List of oneshots part 4
chapter 58
Speed dating, but with monster girls.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
It was a full moon tonight and this city was about to see the birth of a few couples. The camera was panning down to a small hot spot that one could mistake for a rave, due to half of it actually BEING a rave.
Aw yeah, to me for a - w-wait...why is there only 20 people dancing here?!
*Intern whispering into narrator's ear.*
A speed dating meet up and only these people signed up?
*More whispering from the ear*
Aw you gotta be kidding! That many? This is why the ways of dating are dead.
*whispers*
Oh, wow, threats to fire me? Okay fine, I'll narrate, just get outta my sight. *ahem!* So after the music stopped, a couple hosting this event stopped the music.
"So, is everyone ready to find love tonight?" Said the human man.
"Or at the very least, some good ol 'lust?" Said his succubus wife.
The small crowd cheered!
"Honey! No!"
"Come-on darling, you know the truth of why they're all here."
The host was angry and had puffed his cheeks at his wife, the hostess. "Anyways, all 20 of you, try your best to make a connection tonight, I'm gonna take my wife to the back for a talk."
"Oooooooh~" Said everyone.
"We won't use lube!"
"Yeah, going in raw!" Cheered the succubus before the doors closed.
The characters all got to some tables and started introducing each other.
"Hey, I'm Charlie Charles West." Said a man with blue hair, brown jacket, blue pants and blue shoes.
"Hi, I'm Misty, and I'm an unusual slime, I'm I guess a puddle slime?" Said a flat chested slime. She was a pink colored slime, she was very slim, and the goo that would be her hair, was styled to look like a perm.
"I'm confused, I thought slimes were just talking puddles."
"Slimes are more glob like in their regular form, but spill some water and my regular form looks no different from the spilled water."
"So it doesn't affect you? At all?"
"No, I can't even absorb liquids to make my boobs bigger! Not even my ass will get bigger!"
"Aww, it's not all bad, you're still pretty."
She blushed and smiled hearing that. "Thanks, not many people say that when they find out."
"Well, guess that's why we're supposed to be finding love here, and not lust." he tried joking making her laugh.
It worked, she did chuckle a bit from that.
"So, what do you like to do in your free time?" Asked Misty.
"I like to hunt bargains at stores and then enjoy snacks and meals I got at a steal."
"Nice, my free time is spent playing RAID- just kidding to the readers, just wanted to make a dumb joke."
"Phew, I was getting ready to evaporate you."
"Anyways, my free time is spent-" That's when a bell rang, signifying it was time to switch partners. "Oh, sorry, time to switch."
Now we jump to a different table.
"Shello, I'm shluna...Luna...and I'm a mimic with all the booze!" Instead of a treasure chest, this Mimic with purple skin, messy purple hair covering her eyes, had a beer keg.
"I'm Thadius Wong, and you don't look like a mimic." This man had a blue tracksuit for some reason, just as messy hair dyed turquoise, green eyes and black gloves.
"Duh, I'm trying to be a more modern mimic...*hic*...back then people fell for mimics because of treasure, shbut...but, we are far from the days of knights and princess rescuing! So I took the form of a keg of beer! To trap people, as my food!"
Thadius started to sweat upon hearing that. "And...how's that been working out for you?"
"Great, I devour like...*hic*...Shten...ten people a week."
"If you're eating people, why are you here?"
"I'm drunk, b-but I alsho wanna get laid!" she smiled. "E-Even I get REAL hooouurny~"
"Is that so?"
"Yep, so what's your life like?"
"Well, I make 300,000 a year but I'm lonely."
"Aaaash...a risch guy...better keep that to yourshelf, these other dudesh want to find love too." she slurred while looking close to passing out.
"Oh good point, I also like to go fishing on my yacht."
"Oooh, I alwaysh wanted to drink on a yacht." She then had trouble picking her head up.
'This girl needs help, maybe I can convince her to be a different thing to mimic for...prey...'
That's when the bell rang again.
"Oopsh, that'sh the bell, but don't worry I know who I'm picking." she waved before she grabbed the keg and hopped away, before tripping and fell on the side as it went rolling off. "Weeeeeh!"
Then we jump to another table.
