After All This Time Chapter 21, a glee fanfic

Title: After All This Time
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 10.1k

Summary: See, you've never really been one for bright ideas. Sure, you're phenomenal at revenge plans and being a total bitch, but when it comes to genuinely decent ideas, you're lacking to say the least. But this one? This one could actually work.

Notes: Shocked by your response! Thought I was gonna get some hate! Glad you all enjoyed though :)

The evening wraps up pretty quickly after the alley incident, as you like to refer to it now.

There's a few more performances, and you manage to act relatively normally around Brittany as you two seem to fall into a familiar rhythm, still stealing longing glances that mean something, but this time not feeling the heaviness of it. Kurt still leers at you both and everything you do, but you make a point not to touch her or do anything suspicious, mostly because you've had a secret moment that you're not going to share with anyone else.

You just don't need their opinions, and you're not over her or had some epiphany where you realised you don't harbour feelings – you've been reminded of why you love her so damn much if anything – but it's enough for now, so you put your focus into seeming as normal as possible.

It works, as no-one pesters you and Cassie and Mercedes don't push for answers to things you don't want to discuss, mostly because Kurt and Mercedes begin giggling over pink cocktails and Cassie is far too preoccupied with trying to woo Puckerman, who keeps searching for Sugar just in case he's caught. You've already done your part by pointing out that he's banging Sugar still, which your boss obviously continues not to care about, so you can't do anymore.

Plus, you really don't need to get caught up in other people's drama because you feel like your own is brewing, even if you're weirdly ignorant to it right now. It's like you're on cloud nine, not feeling anything negative and that's enough.

Anyway, people begins dispersing the club and VIP area until it's just the cast and crew of the movie left, and you all say your goodbyes when the evening ends. It's a little early for your liking, only just gone 11 but you know you're here for at least another 48 hours and that's more than enough time to see Brittany again. You really do want to be best friends with her again, even if the whole sex thing has thrown in a curveball.

But you're not focusing on that, instead trying not to seem too eager to say goodbye to Brittany, perhaps see if she wants to grab a drink somewhere, but that idea is quickly vetoed when Sugar bounces up to the blonde and asks she stays to lock up with her. Apparently, there's a high chance of Sugar being kidnapped after such a successful night, and albeit ridiculous, Brittany and Sugar are still clearly close and so you keep your mouth shut and leave with a lingering embrace, knowing that your city friends are way too drunk to make it home safely without you and that's your responsibility.

You did bring them along, so you should look after them.

Still, you feel blue eyes on you as you walk away from the street, sparing a final glance over your shoulder to see Brittany stood out on the sidewalk, watching you go. It just makes you want to run back to her and hug her again, maybe ask if she wants to come over but you didn't tell her where you stayed and that was for a reason. A reason that still stands, regardless of you two having sex in the alley, but you should keep to your promises for once.

In the past, you've broken a lot of them so now is a good place to start by changing that and so you just continue walking, not looking back even though it takes all of your energy.

When you get back to your apartment, Cassie and Mercedes stumble up the stairs, falling in through the front door and on their faces into the furniture.

You're nowhere near as intoxicated, mostly because after coming back from your alone time with Brittany, you were drunk on something else completely and ended up nursing virgin cocktails just to seem like you were drinking still. If you hadn't, no doubt Sugar would've made a big deal of it as you drink a lot on a daily basis back in the city, but you were feeling too damn good and as it turns out, it kind of helps because your friends are far too drunk to do anything for themselves.

So you make them toast and grab two bottles of water and leave them sprawled out on the sofas watching stupid cartoons that they roar in laughter at, before retreating to your room. It's been one hell of a day and you're exhausted, and you faceplant your bed, still fully dressed before realising you've probably still got stuff on you somewhere and it'd be a good time to take a shower.

Reluctantly, you drag yourself out of bed and into the shared bathroom, quickly washing away the feeling of Brittany all around you, and revel in the hot water blasting down on your skin and when you climb out, you're kind of bummed that you did that because you can't smell her on you at all now, and that would've helped with getting to sleep tonight. You're still kind of wired, even if your body is heavy with fatigue and you change into shorts and a tank, hopping into bed and scrolling through your phone until sleep takes over.

It only takes a few minutes before you find yourself on Brittany's social media, hitting the request button to follow her and within seconds, you get a notification to see that she's accepted, and you wonder where she is and what she's doing. She might still be at Sugar's club, helping her lock up as she was asked to, but it's been about half hour since you left and that's enough time for her to get back to the apartment.

And the one thing you hadn't considered, was that you know where she lives and that's tempting. She may not know where you are, but you do with her and so you could – hypothetically – turn up at your old apartment block and ask if she wants to watch a movie with her or something mundane, just to spend some more time with her and not because you're hoping to get laid again, but just because you've missed her.

There's this longing inside your chest to see her again, even if you've only just left, but it's probably unhealthy considering you're still madly in love with her and think you might have fallen harder somehow since the whole alleyway thing, but it's also really hard to give a damn when you feel like this.

