CHAPTER 11

JACOB POV

I KNEW THIS WAS going to be hard for her to hear. I wished there were a way to avoid it, but I also knew it would be immeasurably worse if I ever did imprint on someone else and she was blind-sided by it, like Leah had been. No, I definitely could not have kept it from her, even if she decided to walk away from me. Oh, how my heart ached at that thought!

Damn the Cullens for ever coming to Forks and damn this whole wolf thing. Why couldn't things just be normal? Why couldn't the stupid myths and legends be just that… why did they have to be true?

I tried to get her to talk, to hopefully help her calm down, but she wouldn't respond.

I felt so helpless standing there, watching her fall apart all over again. Only this time I was the cause. When I saw her wrap her arms around herself, all of my hopes started to shatter… I was going to lose her. I just got her, and I was going to lose her.

I did what I had always done and wrapped my arms around her as well. I couldn't stand the pain she was in, and I felt tears trickling down my cheeks, my heart breaking right along with hers, just like always… no, this was worse.

She started to go limp, and I realized she was passing out. I scooped her up like a small child and held her against my chest. Turning, I ran back toward Emily's house, speaking to Bella, trying to get her to come to.

As I approached the house, I could hear voices and laughter coming from inside. A multitude of heads turned towards us when I burst through the back door, going silent when they saw Bella's limp body in my arms. I headed straight to the sofa, gently laying her down and kneeling beside her, stroking her forehead.

"Jake, what happened?" Emily said, coming up beside me and gently placing her hand on Bella's head, Sam right behind her.

"She fainted," I said. I looked up at Sam and Emily, trying to control my emotions, and I whispered, "I told her about imprinting, and she didn't handle it very well."

"Jake…" Emily's pained compassionate voice was like a dagger to my heart. Her understanding of the situation made it all much more real.

She turned and quickly went to the kitchen, coming back shortly with two damp cloths, placing one on Bella's forehead and one on her chest, just under the collar of her shirt. Feeling Bella's hands, she turned to me. You may want to back up for a minute Jake." She put her hand on my shoulder again. "She needs to cool down."

I didn't understand what Emily meant, but I trusted her, so I nodded as I stood up and took a few steps back. The weight of the worry was too heavy, and I sunk to the floor underneath it, elbows on bent knees, and head in my hands.

I knew it was a possibility… that Bella might leave me, but I had so much faith that our love was strong enough, that I hadn't really let myself think it would actually happen.

Sam came and sat in the armchair near me. "You did the right thing by telling her Jake," he said quietly.

"I know. Doesn't make it any easier."

"What did she say?"

I suddenly noticed how quiet the house had gotten and realized everyone was gone except for Sam and Emily.

"She didn't really say anything. She asked a couple of questions as she processed the reality of what it meant that I had not imprinted on her… that I could potentially imprint on someone else. She started crying and having trouble breathing and then she fainted."

Emily was speaking softly to Bella, kneeling next to her, trying to get her to come around.

"Don't despair yet then," Sam said, putting his hand on my shoulder, "give her a chance to finish processing it before you assume the worst."

"I don't know Sam, you didn't see her. She was acting just like she used to… when she was in pain before, unable to breath and wrapping her arms around herself. Only this time I'm the one that caused the pain…" my voice cracked, and I couldn't say anything else. Sam squeezed my shoulder.

After a couple more agonizingly long minutes, Bella groaned and started to move around a little. Emily continued to talk to her and removed the damp cloths from Bella's head and chest.

"Emily," Bella said, finally opening her eyes. Before I could get up, I heard her sob again. "Emily, I don't know what I'm going to do."

Emily moved to sit on the couch and gathered Bella to her chest and hugged her, Bella's eyes squeezed shut.

Sam spoke again, too quiet for the girls to hear. "Let's give her some time to talk it out with Emily." He gave my shoulder a pat, then stood and waited for me.

I hesitated, but knew Sam was probably right. Allowing her time to process this was the best thing to do. I rose and we left silently.

BELLA POV

WHEN I CAME TO, I was back in the house and Emily was there, talking softly to me, coaxing me back. The concern etched on her face reminded me what had caused me to pass out and I was overcome. I squeezed my eyes shut, tears falling once more. Emily pulled me to her and hugged me tight.

