AN: Hey guys, next update is here. Blitzo goes after Katie Killjoy and we get to meet the redeemed Angel Dust.
Disclaimer: I do not own Helluva Boss or Hazbin Hotel
There was a quote that Katie Killian loved back when she was human, and it was still relevant even when she ended up in Hell: "Information is power." Information got you the hottest scoops, the biggest news, and, most importantly, the endless opportunities to twist it into your favor. Just having information was never enough. You had to use it to your advantage so that you always came up on top, and Katie was good at it. She was great at it in the '70s and '80s and would have been great in the '90s if she hadn't slipped off the stairs and broke her neck—an embarrassing way to go for one of America's hottest and juiciest news reporters from Hollywood.
It had been a surprise for her that she ended up in Hell. Katie was a good little Christian who went to church every Sunday, got married, had kids, donated to charities, and all that other white knighting stuff. Sure, she slept with a few guys...okay, a lot of guys, but it wasn't like she went all faggot like a lot of people were starting to do in the '80s. She also may have embarrassed a few people into doing suicides, blackmailed some others, did some embezzling, lied a lot, twisted the truth in her favor, done some coke, made it look like the AIDS virus was the gay virus, got an abortion or two behind her husband's back, and kicked her neighbor's dog because the little rat wouldn't shut up barking at her.
But she didn't deserve to be in Hell.
Still, when Katie Killian, now known as Katie Killjoy, found herself in a situation against her favor, she did the one thing she was always good at: turning it around. Now she was the top news anchor for 666 News, thanks to using the same steps she took in her past life to get where she was now. Only with more extreme methods, including murder and hired assassination to make a few unwanted "obstacles" disappear for good.
"Alright, Jamie, enough licking," Katie ordered as her orgasm finally ended. She pushed the small toad demon with her foot and forced him against the file cabinet. Pulling up her panties, Katie patted her dress to make sure none of the intern's saliva was on her rich red Velkonic Style dress before checking her cell phone. Good, Reggie's got tomorrow's headlines on my desk. Better make sure they're just the right amount of yellow journalistic integrity we have around here.
"Um, Ms. Killyjoy?" Jamie asked, keeping his green and black froggy head lowered like a whipped puppy. Katie would have found it sad if he wasn't so pathetic. "Does this mean...I'll keep my job?"
"Sure, we made a deal, didn't we? I won't tell the boss about that mistake you made this morning," Katie said sweetly. I'll just privately tell him via email without my name. I love loopholes.
Shame he would be gone the next day. He did have quite the tongue that made her pussy vibrate. But then again, Katie had like sixteen other guys in the office she could get to fuck her. Seven of whom were married with kids. Smirking, Katie exited the filing room while closing the door behind her right in front of Jamie's face. Gazing at the night sky from the pristine glass windows of 666 News HQ, Katie wondered just how long she had been getting pleasured by that soon-to-be ex-intern before checking her phone for the time. 9:31pm? Ugh, better let Kalgo know I'll be late for my drive home.
Texting her bodyguard/driver, Katie looked around to see if anyone else was in the building but found nobody. This wasn't a surprise since Katie often liked working late hours after everyone else had left. Since she was pretty much the star of the show, as evidenced by all the posters of her in the cubicle room, she could come in as late as she wanted in the morning without consequence. It also helped that Katie had blackmailed her boss into being a good little boy. Otherwise, she would expose his zombie necrophilia fetish via videos she snagged of him at Necropolis with a bunch of other news company owners.
No, if there was one single boss in this building, it was Katie Killjoy. This was her private Heaven from the Hell that was outside. One where she was queen, and everyone else was her servant. The only reason Katie didn't have this back on Earth was because her old boss was too clean. Katie did everything she could to find a way to screw her boss over to become the head honcho. She tried finding juicy info, looked to see if he was having an affair, dirty childhood secrets, and even tried flirting with him, but he only warned her to stop, or he would file a sexual harassment lawsuit. Damnit, if only I had something on him. Nobody is that clean. Nobody!
But that was all in the past. If anything, being in Hell was much better since she didn't have to worry about ethics, morality, and shit like that. The only problem was she had to deal with the destitute sinners who also landed in Hell, such as the gays, pedophiles, and transvestites. And the occasional Jew and Muslim that managed to piss of God and not get into Heaven.
