In The House that Lust Built.
Self Esteem Part 2.
"The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care."
"Oh baby, I'm so sorry. I was busy taking a break from recording. Seriously I'm still being worked to death even here… so, what were you saying?" she asks, Verosika's tone is still pleasant enough but I'm waitin' for the ball to drop.
"Nothin' really, darlin' just wonderin' if y' meant whatcha said. I got frustrated when you ignored it." I smile and she's digging through something.
"Hm? Oh, the whole…" There's a little bit of silence, she's probably lookin' around just t'make sure nobody was listening in, "I love you, thing?"
"Yeparooney." I grin and my tail wags, "I know it's taboo n' all, but can ya say it t'me again?"
Verosika giggles, "Sure! I love you~!"
My cheeks heat up and I giggle, "Love ya too, baby. So, anythin' y'need?"
Verosika thinks, the hum going through my ears like a sweet song, "Well, I know you hate coming up here, but you need to get your stuff, can't take it away from you, just in case I need your…"
"Expertise." she purrs, causin' my insides to absolutely melt and my dick to stand up like a soldier. Fucking god dammit I love this woman!
"I'll be there in a bit, Verosika!" I exclaim, pulling on my shirt and combat vest, my pants too and flarin' it out. Dressin' up t'my best. Totally forgettin' that this is totally fishy but I don't give a fuck.
Wrath was always dry. That was the only reason why I'd run away from Lust to it 'cause my Mama wouldn't chase me here if I was in the place drier than Beelzebub's asscheeks. About as flat as 'em too. I stand in front of my mirror, slicking back my black n' white hair and filing down my horns. They always tend t'grow longer when I got those episodes. Pa knocks on the door and leans in, his burning magenta eyes shine and his smile's as wide as can be.
"There he is!" he exclaims, "Y' feelin' better?"
I nod and he grins, hugging me and almost carryin' me down to breakfast if not for my tail gently batting him off. He backs off but almost jives to some kinda ditty he was listenin' to in that noggin of his.
"What'cha up to?" I ask.
"Oh nothin', just happy yer here an' not in Lust anymore." he stims lightly and whisks over to the stove, "One last tie and you dealt with it, right?"
"Well… not exactly…" I look out the window, "I gotta go to Lust later…"
"WHAT?! Why?!" he roars, running back over, "Krieger, big man, that is the biggest mistake y' could ever make at this moment! What in the nine circles is so important to summ'back th' she beast a' hell?!" his tail whirs and his teeth fit together in a bulleted grille.
"It's that damn woman a' your'ns, isn't it? Got them witchy there powers no sir not gonna do that to my sweet little boy, no sir." he wanders off towards another armory wall and loads up a bag for me.
"Got n' assault rifle, assorted shotgunnery, some pistols, ibuprofen, valium, morphine, all other vitamins, also stamina shit." he stuffs half the med cabinet in there and shoves the bag full t'burstin' into my hands.
"Y'either break up with that Verosika chick 'er splatter yer mama's brains an' take her back Wrath style, got it?" he snarls, "No son o' mine's any woman's bitch!" I cough and look at him like he's from another planet.
"Pa, what if I like bein' her bitch?" I smile and he brightens.
"Then yer a hundred percent valid an' I love you, Krieger." he noogies me and I laugh, "Now git out there an' get'cher stuff back!"
I leave Wrath, headed for Lust. The road there slowly goes from weird and windin' t' glitzy. The car purrs gently and I don't turn the radio on, keepin' my pistols at m'side. My first ones. I wind through the bluish pink sky with the smell of sex in the air. I see the lines and blocks of brothels and strip clubs, the studios too. Every bit o' this place makes me wanna gag. This ain't my home. Not at all. My home is a couple rings down. Back with my Pa. Not up here with… her.
I gulp, my hands slick against the steerin' wheel. Knowin' the way back t' the old apartment. I still got the key around m' neck. I pull inta the parkin' lot an' park m'car. Now, deep breaths, Krieger, pull out the ol' accent.
Oho yeah, like that was convincing.
