*****BELLA POV*****

TRY AS I MIGHT, I couldn't avoid thinking about the situation on the way home. I really wanted to have a good night's sleep before I tried to figure anything out. That was just wishful thinking though… I seriously doubted I would be getting any good sleep tonight.

What would be the best thing to do… the right thing? Perhaps ending things would be best… that would be the rational thing to do, right? Why put myself through the constant worry of him leaving and having no control? Wouldn't it be better to take control for myself now? Avoid potentially years of being nervous every time Jake met a new woman.

Maybe… but the thought of having to go one single day without seeing Jake, or speaking to him, or simply knowing he was my Jake, was unfathomable. No more sunny smiles, no more teasing banter, no more walks on the beach or motorcycle rides. No more holding his hand, or being swallowed up in his warm hugs, or having my breath taken away by his soft, or sometimes intense kisses.

A loud scream of frustration suddenly burst from my depths, and I banged my palms on the steering wheel… hard. It stung, and I was sure I'd have bruises there later, but I needed to let it out somehow.

I hated this so much! Why couldn't something just be simple for once! I hated imprinting and everything it represented – the taking away of someone's free-will. Even if the choice was a good one, it was still forced. But now that Jake and I had fallen in love and wanted to be together, the thought of losing each other also being forced was sickening.

By the time I parked the truck in front of our house, my head had started to ache from the frustration and worry. I thought briefly about not having Alice come over, but she was heading back on Thursday, so I only had two more nights to spend with her. Maybe spending some time with her would help take my mind off it all, though that might be a tall order for anything save some powerful sedatives.

*****JACOB POV*****

WATCHING BELLA DRIVE away last night sucked so hard. As soon as her taillights had disappeared around the bend, I had phased and followed behind her. It was time for me to be on patrol anyway, and I had to at least make sure she made it home safely. Even over the noise of her truck, I heard her bellow in frustration about halfway there and I had to fight hard to keep from responding with a howl of my own pain and frustration. Once she'd made it home, I'd stayed in the trees around her house until the tiny Cullen female arrived, then I made myself stay away after that and let Embry and Jared make the passes by her house. It would be too hard to hear her or smell her… or even be near her right now (even though that is exactly what I wanted to do.

I had stayed out long past the end of my patrol shift and ran aimlessly through the wilderness. Being in wolf form dulls human emotions, so it helps ease the heartache, but it doesn't take them away completely. I had run well past the Canadian border before turning back, and then I'd only gotten a few hours of crappy sleep this morning before dragging myself back out of bed and heading out to my garage. Through it all, Bella's defeated, tear-stained face haunted me.

Even now, I couldn't get the image out of my head as I rolled out from under the car I was working on. The little business I'd started last summer was doing great and I was thankful for the work to distract me today. Well, it wasn't an official business yet, but it hopefully would be by the end of the year. I was forced to turn people away every week because I didn't have enough time to get to them all, so I would have the work to support it when I was finally able to make it happen. With Mr. Veer, who owned the only mechanic shop on the Rez, now semi-retired, a lot of locals were forced to take their vehicles to Dowlings' in Forks, and he charged way more than he should.

I had planned on going to the local college in Forks to get some more training when I graduated, but that may have to wait considering it was looking like I wouldn't even be able to finish high school this year. Everything had become so much more complicated. First, becoming a werewolf, and then that damned red-headed leech showing up, and then finding out she was after Bella.

Bella. I wondered how she was doing today. I wanted so badly to run to the forest around the school and see if I could catch even just a small trace of her scent. I shook the idea out of my head. I was trying to keep my mind off of her as much as possible, so that would be completely counterproductive.

Unfortunately, the cars I had lined up to work on at the moment were almost all oil changes or other simple work that didn't take a lot of thought for me to complete. This left a lot of brain space for other, more depressing thoughts and did little to help distract me from my worries.

A movement at the garage door drew my attention. Leah was leaning against the edge of the large opening, her arms crossed. I grimaced inside as I turned back to my work.

"What do you want, Leah? I'm not in the mood for your crap today."

"I just came by to see how you were holding up."

