It's been a long time since we posted anything. This is not going to suggest that there will be more after this, but I came across a chapter I wrote, probably about 14/15 years ago, that was pretty well done but never posted. Figured I should fix that. This came about when Krista and I were watching a bunch of D-rated horror movies (specifically ones surrounding horrible CGI animals) and Hansel and Gretl: Witch Hunters. Word of the wise, I know at one point Tara Reid was a decent actress, but for as long as I have been watching movies with her involved... it's not been great as they've all been the direct-to-video monster animal stuff, so the opinions on Tara Reid and her acting are my own and hope no one takes offense.
ENJOY!
Kathryn's P.O.V.
It was a typical day in Konoha. Krista was thinking up new ways to get to Suna to bother Gaara -and "rescue" Kim (even though she was the Konoha/Suna ambassador now and therefore didn't need to sneak there); Shikamaru was doing what Shikamaru did best, Naruto was finding new ways to spend copious amounts of the Hyuuga fortune, Neji was working as my secretary because, frankly, he did a better job of it, and I, well, I was signing off mission after mission... and hating my life. Yes, it truly is a boring, quiet day...
KABOOM!
The deuce is that? It sounded like a cannon... oh dear...
CRASH!
Monica landed in my office, crashing through the ceiling.
"You're paying to fix that you know," I informed her, briefly looking up from my work.
She shrugged in response, either just accepting that or not really caring. "Where are Krista and Kim?" she demanded of me.
"Kim's at home and Krista, by now, is probably on her way to 'liberate' her, why?"
"I need your help with something," she sounded really concerned; I hope it's not something too terrible. "Come on, let's go catch up to her!"
Deciding there wasn't a moment to lose, I tossed my paperwork off my desk and into the trash, it's not like I was doing anything important anyways.
Monica's P.O.V.
And so, we left with great heart, leaving Neji to run Konoha in Kathryn's stead. We caught up to Krista, who was riding Puppy like a camel, just outside of the desert. We quickly changed into appropriate attire, Krista sporting a fan hat, Kathryn slipped on some sunglasses and I opened my beach umbrella as we marched into Suna on our way to Gaara and Kim's. I knocked on the door vigorously three times and excited barking answered me. What the hell? Did Kim and Gaara get a new dog? The door opened and Kim, who was briefly focused on an all too familiar, extremely fluffy chow-cross, looked up and smiled at us. "Oh hey guys!"
Krista and I were too distracted by the dog to respond, but that didn't stop Kathryn from asking the obvious question. "Umm... how did your sister's dog get here?"
"Oh, I'm puppysitting," responded Kim, as though the answer were just that simple.
"But how did he get here?"
"Not really sure," Kim said thoughtfully, "he just showed up one day with a note attached to his collar."
"KIM I NEED YOUR HELP!" I exclaimed, suddenly remembering why we had come all this way.
"Okay...?"
"I need you and Krista to make some stuff for my children."
"Why?" asked Kim, raising a suspicious brow.
"What kind of stuff?" asked Krista, rubbing Puppy and the other dog's bellies at the same time.
"PSAs, children's shows, stories... everything else out there is either stupid or inappropriate; my children need good role models." It was true, the rest of the Akatsuki just weren't cutting it.
Kim and Krista shared a look, then a nod. "We'll see what we can do." Then they turned and walked into the house, shutting the door on myself, Kathryn and the dogs (who had begun playing in the streets of Suna).
"So, why am I here?" asked Kathryn.
"So we can go be awesome while they work." Duh.
"Bitchin'."
Two Days Later, Kim's P.O.V.
We stood before an audience of the Akatsuki, Monica, and Kathryn on the Castle in the Sky, a TV screen, similar to that which would get wheeled into an elementary school class between us.
"So we decide to start with the PSAs, just to make sure we're all on the same page (and they're short and easy)," Krista announced.
"In front of you is a small survey. Please fill it out as truthfully as you can in between each of the clips." I turned the TV on and inserted the VHS.