After a couple of minutes, she loosened her hold on me. "Would you like to try to sit up," she asked gently.

I nodded and slowly repositioned myself until I was sitting sideways on the couch, my knees drawn up to my chest, and my arms wrapped around my legs. Emily sat in front of me, turning to face me with one leg resting bent on the couch.

"Do you want to talk about it, Bella? It might help you work through it. It's quite a strange concept to comprehend."

"Jake told you what happened? That he told me about imprinting?"

"Yes, he told us."

I looked around, and when I didn't see him a shot of worry went through me. Whatever happens, I wanted to see him again… talk to him.

"Where is he?"

"He and Sam just stepped outside to give you some time and space. I can leave too, if you'd prefer."

"No!" I desperately grabbed her hand. "Please stay."

"Of course I'll stay."

I nodded, relieved and thankful I had someone to talk to. I knew I'd need time alone to process everything before I made a decision, but it was so unbelievable, I needed more information. All the time I'd spent debating the right thing to do to come to the decision to give a relationship with Jake a chance, and I was missing an important piece.

I didn't blame Jake. What purpose would there have been in him telling me about imprinting before? It's not like I'd ever given him any indication I might feel this way about him, considering I didn't even know myself. But I wanted to try to avoid making another under-informed decision.

My tears had mostly stopped, so I wiped the remaining moisture from my cheeks, took a deep breath, and raised myself up a bit, preparing to get as much information as I could. I tried to think of the best questions to ask. Just how common was imprinting? How certain were they that imprinting couldn't still happen between me and Jake? Was there any way to avoid imprinting or could someone get out of it once it happened? What in the world was the purpose of it?

As all of these questions spun around my head and I sorted through them, a sudden heavy weariness came over me. I didn't want to ask any of these questions. I didn't want to learn any more about supernatural things, whether they were beings, or forces, or magic… or something else I couldn't even fathom. I was just so tired of trying to keep up with it all. At every turn, the supernatural world just messed up everything again and again.

I slumped forward, letting the weariness show. "This is so unfair," I whispered, knowing I sounded like a defeated child and not caring.

"I know it is sweetie," Emily said with gentle understanding in her voice. She understood better than anyone the situation I found myself in… other than perhaps Leah.

"Why? Haven't we been through enough?" I dropped my forehead against my knees. "I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him, but maybe it would be better to let go now, before we get any more attached." The thought of it made me sick.

"We don't really know why imprinting is a part of the magic that comes with their transformations. The legends are all very vague, and in our experiences so far, it certainly seems like it has more potential for harm than good.

"You do have to remember that it is not a certainty he would ever imprint on anyone. Throughout the histories, it has not been common for imprinting to happen… it is actually considered the rare exception.

"It's true that there is a risk for heartache sometime in the future if you stay with him, but you have to decide if your relationship with Jake, your love for each other, is worth that risk.

"Sam has felt the love Jake has for you, felt the connection and Jake's devotion to you. It matches what Sam feels for me. He is actually surprised Jake didn't imprint on you.

"And Bella, I hope you realize you are not the same person you were before. You and I may have only met recently, but I was aware of you. You've had such a transformation of healing over the time you've been with Jake, but nothing more so than since you were here just last week. You have gone from someone who was tortured inside, lost and barely surviving, to someone who is full of light and life and free from the pain. And the only thing that changed was you seeing the love you had for Jacob. Not just any love will heal you like that, so I believe your love for Jacob matches his for you."

"But, Sam loved Leah, yet imprinted on you…"

"Yes, but things are different for you and Jake."

"You can't know that for sure, Emily."

"I can't explain it, but I have—" She cut off abruptly and got a pained look on her face. "What I want to say is you and Jake are me—" Another sudden stop and she now looked pained and frustrated. She let out a long deep sigh. "Just trust me when I say that things are different for you and Jake."

I wanted to ask her what was wrong, or what she meant, but I honestly couldn't handle anyone else's issues right now. I wouldn't be any help to her anyway… not in my present state of mind.

