The Fosters let me stay with them for next week, I don't know how long they'll have me, so I've been trying to make the most of it. I hang out with Jude when he gets back from school, Taylor comes over most days and we've all become pretty good friends. And every night Callie, Mariana and I talk. Some nights I open up, about how I've been feeling, but they never pressure me to talk. Most nights I just listen.
One night after watching another movie, while Stef and Lena are working late again, Lena comes home.
"Okay, why don't you all go and get some homework in?" The kids all disperse around the house.
"I still don't have my schoolbooks," I say as I stay seated on the couch. Anita said someone would bring my things over, but they still haven't. It's been a whole week.
"That's okay, I wanted to talk anyway." She sits down next to me. "How are you doing, sweetie?"
"I'm pretty good, thanks again for letting me stay this past week."
"No problem. I'm glad to hear you're settling in well. I wanted to ask you about school. Your transcripts arrived today." I know where this is going. "You were already quite a bit behind in some of your classes, and you've missed a lot this week too."
"Yeah, I know, I've never found school easy. Except for English."
"Well, you don't have to go back to school yet, but-"
"No, I think I want to. I don't want to fall behind anymore," I tell her.
"Are you sure?" I nod. "Okay, well I spoke to a few of your teachers and they agreed you could improve with a tutor, would you be alright with that?"
"Yeah, I think that would be good for me. But, don't you usually pay tutors?" I sigh, feeling guilty enough that I'm taking up room in their home.
"Not necessarily. Mariana has offered to tutor you for science and math, and Jude can help you with the rest of your classes."
"Are you sure? They wouldn't mind?"
"No, Mariana loves science, she's thrilled to help you, and Jude is pretty smart too." I feel relieved.
"Wow, thank you. It means a lot. Can I ask you something?" She nods. "There's going to be legal bills and medical bills. How do I pay for it? I can get a job, maybe babysit some kids-,"
"As long as you're under this roof you won't have to worry about that, money is the least of your worries."
"Is that why Stef has been taking double shifts all week?"
"That's one reason, but there are other finances." I nod, feeling guilty again. "And listen, you can stay with us as long as you need to, so as soon as Stef's home, which should be very soon, we're going to tell the kids. Do you want to be here when we do?" I kind of want to see if the others want me here or not. So, I agree to stay. "You look pale, honey, are you feeling okay?" Truly I still feel sick after what happened to me.
"I'm just tired, I guess."
"Why don't you go and lie down? I'll shout for you all when Stef's home."
"Okay, thank you." I get up.
"You don't have to keep saying thanks." She smiles, getting up and hugging me. "This is your home."
I walk into Mariana and Callie's room. They're sitting on their beds on their computers.
"Gracie, come and look at this." Callie brings me to her bed and shows me her laptop.
"What am I looking at exactly?"
"This is Fost&Found, it's a website that Mariana and I built, there's an app that goes along with it too. I thought, maybe you might want to post something on there? Not a lot, maybe just make a profile and give a little background about yourself?" She sees my face. "You don't have to, I just thought... No never mind, it's cool."
"Sorry, I just don't want kids from other homes I've been in to see it, what if somehow John finds me? It's not safe for me."
"Who's John?" Mariana says, I forgot she didn't know.
"Uh, no one, just an old foster parent. Sorry again, Callie."
"No, it's fine. I get it."
I go and sit on my bed and start texting Sophia. I've been texting her all week; she knows I'm at the Fosters, but I haven't told her what happened at the emergency placement. I left my phone up here all day; she's already texted me a million times. I decide to call her instead, taking my phone down to the kitchen to get some privacy.
"Hey, S."
"Hey, what happened? You've been so vague lately, I asked Callie, but she told me to talk to you." I don't want to say it out loud again.
"It just didn't work out." I lie, I hate lying to her.
"Did your foster parents hurt you?" I don't say anything. "G, talk to me."
"Look, Sophia, I love you, but I just can't talk about it anymore. Talk to your sister, tell her I said it's fine." I hang up on her and bury my face in my hands. She tries to call me back, so I switch my phone off and slam it down on the table. That's when Stef gets home, she comes straight into the kitchen. "Sorry, I'll go." I get up to walk past her, but she stops me.
"No love, you can stay. Are you alright?" I avoid eye contact as she tries to get me to look at her. "Come on honey, sit down." She sits me back down at the kitchen table. "Do you wanna talk?" I shake my head and start to get choked up. I can't control myself as I burst into tears. "Okay, love, I got you." She wraps her arms around me and rocks me back and forth. "You're safe here." We stay like this until I calm down, she brings me a glass of water and we sit in silence for a while, until Lena comes in.
"Is everything okay?" She comes and strokes my back.
"Gracie just had a little moment." A moment, that's one way to put it. It was another panic attack.
"Are you ready for us to tell the others or would you rather wait upstairs while we talk to them?"
"No, it's okay. I'll stay." She gives me a caring smile and calls everyone into the kitchen for a 'family meeting'.
"Did something happen?" Mariana seems panicked when she sees that I've been crying.
"No, no nothing like that love. Come on sit down everyone." Stef says ushering them into the kitchen. "We just wanted to let you know that Gracie will be with us for a few weeks, she's got a trial coming up and-"
"Stef." Lena stops her from saying any more, she wasn't supposed to tell them what happened to me.
"A trial, what did you do?" Jesus asks. He must think I'm some kind of criminal
"Jesus!" Lena shouts.
"It's okay Lena," I say quietly. Maybe if I just tell them I can avoid all the awkward questions and stuff. "Um, last week at my emergency placement, um- I was assaulted." I swallow my fear. "Sexually assaulted, and I got examined last week, the guy got arrested and I have to stand up in court against him." I take a sip of the water. They all go quiet. They all have the same look on their faces. Not like they pity me, but more like they hurt for me.
"I'm sorry Gracie, I didn't realize," Jesus says.
"It's fine, you weren't to know." He gets up and comes over to me, taking a second before hugging me. "Thank you." He lets go and sits back down. "I'm okay. I don't think I would be if it weren't for you guys. You took me in. No questions asked, and I couldn't be more grateful." I take another sip, dragging it out so they don't expect me to say anything else. I'm all out of words.
"So, I'm going to need you all to step up, maybe make dinner a little more often, take the trash out when you're asked. That kind of stuff." Stef says. They all nod along; I can't tell if they're just not happy to have me if they're sad for me. But at least I have somewhere I won't get hurt.
