep when they wake up."
"I'll make sure to wake you when they do."
"Aren't you leaving?"
"Not unless you want me to."
He'll be with her now when she didn't mind his company.
Even when he was sure that had she been her self, she'd not have welcomed his presence.
She needed someone with her now, and if she can't find anyone else, he'll be there for her.
With that, he started walking back toward the hospital.
Severus lay on his lonely bed, reflecting on today's events.
Despite his suggestions, Hermione stayed at the hospital, refusing to go home.
He understood her reasoning though, he'd want to spend all his time with his loved ones too, he understood that now more than ever.
David Granger was a happy spirit, his humour and funny comments were what made their bonding easier, despite Severus's soreness he didn't have any difficulty getting to know his father-in-law.
At first, after Hermione's thorough description of her father's character and how excited he was to get to know Severus, he expected they'd be good acquaintances at best, but nothing more, considering his age. He didn't think they'd have that real father and son in low bonding. However, just like everything that surprised him about Hermione and her family, David treated him as if he was his own son, and Severus found that he didn't even mind it and excused it to the man being a dad figure by nature.
'Take care of her' was what David said before he fell asleep, whether he was aware of his words, or was already sedated, Severus wasn't sure.
David knew they were getting a divorce and didn't change his attitude towards him. Though Severus was sure if he was aware of the reasoning for the divorce, he'd burn him alive for putting his daughter through this. Thank god for small mercies.
But he would, he promised him to take care of Hermione, and he would.
Even if they were divorced, he still could take care of her, it doesn't take to be married to someone in order to care for them, does it?
His musings were interrupted when he heard knocking at the door and stood up to open it.
Expecting to find Arya clutching her pillow, Severus was surprised when instead he found Theo, who was looking at him with an emotionless face
"I just wanted to ask about Grandpa," he said as his father stepped aside to let him enter.
Severus nodded, moving back to sit at the edge of his bed, motioning for Theo to follow.
"He's still at the hospital, we're not sure for how long he'll stay," He replied, once they were seated.
"And Mum?"
"She's staying for tonight."
"Is he going to be okay?"
His father sighed, and Theo was instantly afraid of the answer.
"That's a very tricky question."
That's a very tricky answer.
No.
It'd not do to disrespect him, better just get to the point.
"So is he going to die?" he asked with little quiver, he hoped.
Something flashed in his father's eyes, and then his whole expression changed.
"It's very foolish to think that being sick inevitably leads to death."
Theo's whole face turned red in embarrassment.
He felt as though he was being admonished for asking a simple question.
Well not that simple... but a valid question nonetheless. Regardless, his father's irritation in his answer diminished what little courage he had.
He moved his gaze to anything that didn't include his father's face.
I didn't even get a proper answer...
He heard his father take a deep breath after a while, so he sideglanced at him. He no longer looked annoyed, rather remorseful, his face held a softer expression and his eyes were looking at him with concern.
Maybe he wasn't that irritated.
"I'm not being foolish..." he said, looking back at his father, " I've read about it."
"Did you?"
Theo nodded "Just when you told us what he has, I searched it online."
They've nagged their grandmother, Eileen, relentlessly with questions about their grandpa, to which she claimed ignorance. Though the nagging paid off once their father returned home and decided to include them with the information.
Theo knew Arya didn't understand that much, which means the decision his father made was really regarding him.
Considering what he read, it was a really serious disease, a deadly one. One he thought many parents would hide from their young children, preventing them from harsh truths.
The fact that his father decided to trust him with the information made something move inside of him, maybe his father finally understood that he is old enough to handle things, to handle truths. Though he still didn't share the reason behind their coming divorce, which greatly upset him.
Regardless, since his father decided to take steps forward after their conversation on Friday, resulting in him telling Theodore about his grandfather's disease, Theo decided it'd only be fair for him to be more open to his father, which is part of the reason of why he's here right now.
"And what did you find?"
"It's very serious... he might die."
"It's quite soon to talk about this possibility."
Severus sighed and moved his hand around Theo, putting it on his shoulder. It didn't go past him that he held his mother in a similar way earlier that day.
"We cannot help your grandfather by thinking negatively, you must have faith, for yourself and him."
So it's really a possibility.
"When we go there tomorrow, show him that you believe he'll be better. Not the opposite," his father instructed.
"But what if he doesn't? what if he dies?"
Of all the questions he had in mind as he read about the disease, This was the most incessant, unavoidable one. What if Grandpa dies?
"Theo as I've told you before, we can not control death, we can't choose when or where to die, it's just a part of life we have to accept. What we can do, however, is appreciate each day we do live and try to make it as efficient as possible."
His father did tell him that before, more than once in fact, on different occasions.
But he still can't accept it.
