List of oneshots part 4
chapter 32
A fake hero gets help from his supposedly imaginary arch enemy.
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A man steps out of his house, bound for the local park.
"Morning Rhett, how was your weekend?" Asked a passing paper boy.
"What do you think?" Asked a brown eyed, brown haired, light skinned man. He was skinny, but tall, he had a blue shirt that had a picture of the earth on it, he wore black pants and cartoonishly huge red shoes.
"Did you encounter 'her' again?" The paper boy asked.
"Yes, and that's what I'm about to tell the citizens today at the park." he spoke before walking down the sidewalk with a big grin on his face.
Later at the park we see people with flags, shirts and hats with his face on them, cheering as he arrived.
"Rhett Foster is here!"
"Tell us your latest battle with the dreaded Angelina J. Washington."
"Well, I know I don't like to toot my own horn, but this last one was a real kicker."
The crowd paid attention with tons of eagerness.
"I was on my way home after buying groceries when out of nowhere, she jumped out of the bush in front of me! Of course like all the other times I saw it in time and easily avoided her, and even chucked the pie I bought right in her face."
The crowd laughed at the thought.
"And that's when I jumped into action! I tripped her over, put her in a headlock, and gave her the hardest german suplexes around!"
"Suplexes? Plural?!" One of the audience members cried out.
"Plural baby! Then, I gave her a happy trail after throwing her at an incoming Uber, that I called because I saw her ambush coming!"
"Then what?"
"Then I told the Uber to go for the bad side of town where she belongs!"
Then the crowd cheered.
"Yeah! Who's your hero!?"
"Foster!"
"Can't hear you!"
"FOOOOOSTEEEEEER! YEAAAAAAAH!"
"Oh yeah!" He cried out. 'How is it that they always buy my bullshit!?'
"Three cheers for the hero!"
"Foster! Foster! FOSTER! Yeeeeeehaaaaaaw!"
'Yeehaw, that's a new one.' Rhett thought. "Alright guys, I'll be going now."
That's when the crowd started throwing money.
"Or I could stay for a bit." he grinned while giving them the peace sign.
"Wooooooooo!" They hooted.
As Rhett gathered the money, a fan suddenly ran up to him.
"Foster! Foooosteeer!" He panicked.
"What is it little girl?"
"I'm a boy actually, but that's not the point. I saw her!"
"Saw who?"
"Angelina J. Washington!"
Rhett was super close to panicking. "W-W-What?"
"Yeah, and you'll kick her ass again right?"
'OH GOD I'M DEAD!' He screamed in his head. "Hell yeah kid! I'm gonna kick her ass live!"
"Hear that? Foster is gonna kick that bitch's ass!"
Then Rhett leaves them with a fake smile. 'Crap, the truth will be exposed and the real Angelina might kill me!'
As he turned a corner he saw Angelina J. Washington leaving the dry cleaners.
'Shit!' He then hid behind a car! 'Okay Rhett...think...oh I know, maybe if I lied again, the people are always buying my lies! Yeah, tomorrow I lie to them again and maybe the mayor will give me the key to the city.'
With that in mind he let out a sigh of relief and went in the opposite direction. That's when he walked by a wall with posters saying Rhett Foster vs Angelina J. Washington. "What in the!? Me vs. Angelina J. Washington!? Friday Night in front of Town Hall!? Who posted this?!" he cried out, breaking out in a cold sweat before he started to quickly rip them down.
"Yargh Fostargh! Rip up them postarghs! Get yerself mentally prepared to kick the evil lass' ass to Davey Jones' lock-argh!" A pirate cheered.
"Yeah! Show that skank what you're made up!" Said another pirate.
'I suddenly regret being so popular.'
Meanwhile...Angelina took notice of the posters. She had long red hair, bright blue eyes, wore a pink and white tank top, had a belly button ring, wore skinny jeans and white shoes.
"Huh?" After reading..."Who the fuck is Rhett Foster?"
"Whoa, looks like someone's calling you out." Said her friend. She was a blue and yellow tiger with braces.
"I know imaginary friend, but the question is, do we accept this challenge?"
"Wait...why does it say hero vs. villain with you as the villain?" Her figment of her imagination pointed out.
"I have no idea." Said Angelina before a passing by Rhett Foster fan threw his half empty carton of chocolate milk at her.
"Booo!"
"Look out!" Shouted the imaginary friend.
Angelina ran up the wall before backflipping off it. So her dry cleaning was still dry and cleaned. "Nice try, I just got this jacket dry cleaned."
"Looks like you'll be a social pariah till Friday."
"Yep, guess we're retreating to the darkness till then." With that she slowly sunk backwards into the alley...somehow without moving her legs.
"Did you guys see that?!" Shouted Colin Mochrie from Whose Line is it Anyways.
"Yeah, she might actually be a supervillain from hell like Foster said."
"This is gonna be the battle of the century!"
And so a week passes, with a montage of Rhett reading comic books and Angelina rapidly punching a punching bag.
