'Clare, care to join me for dinner?'

She almost did a double take at what she had just heard. In fact, Clare didn't really believe the words that had been spoken so casually as if it were the most natural thing on earth. Teresa wasn't even facing her; she had her back towards Clare while she erased the whiteboard. When she was done, Clare only blinked innocently at her, not really sure how to respond.

'You look like you've never been invited out for dinner your whole life. Or is it work that's holding you back?'

As if on cue, Joshua's gleefully silly face popped into her mind at that moment, the image reciting the words from yesterday:

'Tomorrow is my self-declared off-day! I'm going to go travelling around the country! So you don't have to turn up for work okay. Just treat it like you've taken compulsory paid leave and go out have some fun!'

She had been highly skeptical about how much 'travelling' he could do in one day. Above that, she wasn't really sure if it was right for a convenience store to spring an off-day out of nowhere. So much for convenience. Then again, it was Josh.

Back to the point, technically she didn't have work, so that wasn't a valid excuse to reject the invitation. Moreover, a part of her did want to have a meal with Teresa. Rather, she kind of wanted to spend more time with the senior, to get to know her better. But going alone with Teresa might be beyond her. She was usually awkward to a fault, and coupled with the fact that it was Teresa, her awkward level would probably increase ten-fold. Which meant that the entire trip would be... awkwardly awkward. But still...

Urgh. If only the opposing sides in her head would come to an agreement and just decide!

While that was going on, Teresa had already walked right in front of her, folding her arms as she cocked her head to one side.

'Your conflicted expression is quite the adorable look, but it's not that hard to decide, is it?'

Clare gripped the strap of her satchel, still in the midst of weighing her options. If anything, she came to the conclusion that being her was a frustrating job – she always had to make a mountain out of a molehill in her head.

But her thoughts were cut short when she felt a force from behind her shoulders nudging her towards the door. She stumbled forward awkwardly, taking in the fact that the 'perpetrator' was Teresa.

'Alright, your time is up, I'm now making the decision to bring us both for dinner okay? Feel free to change your mind anytime. But for now, let us start making our way okay? My stomach can wait no more.'

The shop that Teresa brought her to was some bus stops away from school. It was still within the same neighbourhood, but in an area that Clare rarely visited. During the bus journey, it had been slightly crowded and they ended up being separated by a random student in between. Clare was half-relieved at the small respite she would get considering the awkwardness that was sure to come at full force later on. For the moment, she chose to focus her attention on the sights outside the window.

The sun was dipping below the horizon, casting warm orange hues in the sky and on everything else its light rays could reach. Cars and buildings entered and exited the line of vision in almost a whirr of blur. When the bus came to a stop at traffic lights, she could observe the many students and working adults travelling on foot, some chattering in groups while others a lone soul. It was the sight of a normal everyday life for most people. Mundane, repetitive, mediocre. But perhaps, the ordinariness is something worth appreciating in itself. After all, it might be considered a privilege to be able to simply be alive at any given moment - to feel the life force within ourselves, to experience our surroundings, to form immeasurable bonds with other people – wasn't that the beauty of life? Wasn't that something worth celebrating? It probably was. People who truly love life would be able to wholly appreciate the small little details that would become things that people cherish the most – Taking a reflective stroll in the park, spending quality time with friends and family, having a meal of ones favourite food – so many things to be thankful about, but very often taken for granted.

But perhaps, it might not be about loving life. Maybe it was about learning to cherish what you had only after you had lost it. When something that was always easily within reach became something that you could no longer attain, people tend to cherish it more. Maybe that was just how humans work.

Even so, sometimes, Clare wished she loved life a little more. That the little things in life could create enough emotions to replace the emptiness in her chest. It wasn't that she was depressed. It was more like she couldn't experience living to its fullest, as if she had been short-changed some sort of mechanism that allowed her to progress into the happiness zone. For the longest time, it had either been great sorrow or grief, as with right after her grandparents death, or nothing at all. She had been happy with her grandparents, her friends, or so she thought. But if one were to ask her if she could feel it, if she held any motivation in life, if she had anything that she wanted to wake up for the next day, the answer was only none.

But out of nowhere, Teresa bumped into her life, literally. And just for once, she felt something stir in her chest. She actually felt like something was coming alive. It was just an inkling, but it was more than enough for her to be intrigued. For once, there was something that kept her looking forward to the next day.

Perhaps, that was why she was so interested in getting to know more about Teresa too. She wanted to find out what was so special about that particular person.

A soulmate... or maybe, my fellow twin Goddess. Hmph, I actually made a joke.

More than anything else, she wanted to find out what was hidden behind those black orbs – whether the same sadness that she saw in them was the same as her own.