"Hey, I'm Franz, I'm a Cherub." Said a blonde guy with angel wings and a toga. "So if you start dating me, I can send you to Heaven in more ways than one."
"Oh wow, that's quite the pick up line." Said a regular woman with brunette hair, a red dress and a blindfold over her eyes. "I'm Sunny Parker."
"Nice to meet you, but if you don't mind me asking, why do you have a blindfold?"
"I'm honing my senses. Take this spoon and throw it at me." She handed him a spoon. "Just chuck it with all your strength!"
Franz did as she said, he threw it at her! Instantly her head bent backwards with the spoon easily missing.
"How's that?"
"Nice party trick, but can you dodge this?" He jumped back and shot an arrow at her which she caught just barely! "Woah."
"Is that all? Please."
"Okay, your skills are impressive, but I would love to see your eyes." Said Franz.
"No, my yellow eyes are terrifying. Everyone runs when they see them." Said Sunny.
"Come now, they can't be that scary."
"Er...you asked for it." Then she takes off the blind fold, revealing yellow vortexes that were physically seen swirling.
"Whoa...what happened to you?"
"A witch cast a spell on me, I used to have beautiful yellow eyes that made you think you were staring at the moon, but now they look like you're peering at armageddon."
'Wow, I can see what she meant.'
"Can you see the majesty of these eyes or should I just keep my blindfold on?"
"No no, keep it off."
"Oh? You like these?"
"I'm an Angel, well Cherub, we're always ready to save humanity from Armageddon." he smiled with a thumbs up making her smile.
"So, you're not creeped out? At all?"
"A bit, but I'll get used to it, love is about compromise."
"Franz, you're so sw-" Then the bell rang telling everyone to switch. "Dang it!"
"I think I found my partner. Don't you worry."
Sunny's eyes watered when he said that. "Thank you..."
Then we went to another table...
"Kamusta Kayo." Said an anthropomorphic horse woman. She was tall and had a whopping H cup chest, the biggest out of all the women in the room, her ass was also bigger than everyone else's. "I'm Prada, I'm a Tikbalang."
"Uh...hello, I'm Carl D. Jackson Jr." Said the dark skinned man, he was bald, had purple eyes, wore a green vest, a black T-shirt underneath, brown bell bottoms but...no shoes for some reason. "Also what's a Tikbalang?"
"Ever seen Bojack Horseman? Basically him but we're Filipino."
"Oh, it's that simple?"
"Not exactly, I just use Bojack to describe what we all look like."
"Oh...then what are Tikbalang like?"
"I hope I have enough time to tell you a scary story."
"How scary?"
"We are the souls of aborted fetuses sent to earth from limbo."
"SAY WHAT?!"
"Yep, so the Democrats and Religious Nuts can shut the fuck up, because the abortions didn't actually kill anyone, they just became my people." she stuck her tongue out making him give an awkward chuckle.
'I knew politics would somehow pop up during this thing.'
"So anyways Carl, we like to scare off travelers, make them stray from the path in the woods or the mountains."
"Yeesh, sounds malicious."
"Hardly, we're just making sure they do not trespass into the elemental kingdom we're guarding."
"Ah, you're gatekeepers then, not inherently evil." Said Carl. 'Phew, I was actually planning on traveling to the Philippines to see the giant fruit bats they've got.'
"So relax, I won't try and terrify you." she teased.
"Good to know."
"So what are you like?"
"I'm a successful livestream gamer, having 2 million subscribers."
"A gamer? Aren't those people free real estate for anger management counselors?"
"Okay, I admit I do get angry on stream sometimes but it's not because of me doing badly at a game or the poor design of a game, my subscribers just troll me constantly."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, when I was playing this one game, a donation with a message popped up and the automatic voice started reading it for me. It was nothing but obnoxious noises as I was trying to fucking focus on the game!" he growled. "I nearly smashed my keyboard over the screen."
"Oof! Sounds bad."
"You haven't heard the worst trolling I've taken. I was just trying to have a meaningful and real conversation, let the subscribers get to know what I'm like out in the real world, but then some ass had to make the entire chat laugh when he sent me a link to a video!"
"Was it a rick roll?"
"Worse, it was Carl 101, some guy cosplaying me was teaching Ugandan children english by having them repeat over and over how much I love this one videogame that I actually fucking hate."