The screen went black and the words "This is a Konoha Public Service Announcement appeared in white. A male voice over began:
"In a world of D-rated horror movies..." A scene began, showing tornadoes touching down in a badly drawn city with horrible actors screaming and running. "One woman appears in too many..."
Tara Reid appeared on screen screaming, "Oh no! It's another Sharknado and a shark avalanche!" In a flurry of horrible CG effects, Tara Reid was killed.
"Please, stop casting Tara Reid in your stupid movies." This has been a Konoha Public Service Announcement.
I paused the tape, "We call this one the 'Tara Reid Announcement'. Thoughts?"
"What was the point of that one?" Kathryn asked as the Akatsuki began filling out their surveys.
Krista and I shared another look. "We thought it needed to be said," I answered as Krista nodded.
"We also had "Please, stop giving Tara Reid work" or "Please, stop encouraging Tara Reid as an actress" as possible statements. Please write which one you like best," added my Hurricane Twin. "Now, let's move on. This next one is directed more towards teenagers."
I hit play again and once more the screen went dark. The same words as before paved the way for the scene that unfolded. Dusk on a beach, three teenagers –a boy and two girls- race towards the water.
"Oh, god damn," commented Kathryn, placing a hand over her face as the Akatsuki shushed her.
The teenagers start making out in the water, Monica looked like she wanted to say something when all of a sudden the girls on screen start screaming. A giant, two-headed shark is tearing them to pieces. The boy on screen starts screaming in horror as the Akatsuki are cheering. Fake blood splatters onto the screen spelling out the words, "Parental Advisory Shark advises you not to have sex in the ocean." This has been a Konoha Public Service Announcement.
I hit pause again. "Thoughts?"
"What the hell!?" yelled Monica, I can't understand why she sounds so angry.
"That was beautiful," said Itachi.
"We're getting mixed reviews on this one, perhaps we should move on," suggested Krista.
"Indeed," I agreed, "this next one is directed towards younger children." The play button was pressed, words were shown, the scene began. Kids playing at a park, having fun, laughing and giggling. A dark cloud looms, a shadow moves. It's a much bigger kid. Laughter stops as he makes way across the park to a kid in a sandbox. He kicks sand in the kid's face, laughing as he destroys the sandcastle, calling the child names.
A large hand grabs his shoulder and turns him around; he's face to face with a giant troll. With a roar, the troll rips him in half, showering the surrounding area in blood and guts. The children cheer as the words, "Anti-bullying Troll wants you to help end bullying" show up on screen. This has been a Konoha Public Service Announcement.
Pause. Silence greets us. Monica and Kathryn have looks of sheer horror on their faces as suddenly, the Akatsuki give us a standing ovation.
"Okay, so that one was definitely a hit," grinned Krista, "let's move on to-"
"No! No no no no no no," Kathryn and Monica raced forward, they must have seen enough and are ready to help us move on to the TV shows.
"Awwww," came collectively from the Akatsuki.
"But the next one is about motor safety," pouted Krista, she really wanted to show that one.
"Please can we watch it," begged Itachi.
"We'll be good," added Sasori.
"Pleeease," finished Kisame.
"We've seen enough, I'll take the tape thank you," Kathryn ejected the tape.
"You can't show kids those, you'll scar them for life!" scolded Monica.
"Or... we'll scare them straight," I countered.
"Noooo... I'm pretty sure if you showed that to kids they'd never want to go near a park, the ocean, or see Tara Reid again," said Kathryn.
"So... what you're saying is that the first one is the most effective," stated Krista proudly.
"Yeah... you're not getting this tape back."
"Awww..." And I thought we were doing so well.
Narrator's P.O.V.
And so they went their separate ways to their respective homes, Kathryn deterring slightly to throw the tape into a random pool of toxic ooze.
The Next Day, Kathryn's P.O.V.
I was back to signing reports. Man, I could really use a distraction right about now...
"Kathryn sensei!" Krista burst through the door, nearly knocking Iruka off his ladder (he was fixing the ceiling) towing Naruto behind her.
