As always, thanks to DarylDixon'sgirl1985 for beta reading.
Word count: 2,060
As the days passed, Tonks stayed away from Grimmauld Place. Her cheeks warmed whenever she thought of what she'd interrupted. No matter how many times she told herself that there were countless explanations for what she'd seen, she knew what it had been, and it had stuck to her brain, refusing to be forgotten.
If something was happening between Sirius and Remus, it didn't seem to be known within the Order, and Tonks despised knowing that she'd stumbled upon a secret that they didn't want her to know. But she wished that was the only thing bothering her. It was hard to fight the jealousy towards her cousin that wormed its way through her veins when she thought of his relationship with Remus.
At the same time, she hated that he was stuck in Grimmauld Place alone and felt sorry for him, as much as he would have despised the sympathy. Remus would have left for the werewolves since she'd seen them, and Sirius was sitting in that old house feeling lonelier than ever. He knew why she hadn't visited too—she had no excuse to provide—and the embarrassment of her own emotions was the final straw needed to pay him a visit.
A gift may not have meant much to someone locked in a house, but Tonks couldn't shake off the need to apologize for barging in without warning, so she found herself in Diagon Alley, nervously tapping her fingers against her leg as if Sirius would jump out in front of her at any moment.
The shopping street was busy as the usual shoppers went about their business. Tonks kept her eyes peeled for suspicious behavior in the crowd. Most of those around her had bought into Fudge and the Ministry's propaganda, so the crowd was largely at ease as they talked with each other and pointed in shop windows. Despite the pleasant picture it made, Tonks knew that Death Eaters could be anywhere, hiding in plain sight.
She travelled down the street, her eyes scanning each store as she went. She'd come with the purpose of buying Sirius a gift, but no matter how much she wracked her brain, she couldn't think of a single appropriate thing to buy for him.
Sirius had spent twelve years in Azkaban followed by a year on the run. Most of what he had were old possessions that had sat in Grimmauld Place untouched for the better part of a decade. That should have given her plenty of options when it came to a gift, but nothing felt right. Quidditch goods were out of the question when he couldn't leave the house. Even something like a jersey might have just reminded him of what he was missing, and Tonks could think of nothing else that Sirius had mentioned liking in the short time they'd been reacquainted. There had always been other things to talk about, like the war and the safety of those they knew.
Her hand was on the door of a shop with various knick-knacks in the window, hoping it would provide her with something, when a familiar voice stopped her in her tracks.
"Tonks, is that you?"
Tonks gaped as she turned around to face Alexandra Holmes, who wore a beaming smile on her face. Tonks' stomach dropped. She hadn't seen Alexandra since their seventh year of Hogwarts, but the woman looked exactly the same.
"Uh, yeah," Tonks said, clearing her throat. "Nice to see you, Lex."
Alexandra laughed, but before Tonks could force her own expression into a smile, the shuffling of little feet drew her attention downward. In quick succession, she made two observations that twisted her stomach into knots: First, a small boy no older than three was gripping Alexandra's hand and staring up at Tonks with curiosity. Second, Alexandra's stomach was round from pregnancy.
"How are you?" Alexandra asked, rubbing one hand absentmindedly over her stomach.
If she noticed how startled Tonks was, she preferred to ignore it. Tonks swallowed, pushing away her shock and doing her best to smile.
"I'm doing well. You?" she asked, hoping Alexandra would explain away the child as if he'd arrived by some kind of plot twist. There was no way she could already be on number two when Tonks hadn't dated a soul since leaving Hogwarts.
"I haven't seen you since Hogwarts," Tonks added before Alexandra could answer, the full force of what she'd missed since then hitting her for the first time.
She looked at the little boy again, taking note of his similarities to his mother. He had Alexandra's sharp nose and his eyes, though differently shaped, were the same shade of blue. Tonks blinked and forced herself to look away. The boy's wide eyes as he looked back unnerved her, and even as she looked at Alexandra, she felt his gaze on her.
"It really has been ages, hasn't it?" Alexandra said with the same laugh that had made Tonks smile instinctively for a long time.
It didn't make her go weak in the knees anymore. It only made her shift uncomfortably as she confronted their shared past and the different directions life had taken them in.
"Well," Alexandra raised her hand that held the boy's, "I have a son now, and there's another little one on the way." She gave another pat to her stomach. "Cassie—that's my wife—and I are so excited. We've always planned for two. I guess that Katrina told you I got married a few years ago?"
It was a lot of information all at once. Tonks had forgotten how quickly Alexandra spoke. At Hogwarts, it had been invigorating, but in the moment, it left her dizzy. Several seconds too late, she caught up with the question she'd been asked and gave a slight nod, though Katrina—a mutual friend from their earliest days at Hogwarts—had mentioned no such thing. Guiltily, Tonks tried to remember the last time she'd spoken to Katrina. She couldn't remember.
"She might have mentioned it," Tonks said quietly. "There's always so much going on. I guess it slipped my mind after a while. Good for you though! I'm glad things have worked out."
