List of Oneshots part 4

by yugiohfan163

Requests are not guaranteed to be done. If they get done, they get done. Don't go expecting any ideas done at the drop of a hat or expect any promises. No ones making any money off these, which means we're not obligated to rush on certain ideas.

75. Chapter 75

List of oneshots part 4

chapter 75

A look at some of the worst grunts of Team Rocket.

Series: Pokemon

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In a dark and dimly lit office, in an undisclosed location of Team Rocket's HQ, is where Giovanni himself was in the middle of browsing a recent list one of his admins sent to him.

"Ugh… seriously, how many times do I have to tell these idiots, they can take more than a few pokemon when they're out to fight people…" He groaned, rubbing his head. "Of all the days to review awful grunt reports, it had to fall on a friday."

"Sir? Uh, I have another report from Jessie and James?" A grunt said, making Giovanni groan.

"Unless it's a wedding invitation I don't wanna read it."

"Uh, no. It's one of the usual ones." He said, making the crime boss sigh. "Uh…sir? Can I ask you a question?"

"What is it?"

"Why do you bother to keep them around and send them funding? Wouldn't it be easier to just fire them and rid Team Rocket of its worst members?"

"They're not our worst members."

"Uh…pardon?" spoke the grunt in confusion and surprise. "But, don't they constantly mess up no matter what's sent to them?"

"Usually, though occasionally they do manage to actually do their job right." He sighed, setting down the paper he was holding. "They're also constantly traveling, and everytime they send in a new report we learn more about whatever region they find themselves in, even if that wasn't what they intended."

"But sir, isn't it true they keep going after a single Pikachu? Those really aren't that rare when you really think about it."

"Also true, but at the very least they aren't doing anything that's hurting Team Rocket, so I'll overlook that fact. Occasionally they even have schemes to steal hundreds of pokemon that honestly nearly work, so eventually they'll have to succeed."

"But with all that going on, who else could possibly be worse?"

"You'd be surprised, there's this one agent, a Mr…Evul? Ugh, what a bad name. Listen to what he did this week." He groaned, holding up a report. "Apparently he got his arms stuck in a hole going after a Diglett! A Diglett! He was stuck there for two days!"

"Well to be honest, those holes can get pretty deep…"

"It wasn't the hole that got him stuck, it's the fact that he refused to let go of the damn pokemon!" he growled, making the grunt shrink back. "If you think there couldn't be any others, just take a look at these forms."

"But…all of those are idiots? Like Jessie and James?"

"Worse than those two! Actually, hang on!" He said, reaching into his desk and rummaging around. "I think one night I got drunk and…yes, I still have it!" He said, pulling out an old, worn VHS tape. "All of the worst grunts to ever be part of this organization were recorded on this thing. For the sole purpose of keeping the bar for quality members high and not accepting ones like…them."

"Wait, really? Then how come I've never seen it?"

"Because I'm so busy cleaning up these idiot's messes that I don't have time to get it distributed to all members!" he moved over away from his desk and put the tape into a player, a screen coming down from the ceiling. "Now watch and you'll know what I mean."

"Um, ok sir?" The confused grunt said as Giovanni pushed the tape in and hit play. The screen lit up before it showed off a grunt who was currently sneaking around the sides of a building while looking left and right.

"Alright, just gotta be fast and out in no time." The guy said, moving towards a nearby door. "Heh, I don't know why no one has thought of this yet, all the pokemon here are well trained and disciplined and super strong! Perfect for Team Rocket!"

"That sounds promising."

"Wait till you see where he is first." Giovanni said as the camera panned back a bit to show the building was a massie police station.

"Oh…"

The grunt on the video peeked around and spotted a Growlithe standing by the door and smirked. He slowly tip toed over to it and quickly grabbed it, picking it up and making it let out a bark of surprise. "Gotcha pooch! You're coming with me!"

"GROWLITHE!" The pokemon roared as it twisted and flailed around in the grunt's arms until the grunt lost his grip. The fire type landed and turned to him with a growl, right as Officer Jenny ran out and spotted the grunt.

"Hey you! What do you think you're doing?!"

"Shit!" he let out before he turned and tried running, only for Growlithe to take off after him along with Jenny.

"Growlithe! Flamethrower!"

"Growl!" The pokemon barked as it opened its mouth, only for the video to change.

"Yeah, I don't think you need to see what comes after that."

"He tried to rob a police station? Without any back up? And in broad daylight?"

"Yes, the height of stupidity, and want to know the worst part? He's not as bad as the others."