"Now that's just rubbing salt in the wound."
"I both love and hate the people who watch my live streams."
"Must be a difficult relationship."
"Unlike these losers, at least I get laid, at least until 2 weeks ago, this girl I've been dating for 5 years dumped me when I tried proposing."
"Yikes."
"Yeah, not sure what was up with her, but I've been having trouble finding a girlfriend after that."
That's when the bell rang telling everyone to switch!
"Oh, guess that's it. But don't worry, doubt your girlfriend had melons as big as mine."
'That's putting it mildly.'
"I actually wanna see you again, you're cute." She said before leaving him.
Now we got to another table...
"Quake in terror mortal! I am Sir Grinder, the terror of this city!" Said the Dark Knight, clad in pitch black armor, purple hair coming out of the helmet. Carrying a black sword on her back!
"Uh...I'm Akito Suzaku, what are you exactly?" Said a young japanese man with long green dyed hair that went down to his shoulders. A blue short sleeve shirt, black pants and dancing shoes.
"I'm a dark knight!"
"Uh, I know being a dark knight is scary, but does that even count as a monster?"
"Of course! Do you not read the index on monsters?"
"Yes, but only cute monsters like Jackalopes, Unicorns and Elves from the North Pole."
"...seriously?"
"Sorry, I'm no good with scary things, I'm waiting to see if I could chat with the flat chested and flat butted slime later."
"What a weak leveled mortal, I might kidnap you and make you my slave to herald my arrival so the people have a running start when I ride in on my steed, Orlok!"
"You named your horse after Nosferatu?"
"Of course, I'm a big fan of Dracula and Nosferatu."
"Personally I would have gone with Sleipnir. Norse fan."
"Silence fool and become my lover!"
"Not with that attitude."
Then she opened up her helmet to reveal a cute yet angry tan skinned girl. "You big meanie!"
"Wow...you're pretty cute."
"No! Cute means nobody takes me seriously!" Then she put the helmet back on. "Cute means people can dangle treats over your head and you'll roll over for them even though you were trying to be scary!"
"Um...I'm pretty sure that only happens to dogs."
"It can happen to anyone!" She said, as her armor was seen steaming. 'Have I found my nemesis?'
"Well anyways, Sir Grinder was it? Uh, I like to ride horses too since I work at a horse ranch." Said Akito.
Then she calmed down. "You work at a horse ranch? Do you have any mares that are worthy of baring Orlok's broode?"
"Woah there, I can't just let you have a mare, those ladies are for the winners of the horse races."
"So, if I eliminate the short men riding the horses, then my Orlok shall be allowed to be a father?" She said while rubbing her hands evilly.
"Or you can just play fair." he sweatdropped. "You know, like a normal person."
"But I am the Dark Knight of this city, I am evil!"
"Well...instead of being an evil dark knight like in Arthurian Legend, maybe you can be the Dark Knight from DC Comics?"
"I admit Batman is cool and he does strike fear into his enemies and he is sometimes mistaken for a vampire, and he kicks a lot of asses..." Then she took off her helmet. "Okay you have a point."
"See?"
"Then I shall be the Dark Knight to bring swift justice onto evil doers, and without mercy!"
"You're still gonna kill them?"
"Yep, and I'll make sure the sidekick you and I create has a pony for their 10th birthday so they may join me in my new crusade." She said before putting a hand on his hand.
"Wait, are you really gonna choose-" Then the bell rang signalling that it was time to switch again. "I shall return!"
Then we jump to a different table...
"Hey guy, think you can get MY rocks off." Said a Golem. She had dirty blonde hair, hazel eyes, tanned skin, a big round nose, thunder thighs and E-cup breasts. The rock parts of her body were also black granite "I'm Riona, and I'm only here for my crazy libido."
"I'm Mortimer Prince and...that's a bit TMI..."
"Oh? You're a prince?"
"No, Prince is just my surname."
"That must have confused a lot of people."
"You'd be right on that." Said the blue eyed man with a green baseball cap, black hair with a blue streak in it, green jacket with blue shirt, blue pants and green shoes.
"Knew it, so what do you think of my E cups? Wanna put your dick between 'em?"
"I'm more of a thigh person myself."
