I wake up in the horrible dull room with a sore back from the lumpy mattress. To my right lies a girl tucked up in bed, fast asleep. I got here at six last night, but I guess I slept 'til the next morning. I check the time on the phone Callie gave me, it's still in my boot, five-thirty in the morning. I go to the bathroom, wash my face and shower and get dressed. My roommate still isn't awake. I start to put my clothes away, twenty minutes later I'm done and there's a knock on the door.

"Wake up girls," Nancy says. The girl groans. I sit on the edge of my bed and wait for the door to be unlocked. The girl sits up and looks over to me.

"Hi, I'm Cara, don't worry, I'm not as crazy as the other girls here, I guess that's why they put you with me."

"So why are you here then?" I ask boldly.

"I have Bipolar Disorder, I'm on meds which my parents pay for, but they don't love me enough to look after me themselves." She says it so nonchalantly. She heads in the bathroom to shower. She comes out 5 minutes later and starts getting dressed in front of me like it's no big deal, I could never do that. "What are you in for?" She turns to me.

"Um, I have PTSD and Depression." She has a 'is that all' look on her face. "I guess I accidentally tried to kill myself. My parents loved me but they're dead, so I don't get to take pills." She starts putting her clothes on.

"Sucks for you." There's another knock on the door, Nancy unlocks it.

"Oh good, you're both ready. Let's go." I grab my backpack that was lazily stuffed in my suitcase, and we go downstairs to the bus.

"What about breakfast?" I ask Nancy.

"You're on the breakfast program, you'll eat at school." She's not in a good mood anymore, maybe it's just the fact that it's a Monday.

Some of the girls don't get on the bus with us, they sit staring at us from the window. I do as Nancy said and sit at the front and Cara sits on the seat across from me. As she drives, Nancy tells me that she didn't want to wake me yesterday because she knew I had a rough night, but tonight I will have to join everyone for dinner and chores. I get dropped off first. One of the crazy girls on the bus tries to get off with me but Nancy yanks her back and yells at her, she sits back down in her seat.

"Good luck Gracie," She says. I look back at the bus, I didn't think about how embarrassing it would be. The kids at this school are probably going to pick on me. I look down at the map that Nancy gave me, I'm supposed to go to the vice principal's office, that would be one of Callie's moms. Sophia said she's nice, and she was right about Callie. I follow the map but get a little lost and end up by a classroom door surrounded by other kids standing around at their lockers, it feels like I'm drowning. I was supposed to go to breakfast, but I think if I ate anything, I would throw it all back up.

A tall boy around my age approaches me. "You look a little lost, are you new?" As he smiles at me, he shows off his dimples.

"Oh yeah, I'm Gracie." I shake his hand. "I'm supposed to go to the vice principal's office."

"So you're Gracie, I'm Jude, Callie's brother."

"Yeah I've heard about you, I've heard about your whole family, actually." We start walking together.

"Cool, we're in the same grade so if you get lost or anything, Callie put my number in your phone, so you can just text me. Here, this is my mom's office."

"Thanks, Jude, I guess I'll see you in class." He nods and smiles. I knock on the door of the office.

"Come in." I hear a soft voice say. I open the door to reveal a homely room, there's even a couch, it doesn't feel like a school office. It's more like a living room with a desk. Callie is sat there with a woman; she has the most incredible hair I've ever seen. She must be the vice-principal, her mother.

"Hi, Gracie." Lena stands up and shakes my hand, Callie gets up and hugs me. "Take a seat." I sit on one of the armchairs opposite the couch.

"Are you nervous?" Callie asks.

"Yeah, but I'll be okay, I just met Jude actually, he's in my grade."

"Yes, I have your schedule." Lena hands me a piece of paper. "You're in a few classes with him."

"Awesome, thank you." I smile.

"How was your first night?" Callie asks.

"Well, I slept from the moment I got to my bed until this morning." I let out a nervous laugh. "But when I got there it was pretty scary; the girls are really… sick." That's the gentlest way I can put it.

"You can come and talk to me or the guidance counselor whenever you need to, here." Lena hands me a small card, "You can give this to your teacher if you need to get out of the classroom for a minute."

"Thanks."

"You can talk to me too, any time you need, and I'll introduce you to the rest of my family at lunch. No one likes sitting alone on the first day." The bell rings.

"You better get to class," Lena says. I nod and say thank you one more time. I get the map back out of my pocket and find my way to homeroom, then I have Math, then double English, then at 1 it's lunchtime, after lunch, I have Gym and Physics.

It wasn't difficult finding my way to homeroom, and luckily, Jude is there too. I notice an empty desk behind him, so I rush to go and take it. He turns around and smiles at me. Our teacher is nice, he's called Timothy, I still can't get over the fact that they call their teachers by their first names here. He introduces me to the class, but I don't have to stand up which is great because last time I started a new school I had to stand at the front of my class and talk about myself for like ten minutes, I'm pretty sure I bored everyone to death. Timothy only makes me say my name and my age. I wonder if that's how this school operates or if Lena asked him not to make me speak to the class.