"What is it?" Be careful what you wish for, as they said. As much as I wanted the distraction, I did truly need to get this done and her plans to kidnap Kim only held one's attention for so long.
"Tara Reid is walking around Konoha!" she yelled.
I paused, looking up at her. "I'm sorry what?"
"Tara Reid is in Konoha!"
... What? "How!?"
"I don't know," cried Krista, "do something sensei!"
"What am I supposed to do!?" Like seriously, I can't really stop people from coming here... we could use the tourism too.
"You're the Hokage, fix it! Have her whacked or something," offered Naruto.
"I'm not having Tara Reid killed... and what exactly do you think a Hokage is? I'm not a mofia leader." Seriously, that boy...
"No, no... Yakuza!" he insisted. Honest to god, I might punch him.
I couldn't help but sigh, "Take me to Tara."
Krista's P.O.V. ( a little later)
We walked down the streets, Naruto stopping us to point to an unfamiliar blonde. Well... familiar to myself, Kim and Kathryn, just not to the rest of Konoha. "See, see there she is! Get rid of her!"
"Naruto, I'm not killing her."
"She won't be missed," I insisted, just to ease Kathryn's feelings about this whole ordeal.
Kathryn shook her head and approached the blonde. "Excuse me, miss Reid."
The actor turned to her, staring at her blankly. "Oh finally. For a minute there I thought I was in such a low rated movie that there wasn't even a proper stage crew to get me refreshments," she said in her monotone voice. "I'd like-"
"Yeah, that's nice," Kathryn interrupted her, "listen, how'd you get to my village?"
"Oh... are you an actor? Sorry, I didn't realize we were working on a scene. Let's restart from the top." Did she have a script or something? I'm confused.
"No... I mean, this is my village... I run this place. What are you doing here?"
"Okay, we'll keep going then, just let me get into character." She cleared her throat. "I don't know how I got here, I woke up in a pool of glowing green liquid." Aside from the fact that she now sounded like she was forcing every word out of her mouth, there wasn't really much difference.
"Fuck it," said Kathryn, pulling out a gun from her collection and shooting her.
"YAKUZA!" exclaimed Naruto. Gasp! Maybe he's right! Maybe Kathryn is a part of the Yakuza!
"She wasn't the real Tara anyways," explained Kathryn, rejoining us.
"What do you suppose she meant by 'glowing green liquid'?" I asked, curiously. Kathryn looked a little worried, and I was about to ask why when I heard the unmistakable yell of my Hurricane Twin.
"KATHRYN!" Kim came driving up in a minivan, within Monica riding shotgun. As the side doors opened an entire soccer team worth of children spilled out, along with a glasses wearing kid dragging a bag of soccer balls behind them.
"Had to save them from anti-bullying troll," explained Monica, though we didn't ask.
Wait... Anti-bullying troll? This is bad. "Where is he now?" I asked, looking around.
"Oh, Gaara took care of him," said Kim, with a wave of her hand.
Not that long ago, in Suna (Kim's P.O.V.)
Deidara and I followed the screams of children through the streets, that really couldn't be good... Gaara was still in his office after all, which meant something else was scaring them. Maybe Kankuro had put on another puppet show? I did tell him that his puppets were too creepy for children, but he kept insisting they were child safe. Just because M'tachi and Itojo enjoyed them doesn't mean that they were suitable for all children; M'tachi and Itojo had killed a man before they turned 1 after all.
As we rounded the corner towards the soccer field - a new implementation courtesy of me... though we maybe should have considered an indoor establishment all things considered- the screams got louder.
Oh no...
It was the Anti-Bullying troll! How in the hell was he here!? The other soccer team had been decimated, but the surviving one was being given orange slices... well it was trying to give them orange slices, the children were too mortified to accept them. The other team must have been perceived as bullying these ones.
