Harry and the Pirates, Chapter 21
The Maid and the Maniac
by Technomad
Balalaika smiled warmly at the two women, who both gave her identical scowls. That didn't faze the Russian woman at all. She shook her head slightly, as though deploring children's foolish behavior, and said: "Come, now, there's no reason for all this. You know, you've done me a favor, senorita. We were already planning a war against the Manisalera Cartel; you've saved me and my men a great deal of work. The remainder of them are being neutralized even as we speak, and the abduction of young Mr. Lovelace is now a moot point. So there's no more need to fight, is there?"
From his own safe vantage point, behind the car, Dutch rumbled: "The three most dangerous women in the world are having a confrontation!"
Benny agreed. "It's like being at Ground Zero for a nuke test! I wouldn't get between them for all the gold in Fort Knox!"
Harry and Dudley had come out from cover, with Hermione behind them, and Balalaika gave them a quick smile. "Ah, my informants! I must say your presence of mind has proven very helpful! You may expect a reward in your next pay packets." Revy and the maid both scowled so hard at the English kids that they should have been flat on their backs with big smoking holes in their chests.
"I'm not done teaching this bitch a lesson," Revy snarled.
"We'll see who teaches who!" the maid responded.
"Oh, dear," Balalaika said.
As Balalaika drew a pistol of her own, Harry pointed his wand and yelled "Petrificus Totalus!" Both combatants were frozen in place, unable to do so much as blink. "You told them to stop, ma'am. I took the liberty of making them obey. If that's all right with you?"
Balalaika beamed. "Of course it is, Harry! You're a good boy!" She looked curiously at Revy and the maid, who could do no more in return than glare at her. "Can you take the spell off them?"
"Finite Incantatem!"
Temporarily distracted from each other, the maid and Revy stared at Harry. "Uh, Harry…what was that you just did?" asked Revy.
"A simple Petrification spell. Nothing too elaborate." Harry grinned slightly at the women's dumfounded expressions.
"Yes, Harry and his friends are magical. They're learning how to be wizards…and witches…at that school they go to in Britain," Balalaika explained. Harry and Dudley nodded, and Hermione gave the combatants a beaming smile.
"Brujeria?" Garcia and the maid both stared at Harry and his friends as though they expected the three English kids to turn into bats.
"Si," Dudley said, grinning at their awe. "Es verdad. Pero nada que ver con el diablo."
Hermione said: "I didn't know you knew Spanish, Dudley!"
Dudley shrugged his shoulders. "Balalaika suggested I should pick some up. It's come in handy sometimes."
Tiring of the byplay, Revy snarled: "Well, what do you want of us, Big Sis?" It was a mark of her profound respect for Balalaika that she addressed the Russian woman so, and a mark of the respect Balalaika had for Revy's prowess with her weapons that Balalaika permitted her to do so.
Just then, Garcia Lovelace took a hand. Squirming away from where he'd been shoved by the adults, he came toward the maid, speaking softly in rapid, colloquial Spanish. Harry couldn't follow the Spanish, but he caught the name "Roberta."
Balalaika understood, though. In English, so that everybody present would understand, she said with a slight smile: "Oh? You don't like seeing her wave guns about? I wonder how 'the Bloodhound' feels about that idea?"
"Don't say anything about that!" the maid…Roberta?…snarled.
Balalaika raised an eyebrow. "Your maid, Master Lovelace, was once 'Rosarita Cisneros,' the FARC's Bloodhound of Florencia. She was one of their top killers, and she's wanted nearly everywhere for treason, terrorism, kidnapping, murder, arson, robbery, and I don't know what-all…moving violations, as well, I shouldn't be surprised," with a smirk at the car Roberta had "acquired;" it showed signs of very recent severe hard usage.
Garcia stared at her in horror. "Roberta…is this true?"
"Yes, young master. I was once an idealist, but I finally figured out that FARC had sold itself out. I was nothing more than a glorified cartel gunwoman. I left, and took a new identity as your maid, but I'm the Bloodhound you've heard of." Tears ran down her face. "I regret what I did in those days more than I can say. I killed, I kidnapped…I did all kinds of crimes 'for the Revolution.' The Bloodhound's reputation was more than deserved, and it's something that I can never wash off." She hung her head in shame.
Garcia looked at her…and ran to her, hugging her as hard as he could and nearly knocking her off her feet. "You're not the Bloodhound! You're the kind maid who raised me!" he screamed, tears running down his own face. "The Bloodhound of Florencia is someone else! She died long ago and far away! You're Roberta, and I love you! Don't you love me any more? Aren't we family? Don't family love each other?"
Roberta's eyes swam with tears, as she leaned down and gently wiped Garcia's face. "Don't cry so, young master," she said softly. "The heir to the Lovelaces should display dignity in public." They hugged each other hard, and Harry noticed Hermione's eyes getting suspiciously bright.
"Well," said Balalaika, who had been watching the byplay with great interest, "I guess that settles that, doesn't it?"
"Excuse me, Big Sis, but no it doesn't!" piped up Revy. "What about this damn hole in my shoulder? Who'll pay for that?"
"We can fix that for you, Revy," Harry offered. Revy gave him an appraising look.
"Yeah, but the memory still remains. Come on, Big Sis! You know this has to be paid for! That's how it is in our world!"
"Is that true?" Hermione whispered to Harry and Dudley. "Does she have to pay the maid back for that?"
