My birthday was amazing, I've never had a party thrown for me before. I have friends, I sort of have a family and now I even have a boyfriend. When I was a kid I never imagined ever being with a guy. I knew I was gay from an early age. My dad was asleep on the couch one morning, the TV was on, it was some lifetime movie. The two main characters were women, and I thought at first they were just best friends. And then they kissed. The moment I saw it I knew it's what I wanted, I didn't see myself standing at an altar with a man in a suit. I saw a woman in a long white dress. The characters in the movie had children, and that's when I found out what being gay meant. I kept it to myself, there was no point in telling my dad. He wouldn't have listened anyway. When I went into the system, I chose to keep it a secret, I knew that some people hated people who were different, I was already a target. I was not about to put a flashing sign above my head that says 'I'M GAY!' in neon colors.
But now... I'm dating a guy and a girl. At the same time. How did it get this complicated?
I know I like girls, women. That much will always be true. But Jason, he's just so good and decent. And Rachel, I don't know. Weighing up the pros of cons of the two of them is pointless. No matter how long the list, it's always even.
The next morning, I reach for my phone but all I find is the charger unplugged. I get up and open the curtains. Callie and Mariana groan as they wake up.
"Hey, have either of you guys seen my cell phone?" I start searching. "I know I plugged it in last night."
"I'll call it." Mariana reaches for her phone but it's not there. "Mine's gone too."
"So is mine," Callie says. "Moms must have taken them while we were asleep."
"But I have to text Sophia and tell her I can't meet up with her!"
"This is so unfair." Mariana flops back.
"I'm so sorry guys, it's all my fault."
"Stop blaming yourself Gracie, it's fine we've been grounded before." Callie gets out of bed. "Come on Mariana, you'll survive." She pulls Mariana out of bed and we all go down for breakfast, the boys are already down there trying to get their phones back.
"Can't we at least text people to cancel our plans?" Jude asks.
"You can call on the landline."
"Like we know anyone's numbers." Jesus eats grumpily. I still feel so bad.
"What are we gonna do all weekend?" Callie asks Mariana and me.
"Callie, you have to figure out your senior project," Lena says. "And Mariana, Gracie needs more help with Chemistry, and Jude you have a book report due on Monday." We all groan and go back up to our rooms, I'm the last one going up the stairs when the door knocks.
"I'll get it." The others all go upstairs while Stef and Lena go out to the backyard. I open the door and see the familiar blonde hair I've been longing to run my fingers through. It's only been a day and a half. "Rae, you can't be here." She ignores me and pulls me in for a kiss, which I don't resist at all.
"I missed you. Why didn't you text me back?" She whispers.
"I missed you too, but I'm grounded, my foster parents took my phone."
"So? Ditch school to see me, it can't be that hard."
"Gracie?" Lena shouts quizzically. I gently push Rae outside onto the porch, I step out and leave the door ajar behind us.
"I'm not ditching school, my foster mom's the vice-principal! I want you here so bad, but if they find out I'm seeing you they might kick me out and I'll have to go back to a group home, or someplace worse."
"I'll come to your school then, Anchor Beach, right?" She winks.
"You can't-" I hear footsteps, "Go!" I shove Rachel down the steps of the porch, and she hides behind a bush.
"Gracie?" Lena comes out on to the porch. "Who was it?"
"Ding-dong-ditcher, some dumb kids playing a prank." I go back inside, Lena follows me, looking a little confused, but I think she believes me.
After dinner, Lena lets us watch a movie because we all got so much work done. I can't concentrate on the TV though; I'm just thinking about Rae. What if she does show up at school on Monday? I could get in so much trouble if we get caught. I start to feel a little bit overwhelmed.
"I'm gonna go to bed early, I'll see you guys tomorrow." When I stand up, a sharp pain shoots through the side of my belly.
"Are you okay? You don't look so good." Jesus says.
"I'm fine just a little-" I get dizzy. "Just a little tired." I reach the steps up to the hallway and I stumble.
"Gracie!" Lena rushes to me. I lose my footing and fall into her arms, everything goes dark.
I fall down what feels like a bottomless pit, darkness surrounds me, voices echo in my ears. I feel the wind rushing over me, throwing me around like a rag doll. As I fall deeper, I'm turned around to face the rapidly approaching ground, everything starts to go in slow motion. It feels like hours pass before I'm only inches from the bottom of the pit. Just as I'm about to collide with the sharp rocks, I jolt awake.
