B-POV

I hugged the polar bear tighter into my chest. I hadn't felt this scared and helpless since the days Charlie had to check for monsters under my bed after we accidentally watched a horror movie. Then, it had been a stuffed moose in my arms. Now, the monster sat before me, in a chair too small for her, a look of delicate concern on her inhumanly beautiful face.

"There is no shame in these feelings," Esme spoke in a calm, understanding voice that I recognized from Charlie whenever he needed to talk a child down from a temper tantrum. I realized tears had fallen from my cheeks and wiped them with the heels of my hands.

"When I first learned the truth about Carlisle, I had been human. And I had the exact reaction you did. I ran as fast and as far as I could at the time. I wasn't sure which was scarier: the fact that the man I loved was a monster or the fact that I still loved him."

Vampire. The man I loved was a vampire.

"It took me about two months to come to my senses—same as you. And when I did, Carlisle was there. As patient and understanding as ever. And I have never regretted the decision to return to him. Not once. And when you're ready to return to Edward, he will be there for you. No questions asked."

When I returned to Edward, not if. Even as a third party, Esme had confidence in my relationship with Edward. I wished I could find the same confidence.

"You're going to learn fast what… magnificent partners vampires can be." Her smile grew coy; her eyes focused on something elsewhere. "Attentive. Supportive. Endlessly devoted. And not to mention exceedingly handsome," she added with a wink.

With a shake of my head, I laughed.

"What?"

"Nothing…" I tried to shake away the reaction, but Esme pressed for an explanation. "It's just…" I patted the stuffed bear's fur, "If there was one thing I could change about Edward, it would be that." I sighed. "Anything to

The corners of Esme's lips twitched. "Would you mind telling me what it is you like about him?"

"What's not to like?" I shrugged. "He's a know-it-all, but he's awkward enough about it that it's endearing rather than annoying. He's not very funny when he tries too hard, but he's hilarious once he's comfortable. His confidence is subtle, but it's enough that I feel grounded and steady around him. And he's good." I hugged the bear tightly. "Down to his core, he is good."

Esme studied me for a long moment.

"Do you know Edward was turned because of me?"

My cheeks reddened as the rest of my skin paled. There I was confessing my love for a boy—miles out of my league—to the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. All the while, he belonged to her. Esme looked much older than Edward, but I supposed age didn't matter as much to eternal beings. Neither would monogamy, it would seem.

"Not anything like that." She said as she took in my reaction. "I have Carlisle and I've never needed anything else. Edward is a son to me."

Somehow, that was worse. My first impression to Edward's mother was wedged into a pile of stuffed bears, smelling like the drive-through, wearing the t-shirt I reserved for crafting with Charlie because it was somehow both too big and too tight. There was no way on Earth an immortal, stunning mother such as Esme would ever want someone like me for their son. And I prepared myself for her to tell me just that.

"When Carlisle and I finally got together, I had already lost my husband and son to a terrible accident. The marriage was for convenience after Carlisle tried to save me from this fate by pushing me into the arms of a rich suitor who could take care of me and give me a child. I missed my ex-husband, for he was still my friend, but I could never heal from the death of my son. Carlisle tried so many times to help me find the same joy that I did in motherhood, but he never could. Until Chicago in 1915, when we met the Masen's."

There was a lot in Esme's statement that should have set off sirens or warning bells, but the only thing my brain could conjure was Edward donned in a stylish three-piece suit of the early twentieth century.

"Carlisle was a traveling physician at the time, and Edward's father was quite ill. We spent many hours in their company. While Carlisle cared for Edward Sr., I would visit Elizabeth. And their son. Who had the same green eyes and unusual red hair as my son."

Her golden eyes broke their focus on me, lost in a memory. I envied her for a second, for she knew the exact shade of green of Edward's eyes and I never would.

"Edward had my entire heart from the moment we met him. He happened to be the exact age my son would have been, had he been alive. And that wasn't the only thing they shared. Polite. Dutiful. Tough to get a smile out of at first, but once you managed, you couldn't get him to stop."

My heart ached. From the very start, I never struggled to earn a smile from Edward. What we had was truly special.

