CHAPTER 9

I got a lot of weird looks and stares the next day at school, but I really couldn't blame anyone. In just a little over a year, I had gone from being the new girl, to the strange girl who was dating a Cullen, to the silent, broken girl, to the girl dating a scary looking Quileute giant.

After school I hurried as fast as I could to get down to La Push. This was one of the few times I was frustrated with the slowness of my truck. The closer I got, the crazier the butterflies in my stomach were. I hoped Jake would already be at Emily's.

When I got there, Emily met me on the porch and my stomach sunk… something had happened.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my voice tight.

"Nothing's wrong Bella, everything's fine," she reassured me, speaking quietly.

I breathed a sigh of relief, "Oh, good… you had me worried for a second."

"Sorry. I just wanted to catch you before you came inside. Jake just got here about 30 minutes ago and he passed out on the couch almost immediately. I'll leave it up to you if you want to wake him or not."

"Oh. Do you know when he's supposed to be back on patrol again?"

"I don't think until after you leave tonight."

I nodded. "Okay, I want to let him sleep then. Can I just sit at your kitchen table to get my homework done while he sleeps?"

"Of course you can. Second home, remember?" she said, smiling.

"Right, second home… that might take some getting used to."

Emily mostly sat at the table with me, reading or working with her loom, while I did my homework. Hearing Jake's even breathing and occasional quiet snoring was comforting and brought a smile to my face.

When I was done with my homework and Emily was starting to get dinner ready, I decided to go ahead and wake Jake up. The whole pack was coming over, so it was going to get loud soon anyway. Plus, I was anxious to see him.

I knelt down by his head and just watched him for a bit. He looked so peaceful and worry free… more like the Jake from before he became a werewolf and started feeling like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, trying to keep me safe. It made my heart ache a little and long for those days again. Maybe once Victoria was taken care of that could return… at least to some degree.

"Jake," I whispered softly, stroking my hand over his forehead and hair. "Jake, wake up babe." I put my other hand on his large bicep and shook his arm gently, still stroking his head.

He awoke with a start and shot straight up, almost knocking me over.

"Bella! Hey honey… I must have dozed off."

I got up on the couch next to him and snuggled into his side as he put his arm around me.

"You did more than doze. You've been sound asleep for nearly three hours."

"Really?" he said, shocked. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You obviously needed the sleep. Emily said you passed out almost immediately when you laid down. I had homework I needed to do anyway, so I just let you sleep and got that done. Now we have the whole evening to spend together."

"I guess I did need it. I didn't get quite what I needed yesterday because Quil had to go help his grandpa with something, so I covered for him."

"I'm so sorry Jake. When was the last time you got a full night's sleep?"

"I don't really remember. Probably the night before that horrible movie we went to with that marshmallow friend of yours."

We both laughed, remembering the ridiculous movie and how sick Mike got that night.

"That was maybe one of the most awkward movie experiences I've ever had," I said, still laughing. "At least at the beginning when you and Mike each had an arm on the arm rest next to me, just in case I wanted to hold either of your hands. It got better when you started making fun of the movie."

"The biggest difference there was if it had just been you and me, you would have held my hand… I seriously doubt it would have been the same if it had just been you and him."

"I seriously doubt I would have ever gone to a movie alone with Mike… or anywhere, for that matter."

Jake squeezed my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. "That's because I'm not a marshmallow."

I laughed again and I poked Jake's rock-hard stomach, "No, you definitely are not a marshmallow."

We headed into the kitchen, and I helped Emily get dinner ready. Emily and I even put Jake to work shredding cheese. It was absolutely amazing the amount of food that was required when you're feeding a pack of werewolves! I decided then that I was going to try to make a point to help Emily out with this task as much as I could. She never complained, of course, but it was still a lot of work for one person.

The guys started showing up before long and the house was bursting with loud banter and laughter. They all greeted me with smiles; Quil even scooped me up in a big bear hug, squeezing the breath out of me.

"Hey, easy there, man, don't break her." Jake said, punching him on the shoulder after he'd put me down.

"What?" Quil asked innocently. "She's not made of glass."

"You're also not used to your new strength yet!"

"Oh, right," he turned to look at me, suddenly concerned.

