︵‿୨ - March 8 1951 - ୧‿︵
Bruno kissed like a virgin. It was clumsy and frantic. Wilfredo wasn't prepared for this. He wasn't expecting this from Bruno of all people. Wilfredo would be lying if he said a part of him didn't want to savor this moment. The scratch of Bruno's beard. His wild curls, unrestrained and falling about his face and shoulders. The way his thin fingers gripped so tight as he clung to Wilfredo.
Bruno was so drunk.
Wilfredo didn't want to be something Bruno would regret in the morning.
"Por favor, amor, no así."
Wilfredo never thought he'd have to restrain the normally passive man. The muffled screaming and tears that burned Wilfredo's hand were even more jarring. How far gone was Bruno? What brought this on?
When Bruno collapsed in Wilfredo's arms he was at least able to take a breath and collect his thoughts. He consoled his inebriated companion. He held Bruno's limp body in his arms. Rubbing small circles along Bruno's back and gently hushing his incoherent babbling. It scared Wilfredo a little. The way Bruno growled at him. The force. Bruno only relented when Wilfredo overpowered him. Not that doing so was much of a challenge, but Bruno always seemed so gentle and kind. Wilfredo never thought Bruno was the kind of man who would try to force himself on, well, anyone...
Wilfredo desperately prayed he hadn't been wrong. That Bruno wasn't, in truth, some selfish adulterer. Like so many men Wilfredo had met. Like the men who had hurt him before. Hurt his sister. Surely this was an anomaly? Something was very wrong tonight. Surely.
"Bruno?" Wilfredo finally asked.
Bruno grunted a passive reply into his breast. The man had finally calmed down though he'd soaked Wilfredo's undershirt. Bruno's face was still red and swollen. Wilfredo tilted Bruno's head to the side to see him better. To try to make eye contact. Bruno's eyes looked so hollow and empty as he stared passively up at him. Wilfredo didn't want to leave him. He felt like Bruno would collapse as soon as he let him go.
"I'm going to go get you a glass of water." Wilfredo explained. "I'll be right back. Can you lie down and wait for me? Is that ok?" He asked.
Bruno furrowed his brow as he tried to focus his eyes. Finally, Bruno seemed to process what Wilfredo was saying. Bruno offered him a little head-bobbing nod as he struggled to pull his face back up.
Wilfredo carefully led Bruno to his bed and set him down. Pulling his hands away slowly and waiting to make sure Bruno didn't fall forward onto the floor. He swayed for a moment before looking down at the pillows. He flopped sideways sending his long black hair flying. Curls sprawling out across his face and exposing his neck. He laid limply on his side. His neck was so slender. Lips faintly parted to take in more air. He stared aimlessly into space. Absent his usual ruana the poncho he wore now seemed so colorless which only made him look even more lifeless. He looked so frail.
Once Wilfredo was sure Bruno would be alright he went to get a glass of water from the kitchen. Stopping briefly to listen to Robledo's door and make sure he hadn't woken up. Sure enough, the elderly landlord was still snoring like a freight train. The man could sleep through just about anything so that wasn't really a surprise. Still, Wilfredo was grateful.
Wilfredo could see well enough without his glasses. Despite it, he had to move cautiously in the faint moonlight. He might not have noticed Bruno's rats downstairs, had a few not come up to inspect him. Their beady eyes observing as he filled a glass in the sink. It was hard to tell them apart with such limited vision. What looked like Juanita stood on her hind legs on the counter. Swaying slightly as she looked up at him. Rats weren't generally the most expressive creatures. She almost looked worried, if a bit judgmental. Like she was watching to ensure Wilfredo would take good care of her human.
"Shoo, shoo." Wilfredo tried to wave her away. He turned around to spot a few more glowing eyes in the dark. "Go home. I've got things under control. I don't want any of you getting into trouble if Señor Robledo wakes up and spots you."
The rats only continued to stare at him.
Wilfredo let out an exasperated sigh before heading back upstairs. Of course, they weren't going to leave. Not as long as Bruno was here and in such a vulnerable state. They were loyal at least. Wilfredo couldn't begrudge them too much for that. He did his best to keep quiet as he returned to the room. Opening the door slowly so it wouldn't creak. Careful to avoid the crates that restricted it. Bruno apparently didn't hear him or was too far gone to care. When Wilfredo lifted his eyes to the bed his words immediately caught in his throat. Bruno was cuddling Wilfredo's pillows. Breathing in the smell, rather aggressively. Wilfredo wasn't sure if he should feel embarrassed or flattered. It made his skin tingle and his face flush nonetheless.
"Achem."
Bruno lazily turned to look at him. He said nothing. He looked so tired. The way his eyes lazily scanned Wilfredo's body made him feel very naked. He usually slept in his undershirt and boxers. If there was a chance that surprise nightly visits might become a common occurrence he might do well to invest in some proper pajamas. Wilfredo wasn't fond of his body. It was fat and pale, and at the current moment a bit sweaty. He relied a great deal on his clothes to make it look presentable. A well-tailored suit can do a lot. Now? Now he was exposed. His arms. Most of his legs. His undershirt did very little to hide the contours of his breasts and belly. Without sleeves to hide behind, the creases in his wrists were painfully visible. Bruno's expression was hard to read. Wilfredo couldn't help but think he was disappointed.
