Like laying on the bottom of the sea watching towering kelp sway in the current.

How long ago it feels since that thought arose back on Kashyyyk. Now here Mal stands, underwater and alone except for the company of sharks. The experience is strangely different from being out in space. There she could float away into the black unknown forever. Here the water is heavy on her shoulders, the movements of her suit weighed down by its resistance. Mal feels grounded in a way that makes her laugh at the irony.

She can see the smooth point of the Star Map in the distance but her immediate attention is drawn to the giant sea creature poised above it. Whether its eyes are capable of seeing her at this distance, she isn't certain, but there's a distinct feeling of being observed. The creature is as tall as the Ebon Hawk and so slow in its gentle movements it looks to be floating with no effort. How quickly could it swim up and swallow her whole?

A shadow crosses overhead. Mal tilts her body back jerking the sonic emitter in her hand at the ready. A small Firaxan shark circles above before swimming away. Right, best not linger. There's a decision to be made.

Destroy the harvesting equipment or poison the waters.

Mal knows what the Republic would want. The immediate gratification of their kolto operation over the unpredictable effects to the ecosystem. To destroy what they can't understand, what they fear of the unknown. Who knows the advantages this facility could provide in the war effort? And it would serve the Selkath right for playing both sides to their benefit.

However, in this moment it's not Manaan she sees, but Taris. Always Taris. Taris at the mercy of Lord Lack unleashing his fleet of weapons to kill one Jedi. She thinks of Mission and Zaalbar adrift without a home. She thinks of Juhani mourning a city that never treated her well. She thinks of the pain in Carth's eyes when he talks of Telos, another casualty of the rampaging Sith.

That's the thing she finds so odd about the Sith operation. Sure, they say they want to conquer the Republic, but then what? What is the actual plan? How can they hope to rule anything if it's left to rubble by the end of the war? Mal supposes this is why everyone gets so hung up on Revan. At least Revan had been strategic. Revan had a plan. But how smart could Revan really have been if he failed to turn his apprentice into anything more than a galactic wrecking ball?

Something inside her suit beeps loudly making her jump in the quiet vacuum. Thoughts for another time. Focus. Mal reaches forward and taps the computer panel with clumsy fingers until the pressure change causes warnings to flash across the screen. She can hear the groaning of metal before the harvester explodes in a swarm of bubbles and heat.

Look.

The pull of the Force makes her turn back to the Star Map. The sea beast is closer, gliding so smoothly it feels like a trick of the eyes. Mal can feel her heart beating in her ears as it turns and disappears into the thick darkness beyond. She waits a moment more before daring to move forward. This is the first time she's discovered a Star Map alone. The water feels heavier as she walks, a pull of gravity drawing her close as the machine unfurls. Here in the dark waters of Manaan the map gleams like a miniature sun. Mal takes a moment to bask in its illuminated wonder. That feeling of rightness, of the Force bringing her exactly where she needs to be, is overwhelming and she falls into an old habit as if to convince herself of this reality.

My name is Mal Korra. I'm 28 years old. I'm standing at the Republic's kolto harvest site in Manaan at the bottom of the ocean. This morning I woke up on the Ebon Hawk. I'm a Padawan of the Jedi order trained on Dantooine. I'm working with a crew of companions to find the Star Maps that will lead to the Sith's secret weapon. And when my mission is over, I'll do what I can to save the galaxy from this pointless war.

"Well, well. Look who made it back to dry land."

Mal enters the Med Bay with a tired stagger. Jolee is crouched in the corner of the room counting out the crew's medpack stash. She waves in his direction and flops onto the examination bed.

"Nice to see you too, Jolee."

He stands and stretches with a loud crack from his back and a tired groan from his mouth. "I take it you discovered some grand secret of the universe down there."

"Ran into an old Selkath god." Mal grins at his skeptical glare. "I couldn't make it up if I wanted to."

"Hmph." He approaches with a mischievous gleam in his eyes and begins checking her over for damage. His hands hover over her left arm, warm tendrils of the Force smoothing across her skin. "You know, your admirers were all sick with worry while you were gone."

She's not sure what he means by this, but she plays along. "Don't tell me all my swoop fans were knocking desperately on the loading dock doors."

Jolee scoffs. "I meant the harem of hormones you keep on the ship."

"What are you rambling about, old man?"

"Ooh. Don't tell me you haven't noticed? I know you youngins tend to be naturally oblivious, but not by that much."

Mal can feel her patience thinning. "Did you hit your head while I was gone? Because as someone who's had a great deal of head trauma, I suggest you get that looked at quick."

Jolee glances at her face with a look of humorous disbelief. "You really don't know."

"So tell me what the fuck you're talking about."

