CHAPTER 32: Under Control
His skin is blistering in the open air. My lips part from the sudden contact. He's got a hold of my wrist before I can reach the stairs.
Why are you trying to stop me? I have to hurry before everything falls apart. I have to do this quickly before I have to explain.
"Slow down and tell me why you took it."
I yank at his grip but I just cause stress to my shoulder. The urgency feels like needles in every nerve on my face. They prick my dry corneas over and over, my eyes shut. I should have thought of this before. "Jake, we went over this. Don't make me say it again."
It's a favor.
I turn away as I'm yanked around into his arms. His hold is so strong my hips jerk and my knees buckle, the ledger trapped in my hand between us.
"You said he asked you to return it to his family in exchange for a favor." His thumb drags across my bottom teeth as he watches me struggle. "But I saw that look on your face back there. You made a deal with him. How much did you tell Cullen? What did he want to know about the pack?"
"Nothing. He's only worried about getting the ledger back." My lip quivers below my dry teeth.
"You should probably stop lying. You're really bad at it." I can hear the restraint in his voice.
"I never lie to you, never." It would be pointless to tell you how much they want to destroy the pack.
"Never, huh." My breath hitches as his fingers find the roots at my nape. "Where were you then?"
"Port Angeles," I whisper. "That wasn't a lie." Sam wasn't wrong.
He huffs, eyes frustrated. My chin juts towards his lips as he forces me to look at him. "What's in Port Angeles, Bella?"
"I-I was just driving. I didn't think I was going to Port Angeles yesterday." That's not a lie.
"And I didn't think you would ask me to bring you back to your house, so what is it? What did you do in Port Angeles? What aren't you telling me?"
That I was looking for him. Subconsciously I had it fixed in my mind that I would find Edward Cullen. I truly believed it was in my power to fix things.
"I need to get something." I turn my head towards the front door.
His body tenses around me, holding me even closer, my belly pressed up against his. "Did you go to Port Angeles to see him?"
"I was trying to figure out a way to fix things, and he just appeared. He wanted to go to Port Angeles. He needed his dad's help. It was just a ride. He was in a pinch and I used that to my advantage. There was blood everywhere. If I helped him, he would help me." My words come out choppy and scattered.
"You think seeing another man is to your advantage? You move for him now?"
I shake my head in denial. "You're oversimplifying –"
"You just keep finding each other, is that it?"
"Your selective hearing is driving me nuts right now! He was bleeding out on the side of the road, Jake, what was I supposed to do?"
"Leave him there!" All the blood rushes to his face.
"For fucks sake, I couldn't!"
"Why!" His eyes are bulging as they shift along my body. The heat is suffocating and forceful. The pain in his voice is unforgettable.
The panic makes it feel like my face can't breathe. How can I tell him I made a decision to save us?
"I don't know, Jake. If I did, I probably wouldn't have pulled over in the first place. I wasn't thinking about who might see us. But now I know I did the right thing. I was useful for once. I fixed everything. If you just let me go, I can finish this!"
"You fixed what? What have you done? What did you do to think that 'this' is over?"
"The Cullens won't make a fuss about what happened in Denali. You don't have to worry anymore. Sam's dirt won't follow you. Your slate is clean with the Cullens. Once I give Edward the ledger, this will all go away. He promised me. We made a deal, now fucking let go!"
"That's why you grabbed the ledger? You didn't make anything happen. The only thing you did was confirm that the tribe had something to do with it. Those bodies were dumped way out. They would never wash up." He releases me and I almost crawl up the porch.
Ripping the front door open, I nearly trip on the rug and fall on the stairs up to my room. It's like I can't hear a thing he's saying. None of it matters. Not his voice in the distance or the worn banister, the creaking floorboards, or the desk drawer that sticks.
"Return the ledger and he's willing to look the other way. He said he'll do me a favor and not tell the Volturi about Sam. He promised he'll overlook the treaty violations after I give the ledger back. I helped him out, and he helped me, just this once."
"He's not helping anyone but himself, Bella. Look at what he's doing to you. You've been on edge for the last few days. Come to find out, you met up with him and hunted for a useless book. Now he's made you look disloyal to the tribe. Nobody will trust us after this. They'll think you're one of them, that you sell pack secrets."
The desk nearly swallows my arm as I reach the very back of the drawer. I feel the thick cardstock and exhale.
"Jake, give me a break. Nobody likes me. No one in the tribe has ever trusted me. Just let me fix this. I'm doing this for the pack. You can blame everything on me once it's over."
"That's not true." His voice comes out so small. His shoulders are hunched over standing at my window.
"It is and we both know it. You heard Sam. They all think I'm just some outsider."
"Don't you fucking get it. You're my wife, Bella, my chosen. The tribe sees us as one. If you're a rat, I'm a rat. You're the Alpha's wife."