Wilfredo shrunk in on himself. He shuffled past the clutter to the bed. "Here, drink. You'll thank me later." He prompted gently as he offered Bruno the glass. Wilfredo pulled his arms tight around himself once Bruno took the glass. Thankfully it didn't take much coaxing to get Bruno to finish it. Keeping him hydrated would help reduce tomorrow's hangover. Wilfredo retrieved his reading glasses from the nightstand. He sat down on the floor to lean against it as he watched Bruno. Wilfredo was farsighted but could get by just fine without his glasses most of the time. He mostly needed them to read. In this case, to take in every detail as he observed his delicate companion in the cramped space.
Bruno swayed a little again. Looking down into the now-empty glass. Wilfredo could make out his expressions much more clearly now.
"I…" Bruno trailed off again as he thought of what to say. "I think, me caes bien… M-more than I should." He mumbled.
"I gathered that." Wilfredo replied. No sarcasm. Only a statement of fact. He didn't know what else to add.
Bruno's eyes grew glossy again. He gripped the glass in his hand. "Por favor no me odies…" He whimpered as he stared off into the distance.
Bruno's broken whimpers distracted Wilfredo from his own insecurity. He almost couldn't stop himself from reaching out a hand to Bruno's cheek. Stroking the coarse greying beard with his thumb.
"Amor I could never hate you." Wilfredo confessed.
He didn't know if such candor was wise. It hurt to say it out loud. Bruno's painful whimpers hurt more. It was possible He might not remember Wilfredo's words in the morning. Possible, but not a safe gamble to make. This was a confession. Wilfredo wanted to think it wasn't. Wanted to think that come morning he could pretend he hadn't said it. He knew that wasn't likely.
Bruno looked back at him. His eyes were so wide. They shimmered in the flickering candlelight. Flecks of emerald green danced about brown tendrils like tree trunks. Like a forest filled with magic. He still looked so sad, but strangely hopeful. Bruno leaned into Wilfredo's hand. Dropping the glass to hold Wilfredo's wrist. As if Bruno feared the affection might be revoked. He closed his eyes as he savored the touch. He held Wilfredo so tight. Pressing his face into Wilfredo's palm as close as he could. As if Bruno hoped they could melt into each other. Wilfredo didn't stop him. He let Bruno sit like that as long as he wanted. Wilfredo was no stranger to heartbreak and longing. He'd learned a long time ago not to trust such intimacy. It only invited injury, and yet, he couldn't bring himself to deprive Bruno. It was something he'd clearly been missing for a very long time.
Eventually, Bruno dissolved into the bedding. One hand hanging over the edge where Wilfredo held it gently. Wilfredo rested his head on the edge of the bed. His face inches from Bruno's while he ran his finger through the man's salt and pepper curls with his free hand. Wilfredo had never spent so long this close to the man's face before. He tilted his head back to look down at Bruno through his lenses. In this quiet moment, Wilfredo could take in every detail. Every aged line. Every fleck of color in his eyes. Every stray curl which clung to the sweat on his flushed face. Bruno was such a beautiful man. Even drunk and sad and tired. He was still so beautiful. Like an angel or a fae. Why this magical creature had chosen Wilfredo was beyond him. Whether this was a blessing or a curse had yet to be determined. Either way, it was an experience he imagined few people got to have. One wrong move, one slight offense, and this fantastical creature would flee from his life and leave not a trace behind. Such is the way of fairytales.
Bruno was a mess of contradictions. At once small and frail and tender, but also aged and mature in ways Wilfredo wasn't. In moments when Wilfredo was frightened, Bruno was calm. He had a sort of humility that left little room to concern himself with reputation. He was a far more patient soul than Wilfredo. All the more reason such impulsive behavior was so very unusual for him, so very worrying. Still, it didn't make him love him any less.
Wilfredo loved him. He hadn't meant to, but he loved Bruno.
This man is going to destroy me.
︵‿୨ - March 9 1951 - ୧‿︵
Wilfredo had no idea how long they stayed like that. He awoke the next morning. Glasses askew. Still seated by the bed. Still holding Bruno's hand. It took Wilfredo a moment to remember how he got into this situation. Last night was so unexpected. The memory of the frantic kisses and heartfelt confessions distracted him from the many aches and pains of sleeping on his knees. He almost panicked a moment as he tried to get up. Bruno's hand stopped him. He hadn't woken up but he gripped Wilfredo's hand tight as he tried to pull away. Wilfredo's heart nearly melted. No, no, this is a bad idea. If he let himself get too attached he knew he'd regret it. Then he remembered. He couldn't leave. He couldn't leave El Encanto. He'd have no choice but to do something about Bruno. Running away wasn't an option right now.
Carefully, gently, he pried his fingers free of Bruno's surprisingly strong grip. Wilfredo slipped on some pants and a proper shirt. He didn't bother getting fully dressed. He was too sore and tired and confused right now to bother. He just needed to get his head on straight. More importantly, he needed coffee.
"Buenos días mi Bella Durmiente." Jacqueline chimed as Wilfredo stubbled his way into the kitchen on stiff knees.
"Fun night?" Jacqueline asked as she turned to him with a mischievous grin.