I doubled over, pretending to gasp for breath, "Yeah, I'll be alright," I said wheezing a little. He looked uncertain and a little worried until I smiled up at him.

"Ha, ha, very funny." He breathed a sigh of relief that he hadn't crushed me as everyone else laughed.

"You know Bella," Paul called out, with a wide, wicked grin, "it's really nice of you to take pity on our boy Jake here."

"Pity?" I gave him a confused look as I processed his expression, then looked at Jake who was staring at Paul with a forced and irritated grin on his face, and I figured it out just as Paul spoke again.

"Yeah, you know, pitied him enough to finally give in and date him."

Sam smacked Paul on the back of the head.

That extreme protectiveness for Jake flared in me again, so while Paul was still talking, I walked over to Jake. I put one arm around his waist and reached up with the other to pull his head down to me.

"You mean pity him like this?"

I pressed my lips against Jake's, and he immediately figured out what I was doing… and took full advantage, as I'd hoped he would. He pulled me firmly against him and kissed me deeply. He even slid his hand down to my tush and gave it a good squeeze, causing me to let out a little squeal of surprise against his mouth. It also caused warmth to flood through me.

All the guys started whooping and laughing.

"That doesn't look like pity to me," Jared laughed.

"Man, Paul," Embry mocked, "I bet you wish someone would "pity" you like that!"

When Jake let me go, he was laughing. I jabbed him in the side with my knuckles and gave him a little look for the tushy squeeze, but I was laughing too… and a little breathless. We may have been playing around, trying to prove a point, but that had actually been quite the kiss, and I'm not sure I could be in Jake's arms, kissing him, without my body responding.

I had at least accomplished my goal. When I looked over to him, Paul was smiling with his hands up in surrender.

"I give. Well played Bella… well played. I guess I'll have to find something else to give Jake crap about now."

Dinner was ready and things quieted down for a little bit while the guys shoved massive amounts of food in their faces. It was astonishing… truly.

Seth and Leah were the only ones not there—Jake told me later Sam wasn't having them run with the pack quite yet. They were still grieving over their dad, plus he was working with them, especially Leah, to be able to better control their phasing… not to mention how young Seth was and trying to keep him in school to at least finish this year out.

As usual, Emily and I stood leaning against the counter to eat, watching the happy chaos.

Jake finished eating quickly then came to me and leaned over to whisper in my ear. His hot breath against my skin sent a shiver through me.

"Come outside with me." He took my hand and led me out the door… teasing calls trailing behind us.

"I think she's going to go pity him some more," someone called, though I couldn't tell who, as the door shut behind us.

"Sorry for squeezing your rear earlier," Jake said as he led me toward the nearest tree line.

"I didn't mind," I laughed, "I was hoping you'd take full advantage, and you certainly did. It just surprised me is all."

"Thanks for doing that. Paul has been relentless with the pity thing… maybe now he'll let up."

We were quiet for a bit while Jake led me into the woods where there was no trail and we walked straight through them for several minutes. I stumbled several times, but Jake took my hand and kept me from falling.

"Jake, what are we doing?" I asked after we'd been walking for a while.

He stopped in a little clearing and looked around.

"This should be good."

"Good for what?"

I looked around too, curious why he'd brought me here. It looked just like most any other clearing in the middle of the woods… trees and ferns, and more trees. The only truly notable feature was a large opening in the trees above the clearing. It allowed a ton of light to shine through the forest canopy, even though the sun was making its way toward the horizon.

He turned to me. "You still want to see me phase?"

My eyes brightened. "Yes! You want to do it now?"

"Yeah. I wanted to try to do this when I wouldn't have anyone in my head, so it could just be me and you."

"I like that," I said smiling and excited.

"Okay, you stay here." He jogged across the little clearing and threw down a pair of shorts I hadn't noticed he was carrying, then took off his shoes and shirt and faced me. "You ready?"

I nodded, trembling a little from excitement. His face got serious, edged with some anger, and the skin on his entire body started trembling in big waves. He started to appear blurry around the edges, like there was steam coming off of him. Then, in the blink of an eye, his form grew about five times bigger, fur burst out everywhere, and he fell down onto all fours in his wolf form.