It was when I had ta do it, now shut the fuck up, bad thoughts! I get out and pop up m'collar. My hat low against my brow. Easy does it. Get in, getcher shit, get out. No need for a lotta guns, Pa is just scared. I get to the lobby, no one is here, it's weird so I unholster my pistols an' slowly work m' way up. Silence is deafening. Everything is holdin' it's breath. Lucifer's taint I swear everythin' might wanna kill my ass.
I get to the old door, our door. Verosika and I's first ever apartment after runnin' away from Wrath. I remember her an' I's first time on our bed that night. She never stopped sayin' I love you.
So why'd she stop?
I dunno why, but I open it anyway. Everythin's still where I left it. Our pictures, our furnishing, everything. I look around and seein' it all got tears goin'. I dry my eyes and pick up the one where we're on stage.
Unbeatable, invincible. Happy. We were everything to each other. I smile and put it in another bag, slowly packin' up what I wanted t'take with me. Then the light turns on, my tail stabbing into the wall an' I see her. Deep purple skin, sultry red eyes, long flowing white hair. Loomin' over me is my mother in a short black dress an' long black leather jacket. She struts towards me and smiles. Heels clicking on the creaking hardwood. The once comfy home I was in turnin' cold an' distant around me.
Breath comes out in short gasps, no no no.
See? I told you! She's here to do… that. To us.
"Kreiger! Oh, I'm so glad you're home!" she coos, sweepin' me into her arms, "Oh darling, I'm so sorry for chasing you away!" she lingers a lil' too long and I fidget.
"Ma-"
She tightens her grip, "Mother. Sweetie."
"Mother… I… I uh… I'm here to get m'stuff." she lets me go an' I turn my back on her, my tail pointed right for her neck.
"Oh please, Krieger. You wouldn't kill me." she says, leaning into my periphery. Her hand slides up my body, startin' from my backside an' endin' at scratching my scalp. I can't help but melt on the spot.
"Why would you leave me?" she pulls me back into her arms, her tail winding slowly around me, "You know I love you, dear. And I know what's best for you." her nails dig into my back.
"T-That ain't the love I want. I want a love that won't hurt/insult/almost kill me, thanks." I stammer a little and Mama grabs my tail in her soft, well manicured hands, squeezing it with a vengeance.
"Oh please, no one else loves you like that. Not your father, not me, and certainly not little Verosika Mayday." she lets go of my tail and slaps down a packet of photos of Verosika all with different men.
"Wha…" She can't be right. Verosika wouldn't.
You don't know her.
I do! She… she loves me! This is just a fake! All of it! She loves me! She loves everythin' about me!
"Don't you get it, my slow little son? She's using you, just like your father and I. Just like everyone in your lonely failed star's life. You're a half Wrath half Lust pig that just so happens to be mine."
I grip my pistols, a frustrated growl rumbles from my throat, "Shut up…" I snarl, "You jus' SHUT UP!" I draw them and point them at her, shaking and quaking, tears burning down my cheeks.
"My pa loves me! Verosika loves me too! You don't get it! You'd NEVER get it! She and I promised-" Mama drags me towards her. My pistols dropping and clattering to the floor.
"You don't DESERVE it. You were nothing but a parasite, whining and crying and clinging to me. I didn't want that, I didn't want you. Your father wanted you as a weapon. Some highly trained little soldier… Verosika, oh that poor girl didn't want the sniveling and panicked wreck you are…"
Mama's verbal destruction is still burning, still going, "Moth-"
She grabs me by the shirt, it strains and some of the buttons pop off, "She wanted what you have between your legs, not what you have in your dumb little heart. You were good for pumping and dumping, none of the heart shit."
Mama pushes me away, my shirt loose and exposing my combat vest. I pick up my pistols from the floor and she watches with a careless stare. She turns away.
"You'll come crawling back, always. That's the only redeeming quality you have." she smiles and kisses me on the forehead, "I'll always count on you, darling… We all will."
She leaves the apartment and I stand there, tears flowin' down my face and looking down at the photo of Verosika and I's first concert, I pack it away. Pack it deep. I don't ever wanna look at it again. Or those photos of her with other guys. She and I… we promised. I sit down and…
Grin, we made it. We made it. I sigh and lean back against my hands, "Whew! You good, Verosika?" she falls to the couch, her face buried into my lap.