"I mothered him even before he was mine. With his father sick, Edward took on all sorts of odd jobs to keep his parents comfortable. Grueling, labor-intensive jobs. It hurt me to see such a darling boy work so tirelessly. So, I would often intervene. Anytime he was short on rent, he would happen across the exact amount he needed, laying on the road or if he were planning to go hungry that day, someone would appear before him with extra food."

She smiled fondly at the memory, and I joined in. I was curious, even though I knew exactly how the story would end. "When did he...?"

Esme answered, though I could not bring myself to finish the question, "It was the Spanish Influenza. His father had died long before the sickness reached Chicago. When it arrived, it took Elizabeth almost immediately, but Edward held on for a bit longer. Long enough for Carlisle to stumble upon him, turn him, and make me a mother, once more."

I wasn't sure what to make of the story. It seemed like a happy ending and a tragic one, all at once. Edward had joined a loving family, but only after his own and his human life had been snatched from him. I couldn't be mad at Esme for pulling him into a life he did not want, because it was the reason he was in my life. And my life would be incomplete without Edward.

Esme shook her hands at the wrist as if she had to physically shake the memory. "But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about. While he was still human, Edward drew the attention of many suitors. Still charming, in his way."

I knew the charm she spoke of. I was still under its spell.

"He would tell me about each girl, while she and his mother had tea in her parlor. But every time he brought a girl home, she would stumble out of the parlor, dazed, with tears streaming silently down her cheeks. And Edward chase after her, only to be refused."

I pictured all the girls Edward would have brought home. Donned in pretty dresses with perfect ringlets around their faces. Lithe and petite and proper. The thought that Elizabeth refused each of them made my stomach churn. What would she have said if Edward brought me into his mother's parlor? Most likely, she wouldn't have poured a cup of tea—she would have sent me away immediately. I would have been rejected by his human mother, and now I was about to be rejected by his vampire mother.

"After the fourth time I witnessed the interaction, I pulled her aside and said, 'Lizzie, if you keep this up, there won't be any girls left in the city. You're breaking your son's heart yourself.'

"She pursed her lips in the same, haughty way Edward sometimes does when he's in a mood. And she said, 'Esme, my friend, I am saving his heart. These girls see a pretty face and not much else. They do not see the real reason to be with my Edward. I won't allow them to if they cannot appreciate him for what he truly is.' Do you know what that is, Bella?"

"No," I said, honestly.

"That he is good. Just like you said, that he is good to his core."

I searched Esme's face, for some moral of the story. Some small, snippet of information she expected me to glean. When I found none, I asked, "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because, Isabella, Elizabeth Masen would have chosen you to be with her son."

oOo

I could never decide which I enjoyed more: the rain or the snow. Thunderstorms were as terrible as they were majestic. The haunting flash of lightning illuminating the sky in a dazzling display that could rival fireworks was the same lightning to cause fires and wreak havoc. Snow, seemingly peaceful and cozy as it blanketed the ground. But the world stopped for snow—dove out of the way to avoid the ice and danger it brought with it.

Perhaps, beauty and danger always went hand in hand.

After my last final, I sat outside as fluffy flakes of snow drifted to the ground, sipping on the white chocolate mocha I purchased to celebrate the occasion. I took a tentative sip and felt the whipped cream fizzle on my lip. It was cool enough to drink.

After Esme told me about Edward's mother, Charlie barged into the room. Accusing me of fraternizing with the enemy, Charlie dragged me out of the room, hurling a few playful insults at Esme. Then, I put as much work into the study of vampires as I did with my own coursework. Along with my required reading for school, I borrowed paperbacks of Dracula, Interview with a Vampire, and The Vampire Lestat from the library. Charlie had been surprised by my sudden obsession but said nothing. He even watched the movies with me and ranked all the vampires on a scale of attractiveness.

I wasn't afraid of Edward's true nature. Instead of a chill down my spine or dread in my gut, I felt the panging stab of guilt. It was difficult enough to believe that Edward had chosen me amongst the entire student body. Knowing that he could choose anyone in the entire world in the past one hundred years and beyond, yet decided to settle for me was a knife through the heart.

Esme made it apparent that Edward wanted me. She even gave me the seal of approval, for both herself and Edward's human mother. What I didn't have was full approval from Edward. He loved me, yet he did not want me.

"What is wrong with you?"