"Easy kid, calm down. If I can survive you and Bastila making moon eyes at each other, you can survive my conversation skills."

Mal pauses. "I'm sorry, making what?"

He huffs a laugh. "The amount of sighing that girl does could power this ship! You don't need a Force bond to feel that tension."

Mal resists the urge to cross her arms in defense. "If there's any sighing it's cause I'm always busy driving her up the wall with my attitude."

"Sure, sure. And what about your dear Carth? I thought I was going to have to tie him down to make him stop pacing."

"That's just an inside joke from back on Taris."

Jolee continues on as if he isn't listening. "And all the time you spend huddled up with Juhani in the utility closet of all places."

"It's not my fault she likes to hang out there!"

"Not to mention the near constant flirting between you and that Mandalorian."

Mal rolls her eyes. "Now I know you've lost it."

"The number of times I've caught the two of you huffing and puffing in each other's faces—"

"Alright, stop!" She sits up. "What is this really about?"

Jolee laughs long and hard. "You sure know how to read people until they're displaying emotions you don't want to see."

That stumps her.

"Finally at a loss for words, are we?"

"No." There's a long pause as she tries to think of something intelligent to say. Nothing comes. "You're mistaken," she quickly mumbles.

Jolee retreats his Force healing and tucks his arms into his robes. "Calm down, kid. I didn't mean to upset you. You know that I, of all people, would never judge."

"I know, but I'm not—" she sorts through her racing thoughts. "We just fight. He likes to give me a hard time cause I'm a Jedi. I like to give Carth a hard time cause it's too easy. Juhani and I have a lot in common. I'm literally bound to Bastila. But I'm not…"

He waits a moment, watching her carefully. "Has there really been no one you've come close to caring for? No one you trusted all your secrets to or who you cherished above others?"

She opens her mouth to rebuke but her brain screams HIM, HIM, HIM, and Mal feels like she's going to short circuit.

Jolee must see the struggle on her face and he clarifies, "Loving someone doesn't necessarily imply romance. Trust is a large part but not the end all of a relationship. And even when that person betrays you, it's natural if your heart can't seem to let go."

There's nothing natural about it. She can't picture him in her memories, can't pinpoint when exactly he came crashing into her life. All Mal knows is that his presence attached to her side as if it always belonged. She recalls nothing of his face or name no matter how much she tortures herself for the details, but she'll never forget the burning betrayal that filled her veins like liquid fire upon waking after the accident.

His name doesn't matter. You will find him, you will make him pay, and on that day the galaxy will tremble with the knowledge that NO ONE who crosses you will be suffered to live.

"Easy, kid. Come on back to me now."

Mal shakes her head until she can think clearly again. She slowly unclenches her fists and becomes aware of the heaviness of Jolee's hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay," he consoles. "Forget I said anything."

She breathes deep and shifts until he removes his hand. "I don't—" She pauses, not sure what to say to break this weird tension between them. "What did he do? Canderous, while I was gone."

Jolee grunts. "Kept cleaning his blasters and staring at the docking doors. Real grumpy about being left behind."

She relaxes back into the seat. "And Juhani?"

"Meditated."

"Oh."

"Don't look so disappointed. I'm sure she was meditating on your safe return."

Mal twists her mouth and looks away. Jolee has to be wrong. There's no way any of them feel that way about her. She would've noticed something so obvious.

There's a knock on the side of the open door. Mal processes this slowly. The door has been open the entire time. The thought of any of the crew having heard their conversation makes Mal want to shrivel into nothingness.

Jolee shuffles aside to reveal Bastila standing in the doorway. "How are you feeling?"

Mal considers her presence carefully. "I'm alright."

"Do you have a moment to speak?" Bastila glances at Jolee. "In private?"

Mal ignores whatever look Jolee is giving her. "Sure."

With an emotion that deep she would feel it through their bond, right? She already knows Bastila cares for her, but in the way anyone would after having their fates tied together. They've grown close these short few months but nothing too far beyond sanitized Jedi contact.

And when have you done anything by the Jedi's rules?

Mal stands in the dormitory long after Bastila is gone. Her skin tingles in a way that isn't entirely unpleasant but not entirely welcome. That had been… Mal shuffles her feet in an attempt to break from the stupor Bastila's whiplash of emotion caused. Conflicting feelings gushed out like a fountain then promptly stopped up behind excuses of responsibility and the Jedi Code. And Mal could do nothing but stand there and agree.

That thing, the oddness in their bond that Mal hasn't been able to name… is she really that oblivious? And if she's been blind to Bastila's feelings leading up to this point, could there be others she hasn't noticed? Jolee was right.

"Fuck," she whispers to herself.

Jolee was right. And he'll never let her live it down.