Harry and the Pirates
Chapter 56
by Technomad
Hell's Belles
When she was contacted for permission, Petunia Dursley was delighted to allow Harry and Dudley to visit their friend's house over the school holidays. "You've never experienced a normal British Christmas, at least not since you both were very tiny," she wrote, "so this'll be a new experience for you!"
Balalaika appended: "I hope you both have a wonderful time! I am sure that you'll do nothing to disturb Mr. and Mrs. Granger, and you'll be credits to your school and Bougainvillea Trading!" The boys both knew that that meant keeping the senior Grangers in the dark about little matters like what Balalaika actually did for the majority of her living, as well as what went on in Roanapur. They understood Balalaika's hidden meaning without her having to spell things out explicitly.
Before they headed out to catch the Hogwarts Express back to London, Harry and Dudley had a talk with Ron and Ginny. "Here's your share of the profits so far from our soft-drink distributorship," Harry said, handing them drafts on Gringott's. "Remember, if you can set up more businesses on the Alleys to buy our products, you'll get a share of whatever they pay us!"
Ron and Ginny's eyes went very wide at the amounts on their drafts. "I'd recommend starting accounts for yourselves at Gringott's, toute suite," Dudley said. "For Merlin's sake, don't let anybody in your family know about this money! What they don't know about, they can't figure out a way to take!"
"What if the goblins tell Mum and Dad?" asked Ginny.
"They won't. They don't care about wizarding laws, except where the wizards can enforce them on the goblins. And the terms of the treaties with the goblins make the privacy of all Gringott's depositors absolutely sacrosanct," Harry said. "Even if Minister Fudge or your parents ask, if you've asked for your accounts to be private, the goblins will not say a word. If necessary, they'll go to war." While History of Magic was a dreary class, and Professor Binns was a waste of space in Harry's opinion, he had made sure to absorb the important parts from the textbook. One never knew when that sort of knowledge was going to come in useful…as it just had!
When the holidays came, everybody parted. Ron and Ginny winked when they told Harry and Dudley about their plans to head straight for the Alleys as soon as Christmas itself was over and things quieted down. Harry knew that they were eager to get started selling the merchants in Diagon and Knockturn Alleys on the benefits of offering Coca-Cola to their customers. And to get to Gringott's!
Ginny came up to Harry and gave him a big hug. "Have a good hols, Harry!" she whispered, before pulling him down and giving him a kiss. Harry's eyes widened, but he knew what to do. Letting her see that she'd blindsided him would get him teased half to death, so he took control, embraced Ginny and kissed her right back. When they let go of each other, he could see that Ginny was flushed and her eyes were very bright. Harry cut his eyes toward Ron to see what his mate thought of this development, but he was kissing Hermione and hadn't noticed.
Meanwhile, Luna was kissing Dudley goodbye. "Have fun at the Grangers', Dudley, and do tell me about it when you get back!" Luna was always curious about anything new, and she had taken an interest in Muggle life after experiencing Roanapur. Dudley and Luna hugged each other fiercely, then separated reluctantly. Harry could see a suspicious brightness in both their eyes. He smiled to himself; he was delighted that Dudley had found someone, and he thought that Dudley was very good for Luna. Dudley's down-to-earth way of thinking balanced Luna's flights of fancy perfectly.
At Kings Cross station, Harry, Dudley and Hermione were met by Hermione's parents. They were delighted to see their daughter, and welcomed the boys warmly. "Any friend of our daughter's is a friend of ours!" Hermione's father declared. "Apparently we have you to thank for infecting our daughter with an interest in Russian! While she was home, she was playing those language tapes at all hours, and spending twelve hours a day with the tutor we found!"
"Well, both Dudley and I speak it fluently, sir," Harry said. "We were raised around Russians, and picked it up the way children can. I admit, we do use it when we want a bit of privacy. Hermione got curious…"
"And she can't bear to have anybody knowing anything she doesn't," put in Mrs. Granger, who had finished hugging her daughter and come over to welcome their guests. Beside her mother, Hermione groaned and blushed. "Before she went off to school, she was reading our dental journals and plying us with questions about anything she didn't understand."