"Oh dear." The grunt said as the screen changed to show a dark room with several grunts huddled around a large safe.

"Alright guys, this safe is loaded with tons and tons of cash. And it's just waiting for us to clean it out."

"Yeah! You got the good pokemon to bust this safe right open, right?"

"You betcha! I got the perfect one! Go Voltorb, use self-destruct!" the grunt let the pokemon out, with it narrowing its eyes before glowing as the others jumped.

"What?!"

"Ru-"

BOOM!

The camera cut out, making the grunt cringe as they saw that.

"Yep, just a complete idiot. They didn't make it out alive."

"I mean, it COULD have worked, but what made him think doing that with all of them so close was a good idea?"

"Who knows, idiots will be idiots." Giovanni sighed. "Here's one that makes me extremely pissed." He said as the screen changed to show a majestic mountain top. The sky above it was clear with the sun shining down on it and making it look like it was glowing. Slowly from the clouds a majestic red bird began to descend, showing itself to be Ho-Ho.

"Oh my gosh! Sir, is that…"

"Yes, your eyes are not tricking you." Giovanni sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "The legendary Ho-Ho, a pokemon so rare it's practically a myth, one of our agents spent years tracking its sightings, waiting for the perfect conditions, all leading to this moment."

The video showed the bird as it landed on the mountain and moved near a pond, leaning down to start lapping up some of the water. Suddenly one of the bushes near the pokemon fell away, a Team Rocket grunt leaping forward, determination in her eyes, and with a sense of purpose she….hit the back of the pokemon with a butterfly net.

"Ha! You're not getting away this time! You're gonna be part of Team Rocket after all the time spent on hunting you down you overgrown Pidgey." the grunt gloated as the pokemon looked down…. In a strange mix of both confusion and in disappointment as it saw the net just resting on part of its back, not keeping it restrained in any way shape or form. "Now let's go!" she pulled on the net, only for it to slide down. "Oh, wait hold on." she moved it up and tried pulling again, but it had no grip and slid down. "Stupid net." She muttered before looking around. "Oh, I got it!" She said, raising the net and slamming it down on the tip of the giant pokemon's beak. "Ha, there we go!"

Ho-Ho narrowed it's eyes at the girl before easily lifting her up when he raised his head, and spread out his wings.

"Ha! You can't get away from mEEEEEE!" she screamed before he quickly flew into the sky, and her along with him.

"We never actually found her again, we did find the remains of a broken butterfly net over the Alolah region."

"W…What?! She tried using a net?!"

"Yep. She was smart enough to track an untraceable pokemon but thought to use a net. The moron didn't even leave any clues behind! All her notebooks we found were just about the beauty of catching things with nets!" Giovanni groaned, shaking his head.

"Why didn't she just use a pokemon at the least!?"

"Who knows, just keep this in mind, if you're a decent, rational, intelligent person, you more often than not have better prospects than being a Team Rocket Grunt." Giovanni groaned as the screen changed.

This time what they saw looked like a thick forest with some of the bushes rustling, grunts and groans being heard from behind it.

"Ugh, stupid bushes, why can't you just be pokemon so I can get this over with?" frowned a grunt making his way out and dusting himself off, blowing a leaf off his shoulder. As he did so he noticed in a nearby clearing there seemed to be a small herd of Cranidos, asleep. He smirked and rubbed his hands, crouching down as he made his way towards them. "Wow, a herd of fossil pokemon? That's a goldmine." He said with a grin as he stepped forward, only to pause as he saw a different pokemon on the other side of the clearing eating from a berry bush.

Said pokemon was a tall Lopunny enjoying the berries without a care, making the grunt stare with an odd twinkle in his eyes.

"Jackpot!" He cried out loudly before sprinting forwards, past the sleeping cranidos and stopping in front of the bunny pokemon. Said pokemon turned to him confused while he gave a smirk and crouched down closer. "Hey there hot stuff, what's a cute pokemon like you doing out here?"

The pokemon blinked in confusion and began to back up, letting out a warning cry of "Pun Pun!"

"Aw c'mon beautiful, don't act like that!" he gave a creepy grin with his hands out. "I'm a swell guy when you get to know me."

"Pun!" she let out, throwing the berry right in his face before hopping off.

"Ugh, go and run you tease!" He cried out in annoyance, turning back to see the Cranidos no longer asleep, and instead glaring at him. His eyes widened as each of them looked pretty mad at being woken up. "Um… Nice pokemo-" He started, only for the dinosaur pokemon to charge him, making him scream as they attacked.

"Idiots. I'm surrounded by idiots and even worse, horny idiots!"