Walking towards her office, with a giant golden star on it, Katie unlocked it with her keycard and entered the room. To her surprise, it was pure dark when she was sure she let the lights on. Shrugging, Katie closed the door and turned on the desk light, where she noticed the series of files on her desk and opened one of them up. Smirking with amusement, she said, "So, Lady Vivian is adopting a filthy Hellhound to help her heal from the tragic loss of her miscarriage. Hmm, what's a good headline? Ah, I got it! Vivian's Baby Loss Turns To Furry Love." She paused before shaking her head. "Nah, I can come up with something better. Need something that focuses on the little furball. Hellhounds are just wild animals after all, and the ones who adopt them are just losers who can't get laid."
"You know, as a father of an adopted hellhound, I take offense to that." Katie snapped her head around, literally, as she saw a frowning imp with a long black trench coat sitting on her comfy purple velvet chair. He narrowed his eyes and grinned. "I happen to have gotten laid lots of times."
"Who are you?" Katie asked, glaring. "How did you even get in here?!"
"Name's Blitz, the 'o' is silent," He introduced himself as he tilted his head. "Knowing you, that should be enough information for you to figure out who I am and why I am here."
It only took Katie about five seconds to remember the importance of that name before realizing just who this was. "You're that assassin. The one that can get into the human world and kill them for vengeful demons."
"Got it in one, Killjoy," Blitzo answered by pointing his fingers at her like a gun and firing. "Right on the money shot."
"If you're here for an interview or offer your services, I'm not interested," Katie answered. Although there were a few people she would love to see dead back on Earth, Katie had no interest in asking a lowborn imp of all creatures to do it for her. She had standards.
"No, I'm actually here to kill you instead," Blitzo said, which made her eyes widen. "Just because I kill humans as a job doesn't mean I don't assassinate demons like you."
"I see..." Katie said calmly, but inside she was furious. This was not the first time she had her life threatened. In fact, many people Katie ruined in the past tried to kill her, but she always managed to survive and get back at them. She slowly slipped her hand into her pocket and pressed the emergency beeper that would get her bodyguard to get here ASAP. What she didn't expect was to hear the beeper going off in the same room she was in.
Blitzo, taking out the beeper, showed it to her, and Katie could see that there was blood on it. "Yeah, your bodyguard isn't coming. I learned that only you, him, the janitor, and your boss have access to your room via keycards. Since your boss is on vacation and I didn't want to hurt the janitor, I figured I'd just take it off your bodyguard instead."
"...And I take it he's dead?" Katie asked, sitting down and folding her legs over in her best attempt to be calm. Blitzo nodded, and she sighed. "Shame, I actually liked him. Both in bed and outside of it. How did he die?"
"Mmmm, not well," Blitzo answered.
The parking lot's bathroom was smashed open by a giant minotaur demon kicked through it just moments ago by Blitzo, who cracked his knuckles knowing the fight wasn't over. Despite his smaller size, Blitzo had learned a long time ago how to strike bigger demons so that they could fall hard. Both demons had a couple of bruises and cuts from their fight in the parking lot, but neither was just ready to quit yet. Blitzo got on top of the red-furred half human half bull demon and started pounding his face over and over again with his fist before he was thrown off into the nearby sinks and smashed a few of them.
The bodyguard picked him and held him tight as he roared and charged into one of the nearby bathroom stalls. Slamming through the door, Blitzo felt his back crush against the stone wall before the giant mook did it a second time. The third time, however, Blitzo managed to headbutt him before he could charge and weaken his grip just enough to slip out, jump on his shoulders, and push the bull demon into the wall face first while his horns got stuck. Landing on the ground, Blitzo proceeded to kick him right between the legs before punching him multiple times in the kidneys and ribs. The minotaur demon countered by elbowing him in the face while still trying to get his horns out of the wall.
Licking his lips, Blitzo pulled out two daggers from his knees and slid down to stab them in the back legs causing the minotaur to roar in pain. Grabbing both ends of the stall, Blitzo lifted himself up and slammed both his feet on the minotaurs' back, forcing him down to the toilet with his horns dragging all the way.
Blitzo pulled out some cigarette wire and wrapped it around the bull's neck, not wanting to miss this chance. He made sure to use thin angel metal for this one to make sure it cut deep and was impossible to break. Pushing the head down with his feet and lower body weight, the choking minotaur found himself landing right into the center of the toilet, where he started to choke on the water.
