Author's Note: Happy birthday to my son, Ryuugamine Mikado! I'm surprised about how long this bite turned out. But I loved writing this. Take the transgender woman Eddie talked to and befriend on the show A Million Little Things, the song "Daniel" by Bats for Lashes, and the ASMR ambiance video by the YouTube channel Miracle Forest and you have this. (Plus there was a story I heard on the NoSleep Podcast.) I think I did Keiko justice in this bite. I'll you be the (gentle) judge. The next bite will be on our favorite perverted doctor's, Shinra's, birthday on the second of April. I already have that one planned out. For now, enjoy this bite.

Train to Nowhere

Mikado opened his eyes. He felt like he was moving. The tadpole looked around. He found himself sitting in the middle of a dark subway car. He could barely see anything around him before it was so dark. There were no lights on in the car. He couldn't get up if he wanted to. Mikado shivered for a moment. Why was it so cold in here? Mikado closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. How did he get on here? When did he get on this train? Where was this thing going?

The tadpole tried to remember what happened. For some reason, he remembered an accident. Mikado made a face to himself. That didn't make any sense. Why was he thinking about that? Anri had been with him. Yes. Yes, she was. But what were they doing again?

It was then Mikado realized that he wasn't alone.

The tadpole slowly turned his head. A woman sat in the seat across from him. Mikado leaned in for a closer look. She looked tall for a woman. Her gray hair was cut into a gray bob. At first appearance, she looked like a buff woman with broad shoulders. She had on a simple cotton blue dress with a gray shawl. Mikado could barely see her face in the passing lights.

"Hello?" he asked. The woman slowly turned her head.

"Oh, hello, dear," she said. Her voice threw the tadpole for a loop. Her voice sounded deep yet feminine at the same time. Yet, there was a wash of cheer when she spoke. Mikado blinked at first.

"Um… where are we?" he asked. The woman looked around the train.

"I don't really know how to explain it," she said. She took a moment to think of her answer.

"Well… we're on a train," she said. "And I don't think we are really going anywhere. Well, at least you are." Mikado tilted his head to the side.

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"Do you remember why you are here?" she asked. Mikado slowly shook his head. He tried to look on the woman's shoulder. He couldn't make out what he was seeing. There was a light wispy cloud on her right shoulder. That wasn't a demon but he could still see it. Suddenly, Mikado felt the urge to reach out and touch it.

Suddenly, he snapped back into reality when he heard someone talking to him.

"Huh?" the tadpole asked. The woman was giving him a funny look now.

"Are you feeling okay?" she asked. "You seemed to be staring off into space." Mikado about jumped back.

"Gah! No, no!" he shouted. The tadpole cleared his throat.

"I'm fine," he said. "I just thought I saw something on your shoulder." The woman felt along her shoulder.

"I don't think it's there anymore," Mikado lied. The woman lowered her hand.

"Oh," she said. Mikado just sat there awkwardly. Even here, he couldn't explain his power without coming off as weird.

"My name is Keiko," the woman said. "And you are?"

"Mikado," he said. "Ryugamine Mikado." Keiko smiled.

"Nice to meet you," she said. The woman bowed her head. Mikado bowed his head back.

They sat in silence as they rode this train to nowhere. Mikado glanced over to Keiko. He couldn't figure out that wispy shape on her shoulder. What exactly was that? The tadpole didn't think that he had seen anything like that before.

"What do you see on my shoulder?" Keiko asked. Mikado quickly sat up.

"Hm?" he asked.

"You keep staring over my shoulder," she said. "What are you looking at?" The tadpole frowned as he sat up straight. Could he tell her the truth? Would she think that he was crazy? Would she even believe him? They were on some strange train to nowhere. She's probably heard of the Black Rider too. So it wouldn't too impossible.

The tadpole shifted in his seat.

"Well…" Mikado began. He took a moment to think about how he was going to pursue this. Keiko gave her full attention now. The tadpole sat up straight.

"I see people's inner demons," he said. Mikado paused for a moment. He studied Keiko's face. More wrinkles formed as she looked confused. He could already tell what she was going to ask."

"It happened a year ago," Mikado said. "Do you know Chou Mori?"

"Yes," Keiko said. The tadpole lifted his chin. Reliving this made it hurt all the more.

"It's okay," the woman said to him. "You don't have to say it if you don't want to."

"No," Mikado said. "No, it's fine." He closed his eyes and took a breath.

"I was kidnapped and experimented on," Mikado admitted. He looked at his hands.

"Because of that, I can see people's inner demons," he said. The tadpole looked at her out of the corner of his eye. He expected her to think that he was crazy or a freak. Instead, Keiko had a curious look on her face.

"What can you see on my shoulder?" she asked. Mikado squinted for a moment as he looked at her shoulder.

"It's hard to explain," Mikado said. "I don't see a shape on your shoulder. It's not a demon at all. It's just a faded whisp floating around." Keiko felt along her shoulder.

"You won't be able to see or feel them," Mikado said. He didn't go into detail about how he could talk to them or actually touch them. That would just be overkill.

