Harry and the Pirates, Chapter 19

A Relaxing Day at the Yellowflag

by Technomad

(Author's note: I'm playing with the chronology of Black Lagoon to some extent. Specifically, "Die Ruckkehr des Adlers" and "Calm Down, Two Men" come before, not after "Rasta Blasta." It just seems to make more sense, and works better with the story I'm trying to tell…which is, after all, an alternate universe.)

A couple of days later, Harry, Dudley and Hermione were relaxing at the Yellowflag. Balalaika had sent them there, to wait for some men who had some things she needed. They had written instructions from Balalaika that they were to pass on, as well. Not everybody could openly be in contact with Hotel Moscow. Harry and Dudley could make contact safely, and Hermione provided extra cover for them, since only Hotel Moscow insiders knew she was on their payroll during her time in Roanapur.

Bao was quite used to having them in the Yellowflag, and, as Petunia liked to observe, "there are no drinking laws in Roanapur, only sober ones." Nonetheless, they weren't drinking anything alcoholic. Balalaika had made it clear that they weren't to do any such thing until they were older, and better able to handle the stuff. "I saw enough prepubescent alcoholics in Russia," she had said, her blue eyes cold as ice at the memory, "and I don't want to see any more!" Neither Harry nor Dudley was fool enough to challenge her at any time, much less when she was that deadly serious. Hermione had merely nodded when Balalaika laid down that law to her; she commented privately to Harry and Dudley that it had never occurred to her to even try anything alcoholic.

The music wasn't too loud, for a change, and they were talking about local news. Revy Two-Hands and the Japanese who had joined the Lagoon Company, Rock, had apparently gotten into a huge argument down in one of the markets.

"Rock's lucky to be alive," Harry opined, taking a long swig of his Coke. "There's few, if any, who've survived one of Revy's furies, particularly when she's got her pistols out. That woman normally doesn't miss."

"I've heard that he figured out how to torpedo an attack helicopter in mid-air when he first joined the Lagoon," Dudley said. His Coke was empty, and he went on up to the bar to re-fill it. Bao nodded when he saw Dudley, and pulled out a frosty cold bottle of Coke. Dudley marked the tally that Bao kept, so that Balalaika could reimburse him for what her men drank, and brought his bottle back to the table.

"Now, that's one that I have a hard time believing," Hermione said skeptically, sipping at her own Coke in a ladylike manner. The Roanapur summer heat bothered her more than her two friends, since she was not raised to it the way they were, but she never complained out loud. Balalaika had noticed, though. Little ever got past the Russian woman. She had discreetly passed Hermione some bottles of high-powered sunscreen to keep her from being sunburnt, as well as reminding her to keep herself well-hydrated and not over-exert herself until she was more acclimated.

"Well, speak of the devil," said Harry, giving his friends a Slytherin hand signal for caution. "Here's the man himself, and all his friends. If you're curious, Hermione, why don't you ask him how he did it?" Hermione gave Harry a dirty look, as the crew of the Black Lagoon entered the Yellowflag. Dutch, as usual, was in the lead, scanning the tavern interior for potential threats, with Revy Two-Hands just behind him. Then Rock, and Benny…and a surprising addition in the form of a blond boy a few years younger than Harry himself.

Harry instantly went on the alert, signalling his friends to do likewise. Anything unusual, in Roanapur, was sufficient cause for caution. In addition, Revy did not seem to be in a good mood; in other words, she was her usual self. She and the rest of the Lagoon crew claimed an empty table and sat down, with the blond boy sitting with them.

Revy was complaining, loudly: "I didn't sign up to be a babysitter!" Rock was trying to calm her down, as Dutch looked over and saw Dudley and Harry.

The Black Lagoon's captain smiled. "Hey, Dudley! Harry! Good to see you again! How was England?" Then he noticed Hermione. "And who's your friend?"

Revy peered over and her eyes widened. "More kids? What is this, Kids Day? Has Roanapur turned into Disneyland?"

Harry answered: "No, Revy, we're just home for the summer hols. And we've got our friend Hermione here visiting us. You saw her over at the church." Revy snorted contemptuously, and Dudley went on: "Hermione, this is Dutch. He's the captain of the Black Lagoon PT boat. The blond guy with them is the Lagoon's electronics and communications expert, Benny. You've already met Revy, and Rock. And…who's the kid?"

"Pleased to meet you, miss," Dutch rumbled. "This is Garcia Lovelace. We're sort of holding on to him for now. We've been contracted to transport him, but we've got some questions. I'm waiting on your boss-lady to call me back." Just then, his cell rang. "Excuse me," he said, going outside to answer it so that he could talk without the music from the Yellowflag's jukebox drowning his voice.

Garcia and Revy were exchanging dirty looks, while Rock was trying to keep the peace and Benny was conspicuously not participating. Revy snarled: "You aren't paying me enough to be a babysitter, but pay me more and I'll change his diapers anytime!"