It took a full five minutes for him to stop struggling and an extra two just to make sure he was dead, but once the bodyguard was motionless as can be, Blitzo got off him. He put away his garrett wire and grabbed what he needed from the corpse's body before walking over to the sink to wash up. Whistling a tune, Blitzo turned around and shook his head. "Now that's what I call bullshit."
"I guess I'll have to hire a new one first thing in the morning," Katie responded as she slowly walked around her desk before sitting on her seat. She eyed, for a second, the drawer on her left where she always kept a 9mm handgun in handy just in case.
"I think it's cute that you think you'll be still alive come dawn," Blitzo chuckled, shaking his head. "The only thing that's going to be shown of you is your obituary on the news."
"Before you do kill me," Katie asked, leaning forward and resting her head on her hands. "Why do you want to kill me? Hmm? Who hired you?"
"Nobody," Blitzo answered, leaning back on the chair. "This is more of a personal manner."
"Really? Funny, I can't recall ever doing a story about you," Katie said honestly. Although I will be tearing apart your life and everyone you love when I get out of here.
"Well, I got a story for you," Blitzo said with a smirk. "A homophobic bitch decides it would be better for the world if there was one less gay prince in Hell. So she donates and supports an organization of fanatics that ends up killing said prince and causing someone who loved him very much to go on a warpath to kill every mother fucker who had a hand in it. Sound familiar."
Right then, it all clicked for Katie as she realized what this was all about. "So the rumors of Stolas having an imp lover were true. I take it you are him?"
"Oh yes, I am," Blitzo answered with a nod. "You know, I want to ask you something. Did you really just want Stolas dead because he was gay?"
"Of course," Katie Killjoy answered truthfully. She shook her head in amusement. "Any guy who takes cock or girl who takes pussy is a fucking freak who thinks that it's normal when in reality they're just a bunch of losers who were born wrong in the head. They're sick, twisted, and mentally broken, with most of them ending up dead anyway, either by their lifestyle or by their own hands. They like to proclaim themselves as normal with 'pride' and all that shit when in reality, they know that they are a minority of deviants who are always going to be judged for their disgusting actions. Even God hates them, which is why so many of them are here in Hell with the rest of us."
"Funny you say that last line because I believe that there is a certain former porn star, Angel Dust, who is as gay as they come, and yet he got forgiven for his sins and now has a set of angel wings and halo. Yet., he stays here in Hell to help others like him get off the street, get clean, and find their own redemption. I think it's clear who God favors more between the two of you based on their actions and deeds," Blitzo pointed out, shaking his head. "See, I always hear that whole 'God Hates Fags' thing, but I don't believe that. From what I hear, God loves everyone, even the so-called 'fags'. Overall, what he wants is for people to be good in their actions and live good lives. Most of the sinners who are gay in Hell are here for different reasons besides that. Maybe they stole and raped, killed themselves or others, or slept with so many people that it can be called deviant and whorish, but I'm willing to bet that those who slept with honesty and love, even with the same sex? They're up there in Heaven right now or at least in Purgatory."
He leaned forward and grinned. "Because if God really was such a mortal supporter of hating gay people, why are you here burning in sin like the rest of us? The reason? You're a selfish bitch who stomps on others to climb higher and higher because you were born dirt cheap poor, and you hated it so much that you would do anything to reach that same level of privilege. That's lust, greed, envy, wraith, and pride. Five deadly sins and five major reasons why you're not an angel while some 'faggot' who was a former gay prostitute has a first-class ticket to the pearly gates whenever he wants, and the only thing that awaits you is pure oblivion."
Katie didn't respond with an expression on her face, but deep inside, she was raging like an inferno. How dare this cock sucking disgusting dirt-eating imp dare tell her what she was and what she wasn't. She was motherfucking Katie Killjoy!
She went for her drawer and pulled out her 9mm before aiming it at the imp, who just continued to stare at her without a care. She grinned. "The only thing that awaits me is a special midnight showing of me publicly announcing your death with your corpse as my special guest."
She pulled the trigger...and nothing happened. Eyes widened, Katie pulled it a few more times, but there was no gunshot. Blitzo then pulled out a magazine and smirked. "You didn't think I wouldn't check to see if you had a weapon or two? Come on. Give me more credit than that." He tossed it away and then pulled out a silenced M1911 and pointed it at a sweating Katie Killjoy. "This, however, is fully loaded with angel steel bullets."