Suddenly, Clare felt herself being dragged by the arm down a short steps. She came back to her senses to realize that Teresa had pulled her off the bus, the vehicle roaring off to its next destination. She felt the grip release from her arm and was slightly embarrassed at her apparent lack of awareness of her surroundings. Teresa seemed to be in agreement with that line of thought as she combed through her hair with her hand, a look of disbelief on her face.

'You can just get engrossed with your own thoughts just about anywhere, can't you... I don't know whether to be impressed or worried. Probably the latter.'

She made an apologetic face at Teresa who just brushed Clare's head briefly before signalling for her to follow. Clare stalked behind, making sure to take very good bearings of everything going around her.

After a short distance, they entered one of the numerous shops along the lane. She observed the conveyor belt that weaved around the centre, with many plates of sushi travelling around on it. It felt refreshing since it had been quite some time since her last visit to a sushi shop. The waitress greeted and motioned them to the two available seats. When they got settled, Teresa took two empty saucers and filled them with soy sauce.

'Since I'm the one who dragged you here, this shall be a treat from me. Just for your information, I'm not taking no for an answer.

Teresa fished a red plate with two pieces of salmon nigiri – a slice of raw salmon on top of sushi rice – from the belt. She separated the connected chopsticks and deftly picked up one of the pieces, dipping the salmon side with sauce before putting it in her mouth. A satisfied look appeared on her face as she savoured the sushi.

On the other hand, Clare turned to look at the sign on the wall after looking at Teresa. It depicted the various colour plates and their different prices. It ranged from pale pink plate being the cheapest and a gold-black checkered plate being the most expensive. She reasoned that since she couldn't stop Teresa from paying, all she could do was to eat the cheapest plates and as little as possible. Her strategy was to eat very slowly, and claim that she was full after that. Not that it was much of a plan actually.

She turned back to find Teresa working on her second plate already. The senior shot her the "eat-now-or-else" eyes and she hurried to comply, eyeing the conveyor belt and picking a pink plate of six mini cucumber sushi rolls. More rolls means more time spent on one plate. A perfect addition to her ongoing plan. However, she found that her need for sustenance was stronger than what her mind had resolved - she found herself eating and enjoying the food so much she finished her plate rather quickly, hungry for more. She took another pink plate containing two pieces of tamago nigiri – a rectangular slice of omelette on top of sushi rice, wrapped with a thin piece of seaweed.

'If you're intending to only take pink plates, I suggest you rethink your strategy.'

Unfortunately for her, Teresa seemed to have caught onto her plan rather swiftly. She hoped her face didn't give away her guilt and just continued to eat. Daring to take a peek at the person beside her, she saw the 'you-will-be-the-bane-of-my-existence' face on Teresa. Clare tried to suppress a growing smile with a tight-lipped one.

'It's so challenging to be a good senior these days...'

Teresa pressed her forehead in her palm and gave an exaggerated sigh for added effect, which only amused Clare more. The senior stacked her own three empty plates, then snagged two plates from the belt and placed them in front of Clare, eyeing her with a mischievous look.

'I hope you like salmon and squid. Even if you don't – oh look it's too late they're now in front of you waiting to be eaten.'

Clare's eyes darted between the two non-pink plates, pursing her lips awkwardly. As much as she would like to deny, the sushi looked very welcoming. Quietly obliging, she took the salmon one first, relishing the savoury combination of fresh raw fish, wasabi and the rice beads. It was indeed very delicious.

'It's good isn't it? The sashimi here are really fresh and tasty. And the price is relatively cheap too. That's why this is one the places I like to drop by.'

'So..., what's your favourite sashimi then?'

The senior considered the question for a moment. 'Hmm, I guess I generally like most of them, but if I have to pick one it'll be salmon belly. What's yours?'

Clare pointed at the plate of ika nigiri that Teresa took for her – a slice of white translucent squid on sushi rice. Teresa looked impressed with herself.

'Is that so? Lucky me for choosing the right one then. And there's no excuse for you not to eat it now eh?'

And so Clare ate them all, enjoying every single last bite of it. From there on Teresa took it upon herself to select a few more plates for Clare, placing a new one from the belt as soon as Clare finished the plate she was working on. She couldn't actually protest, since she knew that Teresa meant well, so it would be rude to reject her kind offer.

'So how do find middle school life so far?'

Clare briefly recounted the events that happened for the past week or so in her head. 'Just the usual things, making friends, going for lessons. I didn't expect myself to become so involved in EA stuff though, since I originally intended to work rather than spend time on activities like that.'

'Hmm, but are you enjoying yourself in Drama Society?'

'I wouldn't say that it's not enjoyable... Everything has been a new experience for me, so things have been pretty interesting I guess.'

'Such an indirect answer... My pride as the president has been half-wounded, but I'll let you off this time.' Teresa shook her head and smirked.

It was merely a filler exchange, but being able to hold a conversation with Teresa was like accomplishing a feat. Perhaps she was emboldened by that, because Clare went on to tread into a more personal topic.

