After school, I decide I should finally talk to Sophia about Spain. I've made my decision now, so I let her know I'm coming over and convince Brandon to drive me to her house on his way back to Courtney's.

"How's life living with your girlfriend?" I ask him.

"It's pretty good, I get why moms are so stressed about money all the time, it's hard to keep on top of things."

"Oh my God," I laugh. "You're literally Stef, you sound exactly like her."

"I do not! And anyway, you can't judge, you're exactly like Lena." He laughs too, but I'm just surprised.

"I am?" I never thought I was anything like either of them.

"Yeah, you're compassionate, you care about things, and you're always as honest as you can be."

"You think I'm like her?"

"And, you always make sure everyone else is okay before yourself, no matter what."

"Thanks, Brandon, I needed to hear that." Thinking about what to say to Sophia has been stressing me out all day, but Brandon has opened my eyes. I just have to be honest. "Thanks for the ride, I'll get a bus home or something." I get out of the car and he drives off home. Sophia and I sit out by the pool.

"Is everything okay, you sounded weird on the phone?" She hands me a glass of lemonade.

"Yeah, I just wanted to talk about the vacation."

"They won't let you go? That sucks."

"No, they're fine with it but, Sophia I don't think I am."

"Wait, What? You don't want to come?" Her face drops.

"No, I do. But I don't want to leave my family, I'm still settling in and I will be for a while. I've just gotten everything I've ever wanted, and I don't want to be away from it, not even for a second." I hate having to hurt her like this.

"I thought I was family to you?"

"You are, you know what I mean. I'd miss them too much, they keep me sane." She looks like she might cry.

"I used to be the one who kept you sane, and you for me." She won't look at me.

"I'd love to say that's true, but it's not. Sophia." I take her hand. "Before I got fostered, I was a mess. Yeah, you helped me through a lot of it, but I never really got better until I moved in with them. They gave me the help and security that I needed. It doesn't mean we're not still best friends."

"Sisters?" She finally looks me in the eye again.

"Sisters." We hug, "There's another thing, I have a date tomorrow."

"With who?" She snaps back to her normal self.

"Her name's Taylor, I met her on my first day at Anchor Beach, she's Jude's best friend. We're going on a double date with him and Noah."

"Oh my God! G, I'm so happy for you! You totally deserve this." She hugs me.

"She's actually having a small party thing tonight, I asked her if I could bring you along and she said yeah, you up for it?"

"Yeah, that sounds awesome, we can get ready together."

"Well actually, Jesus is driving Jude and me, so I can't, but I'll meet you outside?" I look at my watch, it's almost dinner time. "I have to go, sorry S."

"It's cool, yeah, I'll meet you there."

I have to sprint to be home in time for dinner, but it's worth it because Callie cooked tonight, she made the pasta we made together on my first night here. It's the ultimate comfort food.

"So, Jesus, you're driving Jude and Gracie to Taylors, and Callie you're picking them up at eleven."

"Eleven?" Jude asks.

"Can't it be eleven-thirty? I don't have any classes tomorrow, please," I beg.

"Eleven fifteen then." Lena says, trying to diffuse the situation, "Her parents are going to be there right? Because last time you were out at night unsupervised someone got shot." I have to stop myself from spitting my food out.

"What? Who got shot?" This is news to me.

"My ex-boyfriend, he lived it was just his foot. And yes, her mom's going to be there," Jude lies. "And anyway, there's like nine people going."

"Will there be alcohol?" Mariana asks, not being subtle at all when she looks at me.

"No, we have to get ready." Jude and I put out empty plates by the sink and head upstairs.

"There will be alcohol, right?" I ask him.

"Hell yeah."

I decide to wear the outfit that Mariana helped me pick out for tomorrow, I can always find another outfit. I do my makeup with some advice from Mariana, I'm getting better at it. I'm kind of nervous, this is going to be a preview of our date, just with more people. I'm mostly nervous that there'll be a repeat of the last time I was at a party and I'll end up wasted again, yeah, I could just not drink anything, but I'm so anxious that I won't be able to get through it without a little bit of help.

We pick up Noah on the way and Jesus insists on blasting hip-hop music in the car the whole way there, he says it'll make us look cool to turn up like this but really, we just look like idiots. When we get out of the car, Sophia is standing outside waiting for us. She's tugging on her fingers, she does that when she's anxious.

"Hey, are you alright?" I hug her, Jude and Noah go in ahead of us.

"Yeah, I've just never been to a party like this before."

"It's just a few kids from school, don't worry about it, you'll be fine." I take her hand and lead her up the steps.

"Can you smell that?" She says. There's a pungent odor pouring out of the house, something I recognize from kids breaking rules in various group homes.

"Gracie!" Taylor swings the door open and embraces me with a tight hug, I can smell the vodka on her breath. "You're here!"

"Yeah, uh, Taylor, this is my friend Sophia, you met her before a few times, right?"

"Sophia!" She hugs her the same way; Sophia looks pretty uncomfortable. She barely knows her.

"Come on, come and have a drink." Taylor grabs my hand and pulls me inside.

There's more than a few kids from school here. Daria's here, and I recognize a few kids, but a lot of these people I don't even recognize. It's a similar vibe to the other party at that kid's house. People dancing, making out, playing drinking games and that smell Sophia was talking about, people are smoking weed here. Pretty quickly, my grip on Sophia's hand disappears and I lose her. I stand in the kitchen with Taylor while she's making me a drink.