Katie was unable to hide her fear this time. She trembled as she stared at the barrel of that gun that spelled her potential doom. Don't panic, Katie. Don't panic! You've gotten out of worse situations. Just talk to him. Negotiate. Offer him something. You can do this!
"We can talk about this. We can-" Katie didn't even get a chance to finish as two shots went off, and she felt them slam into her chest, knocking her off her seat and flipped her onto her back. Gasping, she felt her blood pouring out of the two holes in her chest and started to cry. No...not like this...I can't die! I'm fucking Katie Killjoy!
Blitzo slowly walked around the desk and pointed the gun at her head. Katie, with tears in her eyes, looked up and tried to ask for mercy but could only choke on her blood. "Sorry, but I don't do interviews."
Three more shots were fired as the windows of Katie Killjoy's office were stained with red blood. Only one figure exited the office that night, and it wouldn't be opened again until the following day when the janitor came in to collect the trash.
That afternoon, the death of Katie Killjoy would be announced, and it would be one of 666 News best day ratings in thirty years.
When Blitzo first saw the main HQ of the Hazbin Hotel, it was quite a sight compared to what it used to be years ago. Long ago, you wouldn't have seen barely ten demons at most working or even attending this place, but now there were nearly a thousand demons of all kinds coming and going daily. From hellborn to sinner to even a few Goetia and higher class demons, every type of demon attended regularly. One could even see a Fallen or two, but they did their best not to stand out. And to think, this place was a joke laughed at by everyone in Hell.
Even this late at night, it was busy. Servants and attendants were going here, there, and everywhere to attend to the needs of its customers. Demons talked about their various struggles and hanging out in multiple areas, from the recreational room to the theater to the bar. There were notices for different therapy sessions, group discussions, planned events for dealing with sin, and even bible study classes. Makes sense. You have to kinda accept God at some point to be redeemed, I guess.
Of course, this wasn't Blitzo's first time in the central Hazbin Hotel. He had arrived only a few hours ago but left just as quickly so he could take out his target. Angel Dust had told him he could meet him at a private card table in one of the game rooms after taking care of his target. Mainly because the former sex worker promised he would have the information Blitzo needed for his next target ready by then.
Guided by a ram demon bellhop, Blitzo entered the game room where five demons were playing cards on a table. However, instead of chips or money, they were gambling with, of all things, cookies. It had apparently been Charlie's idea of getting them to get over their greed of money with something more innocent.
"I'll see you one chocolate chip and three butterscotch," a fox demon with four tails said, placing their bet on the table.
"I'll call," a humanoid sinner demon with five eyes, mini devil wings, and rippling blue skin answered.
Others did so as well before the cards were shown. A string of curses went out before swearing jars appeared in front of them like magic, to which they grumbled and each put in a quarter before they poofed away. Blitzo had not been amused by that little feature of the hotel either when he first got in. He lost twenty bucks alone from his first hour in this place. Apparently, it was one of Alastor's ideas when he was still a resident at the hotel, and it still stuck around today.
"Sorry folks, but that's the way lady lucky plays. And she happens to like handsome spiders with a great awesome voice and personality," a familiar voice said before getting up. He was the one who stuck out the most, not just in the hotel but also in all nine rings of Hell itself. Blitzo had seen what Angel Dust had looked like in the many pornos the former spider demon once did before he quit the business. It was like looking at freakin night and day. Once there were demonic eyes full of pain and pleasure. Now they were normal bright blue ones with normal eyeballs that held amusement and hope. His hair was relatively the same, but more pearly white and breeze with a bit of it backcombed down to make it look more neat and clean. His face was still the handsome boyish look he was known for, but there was a more innocent and happy expression in those sparkling white regular teeth he had on display.
The outfits that Angel Dust used to wear were always meant to be provocative, sexy, and designed to have you look at his chest even though it was just the same as every guy's. His clothing was no longer designed that way, but there was still a sexy appeal to it. A pure white trench coat with a silk-smooth black skin shirt showed his abs and was slightly open at the top, where one could see his furry white chest along with a crucifix necklace on it. Probably the only one that could be shown openly without being mocked or hissed at in Hell. His pants were leather black with a spider logo belt buckle on top in pink, and his black gloves were fingerless. But the most significant change was the goldish-white halo above his head and the floating white feathered wings on his back, flapping every so often.