"You!" Now it made sense. "What did you do to him!" Wilfredo barked. If Jacqueline had done something to corrupt Wilfredo's precious angel he might very well strangle the woman. Jacqueline could never just leave a good thing alone could she? No, she had to drag everyone around her down to her level.
Wilfredo stormed up to her. Jacqueline meerly carried on with whatever concoction she was making without so much as a pause. "I didn't do anything. Le dije que te gusta and let him do what he wanted."
Her assurance did little to calm Wilfredo down. Only shift his outrage. "WHY!" Those were not her feelings to share.
Jacqueline looked him over for a moment before replying. "Don't act like some clueless virgin hermano it doesn't suit you. Te gusta, claramente le gustas. I fail to see the problem. Maybe una buena pija will help get you out of..." She gestured lazily at him with her spoon. "Whatever this is. Esta espeluznante obessión."
Wilfredo gripped her arm tight. He wanted to protest but stopped himself. He held back the many hurtful things he wanted to say. There wasn't a point in arguing with Jacqueline on this. She had never been in love. No. That was a foreign concept to her. Wilfredo wouldn't try to explain his feelings to her. Besides, there were a myriad of other reasons why this was a bad idea. Reasons that did not, in fact, require basic empathy to understand.
"Jacqueline of all the things you could do right now, why do you have to make problems for me? I'm doing the best I can here. What did I ever do to you?"
Jacqueline looked somewhat offended. She pulled her arm away to transfer her foul-smelling recipe onto a plate. "Making problems for you? Pendejo I was doing you a favor. Cálmate, we're only staying two more months anyway. You might as well have some fun before we leave."
Two months. Right. As long as he could find a new job in two months, or scrape together the funds for a cheap apartment. Jacqueline didn't know that. Wilfredo didn't want her to worry. If el Universidad del Valle managed to find out about his record then what hope did he have other schools wouldn't find it too? He thought those charges had been buried years ago. Not to mention the letter… That bastard found their address again and Wilfredo had gnawing fear the two things were related. He hoped he could handle the situation on his own before telling Jacqueline. She'd be less angry if she knew their situation was stable.
Jacqueline shoved a plate and a coffee mug into Wilfredo's hands. Effectively forcing him out of his thoughts.
"I know it smells like death but it tastes better than it smells and it should sober him up."
Wilfredo opened his mouth to speak but took a swig of coffee first to collect himself. "Jacqueline. We can't afford to be causing any more trouble in this not after your stunt with Morales."
"I dunno. I think Bruno was pretty eager to cause some trouble." Jacqueline teased as she elbows him in the shoulder. "How was he?"
"Too drunk to stand." Wilfredo growled.
"That doesn't answer my question."
"Nothing happened!" He scolded.
Wilfredo stormed back up to the bedroom. He'd deal with Jacqueline later, and the job hunting, and changing their PO box, and … He just needed to focus on Bruno right now. One thing at a time.
Bruno was awake when he returned. Sitting upright on the bed. Looking like a scolded little boy. Bruno peered up at him from behind his hair but barely moved as Wilfredo pushed open the door with his shoulder. He looked Wilfredo over again. Wilfredo could almost swear he saw a hint of disappointment in Bruno's eyes before he looked away. Wilfredo sat down beside Bruno on the bed and handed him the plate after closing the door behind him.
"Mi hermanita's personal hangover cure." He explained as Bruno took the plate.
"I don't want to talk to her right now." Bruno mumbled.
Wilfredo took another sip of coffee. Still with sugar because of course. He'd let himself indulge, for now, he needed some comfort. "I know." He replied flatly. "Don't worry I doubt she'll bother us."
Bruno stared blankly at the plate. Dissecting the foreign gruel with his fork.
"About last night…" He asked cautiously.
"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Wilfredo certainly didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to have to process these feelings right now. Or ever, truthfully.
Bruno shook his head. He looked up at Wilfredo with sad determination. "No, I have to talk about this now before I lose the courage." He admitted. Bruno was a man who knew himself, that was for sure. The confidence in that statement was a bit disarming.
"I… Seguir adelante." Wilfredo braced himself for whatever Bruno was going to say.
"I, I've never, I've never felt like, like…" Bruno's lips formed a hard line. He reached over to knock on the nightstand before spitting out the words that had lodged in his throat. "I've known I liked men, more than I should." His voice trembled but he was committed. "Since I was young. Growing up I'd get pequeños enamoramientos. I never told a soul. I never really admitted it out loud, not even to myself, but I knew." Bruno looked away as he thought.
He looked back up to Wilfredo for some understanding. Wilfredo leaned forward and placed a hand on the small of Bruno's back. "I was sixteen the first time I kissed a boy." He offered some small piece of himself in solidarity. "Era mi mejor amigo."
Bruno seemed somewhat satisfied with that reply. He took a bite of Jacqueline's cooking absentmindedly. "Mi madre tried to marry me off three times when I was young." He explained.
Wilfredo brought his hand back to his lap and relaxed. Waiting for whatever story Bruno was ready to tell.
"The first time was an accident. One of my rats got loose during the engagement dinner and me quedé atascado."
"Quedaste atascado?" Wilfredo asked.
