WE FINALLY MADE IT TO AUGUST! Pop the confetti, get out the cake!

As always, these updates are a check-in. I'm happy you're here, and I hope you're doing okay.

So this chapter broke me. I'm not even kidding lol. I haven't written anything like this before and I was DESPERATE to get it right. I've rewritten it, like, three times in ten different ways. This whole sequel business is about tying up all the loose ends from book one, and expounding upon them, and I can't even explain the pressure I'm putting on myself to create something that stands up to what I've already set up in RAVAGE. So thanks for all comments and messages of encouragement. Y'all are the best hypepeople ever.

Anyway, idk if y'all are ready for this one. I don't even know if I'm ready.

Also this chapter is rated M for spice. Bye.

AUGUST

I'D TAKEN ROSALIE'S WORDS FROM our Skype call to heart. I now spent my time training with more intent, allowing it to remind me of the endless hours I spent on soccer drills and rigorous training when I was human. It reminded me of specific soccer games, including the few I played in Forks. I could remember one where Charlie, Bella, Waylon, my mom had cheered for me from the stands, letting me see their faces more clearly than I had in a while. Their smiles cut through my thoughts, startling with their clarity.

It made me stumble in the middle of a clearing during one of my runs, drop to my knees and sob from the sheer relief that I could remember them in a way that didn't feel like it would flay me open. That I could remember joy. Pleasantness. I deserved to hold onto that.

But my training wasn't only for remembering the good from my past. I also knew there was wickedness in the world, from Jasper's transformation, Peter's and Charlotte's, Rosalie's, and my own. I trained so I could protect the good I still had left. I would have to do it again. At least when it did happen, I could handle it in my own way and on my own terms. I was in control now.

It was something I had to remind myself of daily, especially when I scrolled through endless websites to find a birthday gift for Bella. I started shopping for her a month early because I was so excited. She was growing another year older, living beyond what I thought would be our last day in that horrible dance studio. It was a luxury only one of us could afford now.

But… as Jasper showed me more of the life he built for us, including the bank accounts and investment portfolios and properties he'd accrued with the decades he lived with the Cullens, I was learning I could afford a hell of a lot of other things. A lot more than a couple of immortal teenagers probably should be able to, anyway. The money didn't really matter, of course, but Jasper's gesture behind it did.

I had to restrain myself from showering Bella with gifts, even though Jasper was well acquainted with shopping sprees, thanks to Alice. Bella and I were minimalistic, but we both had things we loved and thought were worth investing in. For her, it started with personalized bookmarks. I bought one made from soft leather, another made from resin and pressed daisies, and the final one was made of Pacific Northwest driftwood by an artist based out of Washington. Jasper helped me track down and order an edition of Pride and Prejudice published in 1846 that cost more than Bella's old truck. Her final gift was a dainty silver necklace with two small stars, and the card attached provided more meaning:

Best friends are like stars. You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

I still hadn't talked to her since Denali, but I hoped she understood why. I even signed her card with the same line. Always there. One day we would see each other again, when I was more stable, but for now… I hoped she knew she was still my best friend.

"Looks even better in person," Jasper said while I took the necklace out of its shipping box at the kitchen island. He'd brought it back from our P.O. box in town, his hair still windswept and wild from the running, all of him still in motion as he went for the gift box on the other end of the kitchen that held all of Bella's other presents. He also turned up the volume on the portable radio, letting even more music fill the quiet spaces in between the dark ocean waves crashing outside in the night.

He made the soft lamplight feel a little brighter as he settled in. Even though he was only gone for a day, I always felt like our home was noticeably different without him. He caught me staring at him as he moved through the kitchen to pass me the box and smiled. Like he was totally unaware of how much space he'd taken up in my life. How much better he had made things, even when they had been at their worst. I smiled back. "I think so, too."

He drifted around the island so he could get a better look at the jewelry from over my shoulder. The necklace was simple, but elegant, and it wouldn't draw too much attention: the only prerequisites for buying Bella Swan anything. I tucked the necklace in its place between her bookmarks, on top of the birthday card, and could finally close the lid on the box for the last time. It was done. All that was left was for Jasper to deliver it to her, because I wasn't nearly ready to face a human. Or Forks itself. "Are you sure you don't mind taking this to her?" I asked.