Regardless though, it would be a bad move and you've made enough of those to recognise when another one is coming, so you toss your phone on the table, resisting the temptation to send her a text and ask her where she is, on the off chance that she's waiting for you to ask and is already stood by her front door, waiting for you to buzz in downstairs.

You can just see her tomorrow, and with that thought, you settle down into bed, tugging the sheets over you and close your eyes.

See, the issue with leaving Mercedes and Cassie watching some kids cartoon whilst they're super fucking drunk, is that they find everything happening incredibly funny.

Which shouldn't be an issue, but they keep roaring with laughter and even with a pillow over your head, you can't block it out. You've been trying to sleep for the past hour now, and sleep hasn't found you yet which has meant you've had time to think about everything that's happened this evening and are currently fighting the urge not to check your phone to see if there's a message – it hasn't buzzed, so you know there isn't – just in case.

But it seems you don't have to, because just as you're about to storm out into the front room and hide the television remote after muting it, you hear the undeniable sound of your phone vibrating on the side table and sit up straight, palms braced behind you to see the light glow of it illuminating the room. Your heart stutters in your chest and you take a moment, hesitating and convincing yourself that you're just hearing things but then it happens again, and your hand is snapping out to grab the device before you can tell yourself to.

Are you awake? – B xx

A breathless smile graces your face, and you don't know what Brittany wants, but all you can think of is that whilst you were thinking about her, she was thinking about you, too.

Yeah. Are you okay? – S xx

There's barely a second before she's replying, and you're still sat up in case something bad happened at the club and someone did actually try to kidnap Sugar, and that'll mean you're going to go down there with a baseball bat.

Yeah, just couldn't sleep. Wanted to see if you're okay, that's all – B xx

Now, you've known her for long enough to know that if she text you to check if you're okay, it's because she misses you and your chest clenches at the thought. You wanted her to miss you, and you know she said she did last time when you were here, several times but mostly importantly when you were in the middle of sex, but it feels more real now. After having sex in the alley and not really talking about it, you're feeling freer than you have before, not knowing what's going on but being okay with it for once.

Last time you just tried to storm the emotional fort and that went downhill quickly, so you're not going to take the same approach here.

I'm good. Cassie and Mercedes are laughing irritatingly loudly in the front room though, so I can't sleep. Might just climb out the fire escape and go get black out drunk just so I can fall asleep – S xx

Your eyes flit to the window, fully knowing that the sound coming from through the walls isn't the only reason you can't fall asleep, but it's not like you can admit that. That'll lead to discussing feelings and that's just going to fuck everything up again, so even if you're not into lying, you guess avoiding the truth in this specific situation can be allowed. You've just got to an easy, effortless place with Brittany – even if it was in a really weird fucking way – and you just want to continue living here for a bit.

And you haven't killed them yet? I'm impressed – B xx

You laugh to yourself, remembering how Brittany used to tease you when you didn't get enough sleep because of how grumpy you got, and it brings back good memories. If you couldn't ever sleep, she'd always come into your room and you'd play some stupid game on your phone or talk until you both fell asleep, calming your emotions simultaneously just by being her, but you acknowledge how inappropriate that'd be now.

(Mostly because there are other ways of getting tired too that may seem tempting and as great as earlier was, you're still leaving the day after tomorrow and maybe that can be a one off.)

So, you play it cool and casual, typing away a response quickly.

They haven't met Snixx yet… Even after finding out I've got a dick and have starred in a porno, that might be the thing to tip them over the edge – S xx

Unlike the last couple of replies, Brittany's isn't quick, and you stare at the screen, waiting for three little dots to come up to show she's typing, but she doesn't. Your arms ache after a while, for holding your phone up in the air and you roll on to your side, pressing your cheek to the pillow and staring at the screen until it times out and you're plunged into darkness, and something heavy settles in your chest.

Brittany's probably fallen asleep as it's after midnight now, and you know that you've always had a calming effect on her too so maybe all she needs instead of a cuddle to get to sleep is just some affirming words from a friend. As much as you hate that right now, you were kind of excited to just text her until the early hours of the morning, you know that it's for the best. You've just had sex and you're heading straight down a path you've been before, mostly because it seems however many times you just try to drop whatever the fuck you have with Brittany, you always come back to pick it straight back up.

So with that thought, you toss your phone back on the table, groaning loudly into the air and grabbing the spare pillow, pushing it over your face and yelling into it as you roll onto your back. You're just so mad at yourself. Disappointment is now running deep in your veins because Brittany hasn't text back, which is dumb and it's not like you're mad at her for falling asleep and you'll see her tomorrow, but you still wanted to text for a while.

You didn't exactly do much talking earlier, and you miss everything about her, even more so now that you've reunited physically, but it's super unhealthy and the type of thing you promised yourself you wouldn't do before you got on the plane, but those plans have gone out the window, much like the restraint you had back in the city. Apparently it is considerably easier to stay away from her when she isn't literally down the fucking street.

But you don't get to yell for much longer before your ears prick up, registering the sound of buzzing again, but this time it isn't twice. It continues going and you hastily throw your pillow off your bed, getting far too excited to think that Brittany's text back and reach for your phone, the breath sucked from your chest when you see it isn't Brittany texting… She's calling you.

