EYE FOR AN EYE
-Expiation-
…
Yang didn't seem to be herself…
Or at least be the woman she last saw.
The lilac eyes weren't looking directly at her, avoiding her, and her voice sounded flat, muffled.
Now she confirmed that Yang was indeed angry, Weiss had told her that. Ruby knew since the beginning that Yang wouldn't forgive her, that what she did was unforgettable, unforgivable. Her suicidal acts and the desire to satisfy her own thirst for revenge, for blood, for death, wasn't something to forget easily.
Ruby felt the pressure rise since they separated ways in Atlas, and that didn't end with the reunion they had. The tension was still there. They played the happy family, performing a cute reunion, with hugs and nice words, but what they had, that trust, that connection, what they achieved, fell apart. No one ever saw the others the way they used to, the values and morality were judged endlessly, much more in Yang's case.
Her own sister betrayed her.
No, they betrayed each other.
And since that day, she heard the gasps of concern, the screams of disbelief, she noticed the looks of confusion, the looks of disapproval, as she decided things for herself, taking the leadership, doing what she thought was right. With every idea that came from her mind, from her mouth, her friends walked away, her sister walked away.
Her connections faltered, their bonds.
She became an outsider, she was untrustworthy, an outcast.
She stopped being that Ruby Rose that everyone could trust.
And of course, they noticed the truth.
She was no longer that girl, she would never be that girl ever again.
I changed.
Yes, she did change.
Ruby Rose had died that night at Beacon, Ruby died the exact moment she watched the people she loved dying, and it was only the crumbling pieces of her existence that remained standing. Also, even if she was still the same as before, even if she hadn't broken apart the way she did, she had grown up, she wasn't that little girl anymore.
The pain forced her grown.
She shook her face, freeing herself from the thoughts that threatened to run over and over again in her head, and focused on the heavy bag at the end of the stretcher, the bag with her so-called belongings.
Her clothes…
And Crescent Rose.
Her eye socket began to sting immediately, and the cross on her face burned as well, all in consequence of the mere thought of her weapon steady in her hands.
The undeserved heroic weapon.
She wanted to bring her hand to her face, scratch the area, but she couldn't. She had managed to control herself all those days, since Weiss's last visit, without any problem, already feeling calmer after that conversation, even so, with the visit of her sister, her thoughts came back at full force.
Yang judged her, unlike Weiss.
She focused on the dryness of the bandage on her face. The wound was healing better, enough that she no longer felt the fibers in her flesh, which seemed to further encourage her nails to dig into it. She was stronger now, thanks to Weiss, her partner supporting her, helping her to ease her mind, helping her body at the same time. Her own Aura was still there, inside her, but her own thoughts keep it there, buried, far away, out of reach.
Collaborating in her self-flagellation.
She was already better.
Almost healed.
Although she doubted the feeling of the wound burning, itching, would stop, ever.
She deserved that.
Ruby got up from the stretcher, now her feet firmly on the ground, without a problem, she had already gotten used to moving around, her face being the last thing that refused to heal. She went to the bag and opened it. She found her clothes there, and began to remove them, avoiding even touching the metal of her weapon. She didn't feel ready to hold it, or rather, she wasn't ready for what her body would feel when she dared to use a hero's weapon with her sinful hands.
To commit a crime.
To use it for revenge.
Yang didn't say much more, just stared out the window, waiting for her to change clothes.
Apparently, they would walk through the inner courtyard, to get a breath of fresh air before returning to reality. Yang wanted to talk, and, in there, they could have some privacy.
Privacy…
She won't have much of that outside those walls…
The authorities wanted to talk to her so that she would start paying for the second chance that Atlas had given them. Nothing was for free, much less forgiving their sins.
Her sins against Atlas.
She was selfish, she did horrible things, she betrayed that country, and now she would pay for her sins, for her failures, for her anti-heroism, and she would dedicate herself to the country that made her one more doll in its ranks. She was theirs to take, to use, her fake eyeball tells her that every day.
Reminding her of her position.
Already dressed, she stood again in front of her beloved Crescent Rose. She remembered when she forged it, when she spent days with Qrow, trying to make as many improvements as she could to make it a little more like his weapon, to learn how to use it, to learn how to kill monsters, so she could make her whole family proud, above all, make her mother proud.
She was going to become a hero, just like her mother was.