I rolled my eyes. "Since when do you care?" She hated me because of my friendship with Bella, and it had only gotten worse when she discovered that we were a couple.

"I don't hate you, Jake, despite what you think. It's that leech-lover you're infatuated with that I can't stand."

I ignored her. She could say what she liked, but I could feel the anger when we were phased. Although… she was already exceptional at hiding her thoughts, so it was hard to determine exactly what the anger was aimed at most of the time. She wasn't perfect though, so I know that at least some of it was for me.

"You should be relieved, you know."

I set the tool I was using down with a loud clang and glared at her. "What did you just say?"

"You should be relieved. It would be better to end things now, before you two get any more attached."

I shook my head and picked the wrench back up. What made her think I wanted to talk about this right now… especially with her.

"I mean the best thing," she continued, undeterred, "would have been to not get into this type of relationship with her to start with, but that ship has already sailed, so… Ending things this way will be better than the alternative. For her to have to watch you leave. For her to see you happy with someone else. Sure, you'll feel bad, but you won't be truly heartbroken. That'll be reserved just for her."

"You don't think I know that?" I snapped at her. "The fact is, we're past the point of being able to spare either one of us heartache if we were to end things now. Besides the chances of me imprinting on someone and the same thing happening again," I gestured to her, indicating I was speaking of what happened to her, "are so small—"

"That's according to those blasted legends that turned out to be history. Guess what, according to those, I shouldn't know a damned thing about being a wolf, nor should we have so many, but here we are. Just proves that those legends are only part of the story. We don't really know what the hell to expect, do we Jake?" When I didn't respond she continued. "You should've never kissed her… never pursued that with her."

I sighed. I don't know why I was even continuing this conversation, but this is a thought I'd had frequently since last night. Not that it did me any good… there was nothing I could do to change that now.

"Maybe I shouldn't have, but how was I supposed to know how completely it would alter her state of mind… how much it would change for her? If anything, I thought she would just begin to consider something more with me, and once she was open to the idea, I would have told her about the imprinting, and she could have decided and then, if she didn't want more, we could have remained friends.

"But that's not what happened. Hell, I don't even understand what did happen. Regardless… with where we are now, she's not just going to walk away and be alright again. You've been in my head. You know this."

"You need to let her go, Jake. Don't let it happen again."

"I don't know why you're pretending you care so much about the heartache of a person you can't stand."

"I wouldn't wish what happened to me upon anyone… not even her."

I just shook my head. "It's in Bella's hands now. Whatever she decides, I will respect her decision. No matter how much it destroys me… and potentially her." I had had enough of this conversation. "Unless you have pack business to discuss, then I suggest you leave. I'm done talking about this."

Leah opened her mouth as if to say something more, but I gave her a malicious warning look and her mouth snapped shut. She turned and left without another word.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I should just go ahead and end it myself, but I knew I would never be able to bring myself to do that. Maybe I was selfish. But something deep inside me told me that there was more there between me and Bella. This wasn't just some teenage crush, and this wasn't some wild infatuation that would fizzle out. There was a depth to our relationship that wasn't normal for most people. So much more than Bella was even consciously aware of. There was so much from our childhood that she somehow didn't remember. Someday I hoped to be able to help bring those memories back, but I've never wanted her to feel like I was trying to manipulate her into a relationship because of that. I have always wanted her to come back to me on her own. We were so close… so damn close.

*****BELLA POV*****

THE MORNING DAWNED gray and dreary, a perfect match to how I felt inside. I had slept horribly, just as I'd predicted. According to Alice, I had mumbled restlessly in my sleep almost all night. If any of it revealed my inner turmoil, she didn't mention it.

While waiting for her to come over, I had checked my email and found a new from Renee, but she was gushing and excited about the news of my relationship with Jacob, so I had to stop reading it. I'd deal with it later, once I had a clear head… and an answer.

Having Alice there had done a better job distracting me. When she wanted to hear about my day, I told her almost everything but left out the whole part about imprinting and the decision I needed to make. Even if I hadn't been in turmoil over what to do, I didn't think the wolves would want me to share that bit of information with the Cullens. She could tell something was wrong, but she let it go when I said I didn't want to talk about it.