You chew on your bottom lip for a second, watching it ring and stare at her name, wondering if maybe you have fallen asleep and this is a dream, but fuck it, you need to pick up and you do so, whispering down the line. "Brittany?"

"Hey…" Comes from down the line and you let out a long exhale. You're not dreaming. She's actually calling you. "Sorry to call you."

"Never apologise for that," you get out, unaware you've repeated what she said to you earlier in the alley, and getting all red-faced when she stutters out a shaky breath in immediate response, like she's feeling the same way you do, remembering that.

"Could you look out your window?"

You're confused instantly, the words making you still but then you force yourself into action, whipping your head around to the only window in your room, which is by the fire escape and then you're up on your feet, padding over and flicking open the latch, pushing it up to lean out. You don't lean too far, mostly because the metal stairs are in the way, but you still manage to peer down into the street and see the person on the phone, stood on the opposite side, phone pressed to her ear and her other hand reaching up to wave at you weakly.

And you all about die.

Brittany's here. She's followed you. She's found you… Again.

And it's so not like last time – even though you really didn't expect her to do that as you kept your whereabouts secret (or so you thought) – that you can't stop the excitement bubbling up and beckon her over with a wave of your own hand, but you hear her giggle down the line and see the smile on her face from across the street. She drags her foot along the sidewalk, ducking her head and pulling her oversized hoodie closer around her body, and you don't even know you're sighing with relief until she speaks again.

"Can I come up?"

You're nodding before you can even think of the millions of reasons why you should say no, and she bites her lip, hanging up the phone and pocketing the device, checking both ways down the street as she crosses, and you expect her to go to the main entrance of the building. It's above a row of stores, so she could just buzz up and you'd go into the front room and let her in, but then you see her duck to the dumpsters beneath the fire escape and scale the damn thing, climbing up the metal stairs like she's freaking Spiderman.

Then she's breathless, hair wild and eyes bright, right in front of your window, looking effortlessly beautiful with zero make-up on and you can't move. All you can think about is how she's come to you again, when you really didn't think she was going to and your head is tilting to the side, eyes narrowing like you're trying to tell her that. She doesn't break the eye contact though, just inhales sharply through her nose and musters a small smile, eyebrow lifting slightly.

"You gonna let me in?" She asks, tone lacing with amusement, and you stutter, finally regaining the ability to move and step back, holding up the window as she clambers inside and you close it behind her, spinning to find her glancing around your room, taking in the decor. Her eyes are picking up on everything, from the Bob Marley poster to the uncomfortable rattan type rug on the floor that you tripped over earlier, to the half-unpacked suitcase in the corner and then the bed that looks like it's been slept in by several different people and she smiles.

And you're totally enamoured. You don't know why you're watching everything she does, but you suppose it's because there's no lingering eyes anymore, no Kurt to notice every little thing either of you do, and it's been so long since you've been alone with her in a situation like this – the alley thing wasn't really alone time – that you don't want to speak, fearing that she'll just climb back out your window and disappear into the night.

"This kind of reminds me of your bedroom as a teenager, you know," she comments, returning her gaze to you and you fold your arms over your chest, still stood next to the window.

As much as you're enjoying her being here, you want to touch her so badly, just wrap her up in a hug and smell her skin and that's been a bad move before, so instead you'll just figure out why she is here. You were texting her and you know she couldn't sleep, but that doesn't explain why she just climbed up a fire escape to see you. She could've used the main entrance as it would've probably been easier.

"Why did you come up the fire escape?" You ask, eyes flitting to the window.

She hovers for a second, feet shifting, and her hands begin toying with the sleeves of her hoodie. "Didn't know if your friends would approve of me being here."

You frown, but you know what she means. Earlier you, Cassie and Mercedes were obviously talking about her before she came out to find you outside which she noticed, and they've spoken tonight, but you know there's something off. Brittany thought you and your boss were a thing, which is just hilarious, so you're guessing she had her guard up and was actually giving evil eyes from across the bar, just like Mercedes said and didn't introduce herself the normal Brittany way, even if she tried to recover afterwards but your friends are from the city, and they're used to being given the cold shoulder.

Not that you think they don't like each other, but you also don't know how they feel about Brittany seeing as they were all worked up and convinced earlier that she was your ex and well, her being here… Doesn't really back you up in proving them wrong.

"But Cassie was the one who told me where you were staying… I didn't even have to ask her," she shrugs. "She just told me."

You narrow your eyes, them flitting to the door as you mentally yell at your boss through the wood, but then you suck in your lips, and you guess you weren't that convincing earlier about the whole ex thing. Brittany isn't your ex, as you were never together, but you know what having an ex feels like and actually, you'd take any of your previous break-ups with girls that didn't mean anything ten times over before this one.

This is like a part of you is missing. Like a hole has been punched through your chest.

Still though, it's not like you can explain why you know Cassie did that, so you just laugh weakly and flash a hesitant smile at the blonde. "She's got a big mouth."

Brittany's face breaks into a grin, and she bites her bottom lip to try to conceal but you can see it. It's just like earlier, when you were in outside the bar before you ran away into an alley, the comfortable familiarity is creeping in and you're kind of glad because she is in your room, the same night you two had sex and you've been here before. The second time you ever slept together was very much like this, but this time it's different and she still hasn't explained why she's here, and you go to ask but then you get scared.