"I guess so," Harry answered in a low tone, not wanting to attract the volatile gunwoman's attention. "Around this town, having a reputation as a weakling can be fatal, particularly in her line of work."
"That's barbaric!" Hermione gasped.
Harry and Dudley shrugged. "That's Roanapur!"
Hermione thought quickly, and went up to Balalaika. "Uh, Miss Balalaika…hasn't there been enough gunplay? Can't they settle this some other way?" An idea visibly flashed into her mind. "Like, say, just fighting each other bare-handed until they've got it out of their systems?"
Balalaika's eyes went wide, and she patted Hermione's cheek, startling Harry and Dudley; their boss was generous with verbal praise, but very seldom touched anybody. "Little Hermione, if this were the old days, I'd beg you to consider studying for the officers' corps of the Red Army! I'd have been proud to serve beside such as you! That's an excellent idea!" Hermione blushed. She'd seen enough of Balalaika to know that was very high praise indeed.
Balalaika turned to Revy and Roberta. "Well, ladies? How does that sound to you?"
Revy grinned her manic grin, flexing her fists. "Sounds like fun to me!"
Roberta cracked her knuckles. "Hope you like the taste of pavement, puta!"
"Then we are agreed!" Balalaika beamed, as Harry, Dudley, Hermione and the Black Lagoon crew sat back to watch. "Bare hands until one of you has had enough!"
"One second, please!" Hermione called out. Fearlessly, but with her wand ready in her hand, she went on up to Roberta. "Senorita…would you allow me to keep ahold of your glasses until this is over? You wouldn't want them broken, now would you?"
Roberta raised one eyebrow. "I do not think they are in any danger from such as her," she answered, jerking her thumb at Revy, who scowled at her, "but if it makes you feel better, senorita bruja, you may take charge of them." Ceremoniously, she removed her glasses and handed them to Hermione, who carefully tucked them into the breast pocket of her shirt. "Now, where were we…oh, yes! I was about to show this jumped-up street rat how these things are done!"
Revy screamed in rage and lunged at Roberta, who dodged easily and stuck out her foot, sending Revy sprawling on the pavement. Before Revy could recover, Roberta was on her, fists flying.
Harry and Dudley, and the other regular Roanapur residents, watched in a detached way. "Who do you think'll win, Harry?" asked Dudley, as casually as though they were watching a Quidditch match between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, back at Hogwarts.
Harry studied the fight. "I'd put my money on the maid. Revy's fighting hurt, and she's angry enough that she might make some mistakes. How does ten Galleons sound as a bet?"
"I'll cover that!" The cousins shook hands ceremoniously. Meanwhile, the Lagoon crew and the Russians were also making bets. It looked like Roberta was the favorite.
The only ones who were shocked were Hermione and Rock. Hermione had suggested they fight it out bare-handed, but she had not expected anything like the savagery with which the two women went after each other. They didn't fight "like girls" but punched, kicked and pummeled each other with all the force in their bodies, rolling over and over on the pavement. She reminded herself that Harry, Dudley and Petunia had all warned her that Roanapur could be a dangerous place.
Rock was also appalled, and unlike Hermione, he tried to do something about it. Stepping forward, he took advantage of a temporary lull in the brawl to ask: "Uh, ladies, could you call this a draw? Haven't you both had enough?"
In unison, Revy and Roberta snarled: "Fuck off!" Defeated and deflated, Rock retreated, as Balalaika snickered at him.
Finally, both women were clearly on their last legs. They were battered, bruised and bloody. Swaying and staggering, they stood a little way apart, both of them with their fists poised.
"Why…don't you give on up, already? You four-eyed bitch!" Revy gasped.
"Not…till you're on the ground!" Roberta was exhausted, but still defiant.
They simultaneously tried throwing haymakers, both of which connected. Both of them fell to the pavement, out cold.
Balalaika shrugged. "Very well. It's a draw. All bets are off."
Harry and Dudley jogged forward, to see to Revy, as Hermione bent over Roberta. Hermione felt a tug at her sleeve, and turned to find herself facing a very determined-looking Garcia Lovelace.
"I need my maid's glasses, senorita," Garcia said, his voice ringing with authority. "And you may stand back. Roberta's my maid, and I'll see to her needs myself!" Much impressed, Hermione handed Garcia the glasses and stood back, as Garcia squatted down, patting Roberta's face gently until she opened her eyes.
"Young…master?"
"Don't feel bad, Roberta! You stayed in the fight till the very end! You showed that awful woman who's boss!" Roberta tried to rise, and Garcia helped her up, her arm around his shoulders.
"Young sir?" Balalaika asked. "Would you need assistance?"
"Roberta's my maid, ma'am! I'll take her home because we're family!"
Balalaika smiled broadly. "I see that the Lovelace family's future is in excellent hands with you, young sir. Harry? Dudley?" Harry and Dudley left off trying to revive Revy, who was out cold but good, and turned to hear what their employer wished them to do. "Please help young Master Lovelace if he needs help. Sergeant Boris will drive you to the airport and see you safely on your plane home. And if the Cartel presumes to interfere…" Balalaika's smile suddenly became very predatory…"you are to deal with them as you see fit!"
"Yes, ma'am!" Pointing his wand, Harry cast "Wingardium Leviosa!" Roberta suddenly floated into the air, light as a feather. Garcia gave Harry a grateful look; his spirit was more than willing, but Roberta was nearly a foot taller than he was and much heavier. "Come on, Dudley, Hermione! We've got work to do!" The strange little procession headed for one of the Russians' cars.
END Part 04
