List of Oneshots part 4

by yugiohfan163

Requests are not guaranteed to be done. If they get done, they get done. Don't go expecting any ideas done at the drop of a hat or expect any promises. No ones making any money off these, which means we're not obligated to rush on certain ideas.

4. Chapter 4

List of oneshots part 4

chapter 4

Yui and Omni have a special museum involving time travel.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

-Outside the omniverse-

Yui and Omni sighed while watching some tv...with Omni watching a show called Xavier Riddle and the Secret Museum, although Yui was so confused until Omni turned the channel.

"Welp...kids shows are weird."

"As weird as a show about alien gemstones that can do tons of cool stuff and make the fusion dance look pointless?"

"Well almost weird." He said while turning on Totally Spies. "Yep, at least we don't need to bug anyone today...but it's SO boring."

"Join the club." Yui said while eating some popcorn.

"Maybe make...no we did monsters. Um...no, no, no, not tempted…" Omni muttered while trying to come up with an idea.

"We could always pick one at random. Like putting names up on a dart board and do whatever the dart hits."

"Why not." He shrugged while summoning a large wheel with a naked Sasuke on it and several pictures on different parts of his body. "We use him and whatever hits we will do, plus he turns into a girl if we hit his junk."

"Hey, what's going on?!"

"I'm game." Yui said as Omni pulled out a large golden spear.

"You might want to stand back Yui."

"Aw, but that spoils the fun." He huffed while moving back.

The wheel began to spin as fast as a star before Omni threw the spear at the wheel.

SQUISH

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

The wheel stopped while it was revealed to be in Sasuke's groin.

Omni looked at the paper and saw the words 'Time Museum'. "..."

"Welp, no more little Uchihas for him."

"Ah…" 'She' gasped while Omni walked over to Yui.

"What does it say?"

"Time museum."

"Then that's what we do." Yui said before asking. "What kind exactly?"

"Historical." Omni said before snapping his fingers and caused them to appear in a random city. "Ok, first...where should we place it and who should we 'sucker' in as hired help?"

"Us duh."

"Wait what?! Us?!"

"Oh come now, it's time travel. Do you really want us to hire minimum wage teens who stare at their phones all day or interns who will probably break something?"

"True." He muttered.

"Then let's build this place."

(About a month later)

"Well Omni, what do you think?" Yui asked while Omni looked at a large building with giant lions next to a set of glass doors.

"It's nice, but I still think we should call it The Museum of Historical Analyst."

"And I say we should call it The Museum of Sexural History." remarked Yui crossing his arms. "Who else can say they learned what position Abe Lincoln did it back in the 1800s?"

"Or they could just learn the Kama Sutra and be done with it."

"Oh come now, who reads anymore?"

"Everyone." Omni deadpanned as they walked inside the building and sat at the reception table. "Anyway, in ten minutes our first customers will be showing up. So no introducing them to mammoth sex."

"Hey, it's not my fault it's so underrated." Yui huffed while looking at the doors.

Only to see a group of teens walking in.

Omni looked at his pocket watch. "Ok, these aren't the first customers."

"What do you mean?"

"The first customers should've been an old man and his grandson, not a group of teens."

"Wait, you predicted who was gonna be here?"

"Time god remember?" He deadpanned as the teens walked towards them.

"Hey Jap."

Omni frowned at that. "Don't even say that here fool or I'm kicking you out."

"What? Can't take a joke?" remarked the teen who was white with short blond hair and wearing a black muscle shirt with ripped blue jeans. "Lighten up."

"Tell him Brad." said a young man with a black mohawk with green eyes and wearing baggy pants and no shirt.

Omni then got punched in the face. "OW!"

"I HATE YOU!" yelled a very muscular man with scars on his face, dark brown eyes and wearing nothing but black pants.

"Feelings mutual pal." remarked Yui.

"Peasant." said a red haired girl with dark pink eyes, a G cup chest and small ass, and wearing a black princess outfit. "Give me a map of this shitty establishment."

And cue Yui getting pissed off. "Who are you calling a peasant?"

"Me, your queen."

A girl with long black hair, blue eyes, and wearing a kimono walked next to the girl while a boy with brown hair and wearing a green shirt and pair of glasses tried to eat the metal pen holder on the table.

"Nom."

Omni groaned while seeing a small boy with red hair and black eyes looked at him while wearing a blue shirt and white pants.

"You deserved it for killing us in WWII."