Scared that you'll be startling a deer with headlights, and if you ask her why she's here when you don't even think she knows – as she hasn't been forward with the explanation yet and is staring between your eyes like she's trying to find an answer to that – that she'll just bail, and you've made so much progress (sort of) that you don't want to do that. You want her to stay, and luckily, she's on the same wavelength because her eyes dart to the bed, then back up to you and she chews nervously on her bottom lip this time and speaks.

"Can I sleep here?"

And you're shocked.

Visibly so as your mouth drops open, but before you can even process whether or not that's a good idea, you nod. Of course you want her to. You were having sex in a dark, dirty alley earlier and as much as you've missed that side of her, the thing you've missed the most is the intimacy. Back when you were a teenager, hoping foster home to foster home, you would always climb up the trellis to Brittany's window – however long it took you to get there – and slept over at her house, and even the nights when you were adults and she had a night terror or had a bad day, you'd do the same thing and you haven't had that for longer than you can remember.

So you can't turn down the opportunity to have that again. You feel like an ex-junkie being offered drugs after a long time sober, but you know this isn't toxic like that, and it doesn't feel like it used to, but in a good way.

"Yeah," you breathe, so quietly she almost doesn't hear it, but you know she has when a soft smile tugs at her lips and she's ducking her chin to her chest, sucking in the side of her cheek.

You're the first one to make a move though. You step towards the bed and slide in, already being dressed in sleepwear and Brittany strips down, with you averting your gaze as seeing Brittany almost naked isn't going to help you get to sleep before she slides into the right side of the bed. The same side she always used to take, and it sucks the breath from your chest when she settles in.

Neither of you reach out to touch each other though, instead turning to lie on your sides, on different pillows, feeling like the bed is miles wide because you're so far away from her and she tugs the sheets over your bodies. Nothing is said either, just you two staring into each other's eyes, but it feels like the loudest things are being said because this echoes a memory from years ago, when you first stayed over her house at 16 years old and you were scared to touch her.

She wasn't back then, cuddling you with no issue and apparently, is still the same now which shouldn't shock you so much, but this isn't like it used to be when you were kids, but it still makes you flinch when she scoots over, tangling your legs together and grabbing your hand, pulling it between your bodies just so she can hold it, even though it's a practised movement from years of doing it.

You exhale shakily, her doing the exact same like she's feeling everything you are, and it feels a whole lot like you're dancing back into each other, trying to keep your feelings secretly covered even though no-one is saying anything.

It just feels like there's so much history between you that can't be ignored, a connection so strong it can't be overlooked, and you want nothing more than to hold off for a second, keep this tension in check but for the best reasons and just let it go in the way you're beginning to think she wants, too. In a way that you've wanted since you were 16 years old.

Because you don't know how you can be lying here, looking at each other like this, holding each other like this, and it not be going that way.

Somehow though… Somehow against someone's better judgement, it doesn't, and within a few minutes, you're falling asleep, finding no troubles this time as you breathe her in.

You open your eyes slowly when you wake up, not wanting to do it too quick in case you were dreaming, and Brittany didn't climb in through the fire escape just to sleep next to you.

But, you still do it and hold back the gasp when you find the blonde very much still beside you, fast asleep. Her hair is tousled against the pillow, her bright blue eyes still covered by her lids and her lips are parted. She's so effortlessly beautiful in every aspect that you don't know how you didn't know you were in love with her this entire time, because you've done this before.

Admittedly, not after sex, but before all of that happened, in the mornings when she fell asleep in your bed or came in in the middle of the night, you'd steal these few brief moments just to admire her and feel the way your entire body comes alive as you reach out, careful not to stroke her but hovering only an inch away from doing so. You honestly think you were blind this entire time.

But it's only a few moments before Brittany begins stirring, shuffling into the bed as she begins waking up and you retract your hand, tucking it beneath your pillow as you wait for her to open her eyes. You don't really know what to say, or what there is to be said, even if it feels like there should be a conversation after last night because you didn't talk much, but you also didn't sleep together and that's more along the friendship lines that you were hoping to travel when you came back.

Not that you're disappointed you ending up screwing in an alley, but that definitely isn't the way to rekindle a friendship.

"S'ntana," the blonde murmurs, wetting her lips and scrunching her face up as she shifts forward, blindly grabbing for you and you give in, reaching out with the hand not beneath the pillow to grab at hers, squeezing it gently as it drops between you, fingers laced together.

"I'm here," you whisper, burying half your face into the pillow until blue eyes slowly peel open, meeting your brown ones and for the second time in a few minutes, you have to hold back the gasp. How can someone wake up looking like a freaking angel?

"Hey," she gets out through a breathless smile, eyes fluttering shut again as the fatigue is probably still quite heavy and you giggle lowly, stroking your thumb over the back of her knuckles.

