Harry and the Pirates

Chapter 08

The Elephant's Child

Harry, Dudley, Ron and Hermione found themselves the toast of the Slytherin common-room when they got back into their House. Everybody was agog to see the four firsties who had not only gone up against a mountain troll voluntarily, but defeated it decisively. Even Draco Malfoy was impressed, although he tried to hide it.

"Man alive, Quirrell's going to be furious with you!" Marcus Flint chortled, handing them bottles of butterbeer from the secret store the Slytherins kept. "He's supposed to be the big expert on trolls, and here you took care of this one while he was out cold on the Great Hall floor!"

Harry took a butterbeer, raising it in a toast to his friends. As he sipped the cinnamon-tasting liquid, his mind was whirling with the question: Was Quirrell supposed to be some sort of expert on trolls? Why would he faint at seeing one? And how in the world did such a creature get into Hogwarts in the first place?

Once he and his friends were safely in the firsties' dormitory, Harry put the question to them. "Listen, you lot. Quirrell's credited with knowing all about trolls. Can any of you explain why he'd faint at the news that one was in the castle? And how did it get here?"

Dudley, Ron and Hermione all looked very thoughtful. "You know, that's all very suspicious, isn't it?" Dudley mused. "I mean, that would be like Sprout panicking at the appearance of a strange plant, or Burbage being puzzled by a Muggle gadget!"

"Quirrell was up in the hospital wing," Draco Malfoy volunteered, having come up in time to hear the conversation. "He didn't stay long at all, and wouldn't even let Pomfrey undo that ridiculous turban he wears. Pomfrey wasn't too pleased, but couldn't keep him against his will."

All four friends turned and gave Draco a long, long, considering look. A look like one would give a donkey that had spoken. "Oh? And how would you know about that?" Ron asked. "Did the scary old troll frighten you so you had to go ask Pomfrey for some Dreamless Sleep?" Draco had made some cracks about Ron's family, and while Ron didn't mind hearing the twins slandered, Harry, Dudley and Hermione had had to restrain him from going for Draco's throat after Draco had mentioned Ron's "fat mother." Harry privately thought that Draco, while he could be a likeable sort when he wanted to be, was going to sooner or later receive an epic comeuppance from someone or other.

Draco flushed. "No. I wasn't up there for myself." He met their gazes squarely. "As it happened, Crabbe had a really bad reaction to some of the food at the Feast and had to be rushed up to the hospital wing. Pomfrey was able to get him into stable condition, but it was a close-run thing. She's furious with his parents for not having the condition treated or notifying Hogwarts before he came here. I was up there visiting him."

"Oh." The quartet looked at each other. "We're sorry to hear that. How long till he's back on his feet?" When Malfoy himself wasn't around, Crabbe and Goyle weren't really bad sorts. The quartet had sometimes helped them with homework, and Hermione had won their favor by saving their bacon on a tricky Transfiguration assignment.

"It looks like a few days." Draco pulled up a chair and sat down. "For what it's worth, he is allowed visitors." The hint was very clear.

"We'll be up to see him tomorrow, quick-sharp," Hermione said. "Now…since you've dealt yourself in on the conversation, can you tell us why Quirrell would react so badly to a troll, when he's allegedly a big expert on them?" Hermione and Draco disliked each other, but Hermione was quite willing to tap the pureblood boy's knowledge of the British wizarding world, knowledge that Harry and Dudley, Roanapur-raised, lacked, and that Ron Weasley hadn't paid attention to.

Draco raised an eyebrow. "You know, that's a really good question. I wonder if whatever happened to him on that sabbatical he took had something to do with it?"

"He took a sabbatical?" Dudley pulled out a notebook and a Muggle-style biro, not heeding the curious glances Draco and Ron gave him. "When was this?"

"Last year, I hear. He said he wanted to get some first-hand experience of Dark Creatures. From what the older Slytherins tell me, he didn't stutter like that before he left."

"Hmmm…" Harry, Ron, Dudley and Hermione all looked at each other. "I wonder just where he went, and just what he got up to?"

"I wish Balalaika were here," Dudley commented. "There's a lot of hinky things about this school. Like that third-floor corridor…the one we're supposed to keep out of, 'on pain of an agonizing death?' Now, what sane person would put something like that in a school full of children, particularly magical children?"

"I'm surprised that my idiot twin brothers haven't gone up there and got themselves killed yet," Ron said. He gave his three friends a look. "And before you say anything…they are my brothers. Even if I'm glad to not have to share a House with them, I'd never want them to come to harm. My mum's still grieving over her brothers who were killed by the Dark Lord when he was active; I can't imagine how she'd feel about losing any of her children."