"Uggghhh… I could sleep like the dead." she giggles and looks up at me with her sundress pooling around her. We're fresh outta Wrath an' the Lust ring seemed so big. Verosika couldn't stop starin' outside
The glitz and glamor made 'er see stars. Every part of 'er gets excited. She pulls herself up into my lap an' kisses me with a lotta force, her body pressed against me, hot pink skin warm to the touch and blazing pink eyes burnin' into my magenta.
I reach over for my guitar and she grabs my hand, "Let's do it." she says, "We made it, we should celebrate."
"With sex?" I fidget, "I ain't sure what ta do innat case…"
"Oh come on, honey~! I always wanted my first time to be with someone I love, plus you've been waiting for it too, right?" she asks, batting her eyes at me with a soft smile. She an' I go to our bedroom, sinking into pleasure, new an' interestin'.
The way I held her that night, the way she moaned my name and hugged me tight. Makin' me feel like for once I didn't feel like an outcast, not like me an' my Imp friend from years back. She an' I made love that night. Not a dirty, rough, screeching fuck.
It was soft an' tender, an' the one thing I remember from that night was the fact that I made 'er a promise.
"Verosika, when we get famous, I wanna marry you. A huge ceremony, big lights, our families should know it, all'a Hell will know Kreiger Salvoe and Verosika Mayday got married," she looks at me with a snide smile, a knowin' glint in her eyes.
"Really? That sounds fucking amazing." she says, "I'd love it. Just rubbing it in all their faces that Succubi and Incubi can get married."
"Yeahp. Nothin' to it." I kiss her on the lips, "I promise I'll propose to ya the day we hit the big time, okay?"
"Okay," she says, squeezin' me.
"I love you, babe."
"Yeah, I love you too, Kreiger."
I drink that shit away, my guitar lopsided on my back, fuck that. Fuck that an' then shoot it. Or shoot it n' then fuck it? Someone she loves? Me? Don't make me laugh. She ain't loved me since she two timed me with that Blitzo guy. Dude just sounds like a damn near clown. I sigh and put back down m'bottle and take my guitar out, tuning it and beginning to strum out an old melody. Jus' an ol' tune Pa an' I came up with. A normal night here in a dingy rathole in the bowels o' Lust.
"Hey, you play Stairway?" a familiar voice smooth and deep croons from the back. I turn and there's yellow eyes n' a rattlin' tail lookin' like a White Hat Cowboy from the ol' west. He smiles down at me.
"Uncle…?" I squint, "Uncle Striker?!"
"Yeah, I've been here on business, then yer pa called me up an' tole me to keep an eye on ya." he grins, "Seems like you've been keepin' well."
"Heh, yeah. Drinkin'."
Uncle Striker loops his arm around m'shoulders, eyes meetin' mine an' tellin' me all kindsa things.
"You drink? That ain't real alcohol, is it boy?" he snarls, "You gotta stay tip top, yer important. Not like that girl you fool with."
"I don't fool with 'er, Strike."
"Then why're you here? Y'got yer guitar back." he asks, "You waiting for her to come back beggin' ya to sweep her off her feet an' ride into the sunset?"
"No!" I exclaim.
"Then why are ya still here?!" he thunders, "Dammit, boy! I'm tryin' t'unnerstand here!"
"Cause my Mama said somethin' that don't sit right with me! An' now I'm thinkin' a tearin' somethin' up!" I snarl loomin' over him with my horns crackling longer.
He grins, "Well, yer riled up. That's good." Striker pats me on the shoulder an' my mind immediately snaps into, throw him into a goddamn wall.
Uncle Striker pulls out one of Dad's books, it's like a spellbook or somethin'.
"See, yer Dad also wants ya t'take out the rest of the group you tore up earlier." he grins and tears a hole back to Wrath. I look at him with dread. A systematic clean up job usually means no survivors.
He pushes me through and I come out the other side with my pistols out. Taking a breath, floodlights bathe me as I charge forward, the dry cool air filling with lead and my horns bashing down the gates, crushing them. My coat shredded and vest barely holdin' together. War comes naturally t'me. Natural as breathin'. Runnin' from cover to cover, firing off with my pistols, tearing through the compound with 'em alone. Until there's a guy comin' out with the high whir of a gatling gun.