"I'll never be accepted as the Alpha's Wife. I kinda knew that would be the case when I said yes to you. I don't care about that. I'm not worried about them acknowledging me, but our baby should have a chance. Your baby should mean something. All your hard work shouldn't go to waste."
"Don't you care what I think? You are so fucking self-absorbed. You haven't tried to convince me of anything. You can't even explain to me why you believe everything Cullen says. How you can take risks for another man's comfort behind my back?"
"It was all for you!" Don't make me out to be selfish.
"He wanted something from you. What did you offer him that he doesn't already have? What did you give in exchange?"
"It was a favor. A simple favor from the family. After I saved Edward's life, I could afford to ask for anything I wanted. I chose you. I saw a way to help you so I did."
"First it's a favor, then it's a deal. We're back to favor. You're lying to me again."
"And just what do I have to sell exactly?! I didn't ask for anything tangible. I asked him to help the only man that matters to me in this world."
"You promised him something. That's how deals are made. How can I believe he gave you the world for nothing in return?"
"Why not? You did."
"I love you! He does not. He will never love you like I do."
"What do you think it was, Jake, my soul? It belongs to you. My heart? You have it in your balled up fist. My mind? It's filled with thoughts of you. My body? You took root inside of it." I spread my arms apart, asking, "What's left? I have given you everything."
"You say it as if it were a trap. Didn't I warn you of what would happen once you allowed me to consume your innocence, to desecrate your womb? I know just how much you need me. I'm tied to you."
"If I didn't want this, I wouldn't have let you fuck me. I wouldn't look into your eyes as you come inside me every single night. You're my husband. You wrap your darkness around me so tight, I swim in the bond every time we touch. Loving you and our baby are the only things that matter. If you don't trust me to protect all that I have, I don't have anything." I hold the card out in front of me, the thick corner barely held between my two fingers. "Edward said to call him anytime, he'll pick up."
"When did he give you that?" Jake stares at the card like it's infected.
"Can't remember, like, a while ago," I concede. It was before I knew Edward could hurt me.
Don't look at me like that.
"Was he in this house?" But it sounds like he's asking specifically about this room, this bed.
"Jake–" I don't like what you're implying.
"Answer the fucking question, Bella."
"No, he's never been here. I've never called him. He gave it to me, but I never used it."
"I'm not gonna ask you why he gave this to you or why you still have it safely tucked away because I doubt it will be the truth. And I don't know what makes me more angry. The part where you took his card, or the fact that you lied about ever having his contact."
"Here, you don't trust me? I never wanted to fucking call him. I never wanted to ask for or owe him anything." I shakily extend the card to him again. My arm strains at the over-extension. "You make the call."
"No, you call him. And put the phone on speaker." I willfully look into his eyes for the first time since we've been here.
You want to hear how we talk to each other. You want to know what he says to me. His tone, word choice, interest, and attraction. You want to know if I enjoy his presence. You want to know who he is when he's with me. You want to know if I'm someone else entirely.
I dial the number and switch the volume to the speaker. My chest closes in on itself when he picks up on the third ring.
"Yes," His curt greeting reminds me of all the times I should've said no.
"Hello, Edward?"
"Hey." A softness comes to his voice. It somehow makes Jake stare at the phone harder.
"Hi, It's Bella, um —," I clear my voice in discomfort.
"I've been thinking about you." I've never heard him so lonely, like a caress of the tongue, as if he wants to make love to me.
Jake's eyes slice through me when I look up from the phone. I'm treading in dangerous waters with no way of stopping Edward. I have no life jacket for Jake's monstrous waves and currents of fury.
This sounds really bad. It sounds worse than I imagined. How far can he push the boundaries before I'm thrown over to the other side? How long can I keep control of this turbulent raft?
Edward's still talking in the air between us, but my ears are pulsing.
Jake's energy scares me. It is closed off from me, stiff and rough. I can feel his ugly nature growing. I slow my breathing to calm us both.
"…I'm glad you decided to call."
"Where are you?" My plan to curtail the misunderstanding sounds too abrupt.
"I'm ironically in the same spot you left me in. It's different hearing your voice over the phone. You sound," his voice trails off.
"I have the ledger."
"Cold as always. Don't be shy, my stitches are fine. You didn't hurt me too much. You could've kept going."
His sensual voice strikes terror deep within. "Are you high?" I hope for it to be true. I need a lifeline. I need Jake to understand.
"No, a little, but I can see clearly and everything. I'm only halfway through my drip. The pain pills are waning."
I swallow my anxiety while staring at Jake's fists. "I'll bring the ledger to you."
"Would you believe me if I said I missed you and I'm sorry? I want to see you right now. I want to apologize, make things up to you. What are you doing? Where are you? I can meet you somewhere right now." The urgency leaves room for sexual entendre.
His passion and Jake's aggression make me squirm, forcing the words from my mouth, "No-no it's fine I'm headed out now just stay there."