Keiko lowered her shoulders.

"Would you like to hear my story?" she asked. Mikado turned his head.

"Huh?" he asked. Keiko held her hand to her chest. This seemed rather random but curiosity ate away at him. He just had to know what that mist was on her shoulder.

"Sure," Mikado said. "It's not like we're really going anywhere anyway. And I don't think we're stopping any time soon." The tadpole looked out the window. There was still so much passing darkness. It didn't look like this train was stopping any time soon. Keiko sat back in her seat.

"I used to be a man," she said. "I had grown up as a boy. It looked like I lived a normal life. I had a mom, a dad, one brother, and two sisters. We all lived in the countryside. It was a small house near a river. We grew up poor, of course. Somehow, that didn't matter. We were supposed to be happy."

Keiko looked out the window. Mikado noticed the wispy cloud floating on her shoulder.

"But I never felt right. My body was male but I knew I was a girl inside. I didn't understand it. I always wanted to be a girl. Sometimes, I would go to bed and wish to wake up as a girl."

"How did your family take it?" Mikado asked. Keiko turned her head.

"My mother never knew. Neither did my brother. The whole family didn't know about my secret. My brother never got to find out. He died when he was sixteen. TB."

The tadpole gave her a confused look. "How long ago was this?"

Keiko did the math in her head. "I would say… about… post-World War II. Maybe six years after."

"Wow."

"Yeah. We weren't even there when my brother died. He died alone in the hospital. I was twelve at the time. It was up to me to become the man of the house after my father died." Keiko frowned at those words. They left such a bad taste.

"I hate to think about that."

"So what did you do?" Mikado asked.

"There wasn't much to do back then," Keiko said. "I just had to play along because that was what you were supposed to do." She leaned back in her seat.

"I went through life how I was expected to do," she said. "I grew up. When through school. My brother never got to go to high school. I graduated and got a job. When I was seventeen, I left my village. There was nothing there for me. My sisters and my mom could take care of themselves. My father didn't stop me either. He didn't say much to me when I made my decision. He just gave him what little money he had saved over and that was it.

"I ended up in Tokyo. This had to be about in the early 60s. I can barely remember now. It's been so long. Anyway, I was in a new place but I still felt like I should've been a woman." Keiko glanced over at her audience of one.

"I did date for a little bit," she went on. "But I found that it wasn't for me. I mean, it was nice to be with someone but I just didn't feel lovey-dovey with anyone. I really didn't enjoy sex either. Did that make me weird?"

"No, not at all," Mikado said.

"I didn't think so," Keiko said. "There was one who came real close. I was twenty-one at the time. I worked at a small bar in Kabukicho. At the time, there weren't that many gay bars around. I didn't know what I was at the time. I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere. Honestly, I was just trying to get by." The wispy shadow started to thicken for a moment before turning thin again.

"It was the summer of 1964 when I met him," Keiko spoke again. "It was sometime in August, I believe. I was working the closing shift then. There weren't that many people around. Most of the patrons were already gone. I had just finished washing the glasses when I heard the door open. He was the most beautiful man that I had ever seen. Japanese in a navy uniform. It felt like I was in a movie. It didn't feel real.

"I told him that we were closing up. He said that he was just getting out of the rain for a moment. My heart was pounding in my chest when he made eye contact with me. He made me feel so small. I ended up letting him stay.

"I remember that I served him vodka. He offered to share a drink with me. I tried to refuse at first. But he wouldn't hear of it. That angel insisted that I share a drink with him. We just sat at the bar and talked. It was nice really. I didn't think I was going to see him again. When I did, my heart swelled with joy."

A little smile came across Keiko's face. "We grew close over time. It was just nice to have him around. That angel would wait for me to get off of my shift. He would walk me to the apartment that I was staying in. He didn't have to but I didn't complain.

"One night, he invited me back to his place. I froze as my face turned red. I didn't believe what I was hearing. I happily said yes. It was good to get out of the rain. He led me back to his hotel room. I already knew where this was going. I didn't resist him. He kissed me and I kissed him back." Keiko chuckled to herself.

"The sex wasn't much. He enjoyed it more than I did. Still, I got to feel what it was like to be in love. This is going to feel cliched but I could see a future with him. Yes even back in the 60s I had hope. After that, he and I were 'dating.'" Keiko started to frown.

"I say that loosely. Too loosely. He was in the closet like I was about my transness. Granted, my angel was single. His parents wanted to arrange his marriage once he left the navy. Neither of us was happy with that. Still, we tried not to let it get us down." She had a dreamy look in her eye.

"With him, I felt like I could be my real self."

"Did you ever tell him-?"

Keiko quickly shook her head. "Good god, no!" She calmed herself down for a moment.

"Despite feeling free, I was still scared to tell him that much," she said. "Still, I had hopes for us to make it."

"What happened to him?" Mikado asked. The older woman had a sad look on her face.

"It didn't last," she said. "We broke up in Christmas of 1969."

"You were together that long?" the tadpole asked. Keiko shot him a look that made him go quiet.

"Thank you," she said. Keiko cleared her throat.

