We pull up outside a house and we can already hear the music, bright colorful lights are flashing in the downstairs windows, and teenagers shouting and having a great time. I feel a little bit nervous, but also excited. I've never actually been to a party before. When we get inside, Mariana immediately starts talking to people from school and floating around like a social butterfly, eventually, we get separated from her.
"Are you gonna drink?" Callie asks the same way she asked Mariana earlier. She's concerned for me.
"I don't know, I've never had a drink before. I'd like to try it." We walk to the kitchen.
"Well I can't tell you what to do, but pace yourself, moms will kill me if I bring you home drunk." I pick up a beer and she gets a cup of soda. Callie and I go and sit on some chairs in the living room, everyone is dancing and having fun, people are making out and stuff all over the place. I sit and sip my beer. It's disgusting, but I've opened it and I don't want to waste it. Callie gets talking to some kids from school, so I'm left alone looking like a loser.
I finish my beer and decide to go with a different drink next. I feel a little wobbly, but I kind of like it. I'm not drunk, not yet anyway. I go into the kitchen to try and find something, but I don't know where to start.
"Hey, are you looking for a drink?" A tall in a leather jacket approaches me.
"Uh, yeah." I smile at him; I don't know if it's the beer or just the fact that he seems so nice that makes me agree.
"Here, I'll make you one." He takes a cup and pours in a shot of vodka and fills the rest up with coke.
"Thanks." I take a sip; it tastes a lot better than the beer.
"I think I've seen you at school, you're in the ninth grade, right?" I was only there for two days before I took some time off. I didn't think anyone noticed me.
"Yeah."
"Oh, I love this song." He starts nodding his head up and down and tapping his foot. "Wanna come and dance?" He takes my hand.
"I don't know, I'm not much of a dancer."
"Come on, you can't be that bad." He pulls me into the living room. He's not much of a dancer either, but he's pretty fun to watch. I dance along trying not to look like a dork, but after a while, and a few more sips, I just start to let loose. I let him spin me round like we're at some kind of ballroom dance, I spin out of control and we end up in a fit of laughter on the floor. When I look up and he's on top of me, all I see is John. I push him off and jump to my feet. He gets up and looks at me.
"Is everything okay?"
"Sorry I just, I hurt my arm," I lie. "I'll be right back." I run out on him into the hall, I spot Mariana and grab her arm, yanking her into the bathroom.
"What's wrong Gracie?" I finally let the tears out. "Talk to me." I drop to the floor.
"I was dancing with this guy, and we fell, and he was on top of me, we were laughing, it was fun and I then I had this like, flashback thing." I pant and shake.
"Tell me."
"It's like I was back in that room, with that man, he did horrible things to me, things he wasn't supposed to, and I can't get it out of my head."
"It's okay, you're not there anymore." She hugs me. "The guy you were with, what's his name?"
"Jason, I think."
"Okay, I know Jason, he's a good guy, a great guy. Just take a minute, breathe. Do you want to go home?"
"No, no. You're right I need to breathe."
"Okay well, maybe you should go back out there and dance with him. I promise you, as long as you're with us you're safe. Are you gonna be okay?"
"Yeah, thank you." I hug her, she helps me up off the ground and takes me back to the living room, Jason is standing by the music system looking around, he sees me and comes over straight away.
"Hey, what happened?" He takes my hand. He looks so worried and he doesn't even know me.
"I just got a little overwhelmed, I'm not much of a party girl."
"Yeah, you don't strike me as one. Do you wanna go get some air?"
"Sure." He's still holding my hand as we walk into the backyard. We sit on a swing set; I would have killed to have a house like this one when I was a kid. And people are trashing it like it's not someone's home.
"So, you're here with Mariana and Callie Foster?"
"Yeah, their moms are fostering me for a while."
"Oh, you're in the system, sorry I didn't know."
"No, it's okay. It's not a big deal." He's just looking at me, right into my eyes. "Your eyes are like, burning into my soul." I blush.
"Sorry, you're just, you're so beautiful." I don't think anyone's ever called me that before. He means it too. I could tell him I'm not into guys, I could tell him I'm gay and this would never work, but I don't. Instead, I chug the rest of my drink and grab him by his collar. I kiss him. I've never kissed anyone before, this is my first kiss. But it's nice, and I think I'm good at it, Jason sure is.
"What was that for?" He smiles at me.
"I don't know. Come on, make me another drink." I drag him back inside and he makes me a double. We get back on the dance floor. I'm having so much fun with this total stranger. I know Callie's watching me, she thinks I'm already drunk. Maybe I am but I'm not wasted, so I keep drinking and dancing and by eleven, Jason and I are sat on the couch trying to catch our breath. He kisses me this time. I wish every night could be as crazy and spontaneous as this one. No problems, no stupid mental health issues, just me and a few drinks.
"Gracie!" I hear Callie shouting for me, she walks over to us. "Come on, we gotta get home."
"No, I'm having fun." She tries to pull me up, but I fall back on to Jason and kiss him.
"Gracie, now." She pulls me up again.
"Fine, bye Jason." I give him a flirty smile. Callie grabs Mariana and pulls me out of the house. I'm stumbling all over the place.
"I told you to pace yourself!" She yells at me. The two of them hold me up and lead me out to the car.
"I did." I laugh.
"You're wasted, Gracie," Mariana says.
"Come on, get in the car." I have to stop myself. "Gracie, come on." I throw up all over the path.
"Ew," Mariana says. It's the last thing I hear before I pass out.