I take a breath and reload, the gun eating away my cover, it whirs down and I rage in, my tail cutting the fucker down and taking the gun myself. I smile and rev it back up. The hail of bullets rip through the material of the compound. I switch to my grenade launcher from the bag Pa gave me. Firing off a stream of them and listenin' to A Horse with No Name. They explode the machinery an' all they needed to make more guns.
I didn't really care about the men, but the children an' the women I mainly left alone. But this mission… I just set some bombs an' set 'em off, no fuss. No need to look 'em in the eyes. They're with their daddies an' brothers an' sisters now. Wherever we go after we die. Sinners just come on back, but Hellborns? Not sure. I get out my phone and shoot a message towards Verosika. Just to let 'er know I love her. Face it, I always will. Until I die, maybe. A'course I ain't lookin' for an answer. If only I knew what she was doin', or why she'd go back on her word. But Mama was right…
I always crawl back to them. Always. On hands an' knees. I lurch n' jerk sometimes, an' this is one of them. Covered in blood, I lay down on the stoop o' my Pa's house. My horns are huge now, my tail barely moves, everythin' hurts.
I deserve it. I was born here, after all. Born n' Hell. I hadda done somethin' wrong t'end up here. I deserve my brutal Mama, and my Papa who uses me. I deserve the cheatin' girlfriend o' mine. I deserve all of it.
No matter how many bullets I take, I deserve it. I watch the stars cold n' alone up in the sky, with the pentagrams glowin' red. I deserve the cold. Not the warmth of a family. My Pa made me with the purpose of bein' his brute squad.
Mama made me as a punchin' bag. Even as a stepstool t'kill her other competition.
Verosika…
God, she used to be the only one that didn't have an ulterior motive. She always had the bright dreams, the innocent love, all kindsa shit. But… she lost it. I draw my pistol, it shakes an' shivers in my hand. My first firearms. They never left me, I clean 'em every day. Peacemakers. Like the human cowboy movies Pa showed me when I was little. I take both of them out, unload them, reload, unload, reload.
Unload.
Reload.
Unload.
Reload.
The spin, the catch, the click of the bullets going back into the gun, the chamber sliding into place. They'll never leave me. Not like Mama, not like Verosika. They're my guns. They're my friends. They don't have emotions but I think that they'd love me if they could talk t'me. I take care of them, they take care of me. I deserve whatever punishment I got, but my guns… when I hold them I don't feel so scared, so quiet, or so broken.
I feel strong, I feel like I should. A brave fighter, a hero even! Well, that ain't the best term for it but that's the closest one I got to it anyway. I holster them an' get to my feet. Tomorrow I'll end it with Verosika, work on myself, get myself better instead a' runnin' to my Pa.
All I needed was an in.
The next morning was the dawn of a new day for me. I went on down to Pride 'cause I heard that Spring Break was a big thing for Verosika. Not to housewarm but just t'see what was going on. Somethin's gotta be interestin'. An' it turns out it was. A weird, dirty lookin' van was parked on the outside of Verosika's lowrider. I flip a coin nearby, leanin' against a wall an glarin' out at her. She don't notice, bein' talked to by a tallish imp with white spots on his red skin, arguin' about the parkin' spot.
He seems like a pumped up jackass, long curved horns (Fuck you.), the red eyes an' probably big dick, (Extra fuck you, dude.) and finally the sly, sardonic tone he takes with her. I don't hear much, but that's prob'ly my in. I lock down their location where they're goin' and as I was about to rip open a hole an' jump on through I hear the van and the boomin' of the stereo.
"Hey! Get outta the way!" A familiar voice exclaims, I stiffen an' turn, seein' an old friend.
"Millie?!" I gasp.
"Kreiger?!" she squeals, jumpin' outta the window and raging right for me, short dark hair a little messy but her dark eyes shine with happiness. She still remembers me. Her strength almost topples me over but I stand firm as she squeezes me tight.
"Haha! It's been forever! How've ya been?" she asks, "Didja finally put a cap in yer mama?"