And she was happy for Alexandra, even as she grew increasingly distraught for herself.
"Thank you," Alexandra said, her smile turning mischievous. "You're an Auror now then? Just like you always said you would be?"
Tonks' nod was so small that it was almost imperceptible.
"I knew it," Alexandra squealed, rushing forward to squeeze Tonks' arm. Tonks gave an uncomfortable laugh, very aware of Alexandra's son, who was staring between the two women in confusion. "No one else in our year was as driven as you were about the future. We all knew that, if anyone was going to make it as an Auror, it would be you. You weren't going to rest until you made it happen."
Tonks glanced over her shoulder at the store they were still hovering outside of. She didn't like the way Alexandra was brushing important parts of their history under the rug. Maybe the other woman had forgotten the countless fights that had led to their breakup, but Tonks hadn't. Alexandra's words from all those years ago still stung when she thought of them. Each time she'd struggled in training, Alexandra's insults had echoed in her thoughts and made it harder to succeed.
Even when she'd considered dating, memories of their disastrous relationship had held her back.
The words Alexandra was saying now were nothing like the ones she'd last left Tonks with, and Tonks no longer wanted to hear her assurances that she'd always believed in her.
"Your wife's name is Cassie?" Tonks asked, desperate to move the conversation away from herself. "I don't remember a Cassie at Hogwarts."
"Oh, she didn't go to Hogwarts," Alexandra said, her smile turning fond as she thought of her wife. "She's a Muggle."
The words were spoken with ease, but Tonks' blood ran cold when she heard them. She watched Alexandra's face carefully, but there was no hint of fear. She believed Fudge's lies that Voldemort hadn't returned, and that made Tonks even more uncomfortable with the knowledge that she'd married a Muggle. Alexandra and her family had become potential targets several months ago, and Alexandra was oblivious to the danger they were in.
Tonks had half a mind to grab the other woman by the shoulders and not let go until she understood the need to protect herself and her family. But she couldn't do that. The little boy had lost interest in the adults and was playing with a line of ants marching in front of the store, but he would notice if Tonks began speaking of You-Know-Who with his mother.
She took a deep breath instead and widened the smile on her lips.
"I'm sure she's great," she said. She glanced at the boy again, wondering how much longer he would look carefree. "Your son is cute."
Alexandra glanced at him too and realized that he was playing with insects for the first time. Her smile fell.
"Mitchell," she snapped, tugging him away from the ants. "Stop that. You'll get yourself covered in dirt."
The boy began to fuss, not happy to lose his fun as his mother talked. Alexandra struggled to focus on Tonks as she clung to the struggling child.
"Sorry," she said with a sheepish smile. "You know how children are."
Tonks didn't really. Not as a parent who had to deal with them daily at least, but she nodded anyway. She took a couple of steps backward, towards the store, sure that Alexandra would excuse herself to focus on her son, but she didn't. Her gaze was intent on Tonks even as Mitchell whined, "Mummy," loud enough for the whole street to hear.
"What about you?" Alexandra asked, leaning forward eagerly. "Are you seeing anyone?"
This was the question Alexandra had been waiting to ask since she'd caught sight of Tonks. Feeling her cheeks warm, Tonks accepted that she had little chance of getting away without answering.
"No," she said. "I'm single right now."
She didn't miss the flash of amusement in Alexandra's eyes, but it was gone a second later, replaced with a small smile and sympathetic tilt of her head.
"I guess being a full-fledged Auror is as time consuming as being one in training, huh?" she asked. "Your dream career was always what came first, even when we were Hogwarts students. No shame in that."
Bile burned at the back of Tonks' throat. She swallowed and smiled, willing her eyes to stop stinging before a tear broke free. If Alexandra's words had given her cut after cut, this one was the fatal blow.
The worst part was that it was true. Or, it had been for years. Tonks had accepted losing Alexandra because she hadn't known how to make her dream come true and make their relationship work at the same time. She'd pushed aside other possible romances because Alexandra had proven that they would fail unless Tonks cared less about her work. But, for the first time, she wanted to choose a relationship over her career, yet it didn't matter.
When she'd finally found someone she might have been willing to, if not sacrifice her career, at least focus on it less for, they were unattainable.
She'd avoided thinking of her feelings for Remus in such blunt terms until Alexandra reminded her. If Tonks had to face her ex-girlfriend for much longer, she wouldn't be able to keep her composure.
"I'm really sorry, Alexandra, but I have to go." She began backing away before she had finished speaking. "I promised a friend that I'd meet him for dinner, and it's getting late."
"Oh," Alexandra said, shrugging her shoulders as if it were a situation out of her control that she begrudgingly accepted. "Well, it was nice catching up with you. I hope we can talk again soon."
Tonks gave her one last strained smile before fleeing up the street, not giving the other woman time to ask her for an address or any other way to contact her.
She'd made it out of Diagon Alley and back into Muggle London before she remembered that she'd been there to buy a gift for Sirius. Growling in frustration, she Apparated home, no longer able to stomach the idea of Grimmauld Place.