From years of friendship and sleepovers with her, you know she needs a couple minutes to regain consciousness and you used to cuddle her awake, but you don't think it's entirely appropriate now. So, you resist the urge and Brittany must sense it, because she opens her eyes again, regaining contact with yours and a crease forms in the space between her eyebrows, like she's wondering why you aren't cuddling her or at least saying something.

But what are you supposed to say or do? This is very much unknown territory to you, even though you've spent most of your lives together.

You need to say something though, and maybe you should avoid starting with the obvious (her staying over) and instead see what her plans are for the rest of the day. The comfortable familiarity that you usually despise so much will probably help right about now.

"What are you doing today?"

Brittany blinks but doesn't flinch at the question and she quirks her lip up into a small smile, eying your hands between you but something flashes behind her eyes when she thinks about an answer to your question, and you don't like it already. "I told Sugar I'd come up with a new number ready for tonight and I haven't even started," she replies and something heavy lands in your stomach. She's busy, which means you probably can't spend time with her. "So I need to go to the club for a few hours before the dancers turn up."

You suck in the side of your cheek and nod as much as you can with your head half pressed into a pillow, but you know that means she probably doesn't need there to be until midday and so that means you could spend a few hours together. "What about breakfast?"

Blue eyes flash to you. "Breakfast?"

It's not a weird request, but it kind of feels like the type of thing you'd do after a one night stand to someone you don't want to be just a one night stand. It's not like that, mostly because you had sex earlier in the night and you literally just cuddled to sleep, but you think she thinks it too because she gets a blush to her cheeks and she bobs her head slowly, carefully, like you're about to take it back.

"I'm gonna have to go down the fire escape, though," she says, and your eyes slide to the window, where she came in. She did it for a reason, and you kind of saw the point as you're not entirely sure how much Cassie and Mercedes warmed up to her due to the whole glaring thing, and it won't help your whole not-your-ex defence if you come out your bedroom with her when you went in alone.

"I mean… I don't mind if they know you're here."

Brittany cocks her head to the side and squints. "You don't?"

"They're cool with me after finding out everything," you reason with a lightness to your tone. "So if they're going to judge on this, then I got to seriously rethink their sanity."

A low giggle comes from the blonde and she hums and wiggles closer, the tips of her toes pressing to the top of your feet, and you scrunch your nose up at her as she always has cold feet. It's not like you're worried your friends are going to throw her out or anything – they wouldn't do that to you – but it doesn't look great if she snuck in without their notice. It could be seen as a sign of disrespect, and so just to be safe, you should go and tell them instead of just wandering out there without explanation.

"Let me go and talk to them first," you follow up and Brittany frowns, but understands with a nod, and you pause for a second, unsure whether or not you're allowed to kiss her. It's a moment where if you could, then you should, but the thing about no clarity is that everything is just lingering in a grey area. There's no black or white and it's just making this a little harder to understand what to do next.

So you decide to release your hands, poking her in the nose and scrunching your face up at her, watching a grin spread across hers in reaction and slide out of bed, quickly grabbing a robe off the back off the door and shrugging it on.

You pull your hair free from the back, turning to find Brittany sat up against the headboard, clutching her arms around her legs and the burning urge to run back over there and just tuck yourself into her again, forget everything and everyone and just stay there and not talk holds strong, but you resist and flash one final smile before sweeping out.

You hear Cassie and Mercedes before you see them.

They're already up, which kind of makes it easier as you can be more blasé about revealing that you have Brittany in your room, and when you approach the kitchen, you find Cassie sat there with her head in her hands, nursing what seems like one hell of a hangover. There are large black circles beneath her eyes, and it's an image to see as you're not privy to this side of her.

She lives above the bar and has a strictly no disturbing until midday rule, probably so you don't get to see such a sight and you lean against the doorway, watching as Mercedes breezes past you to head into the bathroom, looking equally as hungover, but you smile to yourself. There's no way they have the ability to yell and that is going to make them hearing Brittany snuck in last night so much easier.

But you want to tell them when they're both here, so you busy yourself with the coffee machine, sliding a jug beneath it and pressing the button so it begins pouring, only turning around to lean against the counter and eye your boss.

"I've met Crazy July, but I've never met Boozy July," you say in lieu of a greeting, a smirk on your face.

Cassie shoots you a glare, running her fingers through her hair and straightening up as if she's trying to pretend like she isn't hanging out her own ass. "Shut up, Lopez. I can still fire your ass."

"And I would get your ass served," you throw back, laughing as you reach into the top cupboard to fetch two cups, but you freeze when you lift them back down, not sure how you can explain why you're making two coffees – one for you, one for Brittany – before telling them about her presence in your bedroom. It's not like you need a double shot of caffeine seeing as you went to your room way before they did and they're up already.

"You're in a good mood," Cassie continues, and you put one cup down, spying the jug nearly full and reach out to turn it off. "Would that be because of your midnight visitor?"

You freeze for a different reason now, one hand on the coffee machine and the other setting the last cup down, and you don't know why she said something like that as there's no way in hell she knows Brittany's in your room, but you still start to panic.

A hot prickle seers across your skin, and you find the room considerably stuffier than you did a minute ago, but you don't know what to say, and you don't want her to be calling your bluff on the off chance she noticed that something happened between you and Brittany. She's fucking nosey at the best of times, and you really don't know why you pick such observant people to call your friends.