When I craned my neck around, I was met with the sudden shock of how close he was. How close he remained when he met my gaze. It made my insides feel wobbly and unsure, and it was a feeling too consuming to ignore. "Of course," he said.

The bond between us was layered. Nuanced. It flexed and tightened and changed in steady, incremental ways. Since Jasper told me his story, it felt like some final… shroud that I didn't even realize was between us had fallen away. Jasper told me everything, even when he knew there was a chance of it ruining the relationship we built. Now there was nothing between us. No secrets, no missing pieces of our history, no more reasons to be hesitant.

I had seen all of him, in every way that mattered, and I wanted it all. The bond was keeping pace with my desires and had taken to winding around me so tight I felt like I couldn't breathe when I looked at Jasper sometimes, or when he was too close. Or when both happened at the same time. Like now.

I took advantage of it and rocked up to the tips of my toes so I could kiss him. The answering press of his lips against mine was as gentle as the soft light that filled the cabin and poured out of its windows, always beckoning me home when I ran the woods far and wide. When I pulled back, his smile was just as warm. He was my home.

This was inevitable. I'd always known that, but for some reason the realization hit especially hard when he looked at me like that. Kissed me like that. Filled me with a love, a life, a certain knowledge that we were supposed to be ours forever. It was something deeper than love, more steadfast than the cliffs the ocean beat against, a connection that would burn long after the last star in the sky.

Jasper's eyes glanced between mine, feeling the emotions swelling within me. His smile was still there, but it faded a little. After all, there was a lot going on. I wondered if he was having trouble keeping track of it all. "Blaire…?"

"It's just…" The last word trembled because I was still so hesitant, despite it all. "It's just a long way to run."

Coward. He was waiting for me. He would wait for no other, want for no other. He was mine.

He tucked my hair behind my ear, then pushed the rest of it over my opposite shoulder. His breath ghosted along my bare neck before he pressed his lips against the dip at my shoulder, which was also bare because I only wore a cropped tank top. Every cell of my body was zeroed in on his as he leaned forward an infinitesimal amount. He braced his hands against the island on either side of me, effectively caging me in. I felt like I was about to fly out of my skin. I was wild, feral, desperate for our bond but unable to ask for it because I was too inexperienced. Because I didn't know what to say.

Jasper's lips were under my ear, kissing the sensitive skin behind it. "I'd do anything for you."

"I…" I sucked in a breath when he pressed another kiss against my throat from where he could reach it. I leaned back against him. A low vibration hummed in Jasper's chest when he sighed, the breath coming out heavily across my skin. One of his hands left the countertop to splay against my hip, holding me in place. I didn't even realize my eyes had closed until I felt the slight pressure of his grip. "I would too."

Anything. Everything. Whatever he wanted or needed, I would do it, because he was mine, and I… was his. I wanted to be. My emotions whirled into a vicious tornado of excitement, determination, the love I felt for him that always threatened to consume me, and the realization that I had nothing to be afraid of if it did. He had been waiting lifetimes for me to fall into him.

"Can this go further now?" I asked, the words quiet even to us. But I knew he heard them. I knew they weren't lost on him, either. He'd admitted that the relationship we had when I was human could never breech a certain point. But now… Now that we were on equal footing, and I was healing, we had our chance. It was here, and we were both ready.

Before I could blink, Jasper spun me around and hoisted me up on the counter to put us at eye-level. His gaze was dark – we'd both need to hunt soon – and stormy as he tried to read through my own tumultuous, but positive, feelings. "What…" he started, but the word faded. He stepped closer to me, pushing my legs apart, resting his hands on either side of my thighs.

Something in my stomach fluttered at the closeness, my skin tingled with a touch that hadn't yet been placed, but Jasper seemed unaware, still glancing over every inch of my face. A light emotion suddenly spread out from him and into me, fanning over me like a wave that left me incandescent. Wonder. It was a feeling of wonder. "Are you…" he tried to speak again, but it ended in the same result. A gentle rush of air into the thick, silent air between us.