"Nice, I can totally crush your skull with my thunder thighs."
"Uh, how's about I tell you a little more about myself before you tackle me to the floor?"
"Oh fine." she pouted.
"I'm an assassin."
"..."
"I know you're scared, but don't worry I don't have any clients right now." he held his hands up, causing his hidden knives to slip out of his sleeves and drop on the floor.
"Phew, no hammers." Riona sighed relief.
"Hah, what would an assassin be doing with a hammer?" Mortimer said while fully aware there was a hammer in his back pocket.
"Smashing in skulls."
"Too messy if you ask me."
"Yeah and not the kind of mess I'd like to be in."
"You're one horny golem."
"I'm a rare kind. Most of my species aren't too horny, they mostly prefer fluff."
"Is that so?"
"Yep, I'm don't care much for romance, you can just make a sex slave outta me so you can unwind after a job well done."
"Hmmm, that DOES sound pretty hot."
"Yah see?" That's when the bell rang saying it was time to switch again.
"Dammit."
"Yep, but hey, I know what I'd like." she winked before walking off, with him staring at her ass.
Now we jump to different table.
"Hello, I'm Siri, and...you look familiar...?" Said the Sphinx. She had white fur and white wings. Although she didn't wear anything to cover her F-cup chest.
"Well, I am pretty popular, but sadly not so popular with the ladies given my history of trying to find a date." Said the muscular red haired man in a grey suit, red tie and black shoes. "I'm Trent Christianson."
"Oh...my...god...pro-wrestler Dark Fist!?"
"You're a fan?"
"Hell yeah I am! So I guess being unpopular with the ladies was a fucking lie."
"I guess you're right but I'm still not finding any dates out there."
"Why? How's a big time star like you not already taken?"
"I bet it's because of my red hair, well I won't dye it that's for sure."
"How's red hair a turn off?" she raised an eyebrow.
"I know right!? But apparently people just hate us because of our hair!"
"That sucks."
"Ya think? Makes it hard to go a day without being blue balled..." he muttered to himself while looking away.
"Well on the bright side, you found someone who doesn't hate redheads, me."
"Yeah, which I thought would never happen."
"Bah, people are just stupid like that, I'm a different type of stupid, I have a taste for stupid violence, that's the kind of stupid I am and why I watch wrestling."
'Well at least she's a dedicated fan.'
"I don't care if I end up a one night stand groupie, at least I met you, Dark Fist!"
"Well ya never know, maybe during my next match, you and I could find a nice quiet place and-"
Then the bell rang saying it was time to switch.
"Dammit..."
"I'd love to do it with you."
"Sweet, give me your number and I'll hook you up with front row seats."
"Awesome!" Then she wrote down her phone number and walked away. "You better put in a painful lock once you take me to bed."
"Damn straight!" They fist bumped then the camera went to another camera.
"Hello I'm Hardtack." Said the Kelpie in a white seashell bikini that showed off her E cups and huge ass!
"I'm Gunther Smith but you can call me Gunny." Said the man wearing clown makeup, rainbow afro, blue nose, green overalls, and blue shirt. "Also...Hardtack?"
"Yes, I'm named after Sailor rations because for some reason my parents wanted to be unique and not name me Sea Biscuit."
"If they did, I might have had a carrot on hand." he joked.
"I'd happily eat a carrot regardless, Kelpies are still horse monsters."
"For real?"
"Yeah seriously, oh wait lemme guess, you pay more attention to sirens, selkies and amabies because they're cuter than creatures like kelpies and krakens!"
"Woah, not like that miss, I was in a coma for a while when monsters joined society." He admitted.
"A coma?"
"Yes...I don't like talking about what happened."
"Oh...well sorry for not knowing you're just a bit ignorant of monster culture."
"Yes thank you, and I think you're gorgeous, my boner thinks so too."
Hardtack rolled her eyes at Gunny's remark. "So, since we're gonna be potential lovers, wanna tell me what put you into a coma? Secrets aren't allowed in relationships."
"Well...it's something unexpected and unorthodox."
"Judging by your clown attire, I bet it has something to do with some stunt to make people laugh?"
"Bingo."
"Oh, what happened?"
"I made this device that would make me fly through the air. I was gonna hook it up to my pelvis to pull off the illusion of flying with my farts."