"I dunno who you are, but looks like it's time for good to lose to evil!" Angelina panted.
"Huh, never thought the main character had split personality disorder." Said Rhett before closing the comic book. "Time for the next issue."
Then finally it was Friday and Rhett Foster made it to town hall...which was strangely right next to the mall, first. And there it showed a huge ass crowd.
"People, you are free, for I intercepted Angelina and kicked her ass before making it here."
The crowd then cheered.
"Oh, won't you please tell us how you did it?"
"Why of course Angelina...ANGELINA!?" he looked at the woman suddenly behind him, making him pale and the crowd gasp.
"Please, tell us all how you kicked MY ass."
"Uh...w-well..."
"Why is Rhett Foster lying?"
"Forget that, why is he scared of Angelina?"
"Kick her butt!"
"Yes, kick my butt, I'll drop my pants if you have the guts to actually do it."
Rhett sweated profusely.
"Yeah! Drop your pants and submit to Rhett's 8 foot dick that he fucks supermodels with!"
"8 feet huh? I'll bet you've got a whole bunch of groupies."
"Yeah...totally..." 'I'M DEAD!'
"Hey, since we've been at this for so long, how's about letting me have the first shot for once?" Asked Angelina.
"Sure, Rhett's a good sport." Said one of the fans.
"S-S-S-Sure."
"Sweet." Angelina took one step before Rhett dropped into the fetal position.
"Okay I lied! I never even met Angelina J. Washington before."
That made the people grow silent.
"I never thought there would be an actual Angelina J. Washington let alone a girl who looks exactly like her. I don't even have a dick that's 8 feet long!"
"So...your adventure to save the Angel Queen?" Asked an old citizen.
"Lies!"
"Your battle with Angelina in Shangri-La?" Asked a skinny citizen.
"Lies..."
"The one time you and Angelina let bygones be bygones to win the war against The Rebellion Beasts?" Asked a teenage citizen.
"Lies, lies, lies all lies!"
All of them stared at him in shock and horror before yelling out in anger before throwing things at him.
"You fraud!"
"I was saving myself till my 18th birthday for you!"
"You were my reason to get outta bed every morning!"
"I'm sorry!"
"I was gonna give you the key to the city!"
"I didn't raise you to be a liar!" Said his dad.
"You have brought shame upon our land!" yelled an old fashion samurai. "And our cows!"
Ashamed, Rhett Foster fled.
"Hah! Now that I've exposed the faker, guess that makes me the new he-wait, where's everyone going?"
"We're going home to take down our merch from that bastard."
"Oh...so can I be the town's new heroi-"
"We don't care about you." Replied all of them.
"Hmph, I save the town from a fraud and they don't care, typical."
"Testify sista!" Said her imaginary friend.
One month later and we Rhett leaving his home, trash thrown all over his lawn.
"Another day of the town's hatred." He said as another former fan threw a half drinken bottle of water on his lawn.
"Loser!"
And so Rhett was off to work.
Later...at his job, in accounting.
"Rhett, gonna need those papers done by the end of the day."
"Yes boss."
"And listen...I'm sorry for what happened, but hey, it was great seeing you happy for a while."
"Thanks for still being my childhood friend Henry."
"No prob, keep up the good work."
After work we see Rhett passing a dark alley. That's when he was grabbed by the darkness! "Aaah!"
"Hey Mr. Pants on Fire." Said Angelina.
"Oh god! I don't wanna die!"
"Relax, I just wanna talk."
Later at a cafe...
"So sorry about uh...ruining your life..." she apologized as he stared into his coffee.
"Not your fault, I took a lie too far...didn't even know you were real, I didn't even know I described a real person so accurately down to their details. You don't happen to have a tiger for an imaginary friend do you?"
"Damn, I was part of his lie too? I like this guy." Said her imaginary friend.
"Are you psychic or something? You're spot on about everything."
"I know, it's like you were my dream girl or something."
'Oooooooh!' Said her imaginary friend.
'Sh-shut up.' she thought with a blush. "So uh...want help with saving your reputation? We can make it the greatest show ever!"
"How? Unless my lie about you being a pyrotechnics expert is also true."
"I am."
"Heh...I somehow know everything about you even though we've only met twice...if all this goes well...would you consider going out with me?"
"I'll consider it."
Then they shook on making Rhett Foster's comeback as amazing as possible.
(Later)
We find ourselves in town square, where a huge stage was being erected...
"Hey Joe, why are we doing this huge stage again?"
"Manny, our boss said that this is for an upcoming Yugioh Tournament, did you seriously tune that out?"
"Oh, right, sorry but I'm just not feeling like working today."
On one of rooftops, we see Rhett as his binoculars stared at Angelina in a dark blue hoodie and jogging pants.
"Ready?" Rhett texted.
"Let's make a show of it!" Angelina texted back before detonating a few bombs!
This made the people start screaming and panicking with one flailing his arms around like Kermit the Frog.