"She'd be heartbroken," Dudley said confidently. "I know mums. When my appendix went, a couple of years ago, my mum did her nut. Balalaika has good insurance for her employees, and it was taken out quick-sharp, but Mum all but haunted the hospital till I was out."

"What are you talking about?" Ron asked. When Hermione gave him a rather graphic description of an appendectomy, finishing by lifting her shirt aside enough for him to see the scar on her abdomen from when she'd had hers out, Ron and Draco both turned very pale and bolted for the lavs with their hands over their mouths.

The three Muggle-raised Slytherins looked at each other. Then Harry and Dudley grinned.

"Sheltered, aren't they?" drawled Harry.

"I'd love to see them in Roanapur!" Dudley snickered.

"Don't make fun of them," Hermione scolded. "I've been reading about magical healing, and they can do things that Muggle doctors would think were miraculous. How would you feel about having to deal with old-fashioned medicine…all those amputations?" At the silence that greeted this, Hermione nodded. "Good. When they come back, don't tease them about this."

"I want to go to bed," said Harry. "Dudley, let's write Balalaika and tell her everything that's going on in this place."

"I have got to meet this woman," Hermione complained. "I feel sorry for your future girlfriends. Unless they're real tolerant, they'll always feel like Balalaika's a rival."

"You should be grateful for her," Harry commented as he and Dudley headed for the door to their bedroom. "Thanks to her, we have no problem with smart women…like you."

Hermione sat there for some time after the boys were gone, a very strange look on her face. The other girls were curious, but one look at her convinced them to let her be.

OOO

The next day, an owl came to Hogwarts, depositing a letter in front of Dudley and Harry as they sat at breakfast.

"Look! Thai stamps! It's from Mum!" Dudley eagerly opened it. "And Balalaika wrote, too!"

"After classes, let's read it together!" Harry and Dudley got up, eager to begin another day learning all the fascinating things that Hogwarts taught.

When they were done with their classes for the day, Dudley and Harry headed up to one of their favorite places, the Hogwarts battlements. They liked it up there for the unobstructed view; they had learned early and well that being able to see potential threats from a long way off could mean the difference between survival and death. The fresh, clean Highlands air was also a welcome change from the smoky, exhaust-filled fumes that permeated Roanapur.

Hermione had come up to join them; Ron had managed to get himself a detention with McGonagall, along with Draco, for squabbling in class, and was currently working off his time. Dudley pulled out the letter, and Harry crowded closer to look at it with him, with Hermione sitting back politely to learn what news they had.

"Listen to this: 'The Black Lagoon crew's done something unexpected. They were taking a disc I had sent them to get, when Revy had one of her patented brainstorms, and grabbed the guy who was carrying it off the ship, too. He's still with them; his bosses wrote him off and so he joined the Lagoon crew. I have to say, he might be an asset to them. He figured out a way for the Lagoon to torpedo an attack helicopter in flight."

"This, I have a hard time believing," Hermione commented. Harry and Dudley nodded. Harry couldn't figure out how a PT boat could do any such thing, unless the helicopter pilot was insanely overconfident and very, very stupid.

"It says here that he's a Japanese, one of those white-collar guys that helps run one of their companies…a 'salaryman,' to use their term. Any bets on him lasting two weeks?" Dudley grinned, and Harry shook his head. No way was he going to lose any money, even Thai baht, betting on any such impossibility! "He is soooo doomed! Revy'll kill him on a whim any day now!"

"Who or what is a Revy?"

"Oh, sorry, Hermione. Revy Two-Hands is a woman we know back home. She works for the Black Lagoon courier company. She's…a little volatile, shall we say?" Dudley grinned, at a loss for words to describe their acquaintance. He had seen Revy in action more than once, as had Harry, and both boys knew better than to antagonize her. Even Balalaika's protection wasn't a hundred-per-cent effective, and revenge would do them no good if they were dead.

"Yeah, you could say she's a 'little volatile.' And the bottom of the ocean's a 'little wet.' She's got a hair-trigger temper, and she's also one of the top gunslingers in that town, which is no small brag. In Roanapur, even the Catholic nuns go armed. But Revy's in a class by herself. She fires pistols from both hands at once, and hits her targets every single time."

"She sounds a little too good to be true." Hermione commented. "I've written my parents asking if I can visit Roanapur when we go to Thailand next summer over the hols. Do you think there'd be any problem with that?"

Harry and Dudley looked at each other. "We've written to ask Mum," Dudley answered. "If she says 'yes,' then we'd love to show you around…but I can't emphasise enough, Roanapur can be very dangerous! If you come, we expect you to stay with us, or with people we've told you are trustworthy, every single minute. Wandering off by yourself could get you killed, and that's no joke!"

END Chapter 08