"Gross."
"But then there was something wrong with the device, so I ended up crashing headfirst into the ground! I didn't even have time to grab a helmet when the air device malfunctioned."
"Ouch."
"Yep, so I was in a coma for a while and imagine my shock when I woke up to see my doctor had dog ears and a tail."
"Wait, were you wearing all that when you were in the coma?"
"Of course, at the time I was a circus clown, but after that incident, I was asleep for a few years and the kind people at the circus did their best to make sure I stayed on life support till the day I woke up...sadly...the circus I worked at closed down a few weeks after I woke up, we just couldn't recover from my incident."
"Why do you still wear it if you're not in the circus anymore?"
"To remind myself of the dumb fool who ruined the dreams of his fellow performers."
"Hold on, it's not on you, they chose to help you."
"Yeah, they treated me like family, they were my new source of positive reinforcement after my parents died, but now I failed them. They all tell me they're doing just fine but I still feel responsible."
"So what? Are you gonna just blame yourself until you get so down you do something dangerous? If so, then what was their point? You'd basically be saying all their effort was worth nothing."
"That's why I'm here doing speed dating, I wanna try and forget my past with a girlfriend or wife." He said. "I was gonna try making you laugh with some jokes but then we found ourselves talking about my past."
"You're pretty dumb, you can't find love unless you learn to love yourself you know."
"Easier said than done."
"It can, how's about I help you out with not being such a sad clown?"
"You think you can help me?"
"Yep, and the first step is washing off this clown makeup." Hardtack said before using the moisture from her kelp hair to wipe away Gunny's clown white and blue nose.
"Gah! Hey, what are you doing?"
"There w-" Hardtack stopped talking because a handsome guy was under that clown make-up. "Woah, hubba hubba."
"Huh?"
"You're hot."
"Oh, uh thanks for the self-esteem boost."
"Don't mention it." That's when the bell rang saying it was time for another switch. "Aw, well let's keep seeing each other after this so I can turn you into my ideal boyfriend."
"Uh, sure thing?"
Next we go to the 2nd to last table.
"Hi there, I'm Alissa." The pale skinned woman greeted. She had a C-cup chest and wore a blood stained nurse uniform. The skirt was too short, so it exposed her medium sized ass and black panties. She had a surgical mask on, but there was an obvious psychotic smile behind that. She had light green hair, and her eyes were ice blue.
"Hey Alissa...I'm Joe Zacky Green." Said a Green haired man, he had a thin haircut, red eyes, a magenta shirt and dark blue jeans. "What's with the sexy yet terrifying get up?"
"Ever heard of a psycho-nurse?"
"Nope."
"Can you guess what I take pleasure in?"
"Uh...I can sue you for malpractice..." Joe Zacky threatened while holding out a business card.
"Joe Zacky Green, attorney-at-law? You don't look like a lawyer..."
"The suites at the dry cleaner's."
"Are you any good?"
"I've won a few cases, so don't tempt me to sue you!" He said while he was sweating.
"Aww, you're terrified of me than any of the other men here, I like that."
"Am not!"
"Oh really?"
"Y-AH!" Alissa surprised him by pulling out a scalpel and stabbing it through the table! "You've got some strength on you, I can admit that, but that's just how bullies would intimidate people, nothing more than a call from the cops won't fix."
"..."
"Why are you here? I cannot imagine a 'psycho nurse' looking for a boyfriend..."
"I'm here because I want to understand how a yandere feels."
"A what?"
"I've recently been having a whole bunch of mentally ill patients and their mental instability has been all the same, they all have a crush on some boy that they'd kill anyone for. I want to understand how they feel."
"I'm not sure that's something to personally experience."
"I've had a good look at all their crushes. Boys who look cute and weak." She explained. "You look just as wimpy as the boys they're after, and just as cute too."
"Hey! I'm not wimpy!"
"You're not are you?" Then she started squeezing his neck! "Then make me let go!"
Joe Zacky tried fighting her off him!
"That tickles." She let go but she also pushed him, making him and his sear fall backwards!
"Ow!"
"See what I mean?"
"Okay I admit I'm not that strong, but do you expect to just suddenly fall for a guy like a yandere would?"