Bruno swallowed another bite. Tapping the fork on his plate as he found the words to explain. "I don't know how to make this not sound crazy." He admitted. "But sometimes, sometimes I think about things, and I can't stop, like these thoughts just, they take control. I do little rituals to make them stop. Sometimes they work. Sometimes they don't-"
"The knocking." So that's what that was about? Wilfredo had learned Bruno was superstitious a while ago but most folks wouldn't practice it in such excess. Now he knew why. It still didn't make much sense. Nevertheless, Wilfredo was trying his best to understand.
Bruno nodded. "Anything I can to ward off the bad luck." He explained. "When I get stuck all I can think about are all the horrible ways things could go wrong. That poor girl thought I was possessed." He tried to laugh but the gesture was a broken parody of good humor. "Who knows maybe I am. I'm not sure."
"And the next girl?" Wilfredo asked. Really he just hoped he could shift the topic for Bruno's sake.
"The next one was awful." Bruno laughed. A little more sincere this time. "She'd act like la ángel perfecta in front of mi madre then make sure I knew just how much she hated me in private."
"She sounds lovely." Wilfredo interjected sarcastically. Egar to ensure Bruno knew he was listening.
"I sabotaged that one on purpose. Did everything I could to drive her crazy. I'd even look into her future for every little annoyance or inconvenience I could find till she thought I'd cursed her."
Wilfredo shared his laugh that time. "Reminds me of mi hermanita. It took ages for our folks to find her a husband. She even sent one running out the front door with his coattails on fire."
"En serio?" Bruno stopped and corrected himself. "Wait, no, that absolutely sounds like something she would do."
Bruno smiled back at him. Wilfredo loved that smile. Soft and sweet. He was just glad Bruno was feeling better. Even if only a little.
"And the last girl?" Wilfredo asked.
Bruno's face fell for a moment and Wilfredo immediately regretted asking.
"She was nice." Bruno said sadly. He looked away again. Almost on instinct, Wilfredo reached up to brush the curtain of black curls aside. Desperate to watch the man's beautiful face. Bruno's eyes grew glossy as he thought.
"Me gustó mucho." He admitted. "She was kind. At some point, I think... me amaba."
"What happened?" Wilfredo encouraged him. Bruno started to choke on his words again.
"No la amé." Bruno's voice was so defeated. "I wanted to. I did. I wanted so badly to have found the one. I could have had an easy life with her. Folks were kind to me when we were together... but then, then she kissed me, and I felt… nothing." Bruno's plate clattered to the floor. He reached up to rub his teary eyes. Trying desperately to fight it back. "She deserved so much better. I couldn't lie to her like that. I couldn't do it."
"Bruno?" Wilfredo tried to get his attention. Bruno seemed to grow more and more distant.
Bruno pulled his legs up onto the bed and curled in on himself. He took in a few deep shaky breaths to calm himself. Wilfredo set his coffee on the floor and wrapped his arms around the trembling man.
"Cada parte de mí está equivocada. My mind, my heart, even my gift, it's all wrong." Bruno spat bitterly as he hugged his knees. Tears were streaming down his face now. "The worst part is, I don't know how to be anything but… this."
"Bruno." Wilfredo pulled him close. Desperately trying to reach the man through the shell he had formed around him.
"I just, I just wanted to pretend, just for a moment, that it was ok. That I could just be this. That it was ok to just be this." Bruno confessed. Finally looking back up at Wilfredo. Their faces were now distressingly close. So close Wilfredo felt like he would drown in that desperate, sorrowful, gaze. "Lamento queue. That should never have come at your expense."
Wilfredo felt his chest tighten. A bitter spiteful burn in his soul. The same burn that kept him going for the past ten years. This fire that burned to spite a world that tried so hard to put it out. He wanted to give Bruno that fire. To make him hold it and never let it go. Wilfredo took Bruno by his shoulders and sat him upright. He held him tight and looked deep into his eyes.
"Listen to me." Wilfredo demanded. "I would never change a single thing about you. You are perfect as you are."
Bruno stared at him dumbfounded but said nothing. Wilfredo let out a tired sigh. He loosened his grip and rested his forehead on Bruno's. Trembling against the rage he struggled to contain. This burn, it hurt, but it kept him alive. He needed Bruno to feel it.
"I know it feels like the world has no place for you. Por favor, Te lo ruego, don't ever give up looking for one. If you can't find a place then make one, pero nunca te rindas."
Wilfredo opened his eyes again to take in those shimmering emeralds. "This world was made for all of us. You have a right to be here. Never doubt that."
More tears spilled from Bruno's eyes as Wilfredo watched them flicker to light. Bruno nodded quietly before reaching up to wrap his arms around his neck. Wilfredo hugged him back. Held Bruno so tight he worried he might break him. Wilfredo's soul burned as he held this little candle close.
"Wil?" Bruno's asked barely above a whisper. "Does this mean?"
"I don't know." Wilfredo confessed. Burying his face in Bruno's lush black curls. Wild, untamable, gift from god. "I need time to think."
His heart sank as Bruno pulled back. Wilfredo didn't want to let go just yet. Bruno reached out a delicate hand to wipe away tears Wilfredo hadn't realized were there. His burning eyes searched Wilfredo's face for a moment before Bruno reached up to place a chaste kiss on his forehead.
"Gracias." He breathed.
