[I do not, and NEVER WILL, own Sly Cooper]

Chapter 3: A Jail Break & A Shootout

It took me no time at all to find a raft for the mission. Tennessee promised to meet me at the river, and, for a Wild West ancestor of the no-good lying thief I was mad with, he was a truly honest guy - he did meet me at the river.

"This river is dangerous, but it leads back to the prison. Way I figure it, they won't be expecting us to come this way. Are you sure you're up to this Miss Fox?'

"Uh, that's "Inspector" Fox. But just call me Carmelita." I told him. 'Thanks for the rescue, by the way."

And as he got onto the raft, Tennessee said, 'My pleasure. "Inspector"? You some kind of sheriff? How'd you get mixed up with Sly?'

'It's a long complicated story." I told Tennessee. "Right now, I need to rescue that Ringtail, so I can ring his neck!'

'Hoo wee! You are feisty! You remind me of this one little gal who–'

But I wasn't up for back-stories today - I had a lying ringtail and his gang to rescue.

'So, what's this prison like anyway?' I asked Tennessee.

and he said, "Uh, well, plenty of fire... for starters."

'Terrific. Let's get going.' i said.

Tennessee powered the paddle on the raft to get us moving down the river to the prison he was on about.

The trip there didn't seem too boring - my shock pistol made short work of any debris that blocked us, and Tennessee quickly opened up the gates that stopped our progress.

Soon, we reached the prison, and climbed up to a side entrance. Tennessee raced in, and the guards soon saw us. "You go on. I'll stay here and cover you." I stayed in the hall to cover him whilst he freed that lying ringtail and his gang.

Needless to say, it didn't take him too long - for immediately after I returned after dispatching the guards, he, that lying ringtail, came to me.

'Carmelita! Are you alright?' he asked me.

'I am; No thanks to you!' I retorted. 'I should leave you in that cage after what you pulled, Sly Cooper!'

"I know. Look I can explain everything.' he tried to say, but I was done with that... liar!

'Why, if it wasn't for this handsome and charming gentleman,' I said, 'I wouldn't even be here.'

And Tennessee said, 'Aww, shucks.'

And that ringtail said, "Handsome and charming? Really?! Look Carmelita. I know-"

I still wasn't believing a word that came outta that lying ringtail's mouth.

'"Save it, Sly! All I want to know right now is how I get back to Paris!"

'Actually, Carmelita, I was more curious how you got here in the first place." Bentley said to me.

Then Murray said, 'But, guys, where's the van?'

And Bentley said, 'We'll have to track it down later, Murray. Now, what were you saying, Carmelita?'

and I said, 'It's a long story, Bentley. Let's get moving and I'll tell you.'

And without a second thought, we all left the prison.

And it weren't too long till we made it back to the Safehouse. Needless to say, the rest of the day went quietly, and the night too, where I made sure to ssleep and stay approximately 20, count'em, 20, feet away from that no good lying... thief, Sly Cooper.

Timenapped Narration:

When I saw that arrogant little... no-good... lying.. OOH! I should have tied his mangy tail around his neck! I should have blasted that smug look right off his face! I.. I, I...! (sigh) I should probably just finish my story. After the Cooper Gang escaped the museum, I decided to follow my nose, and take a look around. I've been investigating the trading of stolen antiquities on the black market. But I never guessed that two-faced ringtail was involved. Then, as I turned a corner, I was stunned to see a huge stash of stolen treasure right there in the museum! And even more shocking, Cyrille Le Paradox himself unloading them! I couldn't believe it! The billionaire art collector and museum patron was behind this? I was so surprised that by the time I reacted, his goons already had me covered. Then, that slimy sawed-off runt had me thrown into some vile machine, and the next thing I knew, I was playing cowboys and criminals. The Old West?! Time travel?! It was completely loco! Sure, Le Paradox had done some time in his youth, but he'd been squeaky clean ever since. And INTERPOL had never considered him a suspect. There were rumors about the source of his wealth, but nothing had ever been proven. Now I KNEW I'd solve that mystery. And of course, Cooper and his little friends were involved somehow. Why was I not surprised? The fleabag tried to feed me some story about having to rob the museum to save the future. I was done listening to that liar! I needed to get back to Paris. But that toad, Toothpick, had stolen Murray's van, and Bentley's time machine along with it! I finally cracked the case and now I was stuck in this lousy dustbowl with the Cooper Gang. I don't know what made me angrier, not being able to bust the lowlife skunk, or being trapped here with that lying ringtail. (sigh) The only bearable thing about this whole mess, was that at least Cooper's ancestor was a gentleman.