"My patients claim that they were all normal until they met their targets." She explained.
"I feel like you becoming one might work against you in the long run."
"I'm already a psychotic, I don't even use the pills I'm prescribed." She said, and then she whispered in his ear. "Because I killed the doctor I work for."
He went wide eyed and paled hearing that. 'Shit!'
"You're cute, weak, matching the parameters, I might just start stalking you..."
"N-No way! I'm not the kind of guy you wanna hang out with!"
"Why because you're a lawyer? I'm heading to Hell with you after my dark deeds."
"I'll see you in court!"
"You'll have no proof of my murder or my malpractice and you'll have no proof of me stalking you."
The bell rang saying it was time to switch one last time.
"I'll figure something out...you'll see!"
"Okay, challenge accepted." She smiled under her surgical mask.
Now we pan over to the final table...
We now see a Gorgon giving a stern stare towards a man across from her at the table. She had amber colored eyes, wore a dark blue and silver dress, and a silver tiara. Her scales were dark colored to match her snake hair, which were black mambas.
The man across from her was giving her a just as stern look as well. Silver hair, blue eyes, light skin, silver moustache and beard, grey shirt, grey vest, showing off his muscular arms and the black black dragon tattoo on his left arm. Grey camo pants and black boots.
"So, you're a Gorgon huh?"
"Yes, I am also next in line for the throne of this city, Princess Cici."
"Our city has a princess? I thought the King was a single virgin."
"I'm his niece."
"Ah, so it is true."
"So tell me, just who the hell are you Mr. Cool Looking Guy?"
"Drago N. Sanders, retired army general." he remarked in a gruff tone. "Seen more battles my whole life than you I bet."
"Maybe not, but I've been to war." She said, pulling up her dress, exposing a giant curved scar! "I got this from a failed assassination while I was sleeping in my tent."
"Hmph, I've crushed 70 assassins while I was serving. 2 of them were even gorgons."
"70? No wonder you're a general."
"I didn't get this because of close connections, pure sweat and blood." Said Cici.
"Tough girl, if we don't end up dating, I would love to enlist in your army, I'm missing using my fists and my arm with a gun has been off lately."
"Well I am pretty quick when the adrenaline is pumping."
"Yep, that rush feels super good." Said Dragon.
"You make me wanna fight right now."
"You know, I'm surprised I'm not turning into a statue right now even though I'm staring right into the eyes of a Gorgon."
"Hey! We don't all turn people into stone, some of us can actually control it."
"Really? Cool."
"My uncle would love you as a soldier and hopefully as the man I'd choose for my king."
Then the bell rang and the host and hostess came back.
"Okay guys and gals, that's the last bell, hopefully you all found someone." Said the Host, covered in kiss marks.
"I know I found someone." Said Dragon.
"Me too." Said Cici.
1 week later...
Charlie Charles West and Misty are seen on a speed boat, fishing.
"I cannot believe shark fishing is what you do in your spare time..." Said Charlie before taking a bite of his chocolate bar.
"Of course, regular fishing isn't as exciting as fishing for food that could eat you back."
Meanwhile on a fancy yacht, a few miles away...
"Come on babe, drink up!" Luna said while shoving a bottle in Thadius Wong's face!
"Stop! I can't keep fucking anymore..."
"But we're not done until we've had 10 rounds on your fancy yacht! And we're only at 8 rounds so far!"
'This is officially worse than being picked last for dodgeball, which always happened to me!' He thought as he was forced to chug down the bottle.
"Now for the next round!"
'Crap!'
Meanwhile in the city...
Franz and Sunny Parker were lovingly staring into each other's eyes.
"The apocalypse never looked so beautiful until I stared into your cursed eyes." Said Franz.
"Oh stop it, you're making me blush." Said Sunny as they laid down on a cloud.
"So, ready to join the mile high club?"
Sunny blushed and then we cut away to another couple.
"Yo! It's me, Carl D. Jackson Jr., after Lilly dumped me, I decided to start speed dating, and check out da booty I just bagged myself!"
"Hello Carl's fans, I'm Prada."
"Dat's right, I got myself a babe with some bigger and better qualities if yah know what I mean!"
The livestream chat was very agreeable with Prada as Carl's new squeeze.