Alice left soon after I got up since I was driving myself to school today. My mind tried to resume its incessant working as I took a hot shower. It was as if my brain was determined to make this decision right now, whether I was ready to think about it just yet or not. By the time I'd finished my shower and pulled on a sweatshirt and some jeans, I'd managed to get my thoughts under control. My stomach was in knots as I headed out the door, so I didn't even try to eat anything.

I spent the long and tiring day trying to reign in my thoughts, doing everything possible to keep my mind occupied with anything but the decision that I needed to make. I took unnecessarily extensive notes in every class, studied or read during any down time between classes, and listened with rapt attention as Jessica rambled on about all the random school gossip.

I managed to choke down a granola bar at lunch. Angela, of course, noticed that something was bothering me and quietly asked if I was alright. That gentle caring question almost broke my resolve and my heart ached terribly. From the compassionate look that came across her face, it was obvious she saw the pain flash in my eyes, so she didn't push when I said I couldn't talk about it.

After school, I went to work and it was so slow… in fact, we had almost no customers and it was much harder to keep my thoughts in check. I had cleaned and straightened over half the store's shelves, just to keep busy, when Mrs. Newton decided to send me home early.

Under different circumstances I would have been thrilled because it would have allowed me a little more time with Alice, but I knew I didn't want company right now. I was relieved though, because I needed to be alone so I could think this through with no distractions. The last thing I wanted to do was drag this out and leave both me and Jake hanging in limbo.

When I got home Charlie wasn't there yet; he and Billy had gone to Sue Clearwater's for dinner. I dumped my bag in my bedroom, but then immediately headed outside. Inside I felt trapped and claustrophobic. I needed to get out in the open and feel the cool spring air on my skin.

I went to the woods at the side of the house and followed a narrow trail. When I had gone far enough to be hidden from sight but could still see the house through the tree limbs, I found a fallen tree, covered with moss, and sat down.

I leaned back, resting my hands behind me on the thick tree trunk, and looked up into the thick canopy above me. The green of my surroundings, the feel of the moss under my hands, and the motion of the leaves above, rustling in the slight breeze, were once an irritant. A reminder that I was no longer in my familiar surroundings of the Arizona desert. In these past months of being with Jacob, they had become a comfort to me… mostly because they reminded me of him. So much had changed because of him.

Jacob. What was I going to do? Stay with Jake and never be truly secure in the life we would potentially build together? Or leave and hurt us both now… rip off the Band-Aid, so to speak, to save us from a worse heartache later. Ugh, this hurt so much to even think about, but I couldn't avoid it. I needed to play each scenario out and determine what they each truly meant.

What if I chose to end our relationship now? It would hurt… a lot. But by going through that now, I could save us potentially years of worrying about everything being torn from us at any moment. Endure heartache now to keep from wasting time, always wondering, never knowing if our future would be secure or not, and avoid the even worse broken heart that could happen later.

What would the cost be though? Besides losing the boy I now knew I loved and my best friend, already a big price to pay, I would also surely lose myself again. My heart had already begun to crack, just waiting for this path to be walked so it could rip a brand-new hole right through the middle of me. I would be utterly destroyed, and this time there would be no one to hold my hand and love me through it.

But then, what would happen if I stayed? If Jacob and I continued our relationship and hoped for the best? To stay together would mean that we would live every day with the threat of it all being stolen from us at any time. We could never know for certain that our lives together would be forever, if forever is what we chose. Even if the chances of Jake imprinting were small, could I live with the constant worry of "what if"? Wondering if today might be the day that Jake would see 'her', and everything we had would be blown to hell with one look. Was I willing to take that chance?

He may never actually imprint on anyone, though. From everything he and Emily said… from everything the legends told of, the chance of him imprinting was small. Was I willing to forfeit what we have and the future that we could have, because of a small chance of losing it someday?

To stay with Jake may come with risk, but it would also mean more of the joy and happiness that I'd experienced with him ever since that first day I showed up at his house with the motorcycles. It would mean more caresses and kisses, sweet looks and warm touches that we've enjoyed in these last few days since I realized I loved him.

