A/N: My favorite chapter so far - enjoy!

I sat at the small vanity Lee had set up for me in his bedroom, pulling my wet hair back in a loose ponytail so I could put on my makeup. I heard the shower turn off and a few minutes later, Lee wandered into the room wearing a pair of blue boxer shorts, his skin still damp from the steam. He dropped a kiss on the top of my head as he walked over to the closet and rummaged around inside for clothes.

"You know, I can't wait to get back to work tomorrow," I called out to him, raising my voice a bit as his head was still buried inside the closet.

"What are you talking about?" Lee's voice bounced back to me. "You've been working this whole time-"

I shook my head in exasperation. "Not with you in the field – Francine has been your partner for the past two months – or have you forgotten that a blonde has been watching your tail instead of a brunette?"

"Amanda-" I saw my husband's reflection in the mirror, standing behind me holding a pair of jeans and a pullover sweater, shifting on his feet awkwardly, and I hurried to fill the gap, knowing that he was trying to tell me without words that I had a lot of work to do before I could go back into the field.

"I mean, I know I still have to do the tests to qualify for field work, but it's only been two months so I shouldn't be too rusty-"

"AMANDA!"

I jumped and turned on my stool to face him, startled that he had barked at me. "What is it?"

"Don't you think it would be better if you eased into things? Took a bit more time-"

I snorted. "Time? Stetson, I've been chained to my desk for two months – I'll go crazy if I take more time. You should know that better than anyone-" I saw him shudder and I grew instantly concerned. "Sweetheart, what is it?"

He dropped his clothes on the bed and crossed the room to my side. For a long moment, he just stared at me before he pulled me to my feet and wrapped me in a tight hold, knocking the wind out of me but I didn't panic, knowing that he needed the reassurance of my body next to his. After a few seconds, air returned to my lungs, and I drew in a painful deep breath.

"Lee?" I whispered. "Talk to me."

"I need more time, okay? The thought of you in the field – getting hurt or shot again-"

Realization of his deepest fear of losing me for real swept over me like a wave. I clutched him to me. "Sweetheart. I'm here, with you, remember? My heart is beating next to yours – I survived."

He pulled back to stare into my eyes. "This time."

"And how many times have you been shot?"

"That was before I knew I loved you – it doesn't count."

I couldn't help it, I laughed. "You may not have known you loved me, but you've been seriously injured when I knew I loved you – and it was torture. We both have a job to do – and we do it best together, watching each other's tail." My eyes widened as another thought occurred to me. "Is this why you've been so worried about my journals?"

He nodded slowly. "I can't help it – this fear that I have." He caressed my cheek. "I can't lose you – not now."

"Shh," I soothed, running my hands up and down his arms. "Do you remember the Rostov case?"

He frowned. "Four years ago - when they grabbed you because they thought you were Scarecrow?"

I nodded.

"Yeah – but what does that have to do with-"

"It was the first time I was truly in danger – and you saved me – at the cost of your own life and career – the first time I knew you cared about me just a little bit-"

He snorted. "It was more than a little – you were already under my skin – but I couldn't admit it to myself yet – not so soon after-"

"Eric," I nodded. "I know."

He pulled away and ran a hand through his wet hair. "I'm sorry, Amanda, but do you have a point because I'm not seeing-"

I smiled. "Lee, both of us have put our lives on the line since the minute we signed on with the Agency – it's the nature of the job, remember?"

"Throwing my own words back at me now, Mrs. Stetson?"

I nodded and gave him a brief kiss before I continued. "Neither of us knows how much time together we'll have –the trick is to make the most of every day -"

He smirked at me. "Is that what you were thinking when you were taken in my place that day? 'I've had a good life and if this the end, I'm ok with that'?"

"Oh my gosh no – I was thinking 'Where the hell is Lee?'"

His arms tightened around me as our laughter filled the bedroom.

November 30, 1983

I've never been so thankful to be alive, safe and sound at home with Mother and the boys. I don't know what Mr. Melrose would have told them if -

Last week was Thanksgiving and even though I tried my best to get Lee to come over for dinner, he refused, saying it was best for my family to never know of his existence. So, after dinner when mother and the boys were cleaning up the kitchen, I made up a few care packages, one for Mr. Melvin who lost his wife to cancer just a month ago, one for the Swittle sisters who never married and live alone, and one for Lee.

How was I to know that he was entertaining a lady friend? He was quite annoyed with me until he spied the food and then pounced on it like a hungry lion, asking if there was enough for two. I said maybe it would stretch if he didn't mind small portions. Lee laughed and said that Cindee – spelled with two ee's - was a model and didn't eat much, so he was sure there would be plenty. I heard a woman's voice calling his name from inside the apartment and he grabbed my covered platter of food and shoved me back, slamming the door in my face.