I glanced at the score... well I could see why it may have thought they were being bullied. Seriously, who was their coach? We need to really work on our hometeam. The rumbling of tires over loose sand and gravel came as a mini-van skidded to a halt. It was Monica! She threw the sliding door wide, motioning to the kids to get in. They did not hesitate. They would take the strange woman hanging out the side of a white-van over a literal troll anyday. Seriously... all it really needed was "Free Candy" spray painted on its side...
"You drive!" she ordered, and I didn't have to ask where to. If we were experiencing this weirdness, then surely Konoha must be affected too.
I turned the keys in the ignition... the engine stuttered. Uh-oh. Anti-Bullying troll was charging the van; Deidara's clay creations were useless against it. Monica and I screamed in the front seat, hugging one another.
Just as it was about to slam into it, a wave of sand came up and knocked the troll off its feet, wrapping it into a cocoon. "Thanks hun!" I yelled out the window as Gaara crushed Anti-bullying troll like it was a crumpled up piece of paper. "I'll be back later!" The engine roared to life and away we went.
Back in the present (Krista's P.O.V.)
"So assuming that only one aspect from the PSAs are coming through, that just leaves Parental Advisory Shark, yes?" checked Kathryn.
The four of us, including Naruto, turned to Kathryn.
"How do you know that they're coming directly from the PSAs?" I asked suspiciously.
"Anti-bullying troll? Tara Reid? Come on guys, it's not rocket science," Kathryn tried to laugh it off.
"Kathryn," Monica said firmly.
"I threw the tape into a pool of toxic ooze," she finally admitted under our scrutinizing gaze.
"Our magnum opus!?" Kim and I cried.
"Seriously guys? The Akatsuki wanted to give it an Oscar!" Kim and I beamed at that, but Kathryn continued, "That's not a compliment! Anyway, I thought the tape would just get destroyed, I didn't think it would bring things to life!"
Silly Kathryn. "But Kathryn, things that go in toxic ooze are always bad or get stronger," I said.
"Or both," agreed Naruto.
"This is real life Krista, not the movies."
"Either way," piped up Kim, "someone's going to need to take care of Parental Advisory Shark."
"I can," offered Monica, "I'll take Kisame and the Akatsuki down to the water." She climbed back into the minivan and drove away before anyone could object.
Kim's P.O.V.
Kathryn turned back to us. "Kim, Krista. You guys go round up the children, their parents must be worried."
Krista saluted, "We won't let you down sensei!"
"What are we going to transport them with, Monica took the minivan," I pondered as we walked down the street. Hindsight, since Gaara crushed Anti-bullying troll, we probably could have let the children back out then...
"Maybe we could borrow a bus... though we don't have the Taurie to trade for it..."
Kathryn shook her head as we left; faintly we could hear her give her instructions to Naruto to go guard the toxic ooze, in case anyone else comes out of it. But who else is there to come out of... wait... there was one more PSA that didn't get shown... but it shouldn't matter right?
"Here children, children children," Krista beckoned as we searched. We looked down alleys, in toystores... in dumpsters with no luck.
"If I were a pack of soccer loving children... where would I go?" I asked myself, my trusty magnifying glass in hand.
"Maybe they went to the park?" Krista suggested, closing the lid of another dumpster.
I stopped walking, a sudden thought invading my mind. "Or maybe... that's what they want us to think."
Krista let out a deep sigh of exasperation, "I sure hope Monica is having an easier time tracking down Parental Advisory Shark."
In the middle of the ocean, Monica's P.O.V.
We were using Kisame as bait to try and lure the shark in with M'tachi and Itojo manning the rod. Some of the other Akatsuki members had spear guns. As Parental Advisory Shark circled the boat, I backed up to where Itachi was steering. "We're gonna need a bigger boat."
Back to Kim and Krista, Krista's P.O.V.
"So where do you think they went?" I asked, brushing my hands on my pants.
"Well, it's a group of unsupervised children..." And just like that the answer hit us.
"ICE CREAM!"
And so we rushed off to Choji's Ice Cream shop, where, sure enough, the pack of loud, hyper children had taken over.