︵‿୨ -❇- ୧‿︵
Jacqueline was kind enough to help Bruno sneak out of the house without being spotted by Señor Robledo. She made some attempt to talk to Wilfredo but he cut Jacqueline off and returned to his room. He didn't want to talk to her. He was still mad. Still raw. He needed to look over the list of universities he kept in his room. See which ones he had yet to send resumes to. He would definitely need more than a month. If he sold the rest of his collection he could probably afford an apartment for a few months. He had a few very rare and valuable pieces he hadn't been willing to part with. Now he may have to. They'd have to make due on the bare minimum but they'd survive long enough for him to find work.
He needed to leave this town. The longer he stayed the worse it was going to hurt.
And yet…
He couldn't focus. He tired. Tried to be productive. Do something of value. Forget about Bruno. Wilfredo told Bruno he needed time to think. That was a lie. Wilfredo had already decided he wouldn't pursue Bruno. He knew he wouldn't. He was too attached already. He needed to leave.
He couldn't.
He wasn't ready to leave.
As angry as Wilfredo was with Jacqueline for exposing him like this, Bruno had shared so much with him. Wilfredo couldn't in good conscience just leave without offering up something of himself in return. Bruno deserved that at least. Maybe Wilfredo could stay for a little while. Maybe he could pretend...
He'd written poetry before. Never had he given it away. It was always something he kept for himself. These bottled-up little pleasures. The preserved memories of the small few people who'd made him feel this way. Three. He'd loved three men before. He'd only ever told one.
"Dolores?" Wilfredo whispered awkwardly. Sealing the envelope with his initials. A custom brass seal he'd held onto for many years. Verdant sealing wax from a collection of colors he owned. He wasn't used to talking to someone who wasn't there. His voice was shaky and uncertain. "Can you hear me? I have a letter for your Tío Bruno. Could you deliver it for me?"
He didn't know how many of his conversations Dolores overheard. Just how much she knew. Had she heard them this morning? Wilfredo couldn't know for certain but he was almost sure by now Dolores knew the truth about him. She said nothing. That was an encouraging sign at least. Perhaps Wilfredo could trust her with this. Not everyone was cruel to men like him. There were some who understood. Perhaps Dolores was one of them.
︵‿୨ -❇- ୧‿︵
He set the letter on his nightstand for the time being. Got himself properly cleaned up and fully dressed. It was a very late start to his day. Better late than never. La clase mayor had just let out so he figured he best check to see if any of the students would be stopping by. Robledo thankfully didn't ask him about his absence when Wilfredo checked the book return.
"I already put them away." The old man griped. Leaning back in his chair.
"Perdone. I was going to do that myself." Wilfredo apologized.
"I know how to do my job chico. Sit. I want to talk to you." Robledo barked. He waved Wilfredo over with his cane.
Wilfredo froze for half a second before calmly walking over to join him. He took the empty reading chair beside his landlord and did his best to conceal his anxiety. Wilfredo had a feeling he was in trouble. Had Rebledo caught wind of this morning's events?
"You slept in today."
"I didn't mean-"
Robledo cut him off. "I'm not complaining" He explained. "You need to relax more. You're going to work yourself to an early grave if you're not careful."
Wilfredo relaxed a little into his seat. Robledo twirled his cane thoughtfully. He stretched his legs out. Propping his bad leg up on the cousins.
"How's Alma's hijo been doing?" He asked casually.
Wilfredo's blood ran cold. "Su hijo?"
"Bruno!" Robledo griped. "Don't act stupid. I know he's been helping you with story hour. He came by just yesterday to talk to you."
"You make it sound like I was trying to hide him from you." Wilfredo attempted to laugh off the unspoken accusation.
Robledo raised one scruffy eyebrow. Wilfredo began to squirm under his gaze. He was normally a good liar. Normally so very confident and composed. Today his nerves were fried and the old man was a force to be reckoned with.
"Lo siento." Wilfredo finally broke. "I meant no disrespect."
"Disrespect? Chico I'm still trying to figure out why you'd lie about something like that in the first place." Robledo complained.
"Bruno said you weren't very fond of him." Wilfredo was confused now. He spoke slowly and carefully to avoid offending the man.
"Oh, lo ha hecho?" Robledo replied. He inspected his cane absentmindedly. He looked almost faintly amused.
"He implied as much, sí." Wilfredo answered cautiously.
Robledo seemed to mull over that reply for a bit before he spoke again. "When I lost mi hija." He explained. "Bruno came to warn me what was about to happen."
"Oh." That would do it.
"He hasn't spoken to me since." Robledo looked distant for a moment. "He looked rough yesterday."
"He doesn't usually look that bad." Wilfredo defended.
"That's good to hear."
"You're not mad at him?" Wilfredo asked.
"Desde luego I'm not mad at him!" Robledo griped. He smacked his cane down and pulled himself upright. "Idiota's got more heart than brains!"
Wilfredo pulled back a bit. Startled by the sudden outburst of emotion on the older man's face. Robledo was generally irritable and withdrawn. For the first time since Wilfredo had known the man, Robledo looked sad. He looked hurt.
"Chico's always acting like he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders. He gets it from his mamá." The man grumbled in frustration. "Alma's always been a stubborn woman. Never asks for help no matter how much she needs it. Bruno's just like her."