Or maybe you're just not that subtle when it comes to Brittany. That seems far more likely.

Still though, you don't want them to jump the gun (even if it is accurate) and you were kind of hoping to explain before revealing that, so you're going to play it dumb. "What midnight visitor?"

A snort comes from behind you, then a quick whimper and you retain your attention on the coffee as you pour it, but there isn't much silence before your boss is talking again. "Are you not making two cups of coffee when there's three of us? Or should I say, four?"

You don't get to spill out a lengthy apology about your shady behaviour before you hear the bathroom door crack open and then footsteps pad in from the hallway, Mercedes coming back in and looking sweatier than she did a minute ago. Girl probably threw up. She eats from the dodgiest snack vendors back in the city sometimes and you honestly have never met anyone who's so unafraid of food poisoning before so you can recognise the signs.

"We talking about Brittany scaling the fire escape?"

That's what makes you turn around, whipping your head so quickly that your neck clicks, but your mouth drops open, and you nearly spill the hot liquid over your hand instead of into your cup as you stare incredulously at the other two. How the fuck do they know already?

"W-what? H-how–"

Mercedes throws you a look as she slides down into the stool beside Cassie, reaching for the untouched glass of water and pulling it over. "We live in New York, Santana," she answers and takes a long sip of the drink. "It's like engrained into us to hear when someone climbing a fire escape as it's usually to rob our asses," she continues with a light laughter and the panic inside of you sizzles out as they both laugh loudly at you.

Well, shit. You've been caught, and you would try to worm your way out of this one but they're reacting considerably better than you expected and you really should think about them differently from now on. Every time you think they're going to do one thing; they always do the other and you're beginning to realise that maybe you weren't the only one who was concealing the real you during your time at the bar. These two have obviously done the exact same thing and you're kind of thankful for their existence.

So you don't need to continue the dramatic explanation and instead, you just go for broke, letting your hands fall beside you and shrugging at them with a sheepish smile before calling Brittany's name loudly.

"Britt! Come out… They know you're here," you say, rolling your eyes when Cassie gives you a knowing smirk.

Only seconds later, the blonde steps out your bedroom, peering around the corner like she's scared to see what she'll find, and you flash her a smile, shrugging at her this time whilst sweeping towards your friends who just laugh even louder. It's stupid, and now you feel stupid for overthinking their reaction and Brittany sees that, ducking her head and scratching her brow as she wanders into the kitchen and rests on the counter beside you, shoulders up by her ears as she braces herself on the edge and grins at you.

"Fucking knew it," Cassie calls out and your eyes flit to her, seeing the smirk that you've grown to hate. You'd like to think that she doesn't know you, but she seems to be knowing your every word and move before you do, or at least expects it and your chest blossoms with affection. "Now where can we get some breakfast? I'm hungry."

You roll your eyes again playfully, but Brittany just gives you a narrow eyed smile like she's thinking the same thing you are, and she's the one that speaks. Not before shooting you a wink that nearly makes you buckle against the kitchen counter, though and damn… You really need to work on not reacting to her like that.

"I think I know a place."

It's just like the old days.

You head out to the diner, only to find Kurt and Artie there, chatting away with Holly who's perching on their table, stealing fries from Artie's plate and they all look to you when you step through the doors, probably because it's not just you, Cassie, and Mercedes. Brittany is hovering by your side, looking a little wary but you smile at her, dipping your head slightly to tell her everything's okay, even if you feel exactly the same way. But it's always okay when you're together.

Although that's the issue, because Kurt is so fucking nosey that you know there's going to be some sort of questioning as you all parted separate ways last night, but this morning you're turning up with Brittany and he eyes you for a long minute as you go over to the booth, all sliding in whilst Mercedes kisses Kurt on the cheek and Cassie winks at Holly. He doesn't say anything, for which you're glad, and you just bump hands with Brittany beneath the table, side-eying her until she smiles bashfully and pulls a menu across for both of you to look at.

It's just breakfast.

"You climbed up the fire escape?"

You were kind of hoping to avoid that, but Cassie does have a big mouth – as you discovered last night – and so it shouldn't come as a shock that she reveals why Brittany's here with you before anyone even asks, and Kurt repeats it, four times louder than it was said. Still, you throw Cassie a sharp glare, holding down on the urge to throw a slice of bacon at her head, Kurt a too sweet smile as if to say shut the fuck up, and then a soft one at Brittany who's stifling a chuckle but looking a little embarrassed with pink tinged ears.

But she's still the one to answer. "It seemed like a good idea at the time," she whispers with a shrug and everyone bursts into laughter around the booth.

And it all feels way too comfortable, too much like it used to be – bar the two new additions from New York – but this is the type of thing you wanted. There's still a whole lot of crap between you and Brittany, and there's a thousand questions you'd like answered even if it seems a little obsessive, but you've been playing it pretty damn cool, and you didn't expect to get this far with it. You were expecting at least one nervous breakdown or something, but it's yet to come.

You hope it won't come at all.