Poor Choji didn't seem to know what to do. He was trapped behind the counter as two boys shot chocolate and caramel syrup at one another; the boy who had been dragging the soccer balls was pouring whip cream into his mouth as two others span a third on a stool, trying to see how fast he could go as the boy begged them to stop.
Kim and I looked at each other, and backed out of the shop, leaving Choji to his misery.
"They'll be fine," I decided, "they'll crash in about an hour and then we'll just swing back and pick them up."
"And," added Kim, already pulling out her cell, "I could always contact Gaara and tell him to let the parents know their kids are okay."
One Text Later (in Suna)
Gaara took a look at his cell, the one Kim had insisted he get, and sighed. "Deidara, go round up all the soccer moms." He thought he saw something else in the van...
The lazy ambassador, who was in the process of playing with a ball and paddle toy, looked up a little concerned. "Why?"
"Kim has their children."
Deidara pondered for a moment, "Why did she take them with her...?"
"When has she ever thought anything through," the Kazekage countered, unbothered.
"Point taken," Deidara reluctantly rose, at least it was something to do.
Back in Konoha, still Krista's P.O.V.
As we made our way back to Hokage office, a thought suddenly occurred to me. "Kim!" I grabbed her arm, "what about..." I paused, looking around frantically and dropped my voice, "the you-know-what?"
Kim froze and looked at me, "I was hoping it wouldn't come... but we can't take that risk. Krista, we must find it and destroy it before Kathryn finds out."
Kathryn's P.O.V.
Crisis averted, before anyone even really knew there was a crisis. There was nothing better than knowing everything was completely under control... well there was one hiccup. Word seems to have gotten out and now half of Konoha thought I was a Yakuza leader... I'm getting a lot of gifts from people I don't know.
Neji and Naruto, so far, have reported no unusual activity from the ooze pond (I decided to send Neji down there as, let's face it, Naruto would probably have found some way to mess up), Kim and Krista assured me that the children were taken care of –though wouldn't answer when I asked how they transported them all. I had no word from Monica but I was staying positive. After all, Monica had the entire Akatsuki backing her, how could she lose to a shark?
The phone rang; it must be Monica checking in with news on Parental Advisory Shark. I answered the phone.
"Kathryn-" It was Neji. "There's a problem." Damn. "We're going to need you over here."
Later at the Ooze pond (Still Kathryn's P.O.V.)
I walked over to where Naruto and Neji were examining what looked to be a long drag in the grass.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
Neji looked up at me. "We have no idea what caused this and when Kim and Krista stopped by-"
"Wait... why were they here?" They were supposed to be delivering children.
"They didn't say. They came here in a panic, saw the tracks, gasped dramatically and took off in the direction of the tracks," Neji explained to me.
Oh no... that can't be good.
Krista's P.O.V.
We were following the tracks from the ooze pond for at least an hour when Kim suddenly stopped.
"Krista..."
"Yeah?"
"What are we going to do when we find it...?"
We hadn't actually thought that through. "Maybe we should turn back and get help," I suggested, beginning to turn around. A loud crash sounded through the trees, we jumped and screamed, taking off back in the direction we had come. There was no way that it was going to get us. We ran and ran, jumping logs and ducking branches until we had escaped the forest. Ahead of us was a road with a mysterious man standing upon it. I recognized his long jacket from somewhere... but couldn't quite peg where it was... at least until he turned around.
"Oh, hello insignificant peoples," Russia greeted us.
I got a really bad feeling about this, but Kim looked to me with excitement. "This may be the answer to our problem!"
"How?" He was much worse than what we would face.
"He's Russia! What does it matter how he does it!?"
Oh... she meant set him loose on... but of course it all made sense. Russia was all but indestructible, of course he could take care of our little... er big problem.
"Russia, we need your help with something," Kim began.
Russia thought about it for a second. "Well, okay."
"Yes!" we cheered, our asses saved.
"But in return," he continued, a dark aura emanating from him, "you must come live with me like Lithuania and Estonia."
