When Tonks had been at Hogwarts, oblivious that a war was on the horizon, she'd daydreamed about being an Auror. Many of those daydreams hadn't centered around the work itself but the camaraderie she knew would come with the job. She imagined going out for drinks with her coworkers after a long day and venting about their days. She imagined small talk during coffee breaks where she learned that a coworker's kid had just started Hogwarts. She'd chosen to become an Auror to help people—and maybe, just a little bit, for the glory—but the bonds she would form with her coworkers had rounded out the dream and made it exactly what she wanted to do with her life.

She had gotten that to a certain extent, but it hadn't lived up to her expectations. She'd hardly made it through training before Moody and Kingsley had approached her about the Order. She hadn't realized how bad things were getting before then, but once she knew, she couldn't unsee it. She tried to go along on trips to the pub and act carefree, but she couldn't escape the undercurrent of frustration with her coworkers for not realizing what they were dealing with.

Once Fudge admitted that Voldemort had been spotted at the Ministry, few wanted to do anything but head straight home after work. Finally, they knew better than most what was going on, and it made them worry for their families. Tonks understood. Being privy to the Order's information, she might have been even more worried herself.

Her father was a muggleborn, and then there was Remus, off with the werewolves in some forest in the countryside probably. Her priorities were no longer having a drink at the pub, which was why she knew that when Kingsley asked to follow her out of the office at the end of the day that it was about Order business instead of casual conversation.

"Have you heard that Remus is back?" he asked, watching for anyone who might be listening in the seemingly empty hallway.

There were far fewer visitors in the Ministry since people had learned that Voldemort could break in, which was both a blessing and a curse depending on how you looked at it.

"No," said, blinking at Kingsley in surprise. She had expected to be one of the first to know when he came back. Those moments they'd shared in the days before he'd left had cemented for her that he wouldn't shut her out anymore. She jumped to the worst: that he'd been badly injured and hadn't been able to make it to her flat.

Sensing her train of thought, Kingsley said, "He's okay. At least it sounds like he is. I haven't seen him yet, but Dumbledore found him a flat in London where he can stay until he needs to go back. I helped check the area and make sure it was safe before he moved in."

She knew it was written all over her face how hurt she was that he had chosen not to come back to stay with her. Had Dumbledore offered him a flat? Or had Remus made the request to Dumbledore because he didn't want to see her?

"Where is he?" Tonks asked. She wasn't worried if she looked desperate. She was long past hiding how she felt about Remus.

Kingsley's frown didn't even throw her off.

"Please," she said. "I want to make sure he's okay."

Kingsley still looked like he wasn't sure what the right course of action was, but as soon as he sighed, Tonks knew she'd gotten her way. It didn't make her smile.

"Only because I think it would be good for him to talk to someone after the last few weeks he had," he said, "and you're probably the best person for that."

Tonks wouldn't argue with that, but she didn't feel satisfied either as Kingsley scribbled down the address for her on a scrap of crumpled parchment that he pulled from his pocket.

Despite Dumbledore's help, the building where Remus was living had seen better days. Tonks couldn't imagine that a Muggle building like this couldn't last much longer without magic holding it up. She pushed the thought aside as she reached Remus' door. It didn't take long for him to answer her knock.

"Who is it?" he asked through the door.

Tonks frowned. She was thankful that he was following some security protocols, but she didn't know how he'd react when he found out she was there.

"It's Tonks."

There was a moment of silence before he opened the door and stared at her with wide eyes.

"Tonks? What are you doing here?"

When Kingsley had first told her Remus was back, she'd mostly been worried, but after seeing that he was in one piece, she felt a surge of anger. It wouldn't have been difficult to send her a letter or even a short message by patronus.

"Checking on you," she snapped, pushing past him and into the flat without waiting for an invitation. "Kingsley told me you were back. Why didn't you contact me? I was worried sick."

He at least had the decency to look ashamed.

"I've been busy," he said, voice quiet. "I needed to talk to Dumbledore and Moody. Then I was moving in. There was a lot…"

He trailed off, looking lost as Tonks continued to watch him. She used the silence to inspect him for signs of injury that she had missed at first glance. There were a few scratches on his neck and hands. Merlin knew how many were hidden by his clothes. None of them looked serious, but she suspected they'd been worse before they'd been tended to. At least they had been tended to. Her heart clenched, and her anger deflated. There was no telling what he'd dealt with while he was gone.

"Did Kingsley tell you where I was?" he asked.

"Yes" She took a step forward. "But what does it matter? We should do something more about those cuts. I learned a handy spell during training."

Remus held up a hand to stop her from getting closer and took several steps back. "I'm fine," he said, his voice short and closed off. "I can take care of it. You have enough on your plate between the Ministry and the Order. You don't have to waste your energy caring for me too."

"It's not a waste," Tonks said in shock. He shook his head, and Tonks couldn't help it. She took a deep breath and laid it all out on the line. "Remus, I like you a lot. Not just as fellow members of the Order. In a way, I've liked you since I met you, and my feelings have only grown over time. I care about you. Helping you isn't a problem. It's something I want to do."

She'd meant for it to be comforting, but Remus stared at her with the same horror they found Muggles in after they'd witnessed gruesome magic. When she tried stepping closer, he backed away.

"You shouldn't say that." His voice shook, and he stared resolutely at the wall over Tonks' shoulder. "Tonks, you should know by now that things can never work out between us. I'm not the right person for you." He motioned at some of his scars. "These are what you can see, but they're only the tip of the iceberg. And it's not only me who's affected by my condition. The people around me are too. You don't deserve that."

"Remus, I'm in the Order. I understand risks—"

"No." His voice was colder than Tonks had ever heard it. He still wouldn't look at her. "You're young. You have so much time ahead of you, Tonks. No matter what you think you feel now, things will change. You need to leave."

Tonks gaped at him. When he finally looked up at her, she thought she might get through to him, but he didn't show any emotion as he gestured towards the door. Tonks' feet carried her there without her realizing what she was doing.

"Remus—"

He closed the door before she could say anything else. Tonks stared at it for several long minutes before she turned to go, tears burning her eyes.