Red eyes reappeared in her head, after days without showing up, and that was supposed to be her color, and now it felt so unfamiliar, so morbid to even think of her own color as something completely evil, like Salem's eyes.
No, on the contrary.
They were alike.
She deserved that the blood red color was her color.
She glanced sideways, at her sister, who was still firm in her position, unmoving.
Her sister's red eyes also symbolized danger, whenever they came out it was an uncontrollable fury, hell itself burning, yes, hell, red was the color of hell. Was her sister a sinner too? Yes, if it had red on her, it must be like that.
There must be evil where the blood red was.
But no, she would never be like Salem. No one who chose the path of heroism could sink so low so soon. It took Salem a mortal lifetime to break, and for her, was a few years, no more. But, in a couple more of years, would she herself reach a similar level? Turn into a monster?
Probably.
She would burn someday, she had a long life to burn.
Ruby took her weapon, quickly, avoiding holding it any longer, and although it didn't burn in her hands, it was the cross on her face that burned. But she had gotten used to it, it was the price she had to pay, and she was going to pay it. She left the weapon strapped behind her back, and the weight of it felt normal, more so than she thought it would. Her body wanted to have the weight of Crescent Rose, she missed it.
Perhaps she had also corrupted her weapon, made for good, now for evil.
She had stained it with blood, with impurities, every time she had a bad thought, every time she wanted to see that woman bleed, she held her beloved creation with her dirty hands, with her repulsive thoughts. Yes, of course she contaminated her weapon, she didn't even understand how it had taken her so long to notice it.
It was obvious.
Her weapon wasn't going to burn in her hands, because it was already used to her broken humanity, to her poison, to the blood that she longed to spill.
Just like what happened with Weiss, they were made for each other.
She created her scythe to do good, and now that she had become something different, now that she was pursuing something as immoral as revenge, her weapon was there for her, to be dyed red, to accompany her. She found herself stroking the back of her rifle, enjoying the coolness in her fingers.
She didn't deserve it either, but she was selfishly going to keep it by her side.
She needed it to keep going.
To get revenge.
When she realized it, she was already walking through the inside gardens. She had been there for too long, but never went out, too weak to move. She took a deep breath, feeling her face numb from the cool and icy air of Atlas, but it felt good, allowed her wounds to receive some freshness after so much burning.
Ruby wished that she felt more than just burning in her body, but it was greedy to ask for more.
Before Yang came to visit her, she felt the urges to leave early, to ditch her sister, to ditch the authorities, the country, but she remembered that Weiss recommended her to not go anywhere else without her, and she knew that Weiss was at her side, so she would trust her.
They were together in this mess.
Yang led her around the place, without saying anything, just walking, and she followed her, quiet as well. She had nothing to say to her sister, nor would she know what to say. There were no words to fix what she did, nothing more than to pay for it by burning.
So, she focused on the green of the place, the grass, the trees, a lung in that cold city.
Yang stopped suddenly, making her jolt, and she wanted to ask her what was wrong, but she didn't want to make her sister even more angry, even if she deserved that.
"I can't believe you did that."
Yang voice sounded through her teeth, fury building.
"Do what?"
She asked, and her innocence was genuine.
She had done too much lately, and she needed to know exactly what Yang meant. They had fought too much since they arrived in Atlas, she wasn't surprised that there were millions of topics that had never been discussed with the tranquility they should have.
Always chaos dancing around their lives.
Not enough time to talk.
To heal.
"Trying to kill yourself! Didn't tell us anything about your plan! Pretending to hunt her alone! Your messed-up decisions! Everything, Ruby!"
When Yang looked at her, lilac eyes were tainted red, and she felt some panic as she remembered the red eyes that were engraved in the back of her head.
The color of hell, of sin.
The eyes that made her blood boil.
She avoided Yang's gaze, unable to bear red eyes like those, again, much less if they were corporeal, real. She wasn't ready yet. She needed to gain the determination to be able to challenge those eyes, just like Weiss did with her abuser. She had to be strong, to hate Salem with all her might, just like Yang, full of rage. She may be impulsive, but she needed the opportunity to unleash herself.
Yes, she needed an excuse, evidence.
She needed to see the truth, and with that, she would be able to unleash her anger, to archive the sweet vengeance.
The sweetest.
"Why? Why did you do it?"
