AN: So because of OT for the past five days I've had to split this chapter into two. Not what I ideally wanted to do, but that's what you get when you have a job like mine.
You can follow me on Twitter for updates at LivesTalos
Disclaimer: I do not own Helluva Boss or Hazbin Hotel
When finishing a job, most amateur assassins would probably be panicking from here to their safe space in fear of getting caught. I.M.P. was not an amateur group of assassins and killers. In fact, Blitzo was upset that they were delayed in getting back to Imp City because a certain tiny dicked midget drank too much water on the way back home. Tapping his finger against the wheel, Blitzo looked at the side mirror to see if Moxxie was coming back from his bathroom break in the dump of a gas station before sighing.
"I swear Moxxie has a bladder the size of a walnut," Blitzo muttered as he rolled his eyes. "I didn't think I had to ask if anyone needed the bathroom before we left to torture our special guest in the back, but I guess it's my fault for assuming we were all adults without a baby in our team."
"Oh, quit bitching already," Loona growled as she turned up the volume on her phone. "Just ditch him already if you're that worried about it."
"He'll be out soon," Millie said, defending her husband as always while chewing on a candy bar she got from the gas clerk. "Besides, with the drugs we put on the piece of chicken shit in the back, our target won't be waking up until midnight."
Millie's word proved to be correct as a slightly queasy-looking Moxxie finally walked out of the bathroom, shivering in disgust before he entered the van. Blitzo turned to his employee and said,'' Finally! What were you doing there? Crapping and waking at the same time?!"
Loona sniffed the air before gagging out of the window while looking ready to puke. "Holy fuck, Moxxie! What did you drop in there?!"
"You try finding a decent toilet in a gas station bathroom that hasn't looked like it's been shitbombed by an elephant with diarrhea!" Moxxie pointed out before gagging in disgust. "I had to actually clean the least disgusting one before I was finally able to sit down."
"Please tell me you at least washed your shit-covered hands," Loona moaned as she covered his nose.
"Of course I did! Who doesn't wash their hands after using the bathroom?" Moxxie asked.
Suddenly, three eyes slowly turned to Blitzo, who looked at all of them and narrowed his eyes. "Oh, come on. Do you always assume the worst about me?"
"Yes."
"Most of the time, yeah."
"Is that even a question, sir?"
Flipping the bird, Blitzo started the car up and drove off at full speed down the highway, which caused a few vehicles to jerk the wheel and end up crashing into each other in a pile of wanted destruction. Things got even worse when a fuel tanker skidded out of control and burst into flames upon impact. Explosions went off as Moxxie looked out the window behind them and asked, "Um, shouldn't we be keeping a low profile?"
"Relax, Mox," Blitzo said, smirking. "You see worse stuff on the Jersey Freeway."
It took two hours to get into Imp City, but the news was already reporting about their work last night by the time they did. At the moment, the Royal Guards were taking credit for taking down a terrorist organization connected to the deaths of all the Hazbin Hotel system's supporters. Nothing was mentioned about Blitzo and his team, which was fine by him. The less attention they got, the better. In fact, looking back at it, taunting one of the masterminds behind this secret cabal of fanatical rebels was not a good idea.
Parking across from their office building, Blitzo took a deep breath before looking at his co-workers. "Alright, here's the deal. We're going to take Kern to the same place we had Aran interrogated. You three are going to deal with him and see if he talks. I'll be getting our secret weapon."
"Secret weapon?" Millie asked, raising her eyebrow as did her co-workers.
"Just in case our usual methods don't work," Blitzo stated as he looked at them seriously. "Hold nothing back short of killing him. I want to know who we are dealing with and who is connected. These guys know we're onto them, and chances are they're already making plans to take us down. It's not going to be safe at the work office nor our homes. And if we want to avoid friends and family getting hurt, we're going to have to disappear. Chances are they'll figure out we're alive at some point, but it will delay them long enough for us to get a good start on staying safe. Which means I'm enacting CODE R.I.P."
Let it not be said that Blitzo wasn't paranoid for nothing. He knew that owning an assassination business for killing humans on the surface world would make enemies one way or another. Some top rank assassination company that didn't like competition. An Overlord who was displeased with one of their pawns on Earth was killed. Hell, it was still a surprise that Heaven didn't do anything to them after all this time. Blitzo had made all kinds of contingency plans over the years for various situations, and he made sure all his employees knew them, including CODE R.I.P.