After homeroom, Jude introduces me to his friend, Taylor, she seems nice. She's very pretty, and when smiles you can see her eyes light up, I think we could be friends. Taylor takes me to my Math class because she's in it too. And then we meet Jude for double English. I like English because I've always been good at it. I suck at everything else. We're doing Shakespeare, so we had to pair up and read from the play Macbeth, Jude and I read together. After two hours of that, Jude tells me that Callie and the rest of his family are waiting for us at lunch. So, we walk together to the cafeteria, the place is bustling with loud teenagers. It's not good for my anxiety, and somehow Jude sees that, so we get our lunch and go to the outside benches to meet his family, I see Callie and the others sitting at a picnic bench that overlooks the beach.

"Hey, Gracie!" Callie gets up. "This is Mariana, Jesus, and Brandon," She introduces me. Jesus and Brandon are tall too, and Mariana is tiny. She looks nothing like her twin brother.

"Hi, guys." Jude and I sit down with them. They all greet me and start chatting away, asking me questions about my parents and how I met Sophia and all about my past.

"So, how many years have you been in the foster care system?" Jesus asks.

"I guess like almost eight years now." I'd never actually thought about how long it's been.

"Wow, that's a long time, we were only in the system for a few minutes before Stef and Lena took us in," Mariana adds.

"So, Brandon, was it weird having all these siblings thrown into the mix?" I need to suss him out. So far, they seem like a normal family. But it's not always as it seems.

"Yeah it was hard at first, but we're a family now." He puts his arm around Jesus and Mariana, they all smile at each other. I feel a pang of sadness as I realize there's no chance of me ever getting a family like this, or a family at all. I suddenly don't feel so hungry anymore.

"Gracie?" Callie says. No matter how hard I'm trying to hide it, she can tell by the look on my face that something's wrong. "Come on, let's go for a walk." She takes my hand and removes me from the situation before I start crying. She walks with me in silence to the beach where we sit down on the dunes. I sob quietly as we stare out to the sea. "Are you okay?" She asks.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize- I just didn't think it would be so hard. They're all great. I guess I just didn't think I'd ever meet a family I wanted to be a part of," I laugh as I wipe my tears away.

"That's how I felt when I met them, well not at first, but once I got to know them, I couldn't imagine not being with them."

"Only difference is you actually got to be a part of it," I say bitterly. "Sorry."

"You'll find your forever family, talk to your social worker, tell her you're willing to meet as many families as it takes." I get she's trying to help but I don't I have a chance in hell.

"She doesn't let me meet people anymore, that's how I got the first two strikes." She raises her eyebrows at me, waiting for me to tell her the story. "Well basically after living in group homes for a year, Anita introduced me to this couple, they were clearly addicts; they had six other foster kids and they were obviously using them for the child support checks to buy drugs or booze or whatever. I don't know Anita didn't see it too. So, she was setting it all up for me to move in on the weekend after I met them. Then I tried to kill myself, that was the second attempt." She looks at me. "I know it sounds dramatic and like an overreaction, but I was at my worst. It just pushed me over the edge."

"And the second strike?"

"I'll just give you a quick summary, I was in the middle of a mental breakdown; some kind of psychotic episode and she brought the couple and their daughter up to my room and she found me sitting in the middle of the floor with every book in the house around me. I had ripped every single page 7 ripped out of every book and scribbled writing all over them, and I was screaming like a lunatic." Her eyes widen, she's never heard anything like it. "Yeah, I don't get it either. Even my counselor couldn't figure it out. I freaked out their daughter so badly that she had to get therapy. And you know all about the third strike."

"But, that's not your fault. She can't blame your mental illness."

"Anita didn't see it that way. That was when I was 13, and since then nothing like has happened until the other day. So basically, I'm screwed, I haven't met foster parents since the day with the books, Anita just gave up on me."

"I'm sorry, Gracie." She puts her arm around me, and I start crying again. I'm never this vulnerable with people, only Sophia. It feels weird to have another friend who I can be myself with, Sophia understands me when it comes to my mental health and stuff, but she could never understand all this stuff they way Callie does, she's been in the system. We sit together for a while and I end up missing the first part of gym class. I was dreading it anyway. Callie suggests I skip the rest of my classes and go sit in her mom's office until the end of the day.

Once we get to the office, Lena is sat at her desk doing paperwork. "Hey, mama?" She knocks on the door and leads me inside. "Would it be okay if Gracie hung out here for a while?" I stand behind her hovering nervously.

"Yes, of course. Is everything okay?" Lena instantly stands up to usher me inside.

"Yeah, she's just having a hard day."

"Of course, Gracie, come in." She puts her arm around me, just like Callie did, and sits me down on the couch.

"I'll see you later," Callie says. She shuts the door on her way out.

"Thanks, Lena, it was all getting a bit much," I say. Trying to hold back more tears.

"Well, we can ease you into classes a little slower if you like?"

"It wasn't the classes, they were great. I just got overwhelmed at lunch; meeting new people is hard for me. And your kids are amazing, I guess I got jealous." I take a deep breath.

"Oh honey, I get it, it can be difficult seeing something you want so desperately and not being able to take it for yourself." She's put into words so perfectly and poetically. She hugs me. "I have some paperwork I need to do but you could do a little job for me if you like?"

"Sure, I'd love to." I'm delighted to help; she and her family been so kind to me since the moment I arrived. She asks me simply to staple pieces of paper together as she hands them to me. It was so relaxing just sitting in silence doing something so mundane, everything else in my life is so chaotic.