"Did…Did he try to…fuck a pokemon?"

"It wasn't the first time. He tried it with a Nidoqueen, a Gloom, even a Gyarados one time we had in our aquarium." He sighed, shaking his head. "At that point we didn't even try to save him, he'd give us all a bad name if his… habits got out."

"So what happened to him?"

"He retired, those Cranidos' broke his back, unfortunately last I heard he was requesting we give him several gardevoir to be his personal nurses."

"That's just wrong." shuddered the grunt. "I mean, who would ever think having sex with a pokemon was a good one?"

Giovanni was silent as he and Persia shared a look before he cleared his throat. "Yes well, you tend to find odd ones like that from time to time. Let's just move on to the next."

"Ok." The grunt said as the video changed again, this time showing a grunt looking down in confusion at what looked like a piece of cooled magma shaped like a slug in a small pool of boiled water next to what looked like a crab dinner.

"Huh. I really thought it would work this time." He rubbed his head as he looked at a list in his hand and crossed off two names. "Ok, so maybe those two weren't the right ones. Maybe if I try a Magmar and Seadra it'll work."

As he looked at his list, a loud booming sound was heard, getting closer and closer, before a loud bellow could be heard. "HOW GOES THE POKEMON EXPERIMENT BUDDY?!"

"Not so good. I thought I had it this time." He sighed as a tall grunt entered the room, each of his footfalls making a loud, thundering sound.

"SORRY TO HEAR THAT, I KNOW YOU WERE WORKING HARD!"

"I thought a Slugma and Krabby would work, but all it did was cool the Slugma down into a statue, and the Krabby just got cooked into lunch." The grunt sighed, picking up the boiled crab with a pair of tongs. "I'm sure if I can find a compatible pair of fire and water pokemon I can breed a rare, legendary beast!"

"DID YOU TRY FLAREON AND VAPOREON!?"

"I did, Flareon freaked out and Vaporeon turned into a puddle… maybe I goofed up and grabbed two from the same litter?" He mused, rubbing his chin.

"TRIAL AND ERROR IS THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE PROGRESS!" The grunt roared loudly. "LUCKILY WE CAN JUST STEAL ANY POKEMON YOU NEED!"

"Yeah, or 'borrow' our co-worker's pokemon if need be."

"THERE'S THE SPIRIT!"

"Yeah…Yeah! Ok, I think I heard a rumor that R&R got its hands on an egg of Azelf, let's grab it and see if we'll get lucky when we pair it with a Magmar." The grunt sighed before the video cut off.

"Wait… that break in at the labs six months ago…that was them?!"

"Yes."

"But….but we have data on which pokemon can make eggs already! Why would he try to make some weird hybrid between a fire and water type? That's not possible!"

"You'd think so, but idiots will be idiots, when we raided his personal quarters we found hundreds of… former test subjects he kept to study…. Needless to say he doesn't work here anymore."

"I mean, there are some weird combos sure, I mean a Muk and Gardevoir is ugh, but this? He didn't even bother to try and manipulate their DNA in the lab. He was just putting them together and hoping something happened."

"Like I said, idiots will be idiots, and his 'friend' got caught soon after trying to infiltrate a police center in the dead of night…he was so loud the entire town heard him."

"Was that some sort of speech impediment?"

"We tested him, he's just….loud, that's all." Giovanni sighed, shaking his head. "I swear, every month we lose another idiot minion to their own incompetence."

'Have we? I haven't really noticed anything out of the ordinary?' the minion thought in confusion as the screen changed once more.

"This next one was rather….odd and unsettling." Giovanni said, shuddering from the memory as the camera focused on a single team rocket minion.

Said minion was holding a pokeball and moving through a dark forest with a smirk. "That unknown pokemon is as good as mine." He grinned as they pushed the brush aside to see in a small clearing there was a strange creature in the center, resting. Said creature had yellow fur with several black spots, a slim body, with whiskers around its face.

"Is that some…Persian?"

"Not quite. That is…well we don't have a name for it, but just watch."

The grunt moved over towards it before tossing the pokeball out as it bounced against the creature, but nothing happened. It fell and rolled back with the creature barely moving. "Huh?!" The minion shouted out as the creature's eyes shot open and it rose to its feet. "What was that?!"

It turned to him and let out a growl, it's tail swaying a little as it moved it's body around with the grunt pulling out another one.

"You wanna battle? Fine, we do this the hard way." he threw it out and brought out a Raticate that bared its teeth at the creature. "Alright Raticate, use-" he didn't get a chance to finish before the creature lunged at his pokemon and started to violently tear into it with a roar, causing blood to spray out and making him stare in horror as it dug into the normal type. "RATICATE!"

