Harry and the Pirates, Chapter 58

Christmas chez Granger

by Technomad

The rest of the Christmas holidays went by normally. Never having experienced a real British Muggle Christmas, Harry and Dudley avidly observed all the goings-on. They were surprised to see Helen Granger cheerfully accompanying her parents, and their guests, to church on Christmas Eve. They had never had much contact with religion, and had innocently thought that others were like them. They'd been gobsmacked to find that Hermione's Aunt Geraldine, her father's sister, was a vicar in a nearby town. She had been one of the first female priests ordained, having taken her vows not long after the Church of England began ordaining women.

When they got the chance to question her, Helen was amused. "What? Didn't you know? Most British criminals are Church of England, and some of us attend regularly and donate faithfully! We may well be evil, but we do recognise that the church does a lot of good! And, besides…" she gave them a roguish wink, "who needs Divine help and mercy more than us?"

Put that way, it made sense. In Roanapur, Harry and Dudley had seen religious goings-on before, almost all of them Buddhist, but while they treated Buddhism with respect, that was from policy. Thailand was a majority-Buddhist nation, and even the criminals would react negatively to insults or disrespect directed at Buddhism or its representatives. Balalaika and her men were nominally Russian Orthodox, but did not usually do much about it, funerals being the main exception. And Petunia had never been a pious sort. About the only nod Christianity got in their lives was exchanging Christmas presents.

Hermione seemed glad to see their family clergyman, a friendly, urbane man who was interested to meet her two schoolmates. He was invited over to lunch at the Grangers' one day. "Hullo! I'm Reverend John Lamont. Which of you is Harry and which is Dudley?" Once introductions had been made, Reverend Lamont turned out to be an intelligent, curious person who quizzed the boys about Thailand and other places in Asia.

"I'd like to be called to a post in Asia one day," he confided. "British citizens overseas often need the comfort of the church in times of trouble. Serving here is all very well, but I'd love to deal with a real challenge!"

"We'd help you out if we could, Reverend, but Roanapur, our home base, doesn't have any English other than ourselves. There's a Catholic mission, but that's about it for Christian activity there," Harry said. He and Dudley exchanged looks. Every word he had said was true, but only they (and Hermione) knew how much he'd left out!

Harry cut his eyes to his left, to where Hermione was sitting. To almost any eyes, she would have looked the picture of a demure, modest girl. However, Harry knew her very well. Her expression was all polite attention, but her eyes danced with amusement. He knew perfectly well what she was thinking: If Reverend Lamont knew the whole truth about Roanapur, he'd have a heart attack!

However, the truth did not come out, and the lunch went very well. Afterwards, Helen reported that Reverend Lamont had had glowing praise for them when the senior Grangers had discreetly pumped him for impressions and information. "He says that you're both perfect young gentlemen, and that Hermione could do worse than to consider one or the other when she's old enough to have a boyfriend!"

"Old enough to have a boyfriend?" Hermione queried, her voice going icy and controlled. "Just how old do our dear parents think that is?"

"Don't blame me, little sister," Helen said, raising her hands in an appeasing gesture. "But you know parents. They still think of you…and me, come to it…as those mewling bundles they brought home from the hospital. Or, at best, as little girls squabbling in the sandbox."

"Hmmpf!" Hermione was clearly not completely appeased, but she wasn't angry with her sister. "I wonder what I'll have to do to convince them that I'm growing up?"

"My advice, little sis, is not to push it. On one level, they know that you aren't their little tiny daughter any more. On the other level, they're in denial about it. The fact that they see us so seldom helps keep the image of the way we were fresh in their minds. Just don't make a fuss about it. We're both in school a good deal of the year, and at school we can do more of what we prefer." She winked at the boys. "Right?"

"Right!" Harry was pleased to see that Helen had grasped the essentials of his and Dudley's lecture to her and her schoolmates. "As long as you keep your head low and stay off the radar, you can get away with all sorts of things!"

Christmas Day dawned, bright and clear, with a light coating of snow covering the land. All the young people awoke early, eager to begin the day's festivities. There was a pile of presents under the tree, and soon everybody in the household was gathered in the sitting room, awaiting their distribution with anticipation.

Harry and Dudley had conferred with Hermione about what to get her parents, and the senior Grangers were utterly charmed by their gifts. Hermione's mother was now the proud owner of a lovely silk tunic (Harry had had Hermione pass along her size discreetly) and her father's eyes gleamed with pleasure when he saw that he had been given a big coffee-table book about the sights of Bangkok. After looking it over, he cocked a pawky eye at the boys from Roanapur.

"This is very nice, but is there nothing equivalent for your hometown? I've been a little curious about it ever since Hermione went there, and returned so full of confidence and plans for her future."

Harry and Dudley exchanged glances. Quicker of tongue, Harry replied: "Well, sir, Roanapur isn't really a very scenic place. Much of it is of recent construction, and is fairly utilitarian. There are much prettier towns in Thailand, and most of them are also better for tourists. We get along in Roanapur, but we grew up there."

