Harry and the Pirates, Chapter 18

The Proper Young Lady and the Nuns

by Technomad

Harry Potter and Dudley Dursley sat on the sofa at the Rip-off Church, sipping contentedly at cups of excellent, high-quality tea. Between them, Hermione Granger sat, looking as at home as if she had spent her whole life in Roanapur.

Hermione had been brought back to Roanapur from Bangkok by Petunia Dursley, who was obviously delighted to have a girl to talk to. At first, Harry and Dudley had not been too sure about the whole idea of Hermione coming to Roanapur, but to their surprise, their law-respecting friend had taken to the outlaw town like a duck to a downpour. When they had expressed surprise, she had quirked a thick dark eyebrow and said "At Hogwarts, I was terrified that they'd find some excuse to throw me out of school for being Muggle-born. Here, I have no reason to fear that." Then she had grinned wickedly. "And besides, this whole place is fun! I'm never going to tell my mother about most of the stuff I've been up to here!"

Balalaika had greeted Hermione warmly, telling her that she could help Harry and Dudley out on their usual errand-running chores. "It is one of the best ways to see Roanapur," the Russian woman had explained, "and nobody sane will bother you if you're known to be in my employ. I shall, of course, arrange a suitable salary for you on the same basis as the boys. There is no reason for you to work for me for free."

Harry and Dudley both carried their wands in wrist-holsters, where they could reach them instantly if needed. They had taken Hermione to the main market first thing, and introduced her to the finest leather-worker in Roanapur. He had been delighted to make her a similar sheath when they came to certain financial arrangements. She admired the man's work, particularly the finely-tooled Slytherin serpent he had worked into the leather at Dudley's suggestion, and gave him a tip on top of the fee they had negotiated that made him smile hugely.

"Good move, that," Dudley commented. "Making sure that the people who work for you are happy that they're working for you is one way to cement their loyalty. That's how Balalaika taught us to operate. When we hire people, we make sure to pay them in full, and then give them bonuses for good work. That way they're glad to work for us again if we need them."

"Some idiots think it's funny to stiff working people," Harry said darkly. "Imagine their surprise in the hour of their need, when the people they depend on desert them!"

Sister Yolanda smiled, recalling Harry to the present moment. "Again, Mr. Potter, Mr. Dursley, I must extend my sincere apologies for the ammunition we supplied you with when you first went to Britain. It turns out that much of it was salvaged from a wrecked ship, and we weren't informed about its status as salvage. We've gone through our stores, and that sort of mistake will never happen again. We gave Miss Balalaika a very good rate on the next few consignments she bought from us."

I should hope you would, thought Harry, keeping a smile from his face with effort. Petunia had told him about that interview, with Balalaika, polite and controlled as always, making it very clear to Sister Yolanda that she was highly displeased with her and the Rip-Off Church. "I have certain standards that I expect from those with whom I do business," Balalaika had purred, while Sister Yolanda's face went the color of old cottage cheese, "and I find it disquieting that someone with whom I had had such profitable dealings in the past should choose to grab a quick profit by trying to sell me shoddy goods!" Petunia had said that she had half expected Sister Yolanda to faint dead away when she found just why Balalaika wanted to see her so urgently. The nun had apologized, repeatedly, and promised to make it good.

Sister Yolanda looked over the list of goods Harry had handed her, her single eye scanning it rapidly. "Yes, my dear boy, we have all these things in stock. And for Miss Balalaika, we'll make a special price. We do like to stay on the best possible terms with Hotel Moscow."

Just then, the younger of the two nuns who worked at the Rip-Off Church, Sister Eda, came in. Behind her came Revy Two-Hands, and an Asian man that Harry didn't recognize. "Oh! Sister Yolanda! I didn't realize you were busy! We can wait!" Like most everybody in Roanapur, Sister Eda knew that Harry and Dudley worked for Hotel Moscow, and that Balalaika took a dim view of threats or insults to them. Then she saw Hermione, and her eyes went wide behind her pink sunglasses. "Who's the new girl?"

"Sister Eda, I'd like you to meet Miss Hermione Granger, from Britain. She's one of Harry and Dudley's friends from that school they attend, and she's visiting them while her parents attend a dental conference in Bangkok. Miss Granger, this is Sister Eda." Sister Yolanda explained.

"Pleased to meetcha, Hermione," Sister Eda drawled. Then she jerked a thumb over her shoulder. "This is Rebecca Lee, but everybody calls her Revy Two-Hands. And the guy standing behind her in the white shirt is the newest member of the Lagoon Company, Rock. He's from Japan, originally." Sister Eda leaned closer and winked at Hermione. "So…decided which of those two hot young men you like better, yet?"