When morning rose, Bentley told everyone, me included, about Toothpick's plot.

'Alright, thanks to the bug in Toothpick's office, we have a pretty clear idea of what's going on: Toothpick plans on moving the stolen gold out of the mine using his special train. Unfortunately, that train is now also being turbo-charged by our van, and need I mention that we're stranded in time unless we recover it? Well, anyway, it's useless to go after the train in the mine; Toothpick will have stepped up security since our escape, and the place will be crawling with guards. We're going to have to hit that train while it's rolling, but first, we're going to have to catch it, and we'll do that by diverting its route. After surveying the rail system, I determined there are three key track switches we will need to throw, and Toothpick has entrusted the keys to three of his toughest henchmen: "Wildman" Weezner, Frenchie LeStache, and Red Eye Robles. Furthermore, these guys keep the keys around at all times. The good news is that during the Toothpick Appreciation Festival, there are a number of contests, and all of them will be competing. Murray, I took the liberty of entering you in the Bare Knuckle Brawl contest. "Wildman" is the defending champ, and he's sure to have the key on his person. Sly, I hope you're feeling fast, because you're going to be competing in the crookedest race in the West: the Toothpick 500. Frenchie happens to be the defending champ, so it's a sure bet it's his time that you'll have to beat. Carmelita, you'll be up against Red Eye in the shooting contest. As the defending champ, he keeps the trophy close by, with the third key inside. Now let's get going; we don't have any time to waste!'

Truth be told, I wasn't happy about assisting Sly Cooper, after he lied to me, but, I knew since it was the only way to stop that crook Toothpick, and get back home to Paris, I reluctantly agreed.

And I hoped, that as soon as this was over, Bentley could send me back to Paris.

Bentley gave me an earpiece, so I could communicate with him, and I went to the area where the shooting contest was taking place.

As soon as I entered, I heard the announcer say, 'Yee haw! Now that's some fine shootin' right there! Well that's it folks. Looks like this year's champeen is gonna be- Wait! Wait, hold everything. We got ourselves a latecomer. Let's see what this pretty little lady has got!"

I came up face to face with the guy Bentley called 'Red Eye Robles'. Ugh. I'd busted some ugly criminals in my time, but this guy, Robles, was roach-killing ugly. He was so ugly, it made Mz. Ruby, the voodoo mystic from the former Fiendish Five, look absolutely pretty and cute.

He said, "Well, what have we here? Little lady, I know you can't be here to shoot, cause there ain't even no man around these parts can stand up to me!"

What a bragger. But I played cool. "I see what you mean. I can barely stand you myself. But if you're scared of losing, I understand."

And then, he said, 'Well, I just won the competition, so you're too late. But I'll tell you what, I'll make you a deal. You just go right ahead sweet thing. If you can beat my score, you get this here trophy. But if you lose, you gotta give me a kiss. Whaddya say?'

I could also smell his breath. "Ugh. This guy's breath smells like fermented gym socks!"

And Bentley said through my earpiece, "Carmelita, we don't have a choice!"

Bentley was right - that key was the only shot I had at stopping that villainous jerk Toothpick, and getting home to Paris. "Alright. I'll take your wager. But you better get ready to hand over that trophy."

And Robles said, "And you better get ready for some serious lip wrestlin'!"

That made me worried, but then you know what they say, 'What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.'

I beat his score easily.

It felt good.

Robles said, "What the?! This ain't happenin'! It's like some kinda magic trick!"

and I said, "The only thing disappearing is your trophy, Red Eye." I took his trophy from him.

And Bentley said through my earpiece, "Way to go, Carmelita! Now grab that key!" And I DID, too.

I returned to the Safehouse with my key, and Murray and Sly returned with their keys, and then, we handed them off to Tennessee, so he could divert the route of Toothpick's train.

They'd seemed to do well with their objectives as well as me.

in fact, We all seemed to have done a pretty good job.

Still, it doesn't seem to change anything about that no-good lying thief, Sly Cooper. I still haven't forgotten that he lied to me!

As soon as we get back to Paris, I'm gonna whup those stripes right off his tail! And I'll whup any other part of him my arm will reach!

AN: Reviews are appreciated. Please.