The pull was physical now, pulling our souls as close as our bodies would let us, and his touch only hovered at the edges of me. He finally reached up and cupped the side of my face, brows furrowing a little, as if he needed to touch me to let a small breath sigh out of him. His thumb brushed across my cheek, the sensation joyous and grounding at the same time. Finally a small smile turned the corner of his mouth up, and he opened his mouth for a third time, before he shook his head and rested his forehead against mine. I rendered him speechless.

A nervous laugh bubbled out of me. I had to reach up and hold his outstretched arm, using it to support me. I needed it as I took a breath and began to speak. I knew what I said wouldn't matter, or how the words came out, so long as Jasper could hear them.

As long as I dared to reach for him.

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to explain what you mean to me," I finally said. "How it makes me feel to be known by someone the way you know me, and to know someone like that in return. I see it in everything, every day, all over this house, in all you've done for me, all you'll keep doing, by what you say and how I know you mean it. I want you to have that, too. I want to be the one that gives it to you. I want you, Jasper."

"I…" The half-realized word stuttered into a soft laugh, trembling and hoarse. Something in my chest clenched at such a vulnerable sound. I used our closeness to thread my fingers through his hair and hold him to me. "I love you," he finally said. "This can go on forever, if you'll have me."

"If you'll have me," I corrected him.

"I made my choice, Blaire. It's always you." His eyes burned hotter than the soft lamplight, searing everything I ever was and would be to him. Forever. I liked the sound of it. "Every day, for every reason."

Slowly, I nodded. Then I started nodding faster. "Yes." I let my fingers continue curling in his soft hair the way I always liked. The way I was always supposed to, maybe. "I want forever."

Jasper closed the space between us in tortuously slow centimeters, and I was tired of waiting. I pulled him in the rest of the way, kissing him long and deep and not-nearly-long-enough-he-was-pulling-away –

He was smiling, eyes still glancing all over my face, his hand tensing against my cheek, long fingers twitching against my jaw. A calculating look seeped into his gaze, scanning over me, like he was assessing, and I couldn't help but frown. "I remember this look," I whispered, smoothing the pad of my thumb over the line between his brows. "I used to catch you looking like this all the time when I was human. What does it mean?"

"I just…" The furrow between his brows eased under my touch. "I can't believe you're here. I've waited for you for so long… sometimes I have to look. To remind myself you're finally here."

I licked my lips. His eyes flew down to my mouth to track the movement, sparking something to life in me that made me bolder. More honest. "What… What if I want you to do more than look?"

If Jasper's eyes seemed dark before, they went black at my words. His emotions swirled around us, adding to the steady fire that had taken a spark inside me. "Do you now?" His words were deliciously dark like the ocean outside. They promised to pull me under, and I wanted to hold him to it. I was enthralled with the idea of what it would mean, what would happen, what he was capable of, what it would feel like to be… taken by him.

I knew he could feel the want and anxiety fighting for control within me. A desperate push and pull to give in, but the hesitation of the unknown.

He kissed me again, just as gentle as before, but there was a low-simmering heat behind the action now. The hand that still held the side of my face nudged my lower jaw closer to his mouth. I leaned into it, my whole body leaning closer to his. His fingers drifted over my cheek, along my jaw, and settled under my chin, tilting it up and to the side, not breaking his kiss but moving it to the opposite side of my jaw. Then his lips drifted down to my neck, back to where we'd been only moments ago.

Jasper's other hand settled against my waist, but moved up, long fingers brushing up underneath my breast. A shock of surprise and pleasure made me jump, and lean further against his hand at the same time. He took it for the invitation it was, and brushed his fingers over my breast with a little more force, rubbing against my nipple.

A strangled whimper made its way out of my throat, to which Jasper responded with another breathless growl that vibrated over my skin. "Beautiful," he whispered against my skin, the word mottled by his quiet snarl. It hit something deep within me, setting off a soft pulsing need I didn't know how to quell except for capturing his lips in a searing open-mouthed kiss. Jasper responded in kind, leaning further into me. My fingers tightened against his hair, which rewarded me with another, louder growl of approval.