"But if we lose him, I won't have a grandfather anymore. I don't want that. Mum won't take it well either"
He never got to know his other grandfather, Tobias. Not that his father talked about him at all, Theo deduced they didn't have the best relationship. But it didn't matter, his father doesn't like many people anyways.
He always thought it'd be cool if he had two grandfathers like he had two grandmothers.
But now he might lose his only one.
"You'll never lose him, he'll always be a part of your life, Theo. He's always here." Severus pointed at Theo's heart.
Theo was fighting not to shed a tear, but talking about death brought many depressing thoughts he couldn't throw away.
He hated losing people, whether it was death or something else, he didn't like sudden changes in his life. He already felt so much loss no longer having his father in the house and the man was still alive, sitting next to him at this very moment, but it still felt as if he lost him. It even felt like he lost a part of his mother too, even if she did reside in the same house he did and pretty much acted the same way, It just didn't feel right when they were apart, it only felt complete when they were together, at least in his mind.
He understood what his father was telling him though, but still, he couldn't just accept death, he couldn't wrap his mind around the idea of no longer seeing and talking to someone, let alone his only grandfather.
It was already hard losing his brother, even though he never got the opportunity to actually see him, but he did know he existed in his mother's belly, and he heard his heartbeats when his mother let him put his head on it. His parents kept talking about him as if he was already there, living with them. When his grandmother told them that they lost Kieran, thus their parents staying in St. Mangus, he spent days being as close as he could to his sister, checking her room every night.
Because if he could constantly see her, then he might be able to prevent losing her too.
He did learn that his parents also lost a child when he was around seven but unlike Kieran, He died before his mother started showing, he didn't feel his presence that much for he didn't get to talk to him as he talked to Kieran and Arya when they were there. But it still affected him when he learnt he no longer existed, it still bothered him to know he could have a younger brother but lost him.
And now he might also lose his grandpa, forever.
"Is it painful? dying."
"I can't answer that honestly as I've never tried it, but I always thought death to be as quick as falling asleep" His father answered truthfully.
Theo wasn't convinced.
So what if death didn't hurt the dead person, it still hurts the living people who knew him.
He'd still be sad even if his grandfather went away on a vacation.
He bit his mouth as he felt the tears from earlier force their way out.
He's not weak he can handle truths.
Unbeknownst to Theo, Severus was having a battle within himself too.
He hated talking about this very topic to his children, it was one of the few topics where his usual creative brain couldn't find a way to reassure them in. He didn't know what it meant to no longer exist, despite reading many books about it and encountering it many times in his miserable life, few times even causing it. He still never experienced it, at least not fully, if that night at the shrieking shack was worth mentioning. All he felt was extreme pain, unimaginable exhaustion and the irresistible desire to let go.
He was certain death was more peaceful than that, at least if he didn't end up in hell which was unlikely.
But still, of all the topics he could talk about to his recently-untalkative son, of course, death was going to be it. As if he needed more reasons to drive his son away.
He looked at his son desperately and noticed Theo was biting his lower lips, and closing his eyes as if he was in pain.
"Theo, it's alright if you're upset, don't hide your feelings inside, let them out."
"I'm not upset it's just ... I don't- I don't know."
Severus sighed and stood up.
"Feeling sad and shedding tears doesn't make you weak."
Theo looked at him with wide glinting eyes. The same way he looked at him whenever he suspected he used Legilimency.
Severus smirked and shook his head.
"You, my son, do resemble your father quite a lot."
"How so?" Theo asked after rubbing his face. Seeming to calm down and succeeding on preventing the tears from coming out.
"I'm quite accustomed to bottling my feelings too, but let me tell you, it wouldn't do you any good."
"I never thought you'd say that about bottling anything," Theo retorted.
"Perhaps I'm no longer qualified to be called a Potions Master." He put both of his hands on Theo's shoulders.
"But if that gets you to talk more, I'm willing to give that up"
Theo brought his head up and met his father's eyes.
"I think I should head to bed."
" Indeed you should, let me escort you out I have to check on your sister." He didn't want to force his son to talk more, no matter how much he wanted to. It was already good enough he approached him on his own, and he didn't want to lose the opportunity of that happening again. He had already vowed to tread carefully.
The young lad didn't say anything as he let his father lead him to his bedroom, keeping his hand on his shoulder.
To all those who suffer or know people they care about suffering from cancer, my heart is with you all, stay strong and positive. Studies show that mental health does indeed have a positive effect on all kind of diseases. I hope that anyone who has to deal with these kinds of disorders does get better and have a happy life :)
To those who lost a loved one, I know how you are feeling, it's pretty hard. But as Severus has said it's a part of life we have to come to terms with, may they rest in peace and hopefully they are in a better place up there.
P.S: I know Severus's talk regarding death is similar to Sirius's in the books, but Severus doesn't know that. Only we do. ;)
Please review
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