Wilfredo watched the man's eyes grow distant again. "Were you close?" he asked gently.
"I was amigos with his Pa. Pedro was a good man. I did what I could to help when su viuda would let me." Robledo looked directly at him. His caterpillar eyebrows furrowed as he searched for something in his eyes. "Bruno es un buen niño. I worry about him."
Wilfredo melted a bit. He didn't know what to say. Didn't know what the man expected of him. Nevertheless, Wilfredo was touched by his sincerity. "If you're not angry with him why don't you tell him that?" Why let Bruno hurt like that?
Robledo sighed and flopped back in his seat.
That was the wrong reply. Wilfredo didn't know why. He simply knew he had said something wrong.
"This is a lesson he needs to learn for himself." Robledo explained. "I want him to come to me. Show me he knows what he's worth." He looked back at Wilfredo with glance that could cut glass. "Don't you tell him what I said, me oyes?"
"Ah, sí, señor." Wilfredo wasn't confident he agreed with Robledo's approach. Still, he would respect their relationship. It still stung. Knowing Bruno was beating himself up over something that wasn't his fault and there was little Wilfredo could do about it. At least for now.
"I just wanted to know how he's doing." Robledo reiterated. His mustache twitched as he thought. "Como... es feliz?" His voice was soft. Softer than Wilfredo had ever heard it.
"I, I think so?" Wilfredo was certain how to answer the question. "I think some days are better than others." Today had been a rough one that was for sure. However, when he thought of Bruno's life, the way he lit up around his family. Entertaining the kids in town. His playful humor... "I think he'll be ok."
The sudden shuffling of the library door pulled Wilfredo's attention away from Robledo.
Dolores stood in the doorway, petite, delicate, wide-eyed. She reminded him a bit of her uncle at times. While Wilfredo's interactions with Dolores had been limited. There was a fae-like quality she and Bruno both shared.
"You have a message for me?"
Wilfredo hesitated before returning to his room to collect the letter. Dolores had to tug slightly to get him to loosen his grip when he handed it over to her. As much as he tried to seem calm and unsuspicious. She clearly caught onto something. She offered him a strangely comforting smile. There was a sort of knowing look in her eyes that tried to reassure him.
Por Dioz, don't let this be a mistake.
︵‿୨ -❇- ୧‿︵
Wilfredo's anxiety tended to make him look for work. Anything he could do to be productive with his time. Robledo seemed keen on not letting him leave the library today. He kept finding small things for Wilfredo to do. Pointless busy work mostly. He wasn't sure if the man just wanted his company or if he'd picked up on Wilfredo's anxiety and was trying to restrain his impulse to overwork.
Story hour came and went and Bruno didn't appear. Camilo came by though. Robledo stayed up to read with them. Wilfredo had never seen him work with children before. It was nice. They're teaching styles differed but the old man was clearly a skilled educator. Wilfredo respected that.
He made Robledo dinner that night and begrudgingly agreed to a small fruit salad when Robledo refused to let him forgo eating. Wilfredo hadn't realized how hungry he actually was. Robledo's company was enough of a distraction to get him to have some of his own cooking. The old man's presence had become a comfort over time. Especially today. Wilfredo didn't know he needed it. It felt nice to be looked after.
︵‿୨ -❇- ୧‿︵
The knocking came after dinner. After Robledo had gone to bed. Six knocks. Always six knocks.
"Bruno. Awfully late isn't it?" Wilfredo greeted. Playing as though he didn't know why the man was there. He tried to manage a polite cheery smile. As if today was not so unusual. As if he hadn't sent his mutilated heart to this man in an envelope.
Bruno looked a lot better this time at least. The soft oil light of the library illuminated his lithe frame in the dark. His colorful ruana was back. His hair was tied back exposing his slender neck and narrow shoulders. "I got your letter." He replied timidly.
Wilfredo watched Bruno's hands fidget in front of him. He was waiting for what Wilfredo would say next. Bruno couldn't look him in the eye. Not right now.
"Can we talk?" Bruno asked. "I want to show you something."
︵‿୨ -❇- ୧‿︵
The hike through the woods was exhausting. Not how Wilfredo was expecting this conversation to go. At this point, he'd come to expect surprises from Bruno.
"By the time we get there, sabe quién, should be in bed." Bruno explained. He navigated the wilderness with ease. Gingerly hopping over stones and fallen logs as if he knew the mountainside by heart.
Wilfredo struggled quite a bit. Keeping up with Bruno was a challenge. "Sabe quién?" He asked. Stopping for a moment to catch his breath.
Bruno turned back to him with his fingers to his lips to shoosh Wilfredo.
Oh right, Dolores.
Bruno reached a hand out to help Wilfredo steady himself as he climbed up a short ledge in the rocks.
"Almost there." Bruno encouraged.
Eventually, after a lot of sweat and sore knees, they arrived at a crude cabin built into the side of the mountain.
︵‿୨ -❇- ୧‿︵
"Pepa and I built this place together." Bruno told him. "It's where we used to go when we needed somewhere safe to think."
Seeing Bruno standing in front of his creation, he looked like he belonged here. Like he was a part of the mountainside. Blending into the wildlife with a gentle smile. Wilfredo was mesmerized.
Bruno cleared his throat to break up the brief silence.