The small voice came from behind me, but I paid it no notice. I had been sitting here, quietly minding my own business. I couldn't imagine that I had done something to make me the recipient of that question. Most likely, the person behind me was talking on the phone.

"Excuse me." A petite Japanese woman stepped in front of me. I had seen her around school, for she always wore eye-catching gothic outfits. The call for snow was no exception. Despite the chill, she wore a black dress with a tight corset and fluffy skirt, and fishnet stockings in an intricate pattern. She was flanked by a tall man, dressed in an all-black ensemble only a few shades darker than his skin. Both of their eyes were the same golden hue as Edwards. Vampires. "I'm talking to you."

"I—I—I," I stuttered, only to be interrupted before I could get a single complete word out.

"What the hell is your problem?"

"I'm sorry." I wasn't sure what I was apologizing for, but it felt safe to cover all the bases right away.

"Tomorrow is the last day of the semester! Do you understand what that means?"

"Um," I raised my coffee cup to my mouth, like I could hide from these deadly predators behind it, "That winter break will begin?"

"Edward is going to leave."

The mention of his name caused my breath to catch in my throat, so I was barely able to choke out the question, "What?"

"The family has already decided that the secret is safe, and there's no need for Edward to monitor the situation. With no obligation to us and a clear rejection from you, he's going to choose to leave. And why shouldn't he? Every moment he spends here, in the place that connects him to you, he suffers."

"Suffers," I repeated, horrified. "Edward is suffering?"

"Like a single drop of misery in an ocean of wretchedness." The guy behind her said in a steady, southern accent.

"So, why are you here? Why haven't you gone to him?" The girl demanded. "You saw Emmett. You spoke with Esme. Why aren't you with Edward now?"

"I—,"

The guy placed a hand on her shoulder. "She's a tad frightened, darling."

"Of what?" she threw her hands up in the air. "Are you afraid he's going to treat you with too much kindness? Afraid that he's going to love you too much?"

"I—,"

"Are you afraid that you'll be too happy together?"

"No…"

"Don't you care about him at all? Why are you making him suffer? Why can't you be with him?"

"I'm fat!" I wailed.

Like the drop of a pin, her anger dropped. Her golden eyes blinked in rapid succession, like she needed to recalibrate. "Oh…"

My cheeks burned and I dropped my gaze to the lid of my coffee cup.

"Jasper, we'll need a minute. Wait for me in the car."

"Yes ma'am."

Her skirt rustled as she sat beside me. She arranged the elaborate layers of black tulle, chiffon, and lace around her. "Now, I think we started off on the wrong foot. I'm Alice Cullen. Or, at the moment, Alice Whitman. Edward's sometimes sister, but, always his best friend."

"Bella."

"Oh, I know." She sighed to herself. "You really look like you were made in a lab to be with him."

I would have snorted or shot her a side eye, but I was too embarrassed by my outburst to do anything but fiddle with my mocha.

"You do!" She chirped. Her skirts rustled again as she leaned in, as if we were already close friends, trading secrets, "Edward would never, ever admit he found someone attractive, even to his best friend. He finds it terribly improper—you're going to learn that he forces himself to be a prude. But my husband—Jasper, you met him—can sense emotions. So, obviously, he tells me every time Edward feels the barest hint of lust or anything like it. And it's always the same kind of girl." She burst into a fit of giggles, "There was this one commercial in the Seventies that—, "

She stopped abruptly when I raised my eyes to meet hers and she saw what little desire I had to hear about a hundred years of Edward's presumably stunning ex-girlfriends.

"Yet, you are the only person he's ever wanted to be with."

I knew she said it to make me feel better, but all it did was send me further into the unescapable cavern of guilt. The knowledge that he had never been with another person made it even worse. That his first and only experience with love was to settle for me.

"Go be with him. That's all both of you want."

"I can't."

"Why not? Don't you love him?"

"Yes, I love him." The words felt as obvious as stating that Alice wore black. "I don't think I want him to love me."

"He already does."

"Only because he thinks he has to." I took a long sip of coffee. It had gotten too cold, too quickly. I set it back on the table. "He shouldn't have to force himself to love for the first person whose mind he can't read."

"You think that's what's happening?"

"Isn't it? It's the reason he was drawn to me in the first place."