That seemed to mollify Mr. Granger, and Harry breathed a silent sigh of relief. As long as Hermione was a minor and under her parents' control, he did not want either of the elder Grangers becoming curious enough about Roanapur to find out the truth about the place. While its reputation was not general knowledge among the ordinary public, there were people in Britain who did know what Roanapur was like. As long as Mr. Granger thought of it as an ordinary, rather dull Thai outport, there was less chance of him asking awkward questions of knowledgable people.

Helen smiled broadly when her present from the boys was unwrapped; it was a jadestone incense burner. Harry and Dudley had, again, consulted Hermione to learn what sort of presents Helen would most welcome. Once they had been informed, a quick letter to Roanapur had ensured that their gift was in the next post to Britain.

"I love it, boys," Helen breathed, clutching it to her chest, "but isn't it awfully expensive?"

Both boys shook their heads. "No. Things like that are cheaper out there than here, even with duties added in. And our employer's main line is in import-export, after all." The Grangers accepted that explanation, except for Hermione, who looked as though she were going to say something, until she caught Harry's eye and he shook his head. Silently, Harry snorted contemptously. We work for one of the premier smugglers in Asia, he thought. Duties, indeed! As if!

In any case, keeping Helen sweet and in their corner was worth a little money. With her connection to St. Trinian's, she could be a valuable conduit between PD Enterprises and the school. Harry was looking to the future, just as Balalaika had taught him.

"The weakness many criminals share, young men," she had said, the smoke from her ever-present cigar curling around her head as Harry and Dudley looked up to her in awe, "is a solely present-based mindset. Too many of them get caught up in the excitement of 'The Life,' and forget about the future. But the future comes more quickly and unexpectedly than they imagine! They end up poor, washed-up, and struggling to get by, even those who had fortunes in their hands. During their days of good fortune, they gambled frantically, threw money around like drunken sailors on shore leave, made enemies right, left and centre, and forfeited their futures to the pleasures of the present."

"So what is the right thing to do, ma'am?" asked Dudley. Balalaika smiled at him.

"The right thing to do, young men, is always be thinking ahead. When you make a big score, it's all right to live well…not conspicuously, but well…but be sure to save up money for later, and have some plausible explanation for where you acquired it. With people, it's always much better to be on good terms with them, even the ones you hate." She raised one eyebrow in an elegant arch. "And why do you think that is, young men?"

Both boys' foreheads furrowed with thought. Dudley piped up: "Because you never know who'll be useful, and having them friendly, or at worst, neutral, can save your arse!"

Balalaika beamed. "Very good indeed! Remember, boys, the face you slap today may be connected to the hand you must kiss tomorrow!" Harry grinned inwardly; he knew that had she been speaking to adults, she would not have used the word "hand," but Balalaika respected Petunia's sensibilities as far as she could.

Dragging his mind back to the present, Harry found himself being presented with a gift by Hermione. Opening it, he was very pleased to find that he now owned a lovely, thick knitted jumper in dark green and gold. "Slytherin colours!" Hermione said, obviously very satisified with herself. "And I know how much you dislike the cold here in Britain, so I got you something warm to wear!" Harry smiled as he slipped it on over his head; it was a little too large for him, but that was no matter, since he was by no means done growing. Beside him, Dudley had received an identical jumper, and was thanking Hermione for taking the trouble to pick something so nice out for him.

Harry and Dudley had puzzled for a while about just what to get Hermione. She didn't care much for jewelry, and buying her anything too expensive would raise her parents' suspicions about how two boys at school could raise so much cash. Finally, they had decided on a very nice quill-and-inkpot set they had seen for sale in Hogsmeade when they had been down to talk to the goblins. Hermione's eyes shone with pleasure, and Harry sighed inwardly with relief; their guess had been correct.

When the presents had all been given, received, and exclaimed over, the Grangers and their guests adjourned to the dining room, where a feast awaited. Even by the standards of Hogwarts, where fine food was a routine thing, the meal was very inviting. After Hermione's father offered a grace, making sure to particularly mention their guests, they all tucked in, and for a while, there was little conversation beyond the "Pass the peas" variety.

After dinner, they went into the sitting room again, and the television was turned on, to a holiday special. Soon the family and their guests were absorbed in watching one of Britain's finest choirs performing a selection of holiday-themed songs. "I'm rather glad they left it traditional," Mr. Granger remarked. "I know I'm in a minority, but Santa Claus, or to give him his traditional English name, Father Christmas, has almost completely taken this holiday over."

"I know what you mean," murmured Mrs. Granger. "The adverts are never-ending, and they start earlier and earlier. Our child patients get so greedy, I don't think that the whole toy department at Harrods' would satisfy them!"