Ruby noticed how Yang's hands trembled, even that hand that was nothing more than a machine, just like her eyeball. She could feel the heat of her sister's fury from there, but she didn't want to look at her, she didn't want to meet that woman's eyes, not yet. She wasn't strong enough, not yet. She wasn´t ready, not yet.
She sighed, forcing herself to focus her senses on something else.
To shut her mind, her panic, her anxiety.
What did she tell herself that day?
What was the reason she tells herself to avoid talking about revenge, of her thirst?
She should have remembered it, but she only found the truth in herself. The truth that Weiss found after reading her mind. Death, revenge, sin. What was the lie? What was the excuse? She didn't remember it.
"I did the right thing, Yang, even if there was a slight chance to defeat her. Someone had to do it, someone had to sacrifice themselves for the greater good."
Yes, that was it, something like that.
It sounds like what a hero would say, like what the innocent and little Ruby Rose might have said, the old Ruby Rose, the dead Ruby Rose.
"You could have died."
Yeah.
I know.
Of course, I know.
At least that way, her boiling blood would have stopped, just like her thoughts, she would have finally been able to rest, dead will allow her to close her eyes and sleep, finally sleep, forever.
To close her eyes and disappear.
"A risk I was willing to take."
She should have been more careful with her words, her voice, because Yang's metallic hand suddenly grabbed her cape, her hood dyed red, with blood, with sin. The cape of a hero changing to be the one of a bloodthirsty killer.
The fist, the real one, made of meat, was there, ready to strike her, to punch her.
Ruby realized that the situation had escalated too quickly, and it was easy to guess, it was Yang after all, Yang and her explosive anger.
She needed to be careful, to avoid any conflict, but she could no longer contain the truth, her façade was broken, she could no longer keep her repulsive thoughts as secret, her feelings, she was already shattered, there was no way for her to go back to being who she was, much less pretend it, it was too difficult.
But the woman who was now, needed people around to achieve her goals, solitude would make her goal unreachable, she knew it, so, she needed to keep her mask on, to pretend, to try. To make Salem pay, she needed to pretend with others, because, if she loses control, if she shows to the others her true face, they would kill her before getting close to Salem's neck.
A villain must be annihilated.
And she felt at ease now, because, Yang would never kill her, right?
She was her little sister.
She was wearing her little sister face after all.
But that face didn't stop her sister to hit her, to punish her.
Oh.
She was expecting that blow, that punishment.
Yes, of course! She wanted to feel that fist on her face, maybe that way her skin would stop stinging so much, burning so much, that blow was for expiate her sins. Of course, that was it, it was the punishment she needed. If Yang beats her to relieve herself, to get some satisfaction, then she would already be forgiven for her failure.
She deserved it.
But Yang wasn't hitting her, not yet, the fist was shaking, but nothing was happening, there was no blow, there was no redemption, and she couldn't bear the impatience consuming her, wanting that movement like she had never wanted anything before.
No.
Yang needed determination too, and she needed to validate Yang's feelings, her anger, give her strength to move.
Yeah, Yang would never kill her little sister, and maybe would never hurt her.
So, she had to show Yang that she wasn´t Ruby anymore.
She was no longer Ruby.
She was no longer her sister.
Ruby is dead.
Your sister is fucking dead.
It was the only way to be able to feel the ecstasy of expiation.
She smiles, in pure anticipation.
"I would do it again, over and over again. To kill her, to kill myself."
She said it, knowing what that words would cause in her sister mind, but she didn't care, she wanted that blow too much, she wanted to pay, she wanted to be closer to forgiveness, she wanted to be able to return to the right side, and with her sister's anger, her path would be straightened.
She was going to straighten her path, amend her path, with Yang's rage.
With a growl, the punch reached her unmarked side, the side of her face that didn't wear sin, without the mark that made her a villain, her human side, but she barely felt it.
No.
Nothing.
She felt nothing.
Was there no punishment?
Her sister had an incredible strength, she didn't understand how she could stand it. Was her sister so weak? Or was she that strong?
Whatever it was, she found herself smiling, knowing that the fist had returned to its original position, eager to continue, to hit her even more and more and more, and she was eager to feel it, she was impatient. She hoped that the next one wouldn't disappoint her, that she would feel the pain surge through her body, breaking her bones, her skin, making her pay.
Yang's punishment for killing the innocent Ruby Rose.
She would always accept revenge in any form, and this was one of them.
She was a villain, she needed more than that weak blow, she needed more.
And she was going to get it.