"The lady we work for in Thailand, Miss Balalaika, thinks the world of Hermione," Dudley said. "One reason we get along so well with her is because, growing up around Miss Balalaika, we have no problem at all with seeing women as our equals. Miss Balalaika runs a very successful business and is respected by everybody in Roanapur. My own mother serves as her right hand and indispensable aide."
Behind her mother's back, Hermione winked at Harry and Dudley. They knew what she was thinking. If her parents knew just what sort of business Balalaika ran, and what sort of town Roanapur was, they'd have joint heart attacks, and probably forbid her to have anything more to do with Harry and Dudley! They all knew that discretion was in order on that subject.
Once through the crowds, Mr. Granger led them to a parking ramp, where an estate wagon big enough for two adults, three teenagers, and the teenagers' luggage awaited them. Mr. Granger turned out to be a skilled driver, although to Harry and Dudley's Thailand-raised sensibilities, a bit cautious, and he soon had them heading out of Greater London, into the Home Counties. Harry and Dudley looked around curiously, finding the British scenery rather exotic. Down deep, they thought that the tropic surroundings they had grown up in were the norm. Hermione, having been raised to it, found the scenery utterly boring, and spent the time alternating between giving her parents very carefully censored accounts of what was going on at school and going through Russian conversation exercises from a book she'd packed along with the boys. Harry and Dudley told her that her pronunciation was crisp and fluent, and that only her word choice and occasional lapses in correct syntax betrayed her new acquaintance with the language. Hermione beamed at both of them.
The Grangers' house turned out to be a sprawling farmhouse, apparently added on to several times, on the edge of a village not unlike Hogsmeade. Once the luggage was stored, the adults and children settled in the parlour with drinks. "Ah, it's good to be home!" Hermione said with a smile, earning smiles from both of her parents. "Don't get me wrong, Mum, Dad…I love school and love magic. But this is my home. Even when I'm far away, a piece of this place is always in my heart." Her parents both smiled. Harry thought he detected a little sadness in their smiles. They're sad about losing their baby girl, he thought. He knew that while his Aunt Petunia was delighted that her boys had such a wonderful opportunity for an education, she felt their absence keenly. And Balalaika had said that with them gone, there were two boy-shaped holes in her life.
"Helen will be home tomorrow," Mrs. Granger said. "She's wild with curiosity about her sister's friends. You know, boys, that if our Hermione had not turned out to be magical, she'd have gone to the same school her sister is now at. St. Trinian's has a unique system of education, but we can't argue with results. Helen and her schoolmates routinely sweep the top exams."
"But she's eaten up with envy that I got to go to a co-ed school," Hermione said with a smile. "She'll want to hear all about the boys at Hogwarts." Hermione's father raised an eyebrow at his daughter, and she gave him a wink.
Sure enough, the next day, while the Granger parents were at their practice, a taxi came up to the door, depositing a girl in a rather old-fashioned school uniform, complete with a straw hat. On her chest was a badge in the shape of a black shield with a white "T." She was taller than Hermione, but the resemblance was very clear. Hermione ran out to welcome her, jumping into her sister's arms with a loud squeal of joy. Harry and Dudley hung back, watching events with interest.
Helen Granger hugged her sister. "Easy, there, you wicked witch! I'm still a little frazzled from travel!" She saw Harry and Dudley, and her eyes lit up with a rather predatory gleam. "And these are two of the hot young hunks you get to go to school with?" She came over and offered both her hands at once for a shake. "Helen Granger. So, which of you is Harry and which is Dudley?" Once introductions were over, Helen turned and pointed to her suitcases. "Perhaps one of you young gentlemen would be kind enough to help a lady in with her traps?"
Hermione's parents were at their practice, so it was just the young people in the house. Helen and Hermione headed for the kitchen, and rather to Harry's surprise, Helen mixed herself a stiff drink. She saw the way he was looking at her. "What? At St. Trinian's, we all drink. A lot. Hermione tells me you work for Russians. Don't you drink?"