It meant that, as of now, all four of them were going to be declared dead in the records and newspapers, with only a select few knowing that they were alive. It wouldn't be the first time Blitzo had to fake his death, and if he lived through this he doubt it would be the last. While being 'dead' would undoubtedly allow them to move underground more, it also meant they had to keep to such a low profile that interactions with the outside world were going to be few and far between.
"My parents are still going to know I'm okay, right?" Millie asked, concerned.
"Yeah, as are my sisters, Octavia, and a few others. Princess Charlie and her closest staff know as well," Blitzo said, much to their surprise.
"Why would you tell the Princess?" Moxxie asked.
"Who do you think is going to be boarding us while everyone thinks we're six feet under?" Blitzo asked, smirking. "I texted her while Moxxie was busy shitting up a storm to see if she'd be okay with us living there while we're taking down this hidden cabal. She's fine with it, but we'll have to be working as employees for our cover. Not to mention if these guys are targeting her, we can add an extra layer of protection for her and the hotels."
"So long as I get a queen-sized bed, plenty of booze to drink, and good room service, I'm down," Loona said, shrugging.
"Sounds pretty neat!" Millie said with a smile as she snuggled next to her husband. "Could even count as a second honeymoon, right dear?"
"Hmm, I wouldn't mind," Moxxie replied, grinning.
"Hey, focus here, you two. You can make kissy faces later," Blitzo said, snapping his fingers. "Anyway, I got everything set up back at the studio to help fake our deaths. Even got fake bodies planted and everything."
"And how are you going to fake our deaths, sir?" Moxxie asked, raising his eyebrow.
"Simple," Blitzo said with a smile as he pulled out a remote control device with various buttons. "I've rigged our office with explosives."
"You did that before we left?"
"Oh no, I did that the first day we started working," Blitzo said, much to the utter shock of the group.
"Why in Satan's name would you do that?! If you even pressed the wrong button, we all could have been killed!" Moxxie yelled in disbelief.
"Relax, Mox. You're still breathing," Blitzo said before pressing a button on the remote.
An explosion did happen, but it wasn't at the office. Nor was it even in the right building. The gang's eyes widened as across the street they saw a laundromat suddenly explode so bright it looked like a fireworks shop. Bodies parts scattered around the streets as flaming imps were thrown across the area while screaming in agony. Those who weren't filling the streets were rushing outside while their skin was burned off their flesh and crying out in agony. Three sets of wide eyes then stared at a confused Blitzo who looked at his remote in confusion. "Wait, I thought it was the green button. Hmm, maybe it's the red one..."
He pressed it.
Another explosion, but this one was at the nearby Church of Satan just a few shops down. The upside-down cross was blown off from the top of the church before landing face-first into the face of a nearby elderly imp who was just about to cross the street at a red light. More burning bodies littered the streets, including a half-naked priest surrounded by crying and burning altar boy imps who were also lit aflame. Although they were running away from the demonic priest as well.
"Damnit! Okay, this one has to be it! The blue button!"
An explosion then blew up the nearby children's hospital.
"Um, orange?"
That one was for the bombs at the community center.
"Yellow?"
The street firefighter station went up in smoke.
"Purple! It's gotta be purple!"
The city library was soon no more.
"Okay, let's try the white one!"
The abortion clinic then got aborted via a burst of C4.
"Jesus Christ, Blitz! How many bombs did you plan in the city?!" Loona shouted in disbelief as the entire street was into pandemonium with dying imp all over the streets, fires spreading around, and medical units struggling to get around rubble and debris.
"Wait! Now I remember! It was the pink button!" Blitzo said as he pushed the button. This time the explosion was at their work building an entire floor suddenly went off in a massive combustion burst. "There we go! Mission accomplished!"
"Um, Blitz?" Millie asked, narrowing her eyes at her boss. "That was the sixteenth floor."
"So?"
"The office is on floor eighteen."
"...close enough," Blitzo answered as he activated the van and started driving through the street while running over the occasional burning pedestrian or two.