Nooooo! We knew what he meant! Being Russia's punching bag was not a fair trade. "Sounds fair yes?"
"Sounds fair no!" I yelled, huddling with Kim.
"How may I help?"
"Noo! No help! Not you!" we begged.
All of a sudden, a minivan came speeding out of nowhere, hitting Russia and sending him flying. Monica poked her head out the window and yelled, "GET IN THE VAN!"
Kathryn pulled up on a motorcycle behind her, "'Sup fools." So cool.
We climbed into the minivan with Monica as she asked, "What are we up against?"
"The... Pirahnaconda," Kim and I answered at the same time. Oh the horror!
"A what?"
"You heard us," responded Kim.
"Wait... Monica... how did you beat Parental Advisory Shark?" I asked curiously.
"Well..."
Earlier, Monica's P.O.V.
I knew we needed a bigger boat. Zetsu and Sasori were scrambling to bail water out of the boat as Parental Advisory Shark began to charge at us again. I took a shotgun down off the wall, taking aim at the speeding fish.
"Smile you son of a-"
And boom, just like that he exploded.
Back to the present
"And that's how I saved the day," I concluded, speeding down the road.
"...How did the shark explode?" Kim asked.
"NO MORE QUESTIONS!"
Krista was looking out the window behind us. "Umm... where's Kathryn?"
Kathryn's P.O.V.
Those fools left me behind! Oh well... I guess I can make sure nothing comes up behind them this way. I followed the road that Monica took off down, slowly gaining on them. After all, they were driving a minivan, there's no way they could drive faster than me. ... Whatthedamnhell? There's something speeding ahead of me... it's not the minivan... it looks like a giant snake. Could it be... the Pirahnaconda!? Well this just got ridiculous.
It doesn't seem to realize that I'm following it... maybe it has something for minivans, who knows how reptile-fish think. I should probably call Monica and let them know.
Monica's P.O.V.
My phone started ringing, Itachi reached across me and took the wheel as I answered. "Yello, this is the party van."
"What the hell, Monica!? You left me behind!"
"Sorry Kathryn, it seemed like we needed to get a move on," I explained as Itachi dodged a chicken in the middle of the road.
"Oh, and I thought you might want to know, the Pirahnaconda is chasing you guys."
"Okay, thanks Kathryn." I hung up, taking control of the van once more. "So, any ideas on how to beat the Pirahnaconda."
"Why?" Kim and Krista looked up from the movie they were watching.
"Kathryn says he's right behind us."
"WHAT!?" They started panicking in the back, seriously if they didn't sit still they could get seriously hurt.
Krista suddenly stopped. "Well, there's no other choice... we must... GATHER THE DRAGONBALLS!"
Oh, what a coincidence! I already had five of them. I was going to wish for a new boat... but the giant snake-fish seems to be a little more important. "Itachi dearest, could you take the dragonball radar out of the glove compartment."
"Why do you have a dragonball radar?" Kim asked.
"NO MORE QUESTIONS! Now Itachi, direct us to the next dragonball!" Honestly, Kim can be a little too nosey for her own good.
I called Kathryn back to tell her our plan and have her distract Pirahnaface while we sought the dragonballs, how she would distract him I have no idea, but I'm sure she'd think of something.
Moments Later
Kathryn was in a high stakes poker game with the Pirahnaconda, Freiza, and Alucard. Unikitty and Zabuza were also involved, but they already lost everything... surprisingly the mask did not do a good job of concealing his bluffs. Neji was not invited as Kathryn hadn't wanted to encourage his gambling problem.
Kathryn looked around the table. "Alright Pirahnaconda... I'll take your bet, and raise you another 50." She slid her chips into the middle of the table.
Freiza huffed, "I fold."
Alucard laughed, "I shall match you, Hokage."
The Pirahnaconda hissed, and slid all of his chips into the middle.
Kathryn eyed the serpent and looked down at her cards. "I'm all in too."
"As am I," said Alucard, matching his opponents.