When he first landed, he was snarling, but that quickly faded into a placid, almost puppyish look. He immediately lowered himself down to lay on his belly with his head on his front paws and looking right into my eyes.

It happened so quickly, it was both exhilarating and alarming. After a moment Jake let out a quiet whine and I realized my eyes were huge, my mouth was hanging open, and I hadn't moved yet. He probably thought he had scared me, so I quickly shut my mouth and grinned wide.

"That was amazing Jake!" I reached my hand out. "Can I touch you?"

In answer, he immediately stood up, trotted over, and laid back down in front of me, his head held proudly aloft this time. I tentatively touched the top of his muzzle and ran my hand up to the top of his head, which I could barely reach, my other hand on his cheek. He lowered his head a little and leaned into my touch. His fur was both soft and wiry under my hand. I moved my hands up to feel one of his ears and the fur there was much softer.

I stepped just past his head, burying my hands in the fur on his neck and looked into his eye as it followed my movements. I could only see Jake looking back at me and I smiled tenderly at him.

He suddenly started making a sort of thrumming noise that vibrated under my hands, making my fingers tingle. The sound was similar to a cat's purr, but more earthy, and much deeper. The smile on my face widened.

I moved to stand by his shoulder, which reached to about the top of my chest, still trailing my hands through his fur. Leaning into him, I laid most of my body across his muscular shoulder and wrapped my arms as far around his neck as they would go. I closed my eyes as I rested my head on him to listen to the thrumming sound. The sound and vibration were incredibly calming and soothing. I sighed deeply, breathing him in, his scent the same as when he was human, forest and ocean brine.

His heat, the vibration, the sound and smell of him; he filled my senses and had a calming effect on me. I remained pressed against him for a long minute, enjoying it all.

Finally, I took a few steps back to see more of him. "Can you stand up so I can see your full size?"

He got up and raised his head to its full height. I was utterly amazed at how enormous he was. I took a few more steps back to get a better look at all of him. The top of his shoulders were over six feet, well above my head, and I could barely reach his chin. He wasn't just the size of any regular horse, but I remember seeing some draft horses once, I believe the breed was called Shire, and he was at least as big as those… maybe bigger.

I moved back to stand right in front of his chest and ran my hands through his fur again. I loved touching him. Bending over a bit I ducked my head, and I was actually able to walk under him. I continued to trail my hand through his fur and circled around his front leg to the other shoulder and then went back to stand in front of him. He lowered his head to my level, and I put my hand on his muzzle again. He took a small step forward and pressed his forehead gently into my chest and I stroked around his ears. It all felt so intimate and thrilling. I was really thankful there wasn't anyone else in his head right now. I found myself wishing I could be though… to have that connection with him… maybe a voluntary one though, not one that was open constantly.

"You're incredible Jake!" I said in awe. Getting a close look like this, I could see the strength that lay inside of him. "So majestic and powerful."

He lifted his head up suddenly and shook it, then he trotted away from me, back to where his clothes were, and turned his head to look at me over his shoulder.

"Oh right!" He was going to be naked when he shifted back.

I turned around and walked a little farther away.

"I won't look I, but I'm going to wait here. I'm afraid I might not be able to find my way back without you." I didn't hear anything, so I wasn't sure if he had heard me. "Jake?" I asked.

"Did you like that?" he asked softly from right behind me.

I jumped, gave a little yelp, and twirled around quickly. I hadn't heard him come up behind me

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to startle you!" He pulled me into his arms.

"Man, I will never get used to how quiet you are!" I said trying to recover my breath. "Yes, I liked that a lot. I knew you were big as a wolf, but to be able to stand next to you and get a good look gave me a new perspective. I'm not saying I won't worry anymore, but it does make me feel better. It really is incredible that it's you inside the wolf. And that whole big wolf somehow fits inside of you. And that noise you made was so calming."

I realized I was rambling a little and I took a breath. "All of it is just so wonderful!"

Jake was smiling, but right behind the joy was a yearning I didn't quite understand.

"For a second, right after I phased, I thought maybe I had made a mistake showing you because you looked frozen in fear."