"God, you two are the same as you when you were teenagers still," Kurt throws back after a long minute, stuffing a few fries into his mouth but you can see the amusement in his eyes. He's known you and Brittany for as long as you've known each other.

Technically, you've actually known him for longer as he wasn't exactly popular back in high school and you just fell into the same crowd as him during Junior year, but he's been there the entire time and you like that he's reminiscing positively. It's making everything easier to deal with and sure as hell beats the other option, bugging the crap out of you with unsolicited advice.

"Although I gotta say," he continues and your eyes flash to him. "It's nice to see you two so normal again," he comments, and your body goes stiff at the words, eyes flitting but head not turning as you try to gauge Brittany's reaction. She stills too, doing the exact same thing to you and a curve appears at the corner of her lips, noting that you're doing the same thing. "That drama really fucked us all up."

Yeah, you know. It fucked you up more than anyone else, but you're really trying not to talk about that.

Except you know that you haven't been entirely honest with Cassie and Mercedes, who catch onto the sentence, both of them sharing a curious glance before narrowing their eyes your way. You spent half an hour convincing them that Brittany isn't your ex, and Kurt's comment really isn't helping because it's painting a picture that might be accurate, but you don't really want to confirm it. Should you, you'll unravel a whole lot of crap and potentially ruin whatever the fuck is going on between you and Brittany at the moment.

"At least we're all getting money from it… I'm going to buy a parrot and wear it on my shoulder like a pirate," Brittany interjects, and you let out a sigh of relief, glad that she took over responding to that because everyone likes her and thinks she's funny and everyone pulls away from the topic and begins muttering amongst themselves about what they're going to do with their money, and Cassie asks how she can get in on it which Artie nearly passes out at, immediately volunteering to be in front of the camera if there's another porno.

You just look to Brittany and smile.

After breakfast, you're all stood outside the diner, Holly waving you all off.

You're walk off to the side with Brittany after everyone hugs, wanting to say goodbye to her individually, knowing she's got to get to Sugar's club soon, but it fills your chest with this heavy dread because you've just spent the entire morning with her and you've got to admit, it's been the best morning you've had in a while. It's filled that empty space up by like half, and it sucks that you can't spend the day with her, but you suppose you've got your city friends here, so ditching them probably wouldn't be ideal.

You don't touch her, even though you want to grab her hands and just swing them between you, instead choosing to fold your arms over your chest and hugging tightly. If you don't, you'll give into that urge and probably not let her go to the club and that's just not feasible. Or appropriate.

She must see it, her eyes flitting down to your arms, and she bites down on her bottom lip, smiling at you in a way that makes you think she wants to grin but is resisting. "I gotta go to Sugar's club now, but you guys can come by later? When we're open?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," you bob your head, trying not to seem too eager but yes please. Your eyes flit to the rest of the group, who are chatting away and not looking your way with judgement, but you'd like to pre-empt that if possible and so you should probably go to avoid it. There's already going to be questions thrown your way as neither Cassie nor Mercedes asked about the drama that fucked everyone up, as Kurt so kindly brought up during breakfast and that's definitely coming back to bite you in the ass.

"Great," Brittany beams with a breath-taking grin and leans in, pressing a kiss to your cheek and pulling back slowly, holding your eyes for a long moment before she twirls off to join Kurt and Artic, beckoning you over with a wave of your hand.

You follow, trying not to drag your feet as you go as you can feel the heat on your skin from where Brittany just kissed you and it's flooding throughout your entire body now, and pick up on the last few words of what Kurt's saying to your city friends, trying to focus on anything else. You know that specific drug isn't going to be there soon, so you need to get down from this high before you go cold turkey. You've never dealt well with hashing things out that way.

"… It'll be great. You can meet my co-director of Glee club," he chirps, and you frown at him. You didn't know he had a co-director now; he used to run the club all by himself. "You're going to destroy her, Cass," he winks at your boss, and she laughs evilly, drumming her fingertips together.

"I've been looking for some fresh meat to torture," she replies, and everyone chuckles lightly before their attention turns to you and Brittany, Kurt addressing the blonde as you join the circle.

"Ready to go, Britt?"

Brittany nods, and you guess that means she's getting a lift from Kurt which kind of bums you out as you could've walked her there and spent an additional ten minutes with her, but you know that would be a girlfriend type of thing to do, and you're not her girlfriend. You're still clawing your way back to being friends with her, and that's the end goal for now. Just to be friends.

She nods and flashes you a smile before everyone waves one last time and splits off. You head down the street with Cassie and Mercedes, and surprisingly, you make it two whole minutes before one of them is saying something and unsurprisingly, it's Cassie. She's the one that's been digging for more information since you got here, being nosey and all, so you can see why her, and Kurt have bonded.

"Thought you said she wasn't your ex."

You throw her a glare and stuff your hands in your jacket pockets. "She isn't," you shrug and try to retain a stoic expression as you stare up the street. "It's just weird because we used to be best friends and old habits don't die easy."

"So you banged again, huh?"

You choke out a scoff and scowl fiercely at your boss' quip, but it's not unreasonable for her to think that but it is annoying, especially as Mercedes throws her head back and laughs, obviously thinking the same thing. "No," you defend, and you're technically not lying because they're referring to her staying over last night, you think. "We just slept together like, side by side."