"Nah, I ain't." I sigh, "She's still breathin', Pa's been distractin' me with all the business rivals."
Millie nods, "Hey, I need t'park, if you wanna come on in an' meet everyone y'can." she gets down and I step outta her way. The van parks and she gets back out, she's shorter n' me an' more angry often.
Somethin' about lady demons, I guess. That's Pa's theory as misogynistic as it is. He only said it when she'd outfight me. Millie leads me inside an' we get to their floor, hearing the bass of Verosika's studio across the hall an some muffled talking.
In seconds the slim, long horned demon runs to the window, "MOXXIE! Don't let her access any of your holes!" he screams, eyes wide and the door swings open, the little imp that the slim one was talking about comes out, wheezing an' gasping, bruised a little. Covered in lipstick marks.
He adjusts his bowtie, "I gotta… I gotta go lie down now…" he warbles. Millie runs to him and checks him over, with the slim Imp looking at me after lookin' extremely disturbed. So I guess that's what she's like without me. He shakes himself out of it and gets mad.
"Oh this will not STAND!" Slim yells, kickin' in the door an' I flinch at that. The music stops an' all I can do is cringe.
"Alright FUCKS! That's it!" he snarls, stomping his way in, "If you're gonna be shitty to my employees then I challenge you to a fuckin'…" he thinks for a bit, "challenge! Fuck, I said that twice…"
One of her groupies pipes up, "Is this little Imp boy asking for a demon duel?"
"I think he is~!" Verosika coos, "What's the game then, Blitzo?" that name hits me like a truck, my hands itch. So this is the bastard she was two timing me with?! Alright, if we can't agree I'm shootin' him in the head.
"Every year you STD spreaders go up topside for easy pickings while Spring Break is prime time for crime of all kinds!" he points and then spreads his hands while closing his eyes, "So I bet you succubitches can't fuck more than we can off by the end of the day."
He looks all high an' mighty an' all I can think is how silly the bet is. They think so too and laugh up a storm.
"Oh? You're serious. Then game on," she leans down and snarls, "Bitch."
Blitzo stomps out, fumin' an' lookin' ready to blow his top. He glares at me.
"If you're a client, we're fuckin' busy." he scoffs.
"Yeah, I know." I drawl, "You got beef with 'er too?" grinnin', gotta put on a show. I hold out my hand.
"Krieger Salvoe." I greet, "You're the Blitzo I've been hearin' about."
"It's Blitz, the O is silent." he answers, shaking my hand, "So, you wanna fuck with her too?"
"That's about the size of it." I smile an' unholster my pistol, "If y'got room for one more."
Blitzo an' I go into their office, Moxxie, the little guy from earlier who got roughed up by Verosika's gang gets up an' looks up at me with wide eyes. He pales an' I give him a wide smile. He seems t'know me. He sorta looks like a Wrath boy, but sometimes he's too soft, like I am.
"Sir? That's…" he squeaks.
"An old friend of that bitch across from us." Blitzo explains, "Name's Kreiger. Seems he's got beef too,"
"But he's way more than that, sir!" Moxxie continues, "I mean, have you ever stopped to consider WHY he's here? He's-" I loom over him.
"Hey, Moxxie." I croon, "Easy on the warnin's there. All I'mma do is head out with y'all usin' my own shit an' help y'all out." I pat him on the shoulder, almost squattin' cause of how small he is. If I can pick up an' carry Millie easily, Moxxie's probably even easier.
He gulps, "Okay then…" he goes along with it.
I stop by the front, their hellhound glances up at me an' goes right back to her book without much of a care, I write my number an' name down on a piece of paper an' hand it back to Blitzo.
"Consider me an official partner, at least for this one job, got it?" I smile, "An' we'll get what we want in the end, so it's good for us."
"Wait, what do you get?" Blitzo asks, "Cause I'm not sharin' the money!"
"Sweet, sweet karma. Also officially breakin' up with 'er." I cross my arms with a proud smirk, "Now, I'mma go plan this shit out on my end."
I leave the office an' linger a little, watching Verosika and her posse in there, singing and probably gonna get some warm ups in. I sigh an' leave the buildin'.
One more hellish thing to do an' I'm finally alone.