There were additional things to consider as well… other things that would come along with choosing a life with Jake. Through him, I had gained a whole slew of new friendships. I would lose those too, if I were to end this. I had never felt like I belonged anywhere before, but in just a few days' time, I had begun to feel like I had truly found my place, no longer feeling out of step with those around me. I had found my people, my group… my family?

So, if I stayed with Jake, I could have more… so much more of EVERYTHING! We could have a long happy life together… love and laughter … marriage… kids… I'd never given much thought about marriage or being a mother before, but the idea of it with Jake brought me joy. Beyond that, I could belong. I could have a life full of friendships like I had never had before, and I became acutely aware of just how much I wanted that, how much I have been craving that… all of that!

Was I really willing to throw away a chance at a full and happy life with Jake, just to avoid the possibility for heartbreak in the future? Especially when doing so would cause certain heartbreak now?

Some things that Jake and Emily said to me last night flashed through my mind:

Emily: "You've had such a transformation of healing… not just any love will heal you like that"

Emily: "True that there is a risk for heartache… you have to decide if your relationship with Jake, your love for each other, is worth that risk."

Jake: "There is so much more possibility for happiness together than chance for heartache."

I had been so focused on the 'logical' response, and what I should do, that I had forgotten possibly the most important question to ask: What is it I WANT to do?

That answer is easy—I want to be with Jake. I want all the friendships that I've made through him. I want his love. I want him. I want US!

Yes, our love is worth the risk… being with him is worth the risk… HE is worth any risk.

Besides, there are always risks in life. Nothing is ever guaranteed. No matter how well you planned things out and no matter what decisions you made, everything could change in a heartbeat. Hadn't I learned that last fall? Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. You just have to love and appreciate the things you have, while you have them.

Like a lightning bolt, the answer hit me. In the same moment, I also had the profound realization that I could be truly dense sometimes. How could I not see there was really only one option. Why would I choose the path that led to certain lose and pain when there was one that gave us a chance together, to have happiness and love and everything life can offer? No matter what, a chance at a life with Jake was worth any risk. Our love was worth any risk.

A huge weight lifted off my heart and the cracks disappeared. I knew, without a doubt, I was making the right decision.

I jumped up off the log and started to go as fast as I dared back toward the house. I needed to call Jake immediately. No, I was going to go to La Push and try to find him… this news needed to be told in person. Plus, I needed to be swallowed up in the heat of his arms… and apologize for even considering there was another choice.

An ice-cold hand grabbed my arm. I screamed and I pulled hard against the grip. My knee hit the ground when I lost my balance, but the grip stayed firm as I went from relief to terror in the blink of an eye… I shouldn't have come out here, Victoria had found me.

"Why are you out here in the woods!"

Wait, I knew that voice. I looked up as granite hands hauled me to my feet.

"Alice! I thought for sure Victoria had found me."

"Well, not yet, but she's on her way here right now, so I've got to get you out of here. I'm taking you to La Push and the wolves are on their way."

Victoria! The terror filled me again and gave me the sense of emotional whiplash. The world shifted around me, and my lungs emptied, unable to get a breath to refill them. I stumbled behind Alice as she drug me out of the woods and across the yard toward her car.

Jake! I needed Jake, needed his protection. I tried to call for him as the immediate and intense need consumed me. I wasn't able to get enough air in my lungs to make a sound, so the cry never got past the confines of my mind.

Alice had her cell phone pressed against her ear, but she was talking to me. I was barely able to comprehend what she was saying.

"I didn't know where you were. I started to head to your job, but thankfully my visions still work some of the time because I saw you were near your house. Why didn't you call me when you got home like we agreed? We could already be on the way."

I couldn't get enough breath to answer, but she began speaking into her phone anyway.

"She's coming to Bella's house," a pause, "She got around the wolves somehow and I just now found Bella," another pause, "Yes, I could see her, but couldn't tell where she was, I just saw trees." We had reached the car and Alice opened my door for me, but before she could stuff me inside, she said, "We're too late, she's here."

As the last words were spoken, faster than my mind could process what was happening, the car disappeared from in front of me. A flash of red, a hard impact, and I was flying through the air. Another impact and my flight was stopped abruptly. A final impact, several loud cracks, and my world went black.