"Sweet Arceus!" the grunt watching let out as he covered his mouth at the carnage, Giovanni covering Persian's eyes. "It…It's…oh Arceus!"

"It gets worse." Giovanni sighed as the feline creature in the video dropped the mangled corpse of the pokemon, growling as it began to stalk towards him.

"Wait, stop! You can't do that!" he cried, backing up as he pulled out another pokeball and threw it. It bounced off the creature's forehead with nothing happening, making it more angry before he turned and ran, but the creature sprinted right off after him with amazing speed before the screams of horror were heard followed by the sound of flesh tearing.

The grunt screamed in horror as the video changed, with Giovanni sighing.

"Whatever that thing was, it wasn't a pokemon."

"But….it looked like one. I mean the whiskers, tail, how could it NOT be one! It even moved on all fours like so many others! What else could it be?"

"We don't know, all we know is it's unnatural and that's why anymore signs of these…things, are to be seen as too dangerous even for us, so we avoid any and all attempts to capture one."

"I-I understand sir… but why include this in the video? That grunt wasn't an idiot, right?"

"No, but it's the only video we have of the beast, so we include it as a warning." he replied while letting out a heavy breath. "I've seen some dark things in my day, but that? That takes it all."

"Agreed." The grunt shuddered as the video changed once more, showing a confused looking grunt.

"Bulba." the grunt spoke as a scientist standing closeby looked annoyed.

"No no no, wrong again. Let's try again. Hello there, how are you today?"

"Bu bulb?"

"No damn it, no!" The scientist groaned before picking up a recorder. "This is log 97, I think we can safely deduce that while it is possible for humans to learn how to communicate with humans, they lose the ability to speak our language as a tradeoff."

"Bulba bu!" the grunt let out, pointing at the scientist while stamping his foot.

"Hey, don't look at me, you're the one who did this to themselves, I'm just trying to record the results of your dumbassery so no one else tries this."

"Bulb!"

The scientist groaned and facepalmed. "Ok, slowly listen, and I mean SLOWLY. Hel. Lo." he spoke slowly while enunciating the word.

"B….B…Bulbasaur!"

"No!" he yelled, smashing his clipboard over his head. "How is this possible?! How can something like this be impossible to fix?! Are you even trying or is this one big game to you?! Oh I'm sorry, I mean 'Bul bul Bulbasaur'." he mocked while shaking his head.

"Did… did that grunt forget how to speak?"

"Apparently he was inspired by Meowth's talent at talking like a human and taught himself to talk like a pokemon. Unfortunately he tried so hard that's ALL he can say now."

"Wouldn't that actually be useful?"

"Yes, IF the grunt bothered to have the brain on how to talk normal english like he did before." Giovanni groaned. "To make him effective we'd have to pair him with Meowth, but he's traveling with Jessie and James, so that's impossible."

"So…it's a lack of communication?"

"Exactly." He sighed, shaking his head as the video changed once more. This time it was of a minion who was stuffing a large box full of pokeballs, humming happily to himself.

"Alright, this one's all nice and ready to get shipped out." She hummed, slapping a label on it happily. "The boss is gonna love this~"

"She doesn't seem so bad. Seems like doing her job."

"Read the label." Giovanni growled in annoyance.

The grunt narrowed his eyes before blinking in confusion. "Team… Magma? Isn't she team rocket?"

"Yes, yes, she is."

The grunt looked up in the air and spotted a Fearow fly down with a saddle that had Team Magma's symbol on it. "Good, you're right on time. Get these to the boss on the double."

"Fearow!" The bird cried as it snatched the box from her.

"Ugh, be polite! You'd think team rocket could get some nice pokemon for once." she shook her head as it took off flying. "I wonder why I haven't gotten any word of thanks. I've been sending them plenty of pokemon for months, but not even a thank you. Oh! Maybe the boss is gonna hold a party to tell everyone I'm getting promoted. Well those Dratinis better do the trick."

"She just gave Dratini to a rival group by accident?!"

"Yep, she's the most annoying to deal with, a person who is both wickedly competent when it comes to her job, but an idiot in all other regards."

"Well what did she say when someone told her she was messing up?"

"According to her she assumed that all the other evil teams were just different team rocket bases. When she didn't get recognition for sending a batch to team Aqua, she figured if she sent them to all the 'bases', eventually someone would notice."

"...please tell me the Dratini were the only real rare ones she gave away."