Eyes shifted as the gamblers looked to one another. Pirahnaconda put his cards on the table, 3 aces.
"Ha!" laughed Kathryn, "Full house!" She reached for the chips in the center, but Alucard stopped her.
"Read 'em and weep," he put his cards on the table.
"Damn it!" groaned Kathryn, "Neji's going to be pissed."
With Monica, Krista, and Kim (Kim's P.O.V.)
Itachi directed us to the last dragonball, the sixth happened to be in a bird's nest on the side of the road.
"Looks like the last one is back on the Castle in the Sky," he said.
"Well... at least if the Pirahnaconda gets away from Kathryn he can't reach us all the way up there," I said, which was true. Pirahnacondas can't fly.
"How are we going to get up there?" asked Krista, a very good question.
"By cannon," Monica said, "obviously. You have a cannon don't you Kim?"
Well yeah I did... but Gaara doesn't really like it being used. In fact, I'm not sure how we have it to begin with seeing as I didn't get it... and neither did Gaara. And it couldn't have been Deidara since we had it before he shot himself down from the Castle in the Sky. We cranked the AC and sped down towards Suna... we probably should have picked up the soccer kids and brought them home on our way...but oh well. Dodging people walking down the street, Monica drove into the first floor of Gaara's office building.
"You're probably going to have to pay to fix that," I told her as we climbed out of the van. She shrugged at me in response. I get the feeling that she's not going to pay for that.
"So, where's the cannon?" asked Krista.
"Top floor."
One elevator ride later (Deidara's P.O.V.)
Sometimes... being an ambassador sucked. Also, I'm fairly certain this wasn't what ambassadors did; I was morphing into something closer to an adviser/security guard, like Baki. Sigh. It was a lot more fun being Kim's bodyguard and taking part in her antics than doing whatever the hell this was. But after the whole dead-father thing and the shortest war that ever took place, I was barred from conspiring with her. Apparently I was a bad influence. Me! A bad influence! I had never been so insulted in my life. It was like he didn't know the people she hung out with.
Gaara was discussing something with some local business owners, and I was stuck standing next to the door, doing NOTHING, When all of a sudden, I heard the faint 'ding' of the elevator and a stampede of feet. The door burst open with a slam making the business owners jump and turn in their seats at the appearance of the out-of-breath wife to the Kazekage, and her insane friends. Minus one Hokage.
"Hi Gaara! We're going to use the cannon, I might not be home for dinner... gotta kill a Pirahnaconda," she said hurriedly as they crossed the room. Really, who decided that the only entrance to the roof should be through the Kazekage's office. "'Kaythanksbye."
"Hi Deidara," Monica waved as they entered the back stairs and then one by one, cannon shots were heard.
After a few moments of everyone else in the room silent blinking in the wake of the interruption, Gaara seemed to finally process what was said and stood up, slapping his palms down onto his desk. "WHAT!?"
So much more interesting... did she say Pirahnaconda?
Castle in the Sky, Kim's P.O.V.
Now the question was, where on the Castle was the last dragonball? We began our search, high and low... man this castle has some really random rooms. Something tells me it has something to do with Monica's style... but considering it's a Castle in the Sky I can't be sure. In hind sight, we probably should have brought the dragonball radar up here with us... would have made it a hell of a lot easier.
We all met back in the backyard of the castle, where the twins were playing... wait, how'd they get up here?
"It's hopeless, there are too many rooms," Monica sighed, "it could take us decades to find it, and I don't think Kathryn can stall for that long."
Back with Kathryn
Techno music blasted from her TV as she played Just Dance against the Pirahnaconda. "I'll admit you've got some pretty sweet moves... but step aside and see how a master does it."
On the Castle in the Sky, Krista's P.O.V.
We sat down on the lawn, trying to think of where we had already looked and possible places that the dragonball could be hiding. Maybe we should enlist the twins help, but they seem to be having too much fun with their orange coloured ball... they're orange with seven stars on it ball... wait a second.
