CHAPTER 20
A/N: Since Jake is 2 years older in my world, he was 11 when his mom died. His twin sisters are 2 years older than Jake and Bella.
*****BELLA POV*****
THE NEXT COUPLE OF days were pretty low-key, just allowing me a lot of time to rest. We watched a lot of movies and did a lot of reading, though I frequently fell asleep doing both of those things. We had figured out that I could lay with my head in Jake's lap, and still be close enough to keep the pain away, but our torsos (or our hearts, as Carlisle had theorized) couldn't get any further apart than that. We also played board games and cards with Sam and Emily, and sometimes some of the other guys. Or we just spent quiet time together talking. In all honestly, those were my favorite times.
On Thursday, during one of these quiet conversations on the couch, Sam and Emily suddenly appeared in front of us. Sam was holding a large bundle of blankets and pillows and Emily had a picnic basket.
"We have a special lunch planned for you two," Emily said, both of them smiling at us. "Please follow us."
I looked at Jake and he shrugged, so he must not have known about this either. He picked me up and followed Sam and Emily out the door.
It was a warm day with only a few clouds in the sky. They headed into the forest area nearest the house, Sam leading the way. We walked for about five or six minutes then came to a little clearing. It looked familiar to me for some reason, though I had no idea where we were. In the center of the clearing was a large bright sunny patch and there was already a pallet of blankets and pillows laid out with what looked like a foam mat underneath, right in the middle of the sunshine. The pallet was several inches thick and big enough for me to lay on, but they started laying out additional blankets that went over the pallet, but also stretched out past it to give Jake somewhere to sit and relax, stacking several on top of each other, to keep the moisture on the ground from soaking through.
I looked up at Jake and he was smiling down at me.
"This is quite the setup," I said.
He nodded. "Do you know where we are?"
I looked at our surroundings again and shook my head. "I thought it looked kinda familiar, but I don't have a clue why."
"This is the clearing I brought you to when I phased for you last week."
"Oh, yeah… I recognize it now," I smiled. "That's pretty cool."
"Sam must have figured it out from the images he saw in my head."
"Come get settled you two," Emily called to us. "I'll set the food out for you before we go."
Jake got me settled on the thick, comfy pallet and then sat down next to me. A few minutes later Emily had all the food laid out within reach for us.
"When you're all done, just leave everything here and I'll come clean it up later," she said, smiling down at us.
"Thank you so much Emily, and you too Sam. This was really thoughtful."
"You are very welcome. I had fun planning it for you. We figured you'd enjoy being outside for a while. Have fun."
Jake and I ate the yummy lunch Emily had prepared for us. At some point we started feeding bites to each other, laughing and kissing, absorbing the fresh air and sunshine with nothing but the noises of the forest around us.
When we were done eating, we put the empty containers and leftovers back in the basket and lay down on the blankets. Jake propped himself up on an elbow to look down at me, caressing my face and neck.
"How're you feeling, baby? You need to go back?"
I brushed my hand over his cheek and shook my head. "Hmmm… happy. And a little sleepy. I wanna stay out here awhile longer." The fresh air, sunshine, and forest sounds were lulling me now that I had a full tummy.
Jake kissed me tenderly a few times then lay down next to me and scooted in close, both of us staring up at the sky through the break in the forest canopy. Big fluffy clouds floated by as we relaxed and dozed in the afternoon sunshine. I wasn't positive how long we'd lain there, but it was probably about an hour, when I broke the silence.
"Hey Jake?"
"Yeah baby?"
"I've been wondering something lately," I started but then hesitated.
"Wondering what?" he encouraged.
"How come you don't ever talk about your mom? Is it still too painful for you?" It had been seven years since the accident that took her life, but some wounds, though healed, were hard to be reminded of.
He didn't answer for so long, and I started to worry I might have upset him. Just as I was about to apologize, he finally responded.
"I guess it's because it's always been so hard on my dad to talk about her, so I just stopped trying."
"That's understandable. I can't imagine how difficult it was for him to lose her. Would it bother you to talk about her with me? I would like to know about her. I mean, I know I was around her when I came to visit Charlie in the summers, but I'm sad to say that I don't remember all that much. Only that I always liked her, and she was always very kind to me."
After another pause, much shorter this time, he answered, "Yeah, I think I would like to share that with you Bella. A lot of my memories are kinda fuzzy now since I was only eleven, but the thing I remember the most about her was her smile. She had the best smile; it was like the sun breaking through the clouds and shining just for me.
"She was tall, nearly as tall as my dad, and had gorgeous silky black hair. I remember her holding me against her chest, my head on her shoulder, and I would just comb my fingers through her hair over and over. And she never met a stranger, she was kind and friendly to everyone she encountered.
"She used to sit on the floor of our living room, or in the sand at the beach, and play with me and my sisters for hours on end, never tiring of the silly games we'd come up with or our endless questions.