"Maybe so, but that's not the reason he fell in love with you! Don't think of it as the catalyst on which your relationship is built. Think of it as proof that you were destined to be together."

That time, I did manage to snort.

"You are! The silent mind is an obvious one—the only thing that would have made Edward comfortable enough to even talk to you. But there's so much more. You love old things; he's an old thing. He loves warm things; you're a warm thing."

"Warm things?"

"Yeah, he's like a cat—it's kind of sweet," she wrinkled her nose, affectionately. "He'll sit as close to the fire as he can, wrapped in a blanket he doesn't need. He could spend days in the hot springs in Iceland if we'd let him. When we go to the beach, he'll lay out on the sand, soaking up heat like a rock."

It did sound awfully sweet. I recalled our day at the antique fair, how he kept both hands wrapped around the hot cup of coffee, close to his chest.

"Now that you're in on the secret, I doubt he'll let his soft, warm human out of his grasp for very long."

I pulled my lips between my teeth. Edward may appreciate my warmth, but I knew from experience how he felt about my softness.

Alice continued, "You even like all the lame things about him."

My eyebrows drew together. Everything about Edward was utterly fascinating. "He's not lame."

"Oh, he isn't?" her voice raised in challenge. "Just this semester, I was finally able to convince him to stop tucking his pants into his socks whenever it rained."

Her pretty petite face twisted in revelation, but I felt mine heat with desire. "That's actually really cute."

"See! You're literally the only person who would ever think that! You were made for each other."

Alice beamed, proudly, but I could only shake my head, "He deserves someone as beautiful as he is, inside and out."

"What makes you think you're not beautiful?"

Instead of using words, I placed both hands on my soft stomach. Then, ran them down, circled my large thighs, and ended at my wide hips.

"Fat and beautiful are not opposites, you know."

It was easy for someone as lithe and willowy as Alice to say. "I love him too much to let him settle, Alice. He should keep waiting. Until he finds someone with a silent mind and someone he is attracted to. It's not fair that he should settle."

"He isn't going to settle! He's attracted to you. Ask Jasper!"

"He didn't want to touch me, Alice." His love could be as vast as endless as the sea, but a single touch of my body had him running.

"He didn't want you to feel his cold hands?" She held up her own hands clad in sleek, black leather trimmed with lace and wiggled her fingers.

I supposed he didn't inform Alice of our shameful, final date. "He ran away—at top vampire speed—in the middle of a kiss."

"Oh. That." She chuckled like it wasn't the most embarrassing moment of my life. "Edward is going to murder me for telling you this."

I leaned back, "Tell me what?"

She curled her finger, asking me closer, and whispered in my ear. "He was horny."

I flinched back, hard. My chair scooted back from the force. What!?"

She laughed harder. "You both are so sweet and naïve. This is going to be so fun."

"I'm not naïve," I argued, readjusting my jacket. "I just…" I fiddled with the pockets, then the zipper, "didn't expect that answer."

"When our vampire bodies get… excited," I rolled my eyes at the childish word Alice switched to for my benefit. "…venom will pool into our mouths. It's an easy adjustment—whenever you make out, he just needs to incorporate a few breaks to swallow it. But at the time, it scared him. He thought he was going to hurt you, so he fled." She waved her hand away, fluttering her fingers.

"It had nothing to do with me?"

"It had everything to do with you. Just not in the way you think."

Over the past few weeks, my view of the world had been broadened, in mind-shattering ways, yet this was the one I struggled to swallow. Inhuman creatures walked the surface of the earth along with humans—hidden in shadows. Sure, I could handle that. The man I loved was a century-old vampire. That fact only besotted me to him further. The idea that Edward desired me, just as I was.

Mind-altering. Spine chilling.

My life would never be the same.

The knowledge untangled the knots of confusion and tied up the loose ends. How he could return from our disastrous kiss with desire still in his eyes and smiles on his lips. Why he would go out of his way to make me feel beautiful, yet couldn't seem to practice what he preached.

"I would tell you where he is, but you already know the answer to that." Alice hopped up from her seat, lightly, despite the heft of her black boots. "I look forward to being your friend."

With a swift breeze, I was alone once more.

I glanced down at my phone to check the time. If Edward was a creature of habit—which I assumed he was—I knew right where he would be for an additional thirty minutes. Alice had uncanny precision.