Looking at the watch from his two left hands, Angel Dust clapped his hands. "Alright, gang. Great game. Now I think it's time you guys got your sexy little butts back to bed. And Marty? Remember, if you start getting those cravings again, to come to me. I know what it's like to go through withdrawal on the heavy stuff like cocaine and PCP. Remember, we're all here to help, and while that might seem cheesy, trust me, it's what works. Figuring this stuff on your own only gets you confused and lost. I had to learn that the hard way."
The other demons all nodded before leaving one by one. Once it was just Blitzo and Angel Dust, the former demon smiled and took one of his cookies to bite. "Hmm, honey nut. Want one?"
"Got oatmeal and chocolate chips?" Blitzo asked as he sat down next to Angel, who set some cookies aside for him. Blitzo grabbed one and started digging in, moaning at the warm and gooey taste. "Fuck me, these are like getting cummed in the mouth by a unicorn's dick!" The swear jar appeared again, which made Blitzo grumble before putting in two quarters to make it go away. "Can't you do something about that?"
"Nah, Alastor cast it so he's the one who can do it but knowing him, he'll just keep it around to troll the guests," Angel answered as he summoned a pitcher of milk and two glasses out of thin air. "Milk?"
"Please," Blitzo said as he poured a glass and took a sip. "So is causing things to materialize an angel power that comes with the halo?"
"Yup, it gets pretty handy when you lose something," Angel Dust said as he took another bite before leaning back and crossing his feet on the table. "So since you're back, I take it you killed that loud mouth homophobic bitch?"
"Let's just say it's gonna be a closed casket funeral," Blitzo said before he noticed no swear jar. "The hell? Why don't you get one?"
"I'm an angel," Angel Dust answered, grinning. "Spell only works on demons."
"That's some privilege bullshit right there," Blitzo pointed out while already getting a quarter ready for the swear jar.
"Damn right it is," Angel Dust laughed before he leaned forward. "So, you still going after Val?"
"He's next on my list," Blitzo said, taking another cookie and plopping it into his mouth. "Are you upset I'm going after your former employer?"
"Only that I'm not going to be taking him out myself," Angel Dust growled as his eyes began to glow a heavenly white that made Blitzo gulp from the angelic aura. "Bad enough he still tries to attack the hotels even after I've been redeemed, but he goes and tries to threaten, abuse, or kill the sex workers I'm trying to get cleaned and get a new life. A lot of them are scared of trying to get help, forgiveness or otherwise, because of that flesh peddler being even worse than before." He gripped a cookie so hard it shattered into crumbs. "The last girl I tried to help was skinned alive and dumped in acid before her body was put on display for all to see while nailed to a billboard advertising the hotel. So trust me when I say this. I want him dead too."
"So tell me where he is, and I'll go kill him tomorrow night," Blitzo answered, but Angel shook his head.
"Only on one condition. I go with you," Angel Dust said before holding one of his hands up before Blitzo could counter. "Listen, I know your story. Charlie explained it all. I know you want this guy dead because he helped get your lover killed. But Valentino..." Angel Dust closed his eyes and looked downward in shame. "He owned me for so long. I did things I'm not proud of. Things I had to face over and over again until I could forgive myself for. Being that jackasses plaything was like being a slave. No pride. No hope. No love. He beat me. Hurt me. Raped me. And then he would apologize and tell me I was still his favorite doll. Fuck that. I was his favorite toy he used to make money. I had to go through a lot of shit to get over my life with him, but even after I finally learned to love and forgive myself, I still had his shadow over me. Even now, when I am an angel, do I still feel his slimy hands trying to crawl all over me."
He stared at Blitzo and growled. "Valentino is scum. A scumbag that cannot nor will not seek redemption. So knocking his ass off into dust is something nobody is going to cry for. Because it's not just me he's hurting, it's all the poor souls he's got in his pocket that are forced to be his merchandise that need to get out. So it's not just for me. I gotta do this for them. Because I know what it's like to be trapped in that life, and if I'm going to make a difference like Charlie did for me, I need to do what it takes to change things in this city. So am I in or not?"
"...You're in," Blitzo answered before raising his glass of milk. "Just don't expect me to babysit your sorry butt when we do this."
"Babe, you couldn't even handle my butt even if you tried," Angel Dust said with a grin before clanking his glass with Blitz's. "Valentino's going to be a club both he and Vox share called The Static Box. We'll have to deal with both of their goons together."
"Well, you know what they say. The more the merrier," Blitzo answered with a smirk.