What if I'm not cut out for this?
"Uncle Sonny?"
Carisi ran a hand down his face and looked at Jesse. "Yeah, sweetheart, what's up?"
"Are you sad?"
Sometimes, I forget just how much little kids see. Even at three, Jesse Rollins was perceptive, like her mother. She was watching something on Disney Junior curled up under a blanket on the floor. Amanda was in trying to get Billie down for the night. Jesse had sweet talked her mom into letting her stay up because Uncle Sonny was over.
"Um." Carisi considered the question. Am I sad? Nah, kiddo, I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I'm… "It was a tough day at work," he said finally.
"Oh." Jesse got off the floor, stuffed lamb in hand, and crawled into his lap before Carisi knew what was happening. "Here," she said and handed him the lamb. "Bunny makes me happy when I'm sad. You can have her."
Carisi accepted the stuffed animal as Jesse curled into his side. "You sure you don't need him?" he asked her.
"Bunny is a girl."
He smiled. "Sorry. You don't need her?"
"No," Jesse said with a yawn. "I'm happy. 'Cause you're here, an' Mommy's here, and Billie is here."
Carisi brushed her hair out of her face. "Thank you, Jesse."
"Welcome." A moment later, she slipped off to sleep. He held the lamb eye level, looking at the black button eyes, and shook his head. Then, he tucked it under Jesse's arm and patted it on the head.
"Oh, you got Bunny. She must have been tired, she doesn't want to let go of that thing lately." Amanda came out into the living room and parked herself on the floor below Carisi.
He nodded. "Yeah, speakin' of…am I crazy? This thing is a sheep or something right?"
Amanda laughed softly. "It is. She said it was soft like a bunny. I've told her it's a lamb like the one in our storybook, but she keeps arguing. I gave up. So, Bunny."
"Bunny," Carisi agreed. Jesse stretched and dug further into his side. "Hey, thanks for sendin' Liv to check on me today."
She adjusted to see him, resting her head on her arm on the cushion. "You needed a pep talk. I figured you needed to hear it from her." Amanda smiled up at him. "It was your first day. You can't expect to be Barba on day one."
Carisi snorted. "Talkin' to people on the stand is a hell of a lot harder than sweatin' perps in the box," he admitted. "Lotta eyes. Everybody staring. And you got someone dependin' on you to…to make twelve people see it their way."
"Your job is to be on their side, just like when you were a detective. That 'empathetic' guy that showed up day one," Amanda curled her fingers into air quotes. "It isn't any different. You get their story. You ask the other side their story."
"Yeah, just in front of a judge and a courtroom full of people instead of two way glass. It's exactly the same."
"Yeah, it is," Amanda insisted. "Look, we talked to this guy. He's a grade-A sonofabitch. You gotta get them to see that. Work him. Just like we would've done if he was in the box."
Carisi nodded. "You know, that's what Liv told me. Figure out a way to get him in the game."
"I think he wants to talk. I think his queen bitch of a lawyer doesn't want him to get a word in edgewise, because his ego will walk him right on the registry." Amanda put a hand on his knee. "Monica did her talking. Make him talk."
He shook his head with a smile. "You're pretty damn devious, you know that?"
Amanda grinned. "That's what makes me so good at my job." She nodded to Jesse. "You want me to take her so you can start prepping for tomorrow?"
Carisi looked down at the little girl. "Nah, you know what? I think I'll hold onto her a little longer. You go, get ready for bed. I'll put her down and let myself out. I think some more cuddle time with Bunny is just what I need for tomorrow."
On his fifteen-minute recess after Monica Russo called out Markeevious Ryan, Carisi ran to the bathroom. When he came back out, Amanda was holding his briefcase. "Go get 'em, Counselor," she said with a smile. Olivia nodded in agreement.
"Copy that." He headed back into the courtroom, set his briefcase down on the table, and popped the latches, looking for Markeevious's statements he'd given.
A stuffed lamb peered up at him. He grinned. Thank you, sweetheart.