(OotP) CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: I Just Wanted Your Love
Ellie,
Could you kindly tell me what the hell it is you're doing?
I know you love music, and if a career in music is what makes you happy, then I suppose I can support that. But this? The pink hair, the costumes that barely cover any skin, and the pop songs I know for a fact you never actually listened to?
Who is this Noel Davies character, anyway? Doesn't he need a parent's permission to do all this with you? I reached out to your mother, and she says no one has contacted her. I'm not exactly at liberty to press charges here, but I'd sure as hell like to.
Please be careful, Ellie. I know it must be comforting to you that people seem to be believing your stories for the first time, but that kind of support is fleeting and can shift with the weather.
Focus on school, and on your O.W.L.'s. Focus on Harry, who's also been having a rough go of it this year. Whatever you do, remember that there are people out there who love you—people you don't have to convince of anything.
Love,
Dad
"Well, I can't exactly blame him," said Liam after Ellie showed him the letter in the library. It had been a few days since her second performance, but the publicity hadn't faded yet; every paper except the Daily Prophet seemed to be calling her some variation of "The People's Princess."
"I know," Ellie said as she rifled through a section of books labeled Charms You Shouldn't Try at Home. "You'd think he'd be at least a little happy, though, given that my popularity seems to be linked to people believing he's innocent."
"Hey," Liam said, temporarily distracted from the topic at hand. "Look at this."
She glanced back at him—not at the letter in his right hand, but at the book in his left.
"The Perelli Charm," she read. "A highly dangerous charm that can only be casted by a parent onto his or her infant child, which renders the child capable of utilizing a near-invincible shield when doing the thing he or she loves the most. Yeah, yeah, we knew all that already…" She scanned a bit farther, then continued, "Only successfully performed once in history, on Rupert Bowman, whose father, Cassius Bowman, was said to have a debilitating fear of Gellert Grindelwald."
"I've heard of Grindelwald," Liam said. "He was sort of like the You Know Who before You Know Who. Big in the thirties and forties, I think, until Dumbledore took him down."
Ellie bit her lip as she continued reading. "Ironically, this charm, intended to protect his son, only caught the attention of Grindelwald, who sought out Bowman, captured him, and used the Imperius Curse to force him into servitude for several years until, eventually, Bowman's shield became so strong, it found a way to keep Grindelwald out of his head."
"I'd say you're past that point already," Liam offered hopefully. "They didn't even try that one on you, did they?"
"No, but I don't think it was because of my shield. Aleks knew I'd been practicing Imperius resistance all year."
"Right. Keep going, then."
"But the excessive use of the shield came at a cost to Bowman. It damaged his mind and body, causing him near-debilitating pain that sometimes led to unconsciousness. He began to suffer nosebleeds, which eventually turned into…"
She stopped reading at that, looking away from the book.
"What?" he demanded, sticking his own nose in the book. "…bleeds from the ears, mouth, and, finally… eyes."
He, too, stopped reading at that.
"I'm going to take a wild guess and say that his death came shortly thereafter," Ellie said with a faint smile.
He glanced back down at the book, reading in silence for several seconds before closing it altogether. "He did die," he admitted. "But this was decades ago, Ellie. And the good news is, he was brought to St. Mungo's—which means they probably learned some things from his death."
"I've been to St. Mungo's plenty of times, Li. If they knew how to fix me, they would have."
He sighed, putting the book back into the bookshelf and turning to face her head-on. "It isn't fair," he said softly. "You didn't ask for any of this."
She smiled sadly. It wasn't fair, but she had long since accepted that reality. "I'm still glad I have it. It still makes me strong when it counts."
He reached out a hand toward her, tucking a strand of hair behind her cheek in a way that reminded her so much of Fred, she had to resist the urge to cry. "You're always strong, Ellie. You just can't see what the rest of us do."
He wanted to kiss her, she could tell. She didn't know why—what on Earth could be appealing about a girl who was on death's door, had been responsible for his friend's death, and had recently abandoned him to hook up with someone else—but he did.
But she couldn't do it. She couldn't be responsible for someone else's pain the way Fred was for her own.
So she turned and walked away from him.
That night, Ellie Apparated into London, picked up a bottle of Firewhisky, and brought it back to the Gryffindor Tower with her.
And then she asked Dean Thomas if he'd like to drink it with her.