He didn't say thank you for the food.

I don't know why I even bother. The man has no manners and is downright rude when he is forced to work with me when his boss all but orders him to – and it's never his idea. I can see him gritting his teeth out of the corner of my eye whenever I disobey his direct order to stay in the car – but if I did that, I wouldn't be able to warn him of danger, now would I? And the man continues to treat me like a child most of the time, as if I don't know how to take care of myself and stay out of trouble. Most of the time, he doesn't even tell me the truth of what it is I'm going to be doing-

Case in point:

He called me up three days ago and says he needs my help right away at his apartment with a sick friend. I get over there only to discover it's not a sick friend – he needs me to feed his fish as he's going out of town on vacation for a week. Why couldn't he have just told me that in the first place? Doesn't he remember that I've started a plant and pet business to supplement my income? After all, it's not like the few odd assignments I've picked up here and there working with him are enough to pay my bills- let alone feed a household of four!

After agreeing to feed the fish, and volunteer to clean the pigsty he calls home, he has the nerve to tell me to stay out of trouble! Do I need security clearance to feed his fish? What possible trouble am I going to get into around here? But then my lack of training kicks in and I answer the phone and say yes when someone asks for Lee using his code name. I try to shrug off my misgivings and continue cleaning but soon someone comes barging through the front door with a gun and mistakes me for Lee – and I realize that I am in all kinds of trouble.

Perhaps he does have a point about reminding me to stay out of trouble. I hate to admit that – and I will only do that here, in my coded journal, never to his face!

I really don't understand these people and how they can confuse me for the well-trained, seasoned professional that is Lee. But the more identification I show them, the more convinced they become it is part of my established cover and that I am Lee. I'm trying not to break down and cry because I know my tears will have no effect and I really don't want to show weakness in front of them. I'm silently sending messages to Lee, hoping somehow, he missed his plane and is even now on the way to rescue me. He's never let me down before – and I pray that he doesn't start now. I can't let myself think about the boys growing up without me or I will lose it completely. When the one in charge says the trade has been agreed to and they are letting me go, I don't believe them. I won't believe that I am being set free until I see Lee standing in front of me, telling me that this nightmare is over. Once again, I am blindfolded and thrown into the van, but at least this time, I am not inside of a wooden crate for the journey.

When my blindfold is removed and I look across the golf course to see Lee on the opposite hill, my heart leaps into my throat. He's here – he came for me!

"Don't say a word. Stay in the cart and drive slowly to your associate over there-"

I honestly didn't hear anything else the man with the shotgun next to my golf cart said – I was so focused on reaching Lee. I shook my head, promising to behave, as I wrapped my bound wrists around the wheel, gripping it tight with my fingers and set off.

When Lee swung himself up into the seat next to me, it took everything inside of me to keep driving until we were out of sight and safe.

"Amanda?"

Lee's hands were reaching for the rope around my wrists, untying the knots and words were tumbling out of my mouth as I shook like a leaf. As soon as my hands were free, he pulled me into his chest, and I cried the tears that I had been holding in ever since I'd been kidnapped. Lee let me cry, saying little, just that I was safe, and it was all over now.

Except that it wasn't. I didn't know that Lee had put everything – his entire career- on the line to rescue me. Not until the next day when that nasty Francine came to my house and told me. I couldn't let it go – I couldn't let Lee lose his job.

I had to help him – even if it meant going back and finding the house I was held in. I didn't think it was possible, but Lee knew just the right questions to ask to probe my memory and we found it – only to have both of us get caught this time.

But it worked out in the end. Lee wasn't amused that they still thought I was him – that I was the professional and he was my subordinate. But I thought it was funny! And we used it to our advantage to get the jump on them and escape – then capture them as we waited for the calvary to arrive.

What wasn't funny was the nightmare that woke me in the middle of the night and left me gasping for air, sweat trickling down my spine. I sat there in my bed, trying to catch my breath as the tears formed behind my eyes. I knew I couldn't talk to Mother about my dream – since it had been about my kidnapping. Which only left me with one option. . . .

I picked up the remote and turned on the TV, the light flooding the room and turned the volume low to provide some background noise as I reached for the phone and dialed his number before I chickened out.

"Stetson."

"Oh Lee- um – sorry, did I wake you?"

"Amanda?"

"Yeah – it's me."

"What's wrong?"

"I – uh- nothing. I shouldn't have called. You probably have company and-"

"Do you know what time it is?"

I squinted at my alarm clock. "2:15-"

"It's after two in the morning – now, is someone breaking into your house?"

"No."

"Are you in danger?"

"No."

"Then I suggest you go back to sleep, and I'll talk to you later, ok?"