"Come on parkour skills, save me! Jump! Roll! Shove old man! Jump over baby! Kick cat outta the way!"
"Dude that's a lot of unnecessary d-" Then his friend was sent flying because he was directly under a bomb! "Aaaaaamaaaaaaaaaaaaage oof!"
"Ahahahahaha!"
"What in the? Who is that!?" Said a talking crocodile.
"There! On the stage!" A surfer girl pointed.
"Citizens of this city! It turns out Rhett Foster wasn't lying about everything, turns out he was right about me being a pyrotechnics expert!" Then she pressed a button making the areas where there were bombs suddenly erupt with pillars of fire! "Now I will burn this city to the ground!"
"Oh crap!"
That's when a red ball whizzed through the air. Angelina noticed and swiftly dodged!
"What the?"
Everyone looked at where the ball came from.
"Not so fast villain!"
"Rhett...Foster?" Said the citizens.
"You again? I thought I already exposed you for the phony you were."
"Ha! You thought wrong harlot. I've come here to stop you for good!"
Then Angelina pressed another button! An explosion caused a statue of the mayor to fly off and be sent flying at a school bus! That's when Rhett threw another red ball and then as soon as it hit the statue Angelina pressed a button making the people think Rhett destroyed it!
"Wow!"
'We got 'em now.' Thought Angelina.
Rhett started running at Angelina but then Angelina responded by bending down, picking up a fake brick she threw down there while the panicking citizens weren't looking and threw the fake brick at Rhett who swatted it away! "Dirty tricks won't work on me!" he threw a punch, with her turning her head making it look convincing with a pre-recorded sound effect.
"Oooooooooh!"
"Uh Mr. Mayor, he just struck a woman, that okay?" Asked a cop.
"Citizen's Arrest justifies any force." Replied the Mayor.
Then Angelina responded with a kick to the groin but Rhett used both arms and closed his legs fast enough to halt her kick.
'Phew, that took 56 tries to get right.' Thought both.
"Don't let her get you in the coconuts!"
Rhett shoved her away and then Angelina pressed a button making another explosion go off!
"RHEEEEET!" The people screamed as a car flew at them!
Rhett ran off to save the people! He punched the car as another well timed explosion split it in half, making people think he cut it down the middle. "Not today!"
The people cheered.
"Yeah! Who's your hero?"
"RHETT FOSTER!"
'Now to bring it on home.' Said Angelina's imaginary friend.
'This next part is gonna hurt like a bitch.' "Let's end this you evil whore!" Shouted Rhett Foster who brought out 2 magnets from his pockets and threw them, they then magnetized to the metal podium, holding down Angelina's feet!
"I'm stuck."
"Yeah! Rhett Foster's Holder Magnets! Those inventions never failed them!" Shouted a fan.
"Hey, is this gonna be like the time you guys battled in Paris? Making love to Angelina's perfect ass while the magnets held her down?"
'Sheesh, did his stories really get that raunchy?'
'Crap, forgot to recap her about that story.' Thought Rhett. "No citizens, I'm not horny right now." "Awwwww."
"But I know you guys are just dying to see my Foster Dropkick!"
"Hell yeah!"
That's when Rhett charged at Angelina and then while nobody was looking, Angelina pressed a button activating the jet boosters hidden in the back of Rhett's shirt just as he jumped into the air, both feet forward. "TAKE THIS!"
'This will hurt in the morning.'
'Very very sorry for this!'
Boom! Angelina was struck by the kick, and knocked out!
And after Rhett just barely stuck the landing, the people cheered!
"Wooohooo! He did it!"
"He saved us!"
They all picked him up and paraded him around town!
"Uh Mr. Mayor, I have apprehended Angelina J. Washington." Said a cop.
"Leave her unconscious body officer, without her, Rhett Foster will never have another fun tale to tell."
"But Mayor-"
"I said leave her!"
"Alright, you're the boss."
And so Rhett's fame was restored, and both him and Angelina had fun living this revived lie.
(Timeskip_
We find ourselves in a church as swords collide.
"Uh...d-do you...Rhett Foster...t-t-take Angelina J. Washington a-as you lawfully wedded wife?" Asked a terrified minister.
"I do."
"Uh..."
"Why yes, I do take Rhett Foster as my lawfully wedded husband." Replied a 7 months pregnant Angelina.
"Th-then."
"Shut up." Said both before kissing but then pushing away to keep sword fighting.
The witnesses would have applauded but they were all bound and gagged.
"Time for the honeymoon!"
Later after leaving the church...we see them at a hotel...basking in the afterglow...
"That was an awesome wedding." Said Rhett.
"Hell yeah it was, but now...I think I wanna stop fighting you, now that we have a kid coming, we need peace in our lives." Said Angelina.
"Don't worry, I'm gonna create a new bad guy, where we finally put our differences together and fight him."
"What if this person also turns out to be real?"
"Then we have this person join in on our bullshit."
"Yeah, that's a pretty good plan."
"Yah see? Now let's think of names for the kid and names for the new villain."