"Oh, Sí. I just got lost in thought." Wilfredo replied. Finding the front steps of the cabin and sitting down to rest his feet. "This place is wonderful." He told his fae. Wilfredo wasn't looking at the cabin. He could help but stare at the forest creature in front of him.
Bruno looked a bit bashful. He meekly accepted the compliment before taking a seat beside Wilfredo. "I left mis niños at home. It's just us now." Bruno looked out into the woods. He tugged on his ruana and chewed his lip thoughtfully. His rats normally helped to keep him calm. They knew his mannerisms well. It was telling Bruno had left them behind despite his obvious anxiety.
"About the letter-"
"No, it's ok." Brunos stopped him. He seemed to know Wilfredo was starting to second-guess himself. How well had Bruno learned his mannerisms?
Bruno looked down at his feet. His toes fiddled with the strap of his sandals. "No one's ever said anything like that to me." He smiled. "E-era dulce…"
It was Wilfredo's turn to stutter. "Bruno I, I just felt like, maybe, you deserved some honesty." He ran his fingers through his hair and looked away. He would still try his best to hold onto his dignity just a little while longer. "I know it probably seems like a lot. I don't have a good explanation, I just-"
Bruno put a hand over Wilfredo's and squeezed it gently. Wilfredo returned to those big, beautiful, eyes. "I've only ever felt this way about a few people in my life." He admitted. "I only ever told one."
"Me?" Bruno replied curiously. Almost comically. "I mean I know I'm kind of great but I didn't think I was that special." He teased.
Wilfredo shoved him away and Bruno only laughed harder. It did help relieve some of the tension in Wilfredo's body. "Not you!" He chided. "Pues, now you too I guess. No. I was sixteen."
"Your first kiss." Bruno seemed almost awestruck by the romance of it all. He remembered. If only it was as romantic as it sounded.
Wilfredo's heart sank a little. Anticipating Bruno's disappointment. "We went to school together. Shared a dorm. Mi mejor amigo, mi único amigo. He made my life bearable. We were young." He hesitated. "I thought he loved me." He looked away again and ran his fingers through his hair. Bruno was a hopeless romantic. That much Wilfredo knew. He knew he was about to let fae down and Wilfredo wasn't sure if he was ready for that.
"Thought?"
Wilfredo looked back to Bruno's worried expression. Perhaps he knew where this story might be going. Wilfredo wished he could give Bruno a different ending.
"For years we…" He tried to think of a way to make it sound less crass. Nothing better came to him. "We were, you know, we were, together…"
"Te estabas acostando con él." Bruno finished the statement.
Wilfredo blushed knowing how prudish Bruno usually was. Then again, perhaps they were past the point of such squeamishness.
"Sí. It was all very secretive of course. It all feels very romantic when you're young. Forbidden love."
"Pero?"
"We got older. I got my dream job, and he… he found a wife."
"Oh."
Wilfredo pulled his hand away to probe his palm with his thumb. Shrinking in on himself. He wished he could be small. The old memory still stung like a wound that never fully healed. He knew Bruno would be so disappointed in the man Wilfredo was. "He said it was fine. We could carry on like nothing had changed. After all, we were a secret before, a secret we could stay." He struggled to keep his voice even. He was making excuses. He knew he was. He knew it was wrong even then.
Wilfredo stopped to look back at Bruno. Praying his fae wouldn't judge him too harshly. Bruno looked uncertain. That hurt worse than Wilfredo expected.
"I believed him." He choked before looking away again. "It felt wrong. I knew it was wrong, but I loved him. I believed him and I thought…" Bruno wrapped his arms around Wilfredo as his shoulders began to tremble. "Debes pensar que soy terrible."
"No creo que." Bruno hushed him. He placed a soft kiss on Wilfredo's temple.
Wilfredo removed his glasses to wipe the mist from his eyes. He prided himself on his strength. His presentability. If he was going to break, this was the time and the place to do it he supposed. He only hoped he wouldn't regret this.
"His wife caught us." He explained. "I panicked. I didn't know what to say. He did though. I don't know how he was so quick to lie. Like he'd already planned what he'd say if something happened. If someone found out."
Bruno tried to look Wilfredo in the eyes. Wilfredo could only manage a passing glance before looking down again.
"He told her I'd tried to force myself on him. It didn't take long for the hysteria to reach my parents, the school. I was fired the next day and came home to find my things on the front lawn."
Wilfredo let out a sky breath. He looked up at the stars. They were so bright out here in the countryside. The air was so clear. The sounds of the forest were soothing. He wanted to belong in a place like this. He knew he didn't. This place was magic, sacred, he was staining it with his presence. Just for a moment, he took a deep breath and let himself enjoy this magic.
"My parents are the only reason I'm not in prison. My father has connections and was quick to bury the whole affair to protect his image."
"But he wouldn't let you stay?" Bruno clarified.
"He's disgusted by me I'm sure." That bitter spiteful rage started to spark in Wilfrdo's chest. He shoved Bruno off to vent. Ripping his eyes away from the beautiful stars. The cool breeze was no longer enough to ease the burning in his throat. "I did everything they ever asked of me! I was the perfect son! For thirty years! I did everything right!" He tried so hard not to yell. He wanted to scream. To break things.