He frowned and got up. "I'm not Japanese you dumbass. I'm Spanish American!" 'Well not anymore.'

"Look, are you here to visit or make us mad?" asked Yui.

"We are." said Brad.

"Names." Omni said while getting punched again by the muscular man. "OW! Knock it off!"

"You can call me Brad." He growled.

"I'm Jack." The small boy said.

"Alice." The pompous girl huffed.

"Hebert." The boy with the pen holder said.

"Kiki." The kimono wearing girl said while making a muscles.

"Billy Bob." said the mohawk boy.

"So you all came here to see the exhibits, right?" Yui asked.

"Yes Jap." Brad said while Omni's eyes twitched.

"So." He said through a forced smile. "A group-"

PUNCH!

"OW! Stop that!"

"I HATE YOU!"

Omni twitched in rage before grabbing Yui and dragged him to the cafeteria. "Y.U.I. I HATE humanity now!"

"Once again, join the club." Yui said before seeing Omni's eyes glowing yellow, indicating he is about to enter his berserker mode.

"I need to kill them-"

"Calm down."

"HOW?!"

"Look, they're just a bunch of stupid kids. You get them all the time. You just need to remember that we could kill them if need be, but we need to be the bigger men and bare with it for now."

"It's not just that! Those brats are nothing but racist idiots!" He growled. "And one keeps punching me in the face!"

"They're not that bad."

Omni made a portal and showed them the teens...trying to destroy or steal the artifacts from the Knights Galleries.

"Ok, so they ARE that bad." Yui said as he saw the carnage.

Omni deadpanned at him while calming down slightly. "We need to get rid of them."

"But they are visitors, we can't just kill them or something."

Both grumbled while taking a seat.

"Besides, if we just slaughter them, then we're no better than common serial killers."

Omni grumbled while hearing a loud crash in the distance. "And I can't send them back in time, it might cause MORE problems with the time space continuum. And I'm still fixing Sutinav's corruption."

Yui then got a good idea. "What if we could?"

"Well it's possible but...we would have to make sure the locations and time periods were at the point of complete chaos, so they wouldn't have time to cause ANY destruction to the timeline."

"Then I say we show them just what this museum was made for." Yui said while Omni smirked.

"He he he." He chuckled.

(At the fossil exhibit)

The gang kept on stealing fossils as Omni and Yui appeared at the entrance and blew a fog horn at them.

"Attention group! It's time to start the tour." smiled Yui with a flag.

And cue Brad punching Yui in the face.

"GAH!"

"I HATE YOU!"

Omni frowned while looking at Alice, Jack, Herbert, Billy Bob, and Kiki with a false smile. "Now kids, do you know what kind of museum this is? And no, do NOT say anything racist."

"A boring one." said Alice.

"...no." Omni sweatdropped before looking around. "This is a time museum."

"Jap trick." said Billy Bob.

"No, and do that one more time and I'm calling the cops."

"Whatever, Jap."

"Moving on!" spoke up Yui quickly.

Omni pointed down the hall. "Our first stop is the Hall of Witchcraft wing. Follow us."

All of them followed the two deities.

(Later)

-Hall of Witchcraft-

They all entered the room while it was covered in memorabilia of torture devices, rare documents from the Spanish Inquisition, and wax models of watches from history.

"Welcome to the Hall of Witchcraft, there you can see all the horrible and tragic methods used on innocent people during the age of 'un enlightenment' as I call it." Omni smiled.

"Here is where all manner of reminders during the witch era is. From torture, how they would find out who was a witch, and what befell them."

"Bah, how drool." Alice scoffed as Herbert started to taste one of the wax sculptures.

"Nom."

"You say that now." Omni said. "But back when your phones were just an idea, many people died from witch persecutions, werewolf persecutions, normal persecutions, and mob mentality."

"Several of which included burning, hanging, drowning, stoning, all sorts of stuff to deal with sinful witches in their eyes." Yui said as they made it to a wax reconstruction of Abigail Williams.

"And this is Abigail Williams, the first legible case of witchcraft in Salem, although she was the victim, she also caused the Salem Witch Hunts to occur. A total of twenty five people died during this event with one being crushed to death by stones."

"Boring." Kiki yawned.

Omni frowned while whispering to Yui. "Point them to the mural of Mary Walcott's trial, the one behind you." He then winked at him.

"If you'll look behind me, you will see a mural based on Mary Walcott's trial."

They turned and saw a scene where a hysterical woman was on the ground as the trial was going on.