"THE DRAGONBALL!" I exclaimed, pointing at the twins. Both Kim and Monica looked to where I was pointing and gasped as they came to the same realization.
"HURRAY!"
"Now we just have to get it back down to the others," said Monica.
Gosh, we are so unorganized on this adventure. We traded M'tachi and Itojo a shotgun for the dragonball and loaded it into the cannon, taking aim at the minivan, where all the other dragonballs were. And then blasted it, and ourselves, back down there.
"Dragon!" Monica began, "come forth and grant our wish!"
The sky turned blacker than Popo, and with a burst of light, Shenlong emerged from the seven balls.
"I am the eternal dragon, state your wish." This was a dream come true, I sniffed, I was actually bearing witness to the greatness of Shenlong!
"Dragon, we wish for a way to stop the Pirahnaconda!" Monica requested.
"Why not just wish the Pirahnaconda away?" Kim asked.
"NO MORE QUESTIONS!"
"Your wish is granted."
The dragonballs dispersed and in their place was a rocket launcher. Unfortunately, we needed to find a new way back to Konoha seeing as us launching the final dragonball down here totaled the minivan.
"Oh, hey there 1980 something Space Guy!," Kim greeted a random occupant of Suna... I guess lego people lived here now, who knew. "Do you have something we could use to get to Konoha?"
He looked at us and got really excited.
Kathryn's P.O.V.
Where are those guys, I'm running out of things to do with the Pirahnaconda... plus he keeps looking at my citizens like he's at an all you can eat buffet. Maybe I could take him to Choji's for ice cream... maybe that would help satiate him for at least a little while longer.
"spaceship!"
The hell was that?
"Spaceship!"
There it was again. I looked out into the distance, there was definitely something flying here very quickly... It looks like a
"SPACESHIP!"
So Kim wasn't lying when she said a bunch of the Master Builders from Lego World had come to live in Suna... that explains how Unikitty got to the poker game. Kim, Monica, and Krista hopped out of the spaceship as it passed over head, carrying a rocket launcher.
"Thanks Benny!" Kim called up to the pilot with a wave.
"SPACESHIP!"
"He's seeing a therapist now... it's going really well," she told us.
"That's neat... where'd you get the rocket launcher, I thought you were gathering the dragonballs?" I asked, obviously if they had gotten all the dragonballs they would have just wished the Pirahnaconda away.
"We wished for it," Monica answered.
Or not...
"Where's the Pirahnaconda?" Krista asked.
"He's taking a nap just outside the village, our dance off wore him out." Seriously though, that snake's got some moves. "Though I get the feeling he's going to go on a eating spree once he wakens... best take care of it now."
We walked outside the village and Monica took aim with the rocket launcher. "Asta lavista... snakey."
KABOOM!
Well, that solves that. Now things can finally go back to normal.
Narrators P.O.V.
"And that's the story of how all of us saved Konoha, the end," Krista concluded, closing the story book she was reading to the twins.
Itojo raised her hand.
"Yes?"
"How did mommy blow up Parental Advisory Shark?" she asked, innocently.
"He... ate a... umm oxygen tank and she shot that so it blew him up..." Krista thought quickly. There was no way the twins would have seen Jaws.
"That's from Jaws," pouted M'tachi.
Crap baskets, thought Krista. "What I meant to say was... Parental Advisory Sharks are all very unstable and the slightest stab from a knife can cause them to explode."
"Ohhhh," the twins said, nodding to the answer.
"But wait... Kisame doesn't explode..."
"Kisame's not a Parental Advisory Shark."
"Ohhh..."
"Alright kids, say good night to Auntie Krista," Monica interrupted much to Krista's delight.
"Night auntie Krista."
"Good night," Krista left their room.
"You know... you could have just told them it was because I'm awesome," said Monica, "they accept that answer for pretty much anything."
Right, Krista thought, shooting herself back down to Konoha after saying goodbye to her friends. And so, everything returned to normal in Naruto land... or remained normal as none of that stuff actually happened. OR DID IT!?
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN
The end.