'This is random but... do you think you're a happy person?'

That earned her a surprised look from Teresa who stared at her incredulously. 'Wherever did that come from?'

'I don't know... just a question that crossed my mind,' she mumbled sheepishly, scanning Teresa's face for any sign of annoyance or something along that line. She wondered momentarily if her question had been inappropriate, and almost regretted asking it.

'Well, considering how I'm known as Teresa of the Faint Smile, it sounds like quite a jolly title doesn't it?'

'But that's just what others see from the surface... Besides, many things can be hidden behind a facade of a faint smile...'

Clare almost couldn't believe that she had blurted those words out. She pretty much insinuated that Teresa was putting on a fake front. Then again, wasn't that what people did? Hiding what was raw and hurting inside behind a fanciful mask, putting on a fabulous performance, wasn't that what people seemed to engage in nowadays? But no one had the right to judge another for doing that. And it sure as hell wasn't her place to say anything of that sort to her senior – that was just plain disrespectful. Feelings of unease rose in her as she fumbled with her hasty apology.

'Erm, I'm sorry, erm, I didn't mean, I-'

'You really are an interesting one, aren't you?'

She almost jumped at the interruption due to her nerves. Looking meekly at her senior, she half-expected to see a displeased look which would probably send her heart tumbling downwards. But her dread had been unfounded because Teresa merely knitted her brows and gazed at Clare with a confused smile.

'I haven't had such a question in the longest time... It kind of caught me off guard, honestly.' With her elbow on the table she leaned her right cheek on her knuckle, staring up in deep thought.

'I wouldn't say that I'm a happy person, but to claim that I'm not a happy person sounds unbelievably gloomy...' Teresa seemed to be mumbling the words more to herself. She turned to face Clare.

'I suppose I would say that I'm neutral. Right smack in the middle of the spectrum – neither happy nor unhappy. Much like... a comatose state maybe.'

It was such a queer description, and Clare was more than curious to ask more about it. But before she could, she found herself being shot back with the very same question.

'What about you? Do you think that you're a happy person?'

It was as if a lightning bolt of discomfort struck her as she felt herself cringe at the question. It felt so... sensitive to be asked this sort of question. Like you were going to have to bare a part of yourself to someone else and make yourself vulnerable. She could somewhat empathize with what Teresa must have felt, being popped with such a question out of nowhere. But her senior had gave her an answer, albeit a vague one, so it was only right that she did the same. But the truth was that...

'... Honestly, I'm not so sure myself.'

Teresa raised a brow. 'Why is that so?'

'Because I...'

Could she really share what she felt inside with someone else? With Teresa? Did she even know herself well enough to be able to express it? She didn't know. But she was already at this stage and there was no turning back.

'...Because I don't really know what it means to be really happy. Or what it feels like at all. Is it supposed to be warm feeling blossoming in your chest, enveloping you in its embrace? Is it a feeling that is supposed to last? Can you constantly get happiness from something? Is it possible to not be able to feel it and end up with this... miserable emptiness instead.' She balled the fabric of her uniform at her chest in a tight fist.

'What does it mean to be alive, what does this beating heart represent? Is there any meaning in all this? If yes then, I wish I could actually feel it.'

It was the first time she had ever told anyone else about it, the darkness that loomed in her heart. And she didn't think that it would leave her feeling so weak and powerless. To add on, she was even ashamed for letting Teresa see this side of her, the part of her that was screaming for someone to notice the struggle inside and understand. But it wasn't right. She only met her senior for more than a week, and now she was exposing such a vulnerable part of herself. Unnecessarily burdening people with her own thoughts and shedding a negative light on herself. Way to go for her attempt at socializing.

But the expression that Teresa gave her was unreadable. She could only describe it as a frown that emitted melancholy instead of irritation – as if her heart had just been shattered and she couldn't decide if she was angered or saddened by it and chose the latter. And that expression stayed unchanging for many moments. Clare tried to shy away from the direct full-force stare she was receiving, but that wasn't possible considering that Teresa was just sitting right next to her.

'Urm, Teresa?...' She tried prompting for some sort of response, in fact any kind of response, so as to escape that awkward and intimidating attention she was receiving.

Seemingly coming out of a trance, Teresa placed her hand awkwardly on Clare's shoulder, as if she wasn't sure of the action.

'Sorry, I sort of spaced out a little there.'

Much relief washed over Clare. That meant that perhaps Teresa hadn't been analyzing, or over-analyzing whatever she had been spouting out of her mouth, and that was good. She didn't want Teresa thinking too much about it.

'Right, I think we're both done, time to get going. Shall we?'

They grabbed their bags and proceeded to the cashier counter to pay. Naturally, Teresa settled the bill by herself despite Clare's resistance.