The library was crowded, as students spent days and nights among the stacks to get through the final push of work. He emerged from the stacks carrying a book in each hand. Whenever our paths accidentally crossed, I would never allow myself to look. If there was a flash of bronze hair or a whiff of butterscotch, I turned my gaze down to my shoes. The technique caused me to run into many trees, doors, and students, but it always kept me safe from Edward's gaze.

That day, I let myself look. As usual, heads turned in his direction, and he paid them no notice. He didn't even notice me, lingering at the front desk. I could tell from his tense jaw that he worked to push the thoughts around him into the back of his mind. I could also tell from the hardness in his usually soft golden eyes that he worked to push his own thoughts back, as well.

My heart clenched.

He was beautiful.

And somehow—against all odds—he was mine.

By the time I had gulped down enough calming breath to gain the courage to talk to him, he was long gone. But, unlike the other people, who fruitlessly craned their necks and walked past private study rooms to find the handsome stranger, I knew exactly where he went. Up the rear elevator and another hidden set of stairs, I walked out onto the mezzanine. Past the children's books, and around a library cart…

His eyes were on me the moment I stepped around the corner. The only person whose footsteps he would hear without thoughts attached to them.

I wasn't sure what I wanted our first encounter after all these weeks, but Edward looked up at me like a deer in headlights. I couldn't imagine what he was thinking, but whatever it was came together like a snap of his fingers. He rushed to pack up his belongings.

He was trying to stay out of my way. Kind and thoughtful, after everything.

"Edward, wait!" I threw myself off balance as I attempted to reach for him. I grabbed the handle of the cart for balance, but it was on wheels and rolled away. Just as the floor rushed forward, I was upright again, held by strong, solid arms.

A breath away from the face that haunted my every thought for weeks.

I didn't need to ask him how he crossed the room in the blink of an eye. It was the same reason that made him so devastatingly beautiful, it hurt my chest. The same affliction that turned his eyes from green to gold. Now brimming with so much love, I couldn't see how I ever doubted his feelings for me.

Tentatively, I reached up at stroked his cheek with my finger. It was hard, solid, like a statue carved from marble. "So, this is what you are?" I whispered.

He licked his lip as he started to speak, but, said nothing and merely nodded his head.

Just as my fingers lingered on his cheek, he had not released me from when he caught me. His hands remained on the softest parts of me, like he was reluctant to let go. In fact, I swore he adjusted his fingers to maintain his hold.

The small gesture of his acceptance meant more than all the promises made by his mother and sister.

"You're a vampire."

His grip loosened, but he did not remove his hands from where they held me up. "I am."

"But you will never hurt me," I stated, with just as much confidence.

"Never," he swore, with a ferocity I could never doubt.

I lowered my hand, skimming my fingers along his arm. I could feel his cool, hard muscles under the tight honeycomb fabric of his Henley. He followed my example and made slow progress up and around my waist. Our hands met in the middle. We laced our fingers.

"Edward?"

"Bella." He said my name soft and slow, like a prayer.

"Will you do something for me?"

A dozen emotions flickered across his face until he settled on amused. "Yes."

"Will you ask me on a date for tomorrow night?"

A smile played on his lips. "I may be over a hundred years old, but I can appreciate a woman taking the lead in a relationship."

"Well, maybe I would like to be treated like a proper lady by a proper gentleman."

He raised one set of our hands up towards his lips. He ran his thumb across my wrist. "If there were a glove here for me to push out of the way, this would be much more romantic."

My cheeks warmed all the same.

He pressed his cool, hard lips against my warm, soft skin. "Isabella, it would mean the world, heaven, and everything beyond to me if you would accompany me on a date tomorrow evening."

"Okay," I agreed, casually.

He laughed. And along with it came his smile. The one large enough to crinkle around the eyes. Gleaming and glorious. Now that it was back, I wasn't going to let it fade, ever again.

And we're back! Thank you for sticking through it with me.

Now that you like me again, two of my fics have been nominated for the TwiFic Fandom awards. Bleeding Hearts for Favorite Undiscovered Gem. Undertow for Favorite Out of this World Fic. It would mean so much to me if you would all swing over there and vote for me!

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