"No. Our boss has made it clear that we're to do no such thing. She said she saw enough pre-pubescent alcoholics growing up in Russia, and doesn't want to see any more," Harry explained. "Our boss is not the kind of person you want to disappoint or disobey, if you know what I mean."
"And where we live, keeping your wits about you can make the difference between life and death. Roanapur's not the safest town in all of Asia," Dudley added. At the mention of Roanapur, Helen's eyes went wide.
"Roanapur? You mean the pirate town?" Reflexively, Hermione looked around for her parents. "Easy, baby sis. The lodge is tyled, the parents are away and we can speak freely." Helen grinned. "We've heard of Roanapur. Some of my schoolmates harbour ambitions to go there someday and measure themselves against it."
Harry and Dudley stared at Helen with wide eyes. "Uh…that's not a good idea, Helen," Harry said. "Hermione did all right, but she had Dudley and me to guide her along, and she was working for our boss. Nobody sane in Roanapur interferes with Miss Balalaika's employees."
"She also had the edge of being able to use magic," Dudley added. "That was something people weren't expecting, and she was able to extract some respect from them." Dudley and Harry and Hermione shared grins, remembering how surprised Sister Eda had been at the Rip-Off Church when Hermione had Petrified her in the midst of her threats. "That's an advantage you wouldn't have, and I don't think your schoolmates would, either."
"You may just have a point, there," Helen conceded. "However, I should tell you that St. Trinian's is not your average English girls' school. They call us the 'Defenders of Anarchy,' for very good reasons." Helen smiled, looking like a contented cat. "One of the few men around the school is a spiv called 'Flash Harry,' and he's provided invaluable help on our projects."
"Projects?" Harry was now professionally curious, and he knew Dudley was, too. "What sort of projects are we talking about?"
"Oh, how does stealing Vermeer's famous painting, The Girl with a Pearl Earring, sound to you? Is that exciting enough for you?"
"Bozhe moi!" Harry was croggled, and he knew that Dudley was, too. They stared at Helen with wide eyes. "That sounds like a story we'd like to hear!"
"And so would I, sister dear," purred Hermione. "So why don't you tell us all about it?"
Nothing loath, Helen launched into her story. "Well, it starts with a government inspector coming to our school. He really, really didn't like what he found. I guess doing things like distilling our own vodka, having a girl preserved in formaldehyde, being attacked by ants, and things like that upset him." Harry privately thought that the inspector had a point. He also wanted to see St. Trinian's.
"The inspector wanted to shut us down, and we also found out that the school owed the bank half a million quid." Harry felt his eyes go round at this bit of news. Half a million pounds was by no means an amount to be sneezed at! "We figured the only way to get that much dosh quickly was crime, and since The Girl with the Pearl Earring was on display in London, we figured we'd have a go at it. The alternative was a fate worse than death!" Helen shuddered theatrically.
"A fate worse than death? You mean…"
"Yes! We'd have to go to normal, everyday girls' schools!" Helen stagily pretended to wipe a tear from her cheek. All four children snickered at her histrionics. Harry could see her point, though. From what he was hearing, changing from St. Trinian's to a more normal girls' school would be a real adjustment to make. It would be like leaving Roanapur to go back to boring, over-safe Singapore, he thought.
Helen went on, outlining a complicated caper that involved cheating their way into and through a inter-school competition, swapping the real painting with a cleverly-made copy, Flash Harry's impersonation of a gay German art dealer, and enough subterfudge to make Harry's head swim. By the time Helen ended her story, he'd come to a conclusion.
"Well, Helen, I'm glad it all worked out and you saved your school. Even so, from what you say, this sounds like the sort of thing you'd find in an Ocean's Eleven remake." Helen looked dreamy at the thought of Danny Ocean for a second, as Harry went on: "We've had to do with some capers ourselves, both at Hogwarts and in Roanapur. Do you think we could get together with some of your schoolmates?"
"Why, yes," Helen said. "A good few of my mates live close by here, and I will admit, they'd all be curious to meet you. As I've said, many of us have a yen to visit your hometown."
"Good! Let's set it up, somewhere where we won't be interrupted or overheard. While I do admit I like your style and panache, I have a fair few things I want to tell you about real-world crime and how to do it right."