She didn't know why, exactly, she had picked him. It had something to do with comfort, she supposed, and something to do with physical attraction—both of which made sense, seeing as he was the first boy she had ever really dated. More than either of those, though, it had to do with feelings. Dean didn't have the kinds of feelings for Ellie that Oliver and Liam did, which meant she couldn't hurt him like she could them.
"I've gotta say, I'm a bit surprised," Dean told Ellie as she poured him a glass. It was late—they were just about the only two left in the common room. "Thought you only spent time with the B.A. now."
She laughed, taking a sip of her drink. "Probably true, which is why I thought it might be fun to hang out with someone else for a change."
"Well, I'm glad." He smiled easily at her. "I like the pink hair, by the way. Wouldn't have guessed it would suit you—but, then, I reckon everything does."
This was going to be easier than she thought, she mused with satisfaction as she grinned back at him. "Thanks. Wasn't really my choice, but I don't hate it."
"I heard you were hanging out with Wood again." He didn't sound mad—just curious. "Was that true?"
She took another sip of whisky, then slid a bit closer to him. "Ollie and I wanted different things."
"Yeah?" He slid closer to her, too, and took another sip. She wondered if he felt the same pleasant burn in his throat that she did. "And what did you want?"
"No strings," she said.
And she kissed him.
"Ellie," Katie said the following day at a joint B.A./D.A. training session. "Why is Dean Thomas ogling at you and Ginny Weasley glaring at you?"
Ellie, too, had noticed Dean staring. She had been perfectly clear to him the night before about expectations and not wanting any emotions to get involved, and he'd seemed on board, but judging from the way he was looking at her now, she wasn't sure she had succeeded.
As for Ginny, Ellie had no idea why the girl was glaring at her. They hadn't exactly spoken much since Fred's departure, but that was as much on Ginny as it was on Ellie, wasn't it?
Frankly, being around Ginny depressed her. It reminded her far too much of being around Fred.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Ellie lied. "Can we get back to the important things now? Luna, any updates?"
"I saw you two canoodling by the fire before I went up for bed last night," Katie persisted. "Since when don't you tell us what's going on with you?"
Ellie groaned. Katie was right, of course—the B.A. didn't keep anything from each other. She didn't want to hurt Liam, but wouldn't this prevent hurting him more in the long run?
"Fine," she conceded. "We messed around a little. Nothing serious. We agreed that it meant nothing, so I don't know why he's staring at me."
"It meant nothing to you," Luna said, glancing thoughtfully at Dean. "But it meant something to him."
Ellie did her best not to curse at that. Sometimes she wished Luna wasn't quite so skilled.
"Ellie," Liam said suddenly, catching her off guard. "Can we talk in private for a sec?"
Ellie stiffened. He was really asking her to step away from the rest of them in the middle of a B.A. meeting? What would the others think?
"Sure," she finally said, because, in spite of all that, she liked him and didn't want to embarrass or upset him by saying no.
She followed him to a quiet corner of the room, where he fixed her with those pale, blue eyes of his and asked, "Is this because of what happened with us?"
She could hardly believe her ears. How was he so… brave? How could he just come out and ask a question like that?
She thought of Fred, who had taken four years just to come to terms with his feelings for her, and decided this was a quality she liked in Liam.
She wanted to lie and say she didn't know what he was talking about, but she owed him more than that. So, instead, she said carefully, "It isn't a good idea, Li."
He looked frustrated by that. "Because you don't want to be with me? Or because of something else?"
"Because I'm not ready. Because I would only hurt you."
"So you chose to hurt Dean, instead?"
"Dean's feelings for me aren't real. They never were. They're skin-deep."
"And mine for you? You think you know the extent of them?"
"No—that's not what I'm saying. I just don't want to hurt you, Li. You mean too much to me."
His expression softened at that, but he still looked frustrated. "I don't need or want you to protect me, Ellie. If you don't want to be with me, that's fine. If you're not ready, that's fine. But don't fight this just because you're afraid I'll get hurt. You've spent far too much of your life protecting everybody else."
It was getting harder and harder to resist the temptation to be with him—especially when he went around saying things like that.
That night, Ellie finally found the inspiration to write something.
She knew within twenty minutes of putting quill to parchment that it wasn't as good as her old music. As much as she tried to write from the heart, she couldn't fully tap into that much emotion without breaking down completely. Instead, she carefully tread the line between sincerity and that craving for revenge that had come with the other two sings she'd sang.