Omni looked around before subtly kicking Alice into it.

(Elsewhere)

-Salem, Massachusetts, March 1692-

And caused the girl to crash land into the local courthouse, just after they sentenced a person to be hanged and dragged out of the room.

"OW!"

"And I will now close this-"

"Wait! Who is this young girl?" said one of the people as John Hathorne and Jonathan Corwin raised an eyebrow on the girl's attire.

"Ow…" she looked up. "Pick me up you peasants!"

"Watch your tongue girl?" frowned the judge. "Who are you? Where did you come from? Where did you get such an...obscene garb?"

"Shut up pig!" Alice snapped. "I'm your queen and I demand assistance!"

Hathorne frowned while Corwin scowled. "Hold your tongue."

"Help me to my feet or else!" Alice snapped as the jury looked flabbergasted.

"Silence!" bellowed the judge banging the gavel. "You will be silent or so help me, you will be punished girl!"

"Like you could you old fart! Now help your queen or I shall report you to the police!"

Corwin whispered into Hathorne's ear. "She speaks strange words, perhaps thou should search her for witch marks."

"Agreed. Men. Hold her, we shall look for any witch marks she may bare."

Alice blinked before getting restrained as some of the people shaved her hair.

(A bit later)

She blushed while she was naked and shaved of all bodily hair, even the pubes, as they looked for a witch's mark.

Only to find a giant wart on the tip of her butt crack.

"Beware!" One of the villagers screamed. "Old Scratch has given this woman the kiss of heresy!"

"She's a witch!"

"Hang her!"

Alice went wide-eyed as she was dragged away.

(Later)

And placed right near a pile of ash tree logs as she was tired to a post.

"For the crime of witchcraft and heresy, you are sentenced by the people of Salem to death." spoke Hathorne. "Any last words?"

"You can't do this to me! In the queen of the world!"

"Blasphemy!"

"She claims she is God himself!"

"End her!"

Hathorne lowered the torch and set it ablaze as Alice was slowly yet painfully burned to death.

(Elsewhere)

Omni smiled as Yui finished showing the group a wax figure of a witch getting burned on a stake.

"And keep in mind. They were awake throughout the entire ordeal and felt it all."

PUNCH!

"I HATE ART!" Brad yelled while punching the statue's head off.

"You're paying for that."

"What's next black Jap?" asked Billy Bob.

And cue Yui getting very mad.

"What is with you? Do you just see every person as japanese?"

"Yes."

Omni and Yui sweatdropped at this.

"The next stop is the Napoleon Wing."

"And no we don't mean Napoleon Dynamite, gosh!"

Brad punched Omni in the face. "DON'T DISS PERFECTION!"

'Oh I'm going to enjoy this tour.' Yui thought with a smirk.

(Later)

-Napoleon Wing-

The group made it into a room full of Napoleonic War memorabilia, including a painting of said emperor in the center of the room.

"And here we have said general, who is NOT a midget."

"And was Emperor of France from 1804 to 1814, which was a good thing for the people, not the best for everyone else in europe." Omni said. "Also contrary to popular belief, he was average height."

"All those portraits of him being average? Yeah those were true, the myths of him being tiny were propaganda made up by his enemies." spoke Yui.

"Jap trick." frowned Billy Bob.

Omni frowned before seeing Brad getting ready to punch him, only to duck as he hit Yui's shoulder.

"I HATE HISTORY!"

"And yet you came to a museum, smart." remarked Yui with annoyance. "If you hate it, why come here?"

"SHUT UP!"

Omni whispered to Yui. "Get him close to the statue of Napoleon, it's time to get rid of this asshole."

"Well then if you hate it, you won't care taking a close up look of this statue? Or maybe you don't have the balls."

Omni sweatdropped before seeing Brad and then looked at Jack. "Wait." He walked over and saw a small bra sticking out. "Huh, a girl. Weird."

"Hey!"

He moved back. "Sorry, anyway. Overhere is a life sized statue of Napoleon, created a century after his death. Look at the bronze hat and horse." 'Must be a flub in time. I thought she was a guy.'

They looked while Brad looked pissed off and ran to destroy the statue.

"Stupid statue!" He yelled while charging towards it and went through it.

(Elsewhere)

-Waterloo, Belgium, June 18, 1815-

And went right into a tent full of Napoleonic soldiers and generals as he actually punched a guy in the balls.

"GAH!"

"SCREW YOU!"