Logging You In
Running Proper Diagnostics
Firewalls Online
Online Security Systems Online
Anti-Hack Systems Online
Transition Towers Synced
VPN Protection Software Activated
Proxy Servers Activated
Securing Connection Route
Route Established
Connecting...Connecting...Connection...
Connection Established.
Welcome B.J.
B.J.: Is everyone here?
W.A.: G.J. and Y.K. are not. What's this about, B.J."
B.J.: I would prefer to have everyone here so I don't have to repeat myself. Needless to say, we have a situation.
R.Q.: How bad?
B.J.: Still unsure, but it's concerning.
K.Y: No need to worry. I'm here. I was dealing with family issues.
R.Q.: You're brother again?
Y.K.: No, my other siblings. I swear, sometimes I feel like I am the only one who has a brain in my family.
W.A.: Do you even have a head in that cloak of yours?
Y.K.: My natural face would make you die of fright and insanity.
B.J.: Enough, we have more important things to discuss. Can someone just text G.J. to get on?
G.J.: I'm here! I'm here! Relax already. I was needed at the High Roller's Club. What's up?
W.A.: Yes, B.J., what was so important that we needed to have this meeting now instead of Saturday like we planned.
B.J.: Operation Cell 7 has been destroyed.
W.A.: What?
Y.K.: What?
G.J: The fuck?
R.Q.: Are you sure?
B.J.: Yes, the news is confirming it now. Most of them are perma-dead. Angel weapons.
Y.K.: That's not cheap. Who could have done this?
B.J.: I already know who—the Immediate Murder Professionals.
G.J: Who the fuck are the Immediate Murder Professionals?
R.Q.: Wait a minute, I think I have heard that name before. Yes, I remember from that jingle I heard. Aren't they some kind of assassination company that kills humans in the living world as means of revenge?
B.J: Yes, they are a four-man team of three imps and a hellhound. The organization was formed a few years ago, but Blitzo, the founder, has been an assassin for far longer.
W.A.: Are you saying that we lost a cell due to a bunch of imps? You can't be serious.
B.J.: These are no ordinary imps. Blitzo is known in the underworld for being a talented and well crafty assassin with multiple contacts over the years. He's responsible for the assassinations of various important figures in Hell, including several Overlords, Military Leaders, and Politicians.
R.Q.: And the other two imps?
B.J.: Moxxie and Millie. A married couple. The former was a bodyguard for hire before he went into assassination. He's credited for being a top marksman and sniper. His wife was also a well-known assassin for hire before joining I.M.P. with a particular talent for close-range combat and bladed weaponry.
G.J.: And the hellhound?
B.J.: Blitzo's adopted daughter. While she has no known record, it can be assumed that her step-father taught her his skills.
W.A.: I still find it hard to believe that these four killed an entire cell. Even if they were armed with angelic weaponry.
G.J.: I'm more concerned about who hired these guys to do it. And why them? I can name dozen other professional and deadly hit squads at the top of my head who could be better.
B.J.: They weren't hired. They did this on their own initiative.
R.Q.: That makes even less sense. Why would they do this then?
B.J.: Because Blitzo was Prince Stolas's lover.
...
...
...
...
W.A.: You're blaming me for this, aren't you.
B.J.: Considering it was you that chose to have him killed with Cell 7? Yes.
R.Q: You really couldn't keep your hatred for the owl demon alone, could you?
W.A.: That has nothing to do with it! He was a perfect first target for our crusade and nothing more!
G.J.: Yeah, if this was a poker table, you'd be the worst bluffer in history.
B.J.: Enough. I'm still assessing the damage done, but it looks like Kern has been taken alive, and they managed to take a sizable number of digital information as well. Not enough to name us, but enough for them to start affecting our operations. I want to warn you all to stay alert. For now, I suggest keeping all future assassinations and attack operations on hold until further notice.
Y.K.: I agree.
Q.R: I agree.
G.J.: I agree.
W.A.: I agree.
B.J.: Good. We will meet in three days to discuss current operations—May The True King Return To Us All.
W.A: May The True King Return To Us All.
Y.K.: May The True King Return To Us All.
R.Q.: May The True King Return To Us All.
G.J.: May The True King Return To Us All.
Connection Terminated