His fingers snuck under the band of my bra, pushing it up, giving himself unrestricted contact. I always knew hands were calloused, rough from his human life and his vampiric one, but I never imagined how they would feel against the soft flesh of my breasts. Against other parts of me.

I arched into him when his fingers brushed over my skin and over one of my nipples. He suddenly pinched it between his fingers, making the desire pulse through me harder, more demanding, swelling behind my stomach. A pressure was building, begging for release. Fire rolled through me, every part of me tingling and alive. "Jasper," I gasped against him.

He answered by gently closing his teeth around my earlobe, grazing my skin while his fingers continued their torturous work, like he was committing the feeling of my breasts to his memory. It increased that pressure building behind my stomach, the weight of it dropping lower between my hips. It was so much, too much, I needed more –

"Please," I uttered, barely coherent, barely aware of the world around me or who I was. "I –" My breath caught when he squeezed my nipple again and pressed an open-mouthed kiss on the crook of my shoulder. I imagined that same kiss on my breasts, and maybe lower – "I need you."

Jasper sighed against me, a harsh sound, like he was just as far gone, just as lost to this as I was. "You have me. Never doubt that. My life is yours."

His kisses slowed down, peppering over my face instead of lavishing against my neck. His hands pulled my bra back down and over my breasts, my nipples straining against the fabric. I gasped when he kissed the corner of my mouth. "What –"

Everything felt so much colder without him. The heat between us had been pulled back to a simmer, as Jasper stepped away, breaking the spell between us. "I'm going to take a shower," he said.

My own heart twisted in the process. At the way a cavern suddenly separated us when it was only mere feet. After all that… how could he act so casual? "Jasper?" I asked, my voice foreign to my own ears with how quiet it was. How vulnerable I felt.

Jasper paused at the hallway leading into the bathroom because he could feel it too. But his answering smile was forced. "I'm sorry," he said. "I don't want to rush you, but my control still isn't what it should be when it comes to you."

His control? Did that mean he'd been holding back? I was barely sitting upright now, what more could there be? But when I stared at him, his eyes flickering up and down my body – blatant in their perusal – his gaze hooded, dark, inviting, I realized there was so much more. While there were no more secrets between us, there was still so much to discover about each other. I licked my lips at the thought.

Jasper let out a sigh, half-amused and half-pained. He ducked around the corner, a soft chuckle drifting behind him. At least I knew his distance didn't mean a loss of any affection, but it did leave me with more questions, more desires left unanswered and unfulfilled. At least I knew he also felt the same.

It still didn't close the space between us, though. If anything, it grew wider. More maddening.

The shower turned on, the hitching and pouring water suddenly adding to all the other soft noises in the cabin. It all acted as background noise for my racing thoughts, for the grainy memories that slipped into each other like mud through a sieve. Of Jasper smiling at me while turning away from the girls' locker room, stepping off my uncle's front porch, slipping out of my bedroom window, the door to an airport public bathroom closing between us –

Jasper was wrong. I didn't need any more time. I needed to claim my future with all my heart.

V

What's a Twitch update without a cliff-hanger?

Anyway, this chapter is sponsored by Etsy, the song Anything Could Happen by Ellie Goulding, and wine. Because I needed quite a bit of it to write this chapter. This is my first ~spicy~ scene ever AND WHEN I TELL Y'ALL IT TOOK ME THE FULL MONTH AND THEN SOME TO WRITE THIS.

And there's gonna be a whole heck of a lot more, which is why it's all going to take a little bit longer for me to post chapters. All comments and critiques are appreciated, because this is one part of writing I'm not super confident in. Seriously, I'm so terrified of this going from spicy to corny with one misplaced word, and risk losing all hope of becoming a multi-genre writer.

I'm gonna go melt into a puddle now, but I'll reform when the next chapter is done (because it's not done yet, and yes I'm panicking about that).

Okay bye.