"Ohhh….sacrebleu…." groaned the man holding his groin before falling down while the others jumped at attention and aimed their rifles at him.

Brad looked around and blinked. "Eh?"

"Who are you? A spy from Russia?" One said while looking like a veteran of war.

"No!" He punched a table in half. "Fuck you fuckers!"

One soldier whispered to the other. "Looks like a madman."

"Yeah, but with bad hair and an orangutan's muscular cousin."

"You calling me a monkey you fucktard?! I'll kick your ass too!"

The men aimed before a figure walked in.

"At ease." He said while it was revealed to be Napoleon himself. "Don't waste your weapons before the battle."

"Yes my emperor." They said while at ease.

But for Brad, he just saw someone stupid and looked like a boring painting. And that made him angry.

"Now, who are you boy?"

"None of your business asshole."

"What? You dare address me as a lowly mule?" He frowned. "I am Emperor of the French, the King of Italy, and-"

"You are a dwarf."

He frowned while looking miffed and slightly confused. "What?"

"You heard me, midget."

Napoleon narrowed his eyes. "You sound like those fools who feel they could defeat me. Are you one of their lowly men sent here to try and assassinate me?"

"Ha! I would just kick your ass!"

Napoleon frowned before looking at his men. "Hand me my pistol."

"Yes my emperor." one of the generals handed him a pistol and stepped back in line.

Brad blinked before seeing the pistol near his forehead.

BANG!

Only for him to be shot dead and fell to the ground in a bloody mess.

"Leave him in the fields, stripped of his clothes, and burn the rest. We will commence with the battle at dawn." He said while walking out of the tent.

"Yes our emperor."

(Back at the museum)

Omni and Yui watched as the brats looked at the statue in confusion.

"Is this a trick?" Kiki asked with a frown as Herbert tried to eat the bronze horse's tail.

"Nom nom."

"Whatever do you mean?"

"He went through the statue like a ghostly Jap!" Billy Bob frowned.

"One more time." Omni said while eye twitching. "And you might sleep in a cell tonight, with pedophiles and child molesters."

Yui looked at Omni in shock.

"What? It might happen." 'Plus I'm almost ready to snap.'

"Dude calm down. We're not Hitler you know."

He sighed. "Ok class, it's time to see the Hall of Wrestling, so single file please."

"Just tell us where Brad is!" Kiki snapped.

"He's at the end of the tour, now let's get going."

"Otherwise you might get lost." smirked Yui.

They grumbled before following them.

(Later)

-Hall of Wrestling-

And walked into a room full of ancient forms of wrestling, from greek to roman, along with statues of various people that helped found the sport.

"Ok, on your left is an ancient clay pot with the first depiction of greek wrestling. It was a deadly sport of the ancient Olympics and men with birthday suits only." Omni said pointing to said object.

"Which lead to some raunchy stuff. After all, it was during this time, it was normal for a grown man to bone a younger man." smirked Yui.

"And die." Omni added before showing a picture of a sumo wrestler. "This is a sumo, but did you know the sport actually predates 1185 AD? It's true and it was a festival for a ritualistic rain dance. But now it's just a way to get rid of oni and the like."

Yui looked slightly surprised at this while seeing Herbert eating a painting of a roman gladiator wrestling a bear.

"Nom nom."

"Tell him to stop." both deities deadpanned in annoyance as Kiki scoffed.

"This sacred art is tainted by japanese filth."

"Do it or I'll feed you to him."

"Like you could beat me, I won gold trophies for the sport." she scoffed while Yui looked annoyed, again. "Also can we go to another part of the room, this statue is making me sick."

"Yui." Omni whispered. "Remember the plan for her."

He grumbled while looking ready to slap the girl.

"Also, if she calls anime or hentai stupid you can be forceful." He smirked evilly under his hood.

"Oh I will."

Omni nodded before pointing to a silk screen with a sumo battle on it. "Please look upon this, a rare artifact from the year 720 AD, which depicts an event during 27 BC, where the ancestor of the sumos named Nomi-no-Sukune fought and killed the man to the left, named Taima-no-Kuehaya, under the direct orders of Emperor Suinin. Take a look at how he crushed the man's chest with only one palm, a feat of training and power."

"And fat." Kiki said sarcastically.

He deadpanned while Yui walked behind her and pulled out a wasp from his sleeve before placing it on her back.

"Oh my god! Poison wasp!"

She turned and screamed while running around in fear, only to hit the screen and vanished.