"I obviously can't tell you what to do," she continued, "but make sure you consider what you will be giving up if you decide to end things with Jake, and not just the potential future heartache you might be avoiding."

I felt so drained. I glanced over at the clock on the wall and heaved a shaky sigh. "I need to head home. I'm going to need some time to think through all of this and decide what's the best thing for me to do."

Emily stood up with me and wrapped me in a tight, warm hug.

"Call me if you need to talk any more. And Bella, please know, whatever happens, you don't have to face anything alone. I will always be here for you, whatever your decision is. I promise."

A tight knot returned to my throat. "Thanks, Emily. That means a lot to me.

The night air had cooled considerably since the sun had gone down, and when I stepped out onto the front porch, I rubbed my arms as a shiver ran through me. Jake and Sam were standing a few yards away from the porch, facing away from the house. Sam turned first and when he saw me his face fell a little, and his lips pressed into a thin line. My expression must have given away that I didn't have good news. He squeezed Jake's shoulder and came toward the house. Jake didn't move.

As Sam stepped up on the porch next to me, I looked up at him apologetically as he laid his hand on my shoulder. He gave me a sympathetic look, then headed into the house.

When I looked at Jake again, he had turned and was watching me. His brow was creased with worry, and one look at me caused his countenance to fall even more. His head dropped, and he suddenly seemed smaller.

"You're ending things… aren't you?" he asked as I approached him. The sadness in his voice was almost more than I could bear. There was a bitter edge to it as well, reminiscent of his voice while in my kitchen just a few mornings ago. The new hole that had started earlier widened a little more. I didn't want to hurt him, and I definitely didn't want to go through another heartbreak, but I just wasn't sure what the right answer was.

"No, Jake, I'm not ending things. I'm just not sure what I want to do now. I need some time to think, now that I know about the imprinting."

I was standing in front of him, and he met my gaze and took my hands in his, a bit of hope returning to his eyes. His voice was softer when he spoke again.

"Bella, I may not have imprinted on you, but the strength of my love for you is as if I did… Sam and Jared both agree. Jared and Paul were against us at first, but they both came around as soon as they felt it through our wolf bond. Nothing matters to me more than you, I would do anything for you. Even before you realized your love for me, I would have been your friend and protector until the day I died if that's what you needed from me."

"I know it Jake… I can feel it and see it in your eyes. It's that love that woke me up and brought me back to life. And, honestly, I'm not sure I would have wanted you to imprint on me… especially not when you first transformed. I just don't know if I can handle living with the worry of losing you hanging over our heads. That at any time you might leave for someone else just because some magical instinct forces you to."

"But you're willing to lose me by choosing to walk away now? Just so you don't have to face the worry about that potential, but unlikely, loss later?" There was no malice or judgement in his question, just frustration and an edge of desperation.

I absolutely hated this!

"I don't know what I'm willing to do, Jake. I'm tired and I feel so defeated. I feel so beat down at every turn lately and I'm so very tired. I just need a little time to process it all. I promise I will decide soon, and I'll let you know as soon as I do."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to push. Of course, you need time… I understand." Jake cupped my face with one large hand, and I couldn't stop myself from leaning into his heated touch. "Just promise me you won't overthink this Bells. There is so much more possibility for happiness together than chance for heartache. I don't want to lose you just to avoid some possible future loss."

"I'll consider it all, and I'll try not to overthink it." I don't know why I was ever still surprised by how well he knew me. I was absolutely prone to overthinking things, but with a mother like mine, who hardly thought about anything before diving in head-first, it had become a self-preservation instinct. "I need to go. I'll call you as soon as I've made a decision."

"Or if you need to talk it out anymore," he added hastily. "If you have any questions, please ask before you decide."

"I will."

Jake leaned down to place a kiss on my forehead, leaving his lips pressed against me while he took a slow, deep breath. I fought back the tears threatening to fall again. As soon as Jake pulled away, the absence of his touch made my heart clenched. I needed to leave before I totally broke down.

As I drove away, I glanced up to see Jake perfectly framed in the rearview mirror, watching me leave. His posture looked as defeated as I felt and the crack in my heart widened further as the tears I'd held back fell once more. I wasn't feeling very confident that I would ever be able to make this decision.