"Girl, please," Mercedes chimes in. "Who are you trying to fool? What kind of person climbs a fire escape just to sleep next to their 'best friend'?" She uses quotation marks, and you bump your shoulder into hers until she drops her arms, still chuckling along with Cassie. She's got a point, but you really didn't have sex last night. Or at least not in your bedroom. "You two aren't just best friends and never have been, apparently."

That catches your attention, and you stop sharply, the two making it a few steps ahead before realising what you've done and pause at the same time, peering over their shoulder to look at you. You think your heart just stopped, or brain just glitched, and you really wish you'd been paying more attention to what everyone else was talking about instead of being totally enamoured by Brittany, so that this didn't come as such a shock.

"What did you say?"

They share a look, both of them shrugging at each other like it's obvious before Mercedes steps towards you and lowers her head.

"Kurt seems to think you two were a long time coming," she explains and your blood runs cold as Cassie joins her, frowning like she doesn't understand why this needs to be explained, but you need to hear it. "Artie said you had it bad for her since high school–"

"Which I'm going to need to see pictures of," Cassie interrupts with a finger held in the air between you, an evil grin on her face. "Word is you were a hot mess."

You roll your eyes but smile, and Mercedes pushes down the finger in the air to stare at you again, more serious this time but there's a doubtful glint in her eye, like she doesn't understand why you aren't connecting the dots, but how are you supposed to. You don't understand why they were talking about you and why your city friends seem to think that you and Brittany really are exes. What have your hometown friends been saying?

"Anyway," Mercedes drones on. "Kurt said some shit went down with the whole porno thing and Sam did too, which by the way, I might wanna tap that if Tank and I ever break up," she winks at you and it makes the conversation lighter, but you just want her to spit it out. It's not the time for jokes. "And turns out, you weren't the only hot mess," she shrugs but you still don't get it, frowning so hard the muscles in your forehead begin aching.

"I don't get what you're saying," you breathe.

Cassie snorts loudly, shaking her head and staring up at the sky like she's getting bored of this topic, but you're the furthest away from bored. You're super fucking intrigued because you hadn't bothered talking to anyone to see what Brittany was like during the time you left. You haven't even asked her, mostly because she said the last time you were here that she didn't realise how much she missed you until she saw you, and you took what you could from it.

That, to you, meant that she was okay during those first three months and now you're finding out that you might have been wrong, and that she might have been lying and that kind of changes everything.

"Artie said he had a house guest for the first month after you left," Cassie is the one to explain it this time, her voice hurried and hard and you know she's growing tired of this, but you have to know what's going on. There's something tugging inside your chest, telling you that you need to know. "Brittany couldn't sleep and eat and all that cliché crap that you do after a break-up and he and his mom looked after her," she continues and Mercedes bobs her head along, obviously having been there during the time this was discussed.

You still don't know when that was, but it could've been any time you were around Brittany as your focus is always pulled and zoned in on the blonde and everyone and everything else just sort of fades away.

"Everyone took turns in looking after her until her landlord got pissed and said she either had to move out or get a new flatmate to pay rent," Mercedes follows on, taking the lead but you're just staring between the two, not sure who's going to speak next or if there's a smidgen in doubt in anyone's eyes, like the other one is exacerbating the information but nope. Nothing. You're getting cold, hard truth. "So Sam moved in with her into the flat you used to have together, and Sugar bought that not-strip strip club, just to keep Brittany's mind off things."

Your mouth pops open, eyes bugging wide as you process the information, feeling it settle heavily inside your chest. You try to get any type of response out, but your mind runs a blank and you blink at your friends, not knowing what to say or what to do with it. That makes you rethink every decision you've made and backs up the lingering thought that you had a few times before that you can't be alone in this whole feelings thing.

Sure, you two were best friends and that's always something to mourn when it's lost, but you know now that Brittany was exactly the same as you were when you left for New York, and you didn't do it because you were sad that you lost your best friend.

You were heartbroken and ruined that someone you loved, didn't love you back.

You were distraught, and constantly miserable, always lashing out at inanimate objects and being rude to strangers just to release some of the venom inside and got a job at the bar with the two people stood in front of you, just to take your mind off things. You distracted yourself in every way possible to put a pause on the repetitive thoughts of blonde hair and blue eyes and now you're finding out that Brittany couldn't even sleep in the damn apartment you lived in for a whole month after you left, and that's got to mean something.

But if it does, then why didn't she tell you? She had the perfect opportunity when you were here the first time, and even last night when you were alone in your room. There have been a number of times where she could've told you in a safe space, but she didn't and that's making you doubt it, too.

"You know, for best friends, you guys sure aren't honest with each other," Cassie quips, pulling you from your thoughts and grabs your arm, tugging her along with you as you begin walking again. "Come on… Me and Mercy need to find some songs to sing to impress these musical geeks at Kurt's stupid Glee club."

You laugh, but your mind is a million miles away because yeah… You can't say she's wrong.

I actually love this story. I'm reading it myself like I don't know what's coming. Leave a comment if you have a spare minute!