(Elsewhere)

-Unknown location, Japan, 27 BC-

Only to appear in a temple of wood while finding herself alone and in the dark.

"AHHHHH!" she screamed as the wasp vanished in a hole under the floorboards. "WASP!"

CRASH!

Only for her to hit a wall, head first.

"OW!" she yelled. She held the spot and hissed in pain. "That hurt!"

That was when she noticed the doors being opened and revealed several robed monks and a lordly man in a fancy kimono.

He looked at the monks with a raised eyebrow. "So this is the warrior for my contest? But it's a woman and she is not even trained."

"Yes my lord." the head monk bowed. "But even a woman can be trained to cook, thus, your heavenly grace, we shall train this woman in the art of skriking one another."

Kiki blinked while very confused as she heard japanese but could understand it perfectly.

The man walked away. "Do as you see fit, but bring me a warrior by the end of the month. The mortals are in need of good entertainment."

"Yes Emperor Suinin." the monks bowed at once.

"Hey, what's going on here?" She asked while the monks walked towards her and dragged her away. "Hey!"

(A bit later)

She blinked while appearing in a fancy room with lots of food while the monks took off her clothes and placed a loincloth around her hips.

"First art, the consumption of food for the increase of bodily form." one monk said. "This will be your training for the next two weeks, so don't stop or we shall cast you down the mountain side like a wicked tengu."

"What? Forget it, let me out of here!" she growled before seeing the monks walking away and locked the gates from the outside. "HEY!"

GROWL!

Kiki heard her stomach growl like a lion while feeling very claustrophobic. She then saw a statue of an oni, eyeing her with both hunger and a weird sense of oblivion that started to affect her memory. She gulped and looked at the food while drooling a little. 'That does look nice.'

The scent of meat overwhelmed her while the eyes turned her brain into a useless mush, her head slowly going mad with hunger and for a sense of self. All the while chanting was heard from outside, which seemed to be prays for a kami and for a perfect warrior.

This in turn, made Kiki's will power falter and break from the stress as her past life began to vanish, slowly but surely like a sieve.

'What was I doing...food? Yum.' she thought before walking over and took a bite of deer brains.

(One month later)

The crowd of people went muttered to themselves while they waited for the ritual to begin as the emperor sat in a gold laced chair.

He looked around before seeing a monk signaling someone on the left side of the field.

The ground shook as Kiki walked to the field, but her body was now that of a 900 pound woman with thick legs and arms, small bits of muscles on her arms and legs, with her hair in a bun, wearing nothing to hold her Q cup chest back as a loincloth was wrapped around her hips, as her eyes were now glossed and dulled of life.

The emperor smiled before signaling a monk.

"From the east, the mysterious warrior of the kami, the great warrior, Nomi-no-Sukune!"

She moaned while smiling a little as her thoughts turned to one thing. 'Food.'

(Back at the museum)

Yui chuckled while showing the group of bad teens a statue of a sumo that looked VERY similar to Kiki, if she bulked up like a Snorlax.

"Where's Kiki?" asked Jack with a frown as she looked around the room, Herbert eating Omni's cloak.

"Nom."

"Get off my cloak!"

"Try seeing if he'll eat dirt from the floor."

Omni frowned before pushing him off. "Children, it's time to visit the Atomic Age Gallery. Please proceed with a calm, orderly line-"

"Where is Kiki?!" Jack yelled.

"She's at the end of the tour, Jackline-"

"It's Jackie, I mean Jack you asshole!"

'Ok, at least I got her name.' He thought while Billy Bob placed a sticky note on his back that read 'Jap sucks cock'. "So let's-"

Yui grabbed the note and looked annoyed now. "Seriously? If you wanna be Japanese so much, then get hit by a car and pray you get reborn as one."

"Whatever Jap." He waved off while Jack nodded in agreement.

Both deities frowned before walking away.

(Elsewhere)

-Atomic Age Gallery-

And showed the teens a room covered in Atomic Age based memorabilia, several nuclear warheads and a replica of a Hydrogen Bomb.

"Welcome to the Atomic Age." Omni said. "While I'm not one for modern history, I do know that in this time the advancement in atomic energy was in full swing and allowed for humanity to create movies, books, and other stuff that portrays atomic power as good for the environment."

"But of course it can really cause horrible and deadly radiation burns and poisonings, as shown by the bombing of Hiroshima in WWII."

"And the testing in the pacific. At least one atole got turned into a wasteland from a test. Also helped create Godzilla." Omni said while pointing to a 1959 model of Godzilla, only for Jack to laugh with sadistic glee. "What? Godzilla's origin story was interesting and tragic."