"That's the truth," Mr. Granger agreed. "Ye gods and little fishes, it's hard to believe how much some of them say they want! I blame the Yanks for a lot of this. Of course, Christmas started getting out of control when the merchants learned that they could sell a lot more if the custom of gift-giving was pushed hard."

"But, Daddy," Hermione piped up, "Charles Dickens had a lot to do with re-popularizing Christmas. Before A Christmas Carol, a lot of people didn't pay Christmas much mind. Remember how Scrooge expected the poulterer's to be open on Christmas Day?" The elder Grangers both nodded. "And before Victoria, Christmas trees didn't exist. Prince Albert brought them in from Germany."

"True, that," Mr. Granger said, ruffling his younger daughter's hair. "And that's my clever Hermione! Always reading, always learning, always sharing what she knows!"

"She's the strong mainstay of our whole House where studying's concerned, sir," said Dudley. "I could easily see her becoming a Hogwarts professor in the future."

"That's wonderful!" Both elder Grangers beamed with pleasure. "Before we found out about magic and Hogwarts, we had hoped that after going to St. Trinian's with her sister, Hermione could attend Oxford or Cambridge. We thought she might become Prime Minister some day, or win a Nobel Prize…"

"And, instead, I'd put longish odds on her becoming headmistress of Hogwarts, or Minister of Magic," Dudley said, smiling at Hermione. "She'd be a million times better as Minister than the clot we have now!" Harry knew that Dudley followed the news closely, and read the Daily Prophet religiously. He himself mainly checked for articles about Death Eater activity, and business news.

"A Minister of Magic? Who is he?"

"Oh, Mum!" Hermione's groan of exasperation made both Dudley and Harry hide smiles behind their hands. Many of their classmates had complained about how embarrassing their parents were. Dudley and Harry had no complaints about Petunia; Harry privately thought that his aunt would keep her cool even if the Death Eaters had invaded her office and were dancing in circles around her desk, singing halleleujah. She'd just shrug, activate the defenses, clear up the bodies and chalk it up to another day at the office. Roanapur was a great place to teach people to take even the craziest events in stride.

Dudley explained: "The current Minister, a fellow named Cornelius Fudge, is basically a makeweight, who got the job because nobody objected to him too strongly. He's mainly interested in nobody making waves." Harry thought he recognized things Luna had said; the blonde girl was often scathing, in a polite way, about the Ministry and the Minister.

Helen and her parents grinned ruefully. "Sounds like the way things go among us 'Muggles,' Hermione's mother remarked.

The rest of the evening passed quietly, with inconsequential conversation. Toward the end, Harry slipped out, to see the starry night. Staring up at the night sky, with the Milky Way stretching across it, he felt a moment's racking homesickness. He remembered nights when he'd been aboard the Black Lagoon, helping whoever was on night watch as the PT boat slipped through the silent seas. He wondered, for a little while, what his parents had been like, and what they would think of what he'd become. While he loved Aunt Petunia, and couldn't have loved her more had she been his mother, and Dudley was like a brother to him, seeing the Granger sisters with their parents reminded me of what he'd lost. He was suddenly wracked with sadness.

"What's the matter, Harry?" Hermione's voice was soft in his ear, as she slipped up beside him and put her arm around his waist. "Are you homesick for Roanapur?"

"No, Hermione," Harry said, his voice thick with the tears he was too proud, and too male, to shed in front of her. "I was just thinking. You know my parents are dead, don't you?"

"Yes…"

"I was just wondering about them. I don't really remember them, and Professors Snape and Lupin both knew them. When we're back at Hogwarts, they've both promised to tell me about what they were like. Seeing you and Helen with your parents just reminded me of what I'll never have."

"Oh, poor Harry!" That was Helen. She slipped up on the other side from Hermione, and put her arm around Harry. "You can always come here, you know. Our parents think you're both wonderful. And knowing that you've lost your parents, and Dudley's lost his father, will make them that much likelier to want to have you about."

"That's good to know. Dudley will be glad to hear it, too." While they almost never spoke of it in so many words, Harry knew that sometimes, when he saw other kids with their fathers, Dudley was racked with longing for the father he'd never gotten to know. Harry thought that his Uncle Vernon must have been a wonderful person. After all, he'd had the sense to marry Aunt Petunia, and anybody who'd fathered the boy who was like his brother had to be pretty special himself.

For some while, the three of them stood there, silently contemplating the moonlight and starlight illuminating the sleeping English countryside. To Harry's eye, it was exactly like a picture on a Christmas card. Finally, they went on back in, to turn in and get their sleep. The next day, the Grangers had a party to go to.

(I know, this is a bit out of character for Black Lagoon, but even pirate boys and St. Trinian's girls are allowed to enjoy Christmas. And while this version of Harry is better-adjusted than his canon counterpart, I think he'd still have times when he wondered about his parents and missed the experience of growing up with them. And this version of Dudley would certainly have days when he longed for his dad, even though he didn't remember the man.)