"I walk faster than that piece of shit you drive. I can come to you."
Jake shakes his head. His eyes are wild.
"No! Your stitches, um, I'll be there as soon as I can."
"I've got chill bumps already. What are you wearing?"
I swiftly hang up the phone before Jake can snatch it from my hand.
"Jake, it's not what you think." I have never had so much fear run through my body.
"Give me the address, Bella."
I keep my head down as I rush for my jacket. I can't lose control.
Maybe I should've done this alone. I should've waited. I should've figured out a way to explain this when it was over.
"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"
"He's waiting for me."
"No, I've heard enough. I'm done waiting for you to say what's going on, so give me the address. I'll take it from here."
"He's expecting me, not you."
"Exactly."
"If you show up alone, that may ruin everything."
"Ruin what, your little fucking reunion? Do you have feelings for him?"
"Jake, please. You're not thinking straight!" I make a run for the stairs. I put my focus on getting to my boots before he can reach the front door.
"My wife is rushing to the Cullens and I'm not thinking straight? I just heard him say he was thinking about you and that he wants to see you, but I'm not thinking."
"You're angry. I'm scared of what you'll do when you see him."
"I really don't give a shit." He moves around me and unlocks his truck.
"Which is why I have to go." I hurry to the passenger side.
"What's your fucking problem, Bella? You're pregnant. I don't want you there."
I slide into the seat and buckle the belt. "You don't have a choice. You have no idea where to meet him. You need me. Just calm down for a second."
"Get out of the fucking truck, Bella." His beast is starting to surface.
"Make me." I stare him in the eyes for what feels like forever until essence fills the cab.
I've pushed him into this shared adrenaline rush. The way his muscles flex around his form excites me. His aura tempts me in ways I can't explain.
Our faces are less than an inch apart. His heat creates a thrill. Something in him is so primal at this moment, I'm experiencing a high.
I want to push him to expel this energy now. I want the demons to play with me and not with death. I want to feel that scorching power run through my core.
It's a sick game I want to play. My desire is to save him. Teasing him with my autonomy makes me wet. If I win, I can save him from killing Edward. I can feed my own urges. We can bathe in the blackness together. It's too much for Jake to contain on his own. He has to share his overflow.
I'm licked by his rage, over and over. I close the space. "Make me." I catch his chin between my lips and let my tongue steal a taste of the skin right below his bottom lip.
Our eyes lock again. The shift is arousing. I'm lightheaded when his hand finds my neck. Every pore on my scalp opens as he tightens his grip. It's a warning sent into my soul.
His kiss is hard and rough, biting my lips. Almost drawing blood before his tongue joins mine in the usual trance.
"I love you," so catch up to my game and fuck me, or "Start the car, Jake."
Pulling away, I turn my head to face the window and watch him stare through the reflection. "You should hurry up. I wanna get back before it gets too dark."
I exhale when he pulls out of the driveway.
"Where are we going?"
"To a small Italian restaurant, a front really, I think anyway. Just drive to Port Angeles, keep going till we pass the strip."
I nudge him when I see the vintage green sign in the parking lot.
He silently parks at the end of the lot. When he opens his door, I know I'm in for a fight.
"It might not be a good idea for you to come in with me. This has to be a civil encounter."
"You think I'm going to let you go in there by yourself. Are you fucking serious?" His eyes narrow at my request.
I scan the near empty lot and my chest hollows. "I just think things are going to get bad if you hear something you don't like. This is his territory, Jake. I'm gonna have to bluff a little bit."
"That was my mistake. I let you think that you could keep things from me. I let you think you could control the connection between us. You are MY wife. All of you, down to a single strand of your hair, is mine."
"I'm going in to hand him a stupid black book, say my thank you's, and leave."
"Did you fuck him!" He blurts the question out with so much aggression.
"What!"
"No, no, don't do that. I'm close to blacking out. It's yes, or no."
His eyes have turned darker than before. His cheeks tense over the bone, his jaw clenched.
"You really believe that I could do it. You think I could give myself to Edward Cullen. You think I'm dirty and sick, a two-dollar whore, like your brother said." It hurts, it's a crushing revelation. I throw my fists at his head. This can't be happening.
You see me as weak, disgusting, and unreliable.
I'm turning into my mother. I'm suffocating. I'm drowning in my inherent nature. I haven't changed a thing.
His large hands effortlessly contain my blows. "That will be the last time you ever compare me to my brother." He grabs me by the jaw and commands me to focus, "Don't ever do that again."
"I do what I want."
"Try me. You know what I'm capable of. I know who I married. Don't cross that line. I'll drag your ass back."
"If it were that simple, you would've already done it." I force the car door open without another glance. I make a point of walking across the lot alone.
Thank you so much for reading! I promise the next chapter will be up sooner than later. I always love hearing your thoughts. Do you hate Bella, or is she just problematic? The other shoe is about to drop…