"They deserved it all."

"...eh? But Godzilla was fictional." 'In this dimension that is.'

"I mean those dirty Japs. Hope they suffered."

"Ok, did your mom get raped by a Japanese guy or what?" asked Yui. "I wanna know just WHY you're a racist towards them."

"It's nothing personal." Jack shrugged. "They're just inferior and the reason WWII existed."

"No." Omni deadpanned. "Japan was just expanding its borders, amorality that is. Besides it was Nazi German that caused the war after a depression and WWI affecting their economy."

"That's a load of propaganda they want you to believe."

"All Jap tricks." Billy Bob agreed while Omni facepalmed.

'A year of Nazi Propganda classes in college...wasted on idiots.' He thought while Yui pointed to 'Little Boy' with a smirk. 'I hope this doesn't lead to anything bad...like that Marvel timeline with the Hulk powered victims of said atomic bombs...ugh.' "Now, look at the model of 'Little Boy', the bomb that hit Hiroshima and lead to the total destruction of an entire city."

They looked while Yui pulled out a snake and placed it in Jack's bra.

"AHHHH!" She screamed as the snake revealed itself to be a python, that began to slither around her shirt and bra.

"Hisssss." It hissed while Jack tried to jump around the replica like a crazed idiot.

She kept on jumping before Yui tripped her into the replica.

(Elsewhere)

-Hiroshima, Japan, August 6, 1945 AD-

And appeared in the middle of a bustling city while the python slithered away and vanished in an instant.

"Gross! Stupid snake!" she yelled before noticing where she was and was about to say something when she heard the sound of turbines in the air and looked up.

Only to see a Superfortress bomber in the sky, looming towards the city before something dropped from it and straight towards her.

WOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!

"AHHHHHHH!" she screamed before-

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

It exploded in her face as the world stopped and the age of atoms began, with the flames of destruction itself.

(Back at the museum)

Omni looked at the two boys before saying. "Any questions about the Atomic Age?"

"Are we going to Hawaii?" Herbert asked while eating a poster of an atomic explosion.

"No." Yui said while the boy looked sad.

"Aw, but I want Hawaii."

Omni looked lost. "Why?"

"I want to vacation there, not go to a dull museum."

This caused both deities to growl as they actually worked hard making the museum, a whole month of planning and paperwork to get this off the ground and...he called it dull. DULL! A time museum!

"Have you learned a single thing here?"

"No." He said while eating part of the wall. "Nom."

Omni facepalmed at this.

"Well this next exhibit is sure to change your mind."

"Ok kids." Omni smiled falsely. "Come along to the Roman Expedition Hall, chop chop!"

"Nom nom." Herbert chomped on a fire extinguisher while breaking it in half.

'Ew.'

(Elsewhere)

-Roman Expedition Hall-

Yui pointed to the hall full of roman artifacts as well as a large volcano and several chariots hanging from the ceiling as the two teens looked mildly interested, but still either ate the exhibits or tried to pickpocket some relics. "Here we have a hall showcasing a rather war focused people, so much so that to be considered a man you had to kill a slave, and you had to do it when you were still a child."

"And while that was Spartan." Omni clarified. "Roman culture was more violent than any other society in the western hemisphere, with so much violence and disregard for life that even the colosseum and its fights were bloody, but contrary to popular belief, no one died from those games. It was just a normal sport that killed so many animals and people, that lions and tigers don't exist in the Mediterranean anymore."

"Boring."

"So you say now." Omni deadpanned while pointing to a model of Vesuvius. "But this mountain was so powerful when it erupted that entire cities were wiped off the map for centuries, like Herculaneum."

"And-"

"It was also so deadly that the Pyroclastic Flow caused brains to boil and skulls to explode upon contact." Omni interrupted Yui with enthusiasm. "Also the person's skin melted off, like the surface of the sun-"

BOP!

"OW!" he yelled as Yui bopped him on the head.

"If you wanna get that excited, go teach."

"Tried." he whispered to him. "But the last time Marisa told me to teach at the ZOO, I almost caused an eruption in the classroom. All because an Ifirit wanted to turn into Nora's reincarnation, and not the good kind either."

"Yikes."

Omni nodded as Herbert started to eat the fake lava.

"Nom nom."

"Please stop that." Both deities frowned while getting annoyed at his gluttony.

He shook his head no and continued to eat the lava.