"I remember one time in particular when you were there. I think we were seven or eight; our dads had gone fishing, and Mom took all four of us down to the beach. Rachel and Rebecca, who were nine or ten, were playing at the edge of the waves and Mom was helping you and me build a sandcastle. Or more accurately, she was helping you build a sandcastle and trying to keep me from destroying it because I was being a knight or something, with a stick for a sword. I would come over and place a bucket or cup full of sand every now and then, but mostly I was fighting the bad guys and protecting you and Mom and the castle with my stick sword.
"I kept getting too close to the castle though. Mom did a good job of keeping me far enough away for a long time, but I eventually fell right on one corner of the castle and squashed that part. You were devastated and started crying. My mom just cleaned away the messed-up sand and started rebuilding the broken part and soon you saw you could fix it and went over to help her rebuild.
"It ended up being quite an impressive sandcastle when you guys were done. And then we all watched as the tide came in and washed it away. I can't remember what Mom said, but she told some story to make that part fun for you too, so you didn't get upset when the castle was gone."
I was smiling and giggling through the story, imagining little Jacob with his stick sword, and searching my memories to try to find any bit of that day hidden away. But I couldn't remember any of it and when he was finished, my heart became heavy and my eyes grew cloudy with tears. Jake sensed the change in my mood and propped himself back up to look at me.
"Why are you crying honey?" he asked gently as he wiped away the bit of moisture that had escaped my eyes.
I smiled at him through my tears. "Sorry. It's such a fun memory and I just can't believe I don't remember it at all. Or that I don't remember more about your mom. It makes me sad that I had this time with someone so important to your life and I almost can't remember her at all."
"You were just a kid Bells. And she was just some nice lady you saw every now and then for a few weeks in the summer. You could never have known you would end up loving that bratty little boy someday."
"Yeah, I guess," I sniffed, "but why do you remember it so well then? That particular memory I mean."
Jake's cheeks reddened a little and he gave me an impish smile. "Because you were there. That's most of the reason why I was fighting the bad guys… to protect you. I had such a crush on you, and your visits were the highlights of my summers. I was sad when you stopped coming."
My eyes got big—I couldn't believe I never knew that. "Really?! I seriously had no idea, Jake."
"I knew you didn't, so I didn't expect anything to come of it. But it didn't change my feelings." Jake shifted the subject back, still a little embarrassed. "And about my mom, you remember the essence of her… you remember her kindness, and above all else she was the kindest person to ever walk this earth."
"You're a lot like her, you know."
Jake looked at me skeptically.
"It's true! I may not remember her, but I know you, and everything you said to describe her are things I would say to describe you. You're kind and patient, super outgoing and friendly to everyone. You're tall with beautiful silky black hair. And your smile…" I paused, touching his lips, and then caressing his cheek. "Well, really it's all of you, but it radiates most brilliantly when you smile—you're like an earth-bound sun to me… that's how I have always thought of you, ever since I got back to Forks last year. You just carry this happiness with you wherever you go and share it with anyone who comes into your orbit. It's that part of you that really got me through those dark days."
Jake didn't say anything. He just gazed down at me with his beautiful dark eyes holding me captive. His fingers grazed across my forehead and down my cheek… pushing my hair back and gliding his thumb slowly across my lips. "I love you, Bella. I think that maybe I have loved you all my life in one way or another. I will never take you and your presence in my life for granted. Never."
Jake's words struck a new chord in my heart, solidifying further my own feelings for him and reminding me anew that I truly didn't deserve him, but I was never letting him go.
"I love you too Jake." I lifted my head up to kiss him and he leaned down to meet me, sliding his arm under my shoulders to support me and pull me against him. I laced my fingers through his hair, noting in the back of my mind that it had grown out quite a bit from the short crop it was before. He wrapped his other arm around my hips, drawing me close and pressing the lengths of our bodies together. I bent my leg slightly to rest it on top of Jake's bent leg as he adjusted his arm to tuck my leg in under it.
I have no idea how long we lay together, holding each other like that. Some kisses were long and slow, others short and tender, sometimes just looking at each other—a steady smoldering heat ebbing through me the whole time, never building, just warm and constant and beautiful.
The forest had darkened a bit and there was no more direct sunlight coming through the opening in the trees when Jake suggested we head back to the house. It was probably late afternoon and Angela would be coming by before too long to bring me some of my schoolwork.
Jake gathered me into his arms, and started back to the house, leaving everything there as Emily had instructed.
"I'm going to be completely spoiled by the time I'm all better," I said as we were nearing the house. "All of this carrying me around and Emily fixing me food. I'm not used to being taken care of like this."
"It's good to let others do things for you sometimes. Especially when those people love you and it brings them joy to take care of you."
I smiled at him and then thought of something else. "Hey, do you have pictures of your mom that I could see sometime? Maybe that would help me remember her a little more."
"Sure, I think we might have an album or two. We can go over to my house tomorrow and check."
I wrapped my arms around Jake's neck, rested my head on his shoulder, and smiled as he carried me through the forest. I don't ever remember being this happy and content before in my entire life.