Bruno took hold of Wilfredo again. Rubbing small circles on his back. "Sana sana colita de rana si no sana hoy sanara mañana."
The sudden gesture felt like a bucket of cold water. It reduced the blaze so an ember.
"No soy un niño pequeño." Wilfredo chuckled.
"I made you smile didn't I?" Bruno replied playfully.
Wilfredo smiled back. "Supongo que sí, verdad?"
He brought up his hand to touch Bruno's face. He hesitated for a moment but the way Bruno leaned into his touch reassured him. Bruno's eyes closed again as Wilfredo traced his jawline through his beard with his thumb. Just like the night before. Though there was no desperation this time, only bliss. Bruno let Wilfredo touch him. He still wasn't past the shock. He thought back to the night before. The desperate way Bruno had held him.
"You kiss like a virgin." Wilfredo teased.
Bruno's eyes fluttered open. He pulled away indignantly.
"Oh, sí! W-well you smell nice!" Bruno stopped a moment and only grew redder as he realized he wasn't playing the game right. "Wait, no! Un momento, I'll think of something!"
Wilfredo only laughed harder as Bruno struggled to formulate a sufficiently playful insult. This man was easily the most painfully sincere person he'd ever met. Perhaps that was why Wilfredo was so willing to take a chance. To show him his wounds. Bruno wore his on his sleeves.
"S-stop laughing!" Bruno whined.
"Lo siento, eres tan lindo." Wilfredo replied between fits of laughter.
"If you're such a good kisser why don't you explain it to me huh?" Bruno retorted.
Wilfredo leaned back on one arm and stopped. A little spark in his chest brought a grin to his lips. Did Bruno seriously just ask him that? "Why would I explain it when I can show you?" Wilfredo didn't necessarily intend to make good on the offer. The way Bruno froze like a startled animal caught Wilfredo off guard.
Bruno swallowed before giving just the faintest hint of a nod.
Wilfredo's face fell. Taken in by dark crimson cheeks, shimmering wide eyes, and wild curls. Bruno looked so otherworldly. A halo of silver silhouetted his frame in the moonlight.
Wilfredo pushed himself upright to lean in closer and take in every inch of the man's face. He reached a hand up to Bruno's cheek and held it there. Once more and Bruno closed his eyes and leaned into Wilfredo's touch. Bruno was still so frozen as Wilfredo brought their lips together. Surprisingly, Bruno made no attempt to stop him. He was stiff at first but slowly eased into it as he tried to copy Wilfredo's movements. It wasn't the most skilled kiss Wilfredo had ever had but it felt so incredible. The scratch of his face and the taste of him. Bruno slowly melted into him allowing Wilfredo's hands to explore his body. He was gentle, so careful. He didn't want to frighten his little fae. Bruno was so small and delicate. Even under the ruana, Wilfredo could feel every small detail, every contour. Running his hands over Bruno's shoulder blades, his thin waist, tracing the bone of his hips with his thumbs.
Eventually, Wilfredo wrapped his arms around Bruno tight and pulled him in close. He wanted to feel all of him at once. Bruno whimpered into his lips. Reluctantly Wilfredo pulled away to offer his partner some air when he felt Bruno begin to pull away. Resting his forehead against Bruno's, Wilfredo tried to restrain himself long enough to wait for a reply.
"Wil that was…" Bruno seemed at a loss for words.
"Amor I could show you so much more." Wilfredo breathed before recapturing the man's lips.
That was a mistake.
Bruno pulled away and bolted to his feet. Wilfredo felt like he'd had a piece of him ripped away. He didn't want to let go. He wasn't ready to let go.
"W-what's wrong?" Wilfredo panicked. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, no it's not you." Bruno paced back and forth in front of Wilfredo. Anxious, scared, glossy-eyed. "I-I-I can't…" He mumbled.
"You can't what?" Wilfredo felt his stomach twist in knots. He had a feeling he knew what was coming next. He hoped he was wrong. Every muscle fiber tensed. He braced himself for disappointment.
Bruno flinched at his words causing a single tear to spill over. "I want to. I really, really do." He pleaded. "I just got mi familia back."
That knot only grew tighter and tighter. Of course. Why did Wilfredo expect any different?
"No pasa nada, Bruno." Wilfredo replied quietly. His voice was low and empty. It was the best he could do not to cut the man with his words. It took everything in him to control his breathing. Restrain his screaming muscles.
"You don't understand." Bruno tried to argue as Wilfredo got back up to his feet. "I'm not like you. I need mi familia, I don't-"
Wilfredo raised a hand to cut him off. He couldn't look Bruno in the eye. "You don't need me." He finished evenly. He didn't need Bruno to say it. He knew full well what he was in this man's life. He knew his place and it wasn't here.
Bruno was silent for a moment. Wilfredo waited to see if he would correct him before shaking his head and turning to leave.
"Wil, it's not like that…" Bruno protested weakly as he left.
"You don't have to make excuses. I understand. I'm not mad." That was a lie. He was furious. He knew it wasn't earned. He knew Bruno had every right to reject him. To prioritize the comfortable happy life he already had. Wilfredo was never going to be his priority. He wasn't anyone's priority. Wilfredo had no right to be angry. He was just wrong. He knew that.
"Just…" He tried to find the words. "I understand." That was true at least.