'How has he not gotten indigestion?' Yui thought before getting an idea. "Hey kid, the inside is full of chocolate."

"Ew, I have pika. I hate normal food." Herbert said in disgust.

Yui deadpanned hearing that logical answer of stupidity. 'Well that explains things.'

"Oi." Omni deadpanned. "The inside is actually made of fiberglass and tar, go and get it."

And cue him crawling up the model like a mountain goat, making Yui facepalm harder.

"Now he's a monkey."

Herbert went up into the volcano before falling inside.

(Elsewhere)

-Pompeii, Italy, August 24, 79 AD-

And landed in the middle of a bustling roman city full of people, including slaves making dye utilizing urine and their own feet in large baths. "Huh?"

He looked around before seeing some guy's toga and began to eat it.

"Hey!"

"Nom nom!"

"In the name of Jupiter, stop that!"

"Nom nom."

He glared before slapping him away and stormed off to get the centurions.

"Hawaii is weird." he muttered before getting up and started walking in a random direction.

All the while not seeing the dark clouds in the sky or the fact the earth began to shake.

'Need food.' He thought before seeing some gold coins on a stand and started eating them like candy. "Nom nom."

"Hey! Don't eat that!" yelled a very angry woman of the stand. "That's my money!"

"It tastes bland."

"Then stop eating-"

BOOOOOOOM!

And cue the local mountain exploding as a deadly cloud of dust and rock billowed into the sky and caused a thunderstorm to occur.

But this was nothing to Herbert as he didn't notice that the world was about to change, just what to eat before taking a swim in the pacific.

(Later)

He groaned while full of marble and silver coins as the town got covered in pumice, obsidian, toxic gas and other deadly substances that the mountain spewed from the very core of the island. "Burp...that was a good meal."

That was when he started to choke and cough out blood like a fountain. He could barely move due to the weight and tried to cover his mouth.

"Ah...ah…" he got out before something worse came to fruition.

RUMBLE!

A giant cloud of superheated gas and rock went rolling down the mountain side and towards the town, burning and boiling everything it touched.

And it was heading towards Herbert.

"Ahhhhhh!"

WOOOOOSH!

The cloud swept over him as his brain was turned to gas, his organs evaporated and his body exploded upon contact as he didn't even have a thought left in his now evaporated mind.

(Back at the museum)

Omni chuckled while giving Yui a low high five for his part in the plan. "One more left Yui."

"This ones gonna be good."

He nodded before whistling to Billy Bob. "Yo, come here. We have one more exhibit hall to visit."

"Fuck off Jap!"

He frowned. "You better come to the exhibit hall, before we call the cops on your ass."

"And trust me, that's the good and easy way out."

He frowned. "You better be or I'm calling immigration and sending you back to your island."

That got both deities pissed off while pushing him out of the room.

(Later)

-Hall of Japanese History-

And brought him to a room covered in japanese culture, art, history and other memorabilia as Yui smirked at his reaction.

"This here is a spot most would drool over."

"The Hall of Japanese History, where Japan's history is represented in a more positive way." Omni said while pointing to some yokai pictures. "Especially yokai." 'If he says anything stupid, I'm going to go Sutinav right now.'

"Yo-what?"

"Yokai, demons essentially."

"Actually kami that aren't worshipped." Omni clarifies. "Gaijin Goomba talked all about them. A good watch really."

"More Jap tricks." Billy Bob frowned. "And all part of the conspiracy!"

"What conspiracy?"

"The conspiracy where the Japs rule the world!"

Omni whispered to Yui. "He's thinking the same logic as anti semitists, believing the hebrews controlled the governments and made people poor. A very stupid ideology really."

Yui deadpanned. "This is why the old ways were better, straightened kids out."

"Or just throw him to a tiger and call it square." Omni whispered before pointing to an image of a burning temple. "This is Ishiyama Hongan-ji, a fortress for the Ikkō-ikki, warrior monks that opposed the samurais during the Sengoku period. Made in 1496, it was the location of Oda Nobunage's campaign to defeat them. He failed once, but afterwards burnt the place to the ground and burnt it to the ground, but after eleven years of siege warfare. The longest in Japan's history."

Yui blinked while seeing Billy Bob kicking several clay and plastic statues of both ancient warriors and some anime figures, one of which was….

SMASH!

The now destroyed character of Suu, the actual foundation point of Yui's daughter Cynthia.

"The fuck did you just do?!"

