Thank you to DarylDixon'sgirl1985 for beta reading.
Word count: 1,653
The real Harry Potter was different from the one Tonks had imagined in her head, but she had known better than to expect anyone to match an imagined version of themselves. It didn't make her less fond of him. On the contrary, getting to construct a new, realistic idea of him in her head made him more interesting to talk to.
One look at the Dursleys' house had been enough for Tonks to know that she wouldn't have survived one day there as a kid. That, coupled with what she'd heard about the family's treatment of Harry from others, made her loathe the Dursleys despite never meeting them. That Harry had grown into a decent kid despite such abuse was a marvel, and Tonks felt more loyalty to the Harry she met than she had to the mere idea of the Boy-Who-Lived.
From the moment they'd arrived on Privet Drive, Tonks had seen how Harry trusted Remus more than anyone else in their group, and she'd watched them interact with happiness. Harry deserved someone to trust after his childhood, and she already knew that Remus was perfect for that position. As if she needed another reason to like him even more.
For the rest of the summer, Tonks itched to sit down and speak with Remus at length about anything and everything, but with Grimmauld Place fuller than ever, there was always someone else wanting to talk to her about something. Most often, it was Hermione and Ginny who wanted to ask probing questions about her work and just what it was she was doing for the Order.
It was flattering that they looked up to her. When she'd started at Hogwarts, she'd looked up to the older students who knew far more magic than she did. She'd been excited about reaching their level someday. Eventually, she had, and those feelings had faded. Then, upon joining the Auror training program, they'd returned as she'd watched the full-fledged women Aurors and longed to be as skilled as they were. Even since graduating training, she continued to look up to the more experienced women around her. It was hard to believe she could ever be as talented as them.
Perhaps because of her awareness of how much farther she had to go, it was strange to be on the receiving end of such admiration.
If she were honest, it made her uncomfortable. She wasn't cut out to be a role model for anyone. When she'd been their age, she'd been an average student at best except for Transfiguration, where she'd excelled. There were far better people from them to admire, and she sometimes fought irritation as she tried to watch Remus from the corner of her eye while answering their questions thoroughly.
Eventually, September 1st came. The kids went back to Hogwarts, and the other Weasleys returned to the Burrow, leaving Grimmauld Place far emptier than Tonks had known it.
Her eagerness to visit wasn't just because she longed to speak to Remus. She also knew that Sirius wasn't taking his return to isolation well, no matter how he tried to hide it from others. So, she used the excuse of entertaining her cousin to visit Grimmauld Place as often as possible, and no one suspected anything of it.
Old habits from the summer continued. She never thought to warn Sirius—or his frequent guest Remus—that she was coming before she arrived. They were always more than happy to see her, and it was difficult to send word ahead to a house as protected as Grimmauld Place anyway.
Even once inside, she was comfortable enough with the house that she didn't feel the need to knock as she barged into the sitting room where she was sure she'd find them.
In the split second the door was opening, Remus and Sirius flew apart from each other on the sofa. There were a million possible reasons they could have been sitting close—Tonks wouldn't have thought anything of it in most circumstances—but Remus' cheeks were a light pink, and his eyes had focused on a random spot on the wallpaper instead of greeting her.
Sirius, however, was at ease as he rested his on the back of the sofa and gazed at her with an easy smile that didn't match with his typically irritable mood since sending Harry off to school. His ease also didn't disguise his tousled hair.
Tonks cleared her throat from the doorway and determinedly looked at the two men instead of the wall like Remus had decided to do. She forced her lips into her typical smile. Her Auror training had kicked in, and she felt every muscle in her body as she consciously made herself appear at ease.
"I thought you could use some company," she said, flopping onto an unclaimed chair.
Her body protested, wanting to flee, but that would solve nothing. It would only make things more awkward the next time she saw them. She swung one leg over the arm of the chair as her mind raced through possible explanations for what she'd seen.
"So," Sirius said, drawing out the word, "how are things in the Ministry's prestigious Auror Office?"
Tonks didn't have to fake the amused smile she gave him.
"Same as always," she said with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. "We're not allowed to do anything important. Yesterday, Kingsley informed the office that someone spotted you in Spain. Some English bloke on holiday apparently."
She and Sirius laughed together, but Remus had taken to staring at his lap, hardly hearing anything they said.
"Meanwhile," Tonks continued, "we have to ignore the Dementors' strange behavior at Azkaban. The official line is that there must be a natural cause. Someone suggested it was a breeding behavior. No one seems to wonder why they'd suddenly be breeding like this if that even is the cause. I suggested getting advice from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, but they just shrugged the suggestion off."
Both men hummed in acknowledgment, but neither of them had anything to add. It was nothing particularly new. They'd been complaining about the Ministry's inaction since before Tonks joined the Order after all.
An awkward silence descended, but Tonks was even more determined to drive it away than she'd been before. Remus was still staring at his lap, and a fear gripped her heart—though she knew it was irrational—that he might never look her in the eyes again.
She focused her gaze on him and asked him the question she'd come specifically to ask.
"You're going back to those werewolves soon, right?"
Despite knowing it was true, her stomach twisted when Remus nodded. He looked up from his lap, but his gaze was focused over her shoulder, not on her face.
"It's likely the Death Eaters have visited since I was last there, so Dumbledore wants to gauge what effect they're having. This trip should be shorter than the others."
His eyes flickered towards Sirius, who was staring at the arm of the sofa and picking at a loose thread. He nodded when he felt Remus' eyes on him but didn't look up.
"No," he said, "just long enough for you to regain their trust enough that they'll speak openly to you. It's not like that took you three weeks last time."
Remus sighed and rubbed at his brow. It was the first time since Tonks had arrived that his guard cracked.
"Gaining their trust takes less time each visit," he said quietly. Though Tonks could hear, she knew the words were for Sirius. "They mostly trust me now, but they don't get why I keep disappearing and coming back. It shouldn't be that hard to work past the distrust. Two weeks at the most."
Sirius's laugh in response made Tonks squirm in her chair.
"Two weeks of being alone here. Great," said Sirius sarcastically.
Remus' shoulders fell, and a frown graced his lips that broke Tonks' heart as much as Sirius' clear disappointment.
"I'll come visit," she said.
Both men turned to her as if they'd forgotten she was there. Sirius gave her a small smile that didn't reach his eyes, while Remus immediately went back to staring at his lap.
Tonks yearned to stay. If anything, her new suspicions gave her a multitude of new questions that she longed to know the answers to, but none of them were things she could ask out loud without being rude. The longer she stayed, the more likely it was that one of them would break free.
Her heart twisted in her chest, but she wasn't sure if she was upset for herself, the men across from her, or both. She squeezed her own fingers to keep her nerves at bay, but it didn't work. She needed to move to let the energy escape.
"I need to get going," she said suddenly.
She hadn't given herself time to think of an excuse before she said it, and her brain struggled to come up with one before the pause was suspicious. Luckily, she'd excelled at cover stories in Auror training.
"The stupid Ministry wants me to send a written report of the meeting we had today to the Minister by tomorrow, and I haven't bothered to start writing it yet."
The excuse was true, and Tonks delivered it with the appropriate amount of annoyance that earned a slight laugh from Sirius despite the mood.
"About me being in Spain?" he asked, his grin widening at her nod. "Can I read it when you're done? I'd love to imagine myself off in Ibiza instead of in this shitty house."
Tonks gave him a smirk as she stood.
"I'll see what I can do," she promised.
Despite the clarity she had hoped distance would provide, her feelings weren't any clearer once she was alone in her flat. If anything, she felt more confused than she had before.