Rock tried: "Revy, cool down…"

"Give me a break! You want to change jobs? Go be this brat's butler, maybe? Yeah," Revy fleered, "that might suit you better than workin' ships! 'Would master like a mint julep?' I can just see you now in your formal livery, white shirt and all!" She tossed back her drink. "Must be nice, livin' large, servants around to wipe your ass and wait on you hand and foot…"

"Actually, we only have one servant and she's a maid," Garcia said, clearly not particularly intimidated by Revy. "She's not good at cooking or cleaning, though." He pointed straight at Revy. "But she could kick your ass good!"

Revy's eyes went wide, and she was convulsed with laughter. "Oh, really? What would she do? Throw tea sets at me?" She all but fell off her chair, she was laughing so hard.

Just then, Harry noticed something. Standing at the bar, oblivious to the stares she was getting, was a strange woman in glasses and a traditional maid's uniform. She had just casually crushed one of Bao's heavy glass steins in her hand. Dudley was watching too, and both boys' eyes went wide. Those things were designed to be very hard to break; the Yellowflag got rough on a regular basis, and Bao had got tired of replacing his glassware after every minor disagreement.

Harry touched Hermione's hand, and nodded to the bar. Hermione's eyes widened in their turn when she saw what Harry had seen. Some of the other patrons, who looked, to Harry, like they were part of the Latin American contingent in Roanapur, had noticed, too, and were speaking to the maid in what sounded like Spanish.

The maid responded, her tone contemptous and dismissive, and Harry, Dudley and Hermione made ready to leave as Harry gave the Slytherin hand signal for "Danger ahead!" There was clearly a brawl brewing, but, unfortunately, the friends were sitting in the back of the room, and the path to the exit was occupied by some of the South Americans.

The Latins were clearly quite amused by whatever the maid had said, howling contemptuous laughter. She didn't so much as crack a smile, instead bringing up an umbrella. The blood chilled in Harry's veins when he realized that the umbrella was actually a shotgun!

The South Americans shouted in dismay, pulling guns of their own, and gunfire erupted as Harry, Hermione and Dudley got behind one of the heavy, bulletproof tables Bao preferred, pulling it down to shield them. Dudley muttered: "If that's Garcia's maid, he wasn't just bragging! That woman's facing off with a bunch of Cartel gunmen and holding them off!"

Sure enough, she was. She was keeping up a very fast rate of fire, her umbrella, which seemed to be made of Kevlar, open and shielding her, while dodging and ducking fast enough for the other side's bullets to miss her. She, however, wasn't missing. Harry noticed that even in the hottest fighting, the maid's face was calm and serene, as though she were doing nothing more dangerous than polishing silverware.

Taking advantage of a quick lull, Harry, Dudley and Hermione sprinted for the door. They found themselves running along with the Black Lagoon crew…and, to their surprise, Garcia Lovelace. Garcia was clinging to Rock's arm, tears running down his face, but when he saw people near his own age, he let go of Rock and ran to Harry as though Harry were his big brother.

"I don't understand it! I knew Roberta was tough, but I never expected her to behave that way!" When they all got safely across the street, they ended up standing near a ratty car that Harry recognized as the one the Lagoon crew used to get around in on land. Dudley tapped his shoulder and pointed, and Harry saw the Hotel Moscow man they had been expecting to meet.

"Menshikov! Call Balalaika! There's bad trouble at the Yellowflag!" Harry screamed, in fluent Russian. Balalaika's orders were that they use that language when talking about Hotel Moscow business, since nobody in Roanapur spoke it but her own employees, to her best knowledge.

Menshikov nodded, pulling out a cell phone and barking into it in Russian. When he shut the phone, he shouted: "I see you have Gospodin Lovelace with you! Stay with him! Hotel Moscow's on the way!"

Harry and Dudley looked at each other, and both shrugged. Just then, the entire Yellowflag exploded, and everybody cringed from the shock wave. Hermione pointed, screaming "Look! Look!" Harry looked…and felt his blood running cold with terror. Walking calmly out of the flames, apparently unscathed, was the maid who had started all the commotion.

"That's not a maid…" Harry intoned, misquoting a movie he and Dudley had both loved.

"That's the Terminator!" Hermione and Dudley chorussed.

Dutch yanked open the car doors. "Get in! All of you! You too, Harry, Dudley, and your friend! We're getting out of here while the getting's good!" Dutch's advice struck Harry as the wisest thing he'd heard in months, and he and his friends piled in, with Benny, Garcia and an unconscious Revy, who'd been wounded in the shoulder somehow, stuffed into the back seat. Rock and Dutch were in the front, with Dutch at the wheel.

Dutch's car peeled out with a screech of rubber, and Harry looked behind, horrified, to see the maid jumping into a nearby car and coming right after them. "Dutch! Give me your cell! I've got to tell Balalaika where we're going!" Dutch tossed Harry his cell phone, and Harry began punching buttons frantically, staring behind them at the maid's car, which was gaining steadily.

END