"I'm destroying Jap culture." Billy Bob said coldly before smashing Suu's face with his shoe and grinding it on the rug. "It's all part of the American way."

SNAP!

Billy Bob then walked over and grabbed a figurine of Sona from Megaman Star Force and looked at them, with Omni starting to panic. "Time to kill all Jap culture! Including this whore!"

'He wouldn't!' Omni thought as he had some memories with that character, which included having a summon character of her in his days as Vanitus, which also kept him sane during his lonely days in the void.

SNAP!

Omni's eyes went into his skull as the figurine's head was snapped and twisted all the way behind her back.

"Well retard, you're fucked." spoke Yui in a cold tone.

"Ha! You should be thanking me, Japs are a disease and will be purged by the true americans!"

Omni twitched in anger while glitches began to form around his eyes as he walked up to Billy Bob and started to choke him. "THAT'S TI! YOU LLAHS DIE!"

"GAH!"

"We warned you ya little shit." frowned Yui. "Your mindset is something that needs to be shocked back to reality, and we have just the way."

He gasped for air before seeing Omni walking to the image as it started to move with flames licking the sides like actual fire.

"You. Llahs. Suffer. A. Dnasuoht. Deaths. Yb. Our. Sdnah!" Omni growled while dangling him across the front of the image, flames starting to heat the air and increase the temperature to about three degrees per second.

"Hope you like barbeque, you're about to be part of one." laughed Yui.

Billy Bob got out a bird before getting thrown into the image.

(Elsewhere)

-Osaka, Japan, Azuchi-Momoyama Period, August 1580 AD-

And landed in a temple that was in the thongs of war as burning arrows and flames lick the walls and floor, with monks running to escape the fortress or to try and stop the now growing inferno.

"Hurry! Get the water!"

"We ran out!"

"By the lord Buddha! We're doomed!"

"We must hold out, the fate of our monastery is at stake!"

"The Demon King of the Sixth Heaven will not prevail!"

Billy Bob got up and dusted himself off while wiping sweat from his forehead from the horrible heat. "Japs? Here? What's going on?"

That was when the flames started to catch onto his hair and clothes, arrows and gun fire wizzing above his head and caused more damage to the monastery.

"Ah! My hair!" he screamed trying to pat it down, which failed.

That was when the fire started to burn his skin as he was set ablaze.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed while arrows and bullets began to litter his body like a practice dummy. He fell down and cried out in pain. "AAAAAAAA-"

WISH!

THRUMP!

And cue an arrow hitting him between the eyes, killing him instantly as the flames turned him into a charred corpse.

(Back at the museum)

Omni panted while trying to calm down, the glitches still covering his eyes and causing time and space to warp and spasm like crazy.

"Easy there Omni, breath, breath."

"Ah….ah…." He panted before the glitches vanished. "Ah...I'm fine. I'm fine. Just, surprised I could still do that after you and Jack blasted 'him' out of me."

"Well look on the bright side, we helped decrease the number of idiots in this world."

"True." he sighed. "We did, and thanks to Jack's robots that I 'borrowed', we can clean and fix the museum before the next tour." 'Hopefully Jack NEVER finds out!'

"And this one will hopefully have people that aren't one dimension idiots and jackasses."

"Agreed." he said while extending his left hand out. "And hopefully Marisa comes over and visits...which reminds me. Tell Jack that we still have a 'date' to do with him and your wife."

"Why?"

"Because I want to visit a special library. Other than that, spoilers~" He smiled while sounding like Marisa for a second, creeping Yui out.

'I swear if Marisa is roleplaying as Omni, I'm gonna hurl.'

"Let's shake and get back to the information booth."

He did so while they took a long ten minutes of the world's time to do this.

(Back at the booth)

"Ok." Omni said while looking at a pocketwatch. "The next group will arrive in….five seconds."

"Convenient."

And cue a group of...teens that looked kinda foul and disgusting in nature walked in while one of them spat on the floor.

"..." Omni looked at Yui. "Don't look at me, I'm a time god, not a luck god."

Yui smirked while looking evil.

"What?"

"Seems like we'll have plenty more exhibits to show these 'lovely' folks."

Omni blinked before smirking. "For once, we can agree on that. So want to 'introduce' us to our 'guests'?"

Yui nodded as both looked to the group, a shadow enveloping them as the exhibits turned and looked at the group, the letters The Museum of Historical Analyst appeared from the darkness as glowing eyes formed while the title changed to The Museum of Historical Retribution.