"Ok."

His sigh came over the wire. "What's wrong – did you have a nightmare?"

I gasped. "How did you know?"

"After all you went through, I'd be surprised if you didn't. Amanda, it was just a dream. You're safe and sound at home in Arlington. Go back to sleep, huh?"

I closed my eyes, letting his words wrap around me like a warm blanket. "Thanks, Lee. I guess I just needed to hear a friendly voice – you know, to talk to someone who understands what I went through."

"I do know. You can call anytime – wait, don't call again at two in the morning, all right?"

I smiled. "I'll try to have my nightmares at a more reasonable hour-"

"A-man-da! You know what I mean."

"I do. Good night, Lee."

"Good night."

Perhaps the man isn't a complete lost cause – perhaps one day we could even be friends.

Mother must have been watching out the front window for us because as soon as we pulled up in Lee's 'Vette, the door opened, and she flew down the sidewalk.

"There you are, my darlings! I was beginning to think you wouldn't get here before the boys-"

I laughed as Lee helped me out of the car and Mother enfolded me in her arms. "Sorry we're a bit late, Mother. Lee and I – well, we lost track of time."

"Hmm, I'll bet. Amanda King, you look like you've swallowed a candle – you're practically glowing."

Lee placed his arm around my shoulders, and I blushed. Dotty laughed and turned to him, threading her arm through his. "Come on in, Lee. I've got the coffee on and we can have a nice chat before we get interrupted by your work or the boys-"

Lee shot me a glance over his shoulder as my mother dragged him into the house and I shrugged as I followed along in her wake. He thought that being interrogated by the bad guys was torture- but he had yet to endure an in-depth interrogation from Dorothea West.

Poor man.

My mother started out easy, asking for more details about Lee's childhood with the Colonel and what he remembered about his parents. For the first time, I watched my husband relax on the sofa and answer honestly, though I could still detect a bit of hesitation and deflection in his answers. When my mother got up to refill our cups ten minutes later, I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"What was that for?" he queried, turning to face me, swinging an arm up and around my shoulders.

"For opening up – letting my mother see the real you. I know it isn't easy for you-"

He shook his head. "I want to – after all, she's my–"

"What are you two talking about?" Dotty interrupted. "I don't want to be left out of anything."

Lee squeezed my hand. "I was just telling Amanda that it's been nice to talk to you this afternoon, Dotty. I haven't told anyone this much about me ever – well, except for your daughter."

Dotty blinked back tears. "That means a great deal to me, Lee. I know that you haven't had an easy life – not when you were a little boy – and not as a young man – I hope you know that the boys and I – well, we've grown quite fond of you."

Lee cleared his throat and his grip on my hand tightened. "And I feel the same way about all of you."

Dotty frowned. "You are only fond of my daughter?"

"No!" Lee shouted and I ducked my head, trying to hide my smile. "No, I – I love Amanda deeply."

Dotty nodded. "I thought as much – even before yesterday when Amanda spilled the beans. I just have one question for both of you."

Lee and I exchanged a look before we both turned to look at my mother.

"Shoot," Lee stated.

"What are you two waiting for?"

He chuckled at her directness. "While we've worked together for four years, it took a while for us to figure out we were falling in love with each other-" Lee began.

"Longer for you than me," I interrupted.

He grinned. "I'll admit that I was more stubborn than you were-"

"I just had to wait out all your girlfriends-"

"Hey, what about Dan?"

"Dean! He was my one and only boyfriend and that was way back at the beginning - there's been no one since him! Would you like me to list all your-"

"Nope." He leaned in brushed his lips across mine.

The clearing of Mother's throat brought us back to the present and the fact that we weren't alone.

I took up the dropped conversation thread. "Mother, six months ago you and Philip and Jamie didn't know Lee existed. We were deeply in love but none of you had met him. Both of us wanted to give you all time to get to know him-"

"We know him now. And yet, the two of you are still waiting – why?"

I sighed. "I've told you this before, but I swear it's the truth. Our work is very complicated. Our direct supervisor would be fine with our relationship, but his boss and others might not be. IFF works for the government, and the government-"

Dotty held up her hand. "I think it's time that I admit I know the truth about your jobs – it will make things so much simpler and less complicated, don't you think?"

"The truth?" Lee repeated.

"Mother, wh-what are-" I stammered.

"Lee, I've known for quite a while that Amanda is a spy – and since I also know that my little girl didn't work for the government while she was married to Joe, it only makes sense that she must have started working for them around the same time she met you. Therefore you, Lee Stetson, must be a spy as well."

A/N: Oh snap! How long has Dotty known? Will Lee and Amanda come clean - about everything? Send me some love in reviews!