"How much have you had?" I ask her, trying to laugh so I don't sound like a prude.

"Just a few beers, and some vodka." She hands me a beer.

"Where did you even get it?" She doesn't strike me as the type to be drinking like this on the weekend. She's always been such a good girl.

"I know a guy." She takes another big gulp from her red solo cup. "I'm so happy you came." We lean against the kitchen island.

"Me too." I kiss her quickly. "I think you should slow down, it's only 8:30." I take her cup and put it down.

"You're right, I don't need a drink to have a good time, not when I have you." She steps in front of me, puts her hands on my hips, and gets closer until our bodies are touching. She leans in close and kisses me, a real kiss. Nothing like the few and far between pecks we've shared. The kind of kiss that Jason would give me, but different, because it's her. This kind of kiss is special.

We walk back out into the living room where the music is playing, and we start dancing together. I can't see Sophia anywhere, I'm sure she's okay. She's probably with Jude and Noah somewhere. If she needed me, she would have found me by now. It's fun dancing with Taylor, I don't have to be nervous about saying the wrong thing because we're not even talking. She's a good dancer, it's probably just because of the alcohol but she's so confident. I have a few more drinks before I decide it's a good time to stop. I don't want to get grounded again, I leave Taylor talking to some of her friends and I go outside. The air is thick with smoke, as I wade through it, I see Jude and Noah sitting there on a bench laughing. Jude has a joint in his hand.

"Jude? You smoke weed?" I sit down next to them.

"Yeah a little, here and there," Noah laughs. I'm surprised, he always seemed like a straight-edge kind of guy. "You want some?"

"No, no thank you it's not for me." Alcohol is as far as I'll go.

"You sure? Sophia's had some." He points to the other end of the patio and Sophia is sat with a group of kids holding a joint of her own. I walk over to her and pull her aside.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jude isn't my responsibility, so I can't tell him what to do. But Sophia is only here because of me, I should be stopping her from doing this stupid stuff.

"What? It's fun you should try it." She holds it out for me, but I smack it on to the floor, some guy picks it up and starts smoking it for himself. Sophia just laughs.

"This isn't you!"

"Relax, I'm just trying to have fun like you."

"I've had a few beers, but I'm not drunk. And I'm not high! Sophia, your parents are going to kill you, and me! I can't believe you would be so dumb!" Taylor and a bunch of kids come out when they hear the commotion.

"Me? You're the one who can't even finish the ninth grade without having to sit through weeks of summer school, you're the one who dated a psycho, you're the one who always gets herself into screwed up situations and can't admit it's her own fault!" She screams at me, everyone else goes silent. She walks off back to her new stoner friends. I knew we were drifting; I just didn't know she'd go so far as to rip into me in front of my brother and the girl I like, not to mention everyone else at this stupid party.

I'm not putting up with it, despite what she said; I know it's not my fault. I didn't ask to fall behind in school, I didn't ask for Rachel to humiliate me, and I certainly didn't ask for John to do what he did to me. I take Taylor, Jude, and Noah back inside, and we all dance together. I don't have to waste my night worrying about Sophia. Admittedly, I drink a little more alcohol than I can handle, so does Taylor and Jude winds up having to get us to lie down for a while. We lie down on her bed. After we both fall asleep for an hour or two. I realize I'm pretty much sober now, I roll over to face her. She's just waking up.

"Where did Daria go?" I ask her.

"Ugh, she's still trying to lose her virginity before everyone else." It's surprising to me, every time I've heard her speak, it hasn't been without hearing the words 'hot boys'. "I don't want to talk about her." She's still a little bit drunk.

"What do you want to talk about?" I ask her.

"We don't have to talk at all." She leans over, and we start kissing. And just when things might go further, Jude bursts in shouting about Sophia.

"Sophia's having a panic attack! She's asking for you." Taylor and I rush downstairs to the kitchen where people are standing in a crowd watching her crying on the ground, Noah's there trying to calm her down.

"Call Callie," I say to Jude. "Sophia," I crouch next to her. "What happened?"

"She just started freaking out," Noah says.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you!" She falls from Noah's arms into mine.

"Everybody out!" I shout to everyone, they're staring at her like she's an animal, "Now!" They all start shuffling about as Taylor and Noah shoo them out of the house. Jude and I take Sophia to the living room to sit down.

"Callie's on her way, she'll be here any minute." Jude hands Sophia a glass of water, she can barely hold it without spilling it, so I have to help her take small sips.

"What's going on?" Daria comes out of the bathroom.

"Go home, Daria." Taylor doesn't even look at her. I can tell Daria feels pushed aside as she leaves the house, the look on her face says it all.

"Is this because of the weed?" I ask Jude.

"Yeah, it can happen. When Brandon tried it, he had to get mama to pick him up because he was freaking out so much."

"I'm dying, I'm dying I can't do this," Sophia panics.

"Brandon tried it? Jeez, you guys surprise me every day."

"Has she ever had a panic attack before?" Noah asks, he has anxiety too, so he knows all about this. The only difference is he smokes weed to help with that. Guess it doesn't work the same way for everyone.

"Yeah a couple of times, she'll be okay soon, they've never gone on longer than an hour."

"What the hell happened?" Callie storms in and runs to her sisters' side.