You got time, if time was what you needed. You're not mine; I'd rather not believe you're fine—rather think you're up all night. You're alright; you have been since you left me. Let's not fight; I'm just a little feisty. Maybe—maybe I will lose my mind.
A tear trickled down her cheek as she scribbled out the chorus—I don't want to let you go away. I don't want to let you go—boy, I just wanted your love. I just needed a bit of your love. I just wanted your love… I don't want to let you go.
He was the reason for all of this—the unfairness with which she was treating not only Liam, but Dean, too—the unfairness with which she had treated Oliver.
How many people was she going to hurt in her quest to make her heart stop aching? Was he watching it happen—lingering in her thoughts like he had all those months before? Was he there now, feeling her pain?
She hoped so.
As far as she was concerned, he deserved to feel every inch of it.
Emergency meeting, Luna said in Ellie's head the following Monday. Now.
Ellie glanced at Neville—the only other member of the B.A. in her class. He had heard it, too.
"Professor," she said to Professor Flitwick, raising a meek hand. "I'm not feeling well. Could I run to see Madam Pomfrey?"
"I'll take her," said Neville, shooting his own hand up far too quickly. "Er—if that's all right, Professor."
"Fine, fine," said Flitwick, waving a hand. "I do hope you're alright, Miss Black."
Ellie and Neville scrambled out of class, avoiding the stares of their classmates as they headed for the Room of Requirement. The rest of the B.A. was already there when they arrived.
"They're planning a breakout," Luna told them. "From Azkaban. None of them will be there—not You Know Who, Aleks or any of the Death Eaters—but they've gotten the Dementors on their side."
"Should have seen this coming, I reckon," said Liam grimly. "After the Dementors came at Harry last summer."
"How many?" Ellie asked Luna urgently. "How many Death Eaters are they trying to break out? And who?"
"All of them, from what I can tell. About ten—including Bellatrix Lestrange and Antonin Dolohov."
Ellie cursed. Knowing how evil Aleks was, she could only imagine how evil his father must be.
"When is this going to happen?" Katie asked Luna.
"Tonight—at nightfall."
"We've all got working Patronuses," Neville pointed out. They'd mastered the spell nearly a month ago. "And we have a way to get there quickly."
"This is tricky," Luna warned them. "It could easily look like we're the ones trying to break them out."
"We should put out anonymous tips," Katie agreed. "One to the Ministry, and one to the press."
"It's better if isn't anonymous, I think," said Luna. "They're going to see us when we get there, either way. At least this way, we're getting ahead of it."
"What about the Order?" asked Katie. "We agreed, remember—that we'd enlist their help when things got dangerous like this?"
Ellie knew she was right, but she also knew it wasn't going to be an easy conversation.
When she Apparated to 12 Grimmauld Place a few minutes later, it wasn't just Sirius she faced in the kitchen. Tonks, Lupin, and Molly were there, too.
Sirius leapt to his feet at the sight of her. "Dammit, Ellie!" he shouted. "You can't just go around—"
"It's important," she interrupted. "Voldemort has control of the Dementors at Azkaban. They're going to let out the imprisoned Death Eaters at nightfall."
All three of the adults in the room exchanged wide-eyed glances. Finally, Tonks asked Ellie slowly, "Ellie, how could you possibly know that?"
"One of us has established a connection with two different Death Eaters," Ellie said impatiently. "Legilimency. It doesn't really matter. Just get the Order together and get as many people as you can to Azkaban. Not you, though, Tonks and Dad, and not Kingsley or Mr. Weasley, either. We've tipped off the Ministry and the media, and we don't want anybody losing their jobs."
"Now, hold on just a second," said Lupin, raising a finger. "You've told the Ministry and the media that the Dementors are going to release Death Eater inmates?"
"Yeah, so you guys need to be careful. I reckon you can go, Lupin—and Moody, too, right? Diggle, maybe?"
"Ellie," said Sirius. His voice was dark and stern. "Tell me you are not planning on getting involved."
A faint trace of a smile formed at the edge of her lips.
"I promise I'll make you proud, Dad," she told him.
And she Apparated back out.
Well, you didn't think I'd let the B.A. talk the talk without walking the walk, did you? Who else is ready to see Ellie kick some ass and not just be a pop star? The next chapter is aptly titled "The Breakout," and it's another pivotal one, so make sure you don't miss it. And don't forget to review!
Oh, and "I Just Wanted Your Love" is another Alexz Johnson/Instant Star original, if you want to check it out!