"Not even close." Giovanni groaned. "If she'd been sending the pokemon to us, our grunts wouldn't all be using Rattatas!"

"Uh, whatever happened to her?"

"She's undergoing reeducation, she's not going out into the field until she proves she knows what team she's working for." he looked down and growled. "The worst part is when a few of the groups would call and 'thank' me for giving them the pokemon. I've never felt more humiliated in my life."

"Please tell me that was the last one." The grunt groaned, not feeling as optimistic about the evil organization's future as he did an hour ago.

"No, and this next one is a complete mockery of what our group is all about." He sighed as the screen changed to show a defeated trainer, their passed out pokemon all around them.

"I can't believe it…I lost."

"Yes, you did, now you know what happens now." The grunt chuckled evil as she rubbed her hands together.

"Yeah." they sat up and reached into their pocket before handing the grunt some money. "You won fair and square, and I'll pay."

"Yes! Now I can buy more potions and take on the gym." she beamed before jumping up and down excitedly.

"Uh…sir? I'm confused."

"Keep watching."

"So… I can really keep my pokemon?" The trainer said as they began to send their pokemon back to their pokeball.

"Of course, I just wanted to get my team some extra exp before I take on the gym."

"Huh… I must say, you sure are one of the nicest team rocket grunts I've met."

"Hey! What's that suppose to mean?" she frowned. "I'm not nice, I'm dangerous! My pokemon are proof of it! We've gone from town to town, beating gym leader after gym leader."

"True, but you asked me nicely if we wanted to fight instead of ambushing me."

"Because how can my team get stronger if we do something that underhanded. I can't get away with that in gym battles, and I doubt they'd be ok with it in the league." she remarked like it was obvious.

"...you sure you're team rocket?"

"Of course, I'm the strongest team rocket grunt ever!" she declared before turning and walked off with a smirk. "And I'll prove it, by beating the league and becoming the pokemon master!"

"...ok, have a nice day!" he waved before he walked the other way, right as the video cut out.

"That…. I don't even know what to say about that." the grunt said, stupefied.

"Yes, it is quite insane.' Giovanni sighed, taking the tape out of the player. "Now then, that's all, you can leave, or was there something else you needed to do?"

"Oh! Well actually, yeah, I did." he replied before he went to the door and locked it silently, then looked at Giovanni with a frown. "I'm here to take over."

"..." Giovanni stared at him before smirking. "Oh, you're one of THOSE, huh? Feel like you're 'meant for something better' or 'feel justified to lead' or some other poor excuse, is that right?"

"Exactly! And now that I know what to avoid, I can be a better leader than you ever were!" He laughed, pulling out a pokeball.

"Uh-huh, go on." Giovanni sighed, pulling open one of his desk drawers.

"Go Pidgey!" the grunt tossed it up and let the flying type out.

"... you know, I actually thought you might be one of the rare smart ones. I suppose that's on me." Giovanni sighed. He pulled out one of his own pokeballs and tossed it out, bringing out his Golem.

"Pidgey! Tackle!"

"Golem, crush the bird, then tap this idiot's kneecaps."

"Gol." the pokemon let out, the bird pokemon bouncing off it's shell before it casually slapped it into the wall without flinching.

"Ha! Is that all? Go Caterpie!" the grunt tossed out the tiny bug type, which paled as soon as it looked up at Golem.

"Really? A Caterpie? Oi, if you move aside and let us kill the trainer, we won't squash you." Giovanni called, looking at the Caterpie.

Said bug type looked between the pokemon and grunt before quickly crawling off to the side, faster than what his species are known for.

"Wha- hey! That's cheating!" The grunt shouted in shock. He saw Golem move towards him and pulled out a third pokeball. "Alright, I was showing you mercy, but now I'll bring out the big guns!"

'If this is a Rattata I swear I'm going to give this idiot cement shoes.' thought Giovanni before the pokemon came out….and started flopping about on the floor.

"Karp karp karp!"

"This is sad…. Just sad." Giovanni sighed. "Did you really think that you could defeat me with this ensemble of pokemon?"

"Just watch. Magikarp! Evolve!" ordered the grunt….with the fish staying the same.

"...you idiot, pokemon don't just evolve because you say so!" yelled Giovanni. "Did you honestly think that was a thing?!"

"... maybe?"

"That's it, Golem, break his kneecaps." Giovanni groaned in frustration.

Gol!" Golem let out before moving at the grunt with the camera moving aside before the sounds of bones being broken were heard.

"Maybe the next one will have more potential." sighed Giovanni peting Persian's head.

"Reow."