"No, not scared, I was just shocked by how quickly it happened. I will admit it was a little alarming because your face did have an edge of anger to it right before you transformed, and you snarled a little right after, but I wasn't scared. Thanks so much for showing me."

"You're welcome. I was excited you wanted to see it."

"Of course, why wouldn't I? It's a huge part of who you are, though I still prefer this." I looked up at him and placed my hand on his cheek, gliding it down his neck to his chest and on to his stomach. As I moved my hand along his body, I followed along with my eyes. The familiar heat began deep in my belly as I felt the hard muscles under his shirt. I thought I heard a change in Jake's breathing.

When I looked back to his face, his expression had changed to a deep desire, and I understood the yearning in his eyes before. I marveled at what he could do to me with just a look as my breath caught in my throat and my heart started racing. He pulled me in tighter and one hand slid up my back his fingers winding into my hair, and he kissed me with an intense hunger that I quickly matched. Wanting more, we began to explore with gently caresses. Travelling over his chest, my hands slid around to his shoulders and slowly went down the length of his back, outlining every muscle on the way with lingering fingers. The hand that had been in my hair caressed my neck then moved across my shoulder and down the side of my body, both hands gripped my hips and pulled me tight against him, then moved torturously slow back up my sides. Everywhere he touched left a trail of fire and my body was trembling, my whole world spinning.

Gradually our hands stilled, and the kiss became more tender, slow, and long, doing almost as much to my insides as the forceful passionate kiss. When at last we stopped, we held each other silently, hearing only our breathing and the sounds of the forest around us.

Jake finally spoke softly, "I feel more connected to you now than ever, just when I think my feelings for you can't get any stronger. Having you touch me as a wolf, unashamed and loving, taking in your powerful scent, it was intoxicating and overwhelming. Your complete acceptance of me, as both man and wolf, is astounding Bella."

"I love you Jake… all of you. You once said to me you were afraid you were going to lose yourself, but from what I've seen, the wolf is just as much you as the man, so I don't believe that's possible. When I look in your eyes, I see Jacob, whether you are man or wolf, it's Jacob inside… my Jacob who I love beyond comprehension."

He kissed me again, gently.

"Do you want to head back inside?" Jake asked. "Everyone's going to wonder where we went to."

"Sure."

We started walking back to the house, but after the third time I tripped in about 30 seconds, Jake swept me up in his arms to carry me out of the woods. I started to protest but realized I rather enjoyed being in his arms, plus I don't think my legs were quite recovered from the kiss, so I just went with it.

Seeing the moment of protest flash through my eyes, Jake said, "I figure it's safer this way. You seem to be stumbling more than normal Miss Swan."

"Well, it's your fault. I don't know if you realize what you do to me when you kiss me, Jacob Black."

"I have a pretty good idea… don't forget I have super senses."

I blushed at that reminder. I did forget most of the time.

"You're not innocent either you know," Jake continued, grinning a crooked smile. "You do crazy things to me just by being near me, not to mention when we're kissing and your body is pressed to mine. Your scent has become somewhat overpowering and it's taking me time, and not a small amount of effort, to get used to it and not let it rule my actions. What's crazy is it keeps intensifying every day. Not a lot, but enough that I notice it."

"That is weird. Did you ask Sam about it?"

"Yeah, he said that did happen to him with Emily, but not quite the same way as with you and I."

We reached the edge of the trees and Jake set me back on my feet, but he didn't start walking again. It was nearly dark, but he looked off into the distance, down the wide-open space that stretched out behind Emily's house, bordered by forest on either side, seeming deep in thought.

"Jake?"

He looked down at me then, his expression serious. "There is something I need to tell you Bella… a part of this whole wolf thing." He gripped the back of his neck with one hand. "I maybe should have told you already, but I'm nervous about what you'll think. I am really not being fair to you by keeping it from you though, especially after how honest you have been with me. Do you mind walking with me for a while?"

"Of course not. Any time I can spend with you is my favorite time."

Jake gave me a wane smile and brushed his fingertips across my cheek, "I would have to agree with that."

I was a little nervous about what he had to tell me that changed his mood so quickly. He took my hand and led me slowly along the edge of the tree line. I prepared myself for the worst, but hoped it wouldn't be bad.

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