Hermione grinned. "Maybe I'll keep them both. They've both got good points." She smirked to see Harry and Dudley both blushing. "Aren't they cute when they're embarrassed?"

Revy cleared her throat. "Listen, I've got better things to do than to watch some kids play footsie games. I want to know where that consignment is that we agreed on?"

Hermione, Harry and Dudley all gave Revy frosty looks. Unobtrusively, they all moved so that they could draw their wands instantly should they need to. The boys had told Hermione enough about Roanapur that she knew how dangerous and volatile Revy Two-Hands could be.

"Oh, Rebecca! Boys, will you excuse us? Rebecca, most of what you wanted is out in the third godown. However, there was a slight problem with the rocket launchers…"

"Are you trying to cheat us?" Suddenly, Revy's hand snaked to her holster, and she was pulling her right-hand Beretta. Just as quickly, Sister Eda produced a Glock, and both women were covering each other.

Paying no mind to the byplay, Rock sat down on the sofa, accepting a cup of tea. He sipped, and his eyes went wide. "This is wonderful! I haven't had a decent cup of tea that's not from a teabag in ages! Williamson Major, or Fortnum and Mason's?"

"Fortnum and Mason's, dear boy. You seem to know a thing or two about a good Ceylon brew."

"I'm surprised that a lady who serves such good tea would fail to come through on a contract." Discreetly, Harry nudged Hermione and Dudley. The Japanese man was smooth as silk, and obviously not intimidated at all by the potential for gunplay. Apparently the stories I was told about how he came to join the Black Lagoon had some basis in reality! He made mental notes, to repeat later to Balalaika. The leader of Hotel Moscow was always eager for any scraps of information he and Dudley came across in the course of their duties, and Harry, in particular, looked enough like a typical street brat that people often paid him no attention.

After some back-and-forth, Sister Yolanda and Rock came to an agreement involving the Church coming through with everything they had promised the Lagoon Company, and Sister Eda and Revy holstered their guns, giving each other dirty looks. "Later, slut," Sister Eda sneered.

"Any time, bitch," Revy replied, before she and Rock turned to leave.

"Are those two enemies?" Hermione asked Dudley quietly. Unfortunately, Sister Eda had very sharp hearing.

"Not that it's any of your business, but we're actually pretty good friends. It's just that this time, we were on different sides, and we needed to figure out who was alpha-bitch. And who the hell are you to ask such questions, English girl?" Sister Eda leaned closer, her hand creeping closer to the butt of her Glock. "Don't you realize that Roanapur's a dangerous place to be too curious in?"

Harry was worried for his friend, but Hermione had seen some scary things already at Hogwarts, and wasn't one to back down from a threat. Her wand was in her hand, her eyes narrowed, and she snarled "Petrificus Totalus!" Eda froze in place, surprise clear in her eyes, as Hermione leaned on in and whispered, in an obscene parody of friendly confidences between close girlfriends, "I'm the person who just paralyzed you, Sister! If I wanted to, I could cut your throat right here and right now, and there'd not be a thing you could do to stop me, now could you?" In her other hand, she suddenly produced a butterfly knife, flicking it open with the ease of hours of practice.

"Miss Granger?" Sister Yolanda's voice was gentle, but there was a ring of authority to it. "Please release Sister Eda. Your point has been made."

"Finite Incantatem," Hermione whispered, and Eda collapsed like a puppet whose strings had been cut. She stared at Hermione as though the English girl had just grown two extra heads. Hermione made her knife disappear, and sheathed her wand as calmly as though she were at tea in a London hotel.

"Come on, Hermione, Balalaika's probably wondering where we are," Harry said, getting up and gesturing Dudley to his feet. As they left, Harry said: "We learned a great deal at the school we went to. Lots and lots. Any of us could do all sorts of things to someone we thought was being threatening. There's reasons why we weren't worried about letting her visit us here."

"Sister Eda," said Sister Yolanda gently, "I hope you've learned a very valuable lesson about not judging on initial appearances. Maybe some penance would do you good. Do please give our best regards to Miss Balalaika, Harry, Dudley. A pleasure to meet you, Miss Granger. I hope to make your further acquaintance at length." The trio left the church, and Harry felt much better out in the open, smoky air of Roanapur. For some reason, the Rip-Off Church made him very uneasy.

END