"Oh, a donation from one of my fans. Blueglass with the 70 bucks saying: Here's some money, use it for an extra large dildo on that large horse pussy. Boi, you think my dick is little? Well...can't show it on this site, but maybe you can check out the sex tape we recorded last night on the pornsites!"
"Can we get away with that?"
"It's on a porn site, not like we posted it on social media or this site that kids go to everyday."
"You got a point."
"Yeah so if you guys wanna see me riding the pony, the link is in the description of this video!"
And suddenly the viewer count started to drop because they all went to see Carl fucking Prada.
Meanwhile...we see Akito Suzaku and Sir Grinder on her horse, Orlok.
"Muahahahahaha!"
"Urgh, why'd I have to miss the bus to work?"
"Hey no complaining!"
"Sorry, it's just that-"
"Geek!" Shouted a person they rode past!
"Shut up!"
"Not to worry, I have his face, I shall kill him later."
"Please don't, you're on the path of a hero now..."
"Come on! Just one decapitation and then I'll go right back."
Akito gave Sir Grinder a stern look.
"Fine, but you better let Orlok get some tail with a mare at that horse ranch..."
Meanwhile we cut to the basement of Mortimer Prince's house where Riona was sitting down watching some TV. The door suddenly swings open.
"Hey there sex slave, I just finished a job!"
"Nice, let's go!" She took Mortimer's hand and they rushed up the stairs! When they got there she tossed him onto the bed while moving over to the side to slip a leather corset on.
"So, ready to sample my thighs?"
"I'm never gonna get tired of your thighs!"
"Good boy."
Meanwhile...
"And that marks another victory for Dark Fist!" Shouted an announcer!
The male crowds were cheering but only one female was cheering.
"Seriously? You're a fan of Dark Fist? There's way hotter wrestlers than red head over there." Said a girl with pink hair.
"Don't care, he promised we could fuck after this!"
,"Wait what?"
"I'm his only groupie." She giggled.
Meanwhile with Gunny Smith and Hardtack...
"I love you, and wish the best outta you, just like how the circus troupe do as well."
Gunny smiled.
"And also...thinking about the air jetpack you told me about...would it consume fuel?"
"No siree bob."
"Genius, you tried making a jetpack that doesn't require fossil fuels. You are such a smart guy who also cares about the environment!"
"Well I DO try."
"And for being such a great person, you get a peck on the cheek." Then Hardtack kissed his cheek.
Gunny blushed from that.
"So, how's your self-esteem?"
"I'm ready for today."
"Great!"
Meanwhile with Joe Zacky Green and Alissa...
"Ugh...where am I?" Joe Zacky found himself in an abandoned hospital..."Oh god...Alissa...where are you?"
All he could hear was Alissa's giggles.
"Alissa? Come on, this isn't funny!"
"You may leave, provided I don't capture you first! I think I'm understanding my patients now, that GREAT feeling of hunting tee hee hee hee hee!"
Joe Zacky heard footsteps he looked around and saw a figure to his west! He thought about which way and started running north!
"I gotta get out of here!"
Meanwhile with Dragon Sanders and Princess Cici.
"Are you sure...niece? This man in my army?" Asked the concerned King.
"He's a retired general, he can kick the asses of anyone who'll try to sneak into my bed."
"Okay...but as a personal bodyguard?" The King asked, with even more concern.
"Uncle, we promise not to fuck." She said with her fingers crossed behind her back.
"Hmmm, very well, I'll allow it." He said. "Welcome to the army. Now I must go, the muffins I baked are gonna end up burning if I don't hurry up and get them out of the oven on time."
'How oddly pleasant and less scary coming from him.'
And when the king was gone...
"Alright, let's go." Cici said, showing him the crossed fingers.
"Really?"
"I'm next in line anyways, I'll do whatever the fuck I want."
"Nice."
Meanwhile...we see the Host and Hostess watching all 10 couples through a crystal ball.
"Well honey, another successful speed date session." Said the human.
"Yep darling, puts me in the mood." Replied the succubus.
"Well later okay, we gotta start prepping for next month for another speed dating session."
"Fine." She groaned. 'To think my own husband would cockblock me.'
"That's the spirit." Then he pecked her cheek, her grimace returned to a smile as they left the room.