"Anyway, I thought that I would ask him to marry me. He had a few drinks but he wasn't too drunk. I remember that night perfectly. We had just come from watching a movie in the theater. I think it was a foreign picture. I think it came from France. I helped that angel to his hotel room. We didn't have sex that night. We just undressed and cuddled up in his bed. I didn't have a plan for how I was going to do this. It just came out really."

She started to frown as she remembered the next part. It was going to hurt to say it, but she just had to. Might as well.

"I asked him to marry him. Part of me hoped that he was asleep when I asked him that. Maybe then…" Keiko looked out the window and sighed.

"Unfortunately, he heard me."

"What did he say?" Mikado asked.

"He woke up and asked me what I said. I asked him to marry me again. That angel turned me down. Said that he couldn't marry a man. I knew this would happen but it still hurt. What made it worse was that his parents arranged for him to marry the daughter of a banker. Was I hurt and angry about this? It wasn't that he didn't want to marry me. I was mad that he was choosing to live a lie to make his parents happy over what he really wanted. That night I realized I couldn't be with someone like that. Even more, I couldn't lie to myself anymore."

She turned back to her audience of one. "So, I made a vow to myself. I was never going to live a lie again. Honda Akifumi died that night. Honda Keiko was born on New Year's Day. I started to dress more femininely. I grew out my hair. I started to wear make-up. I even started to speak more like a woman. I was quick to find friends who took me in as I was.

"I didn't get the work done until about 1984. It took years before I could fully pass as a woman. You couldn't tell if I was trans, could you?"

"No," Mikado said. Keiko chuckled to herself.

"What about your family?" he asked. She frowned again.

"I hadn't been in contact with my family for a couple of years after I transitioned. My older sister was the one to reach out to me about our father around the fall of '97. He was dying of pancreatic cancer. She begged me to come home so I could see him before he died. I was so scared. What would they say when they learned their son and brother became their daughter and sister? I heard horror stories of how my friends were disowned by their families because they came out to them."

"So what did you do?" Mikado asked. Keiko sat up straight and lifted her chin.

"I had no choice but to go and see my family," she said. "This was my father after all. I had to see him once. My mother sent me the address of the hospital in a postcard. I had to admit that I was nervous. I didn't know how I was going to break it to them. Then I remembered the promise I made myself that night. I wasn't going to run away from this. So I took the train back to my hometown." Tears formed in Keiko's eyes. She reached up and wiped them away.

"My father. He used to be so strong. It broke my heart to see him wasting away like that. Tubes were hooked up to his body. I almost wanted to turn around and run away. Still, I forced myself to walk into the room. The rest of my family wasn't there. It was just him and me. I told him hello. Even in his presence, I felt so small. I don't know if he really saw me. He lifted his head.

"'Akifumi?' he asked. I didn't correct him. He probably wouldn't even remember. I told him that I was here as I held his hand. I couldn't hold back anymore and broke down crying." More tears filled her eyes.

"He died three days later. We held the funeral for him. It didn't seem like the right time to come out but I still had to."

"How did they take it?" Mikado asked. Keiko took a breath and shook her head.

"It wasn't good," she said. "Mostly because it was a bad time. We were all still grieving. My mother and sisters weren't comfortable to be around me. But we didn't talk about it. My mother struggled to use my new name. Things were strained when I went back to Tokyo."

The whole time she spoke, Mikado started to piece together what going on with the situation they were both in. He wasn't dead though. Not yet anyway. As he eyed Keiko, the whisp on her shoulder started to get thinner and thinner.

"How are things with your family?" Mikado asked. Keiko had a little smile on her face.

"It's still awkward," she said. "They've gotten a little bit better. They didn't want to talk about it at first. My sisters have started to accept who I am. My mother still couldn't look me in the eye. I was able to talk to her before she died six years ago." The shadow on her shoulder started breaking down into tiny dots. Keiko sat back and smiled to herself.

"I have no regrets about my life," she said. "I lived as who I am. I may not have the family everyone wanted for me but I am okay with that. I am happy that I didn't have to live a lie like my angel did. I made my peace with my truth years ago."

"So why are you here?" Mikado asked.

"Heart failure," Keiko said easily. "I collapsed in my apartment two nights ago. My neighbor was the one who found me and called an ambulance. And then I woke up here." She gave Mikado a curious look.

"What are you doing on here?" she asked. Mikado rubbed the back of his head.

"I don't really remember," he said. "I think I was in an accident with my girlfriend. The details are still hazy, to be honest."

"Ah, I see," Keiko said. The last particles of the wispy shadow vanished into thin air. Mikado was able to put together what happened. Suddenly, the train pulled to a stop.

"What's going on?" Mikado asked. Keiko gave herself a little smile as the train pulled up to an abandoned station.

"Here's my stop," she said. Keiko started to gather up her things.

"It's been nice talking to you," she said. "I feel so much better telling my story, you know?" Keiko bowed her head.

"I bid you a good day," she said. She turned and walked off of the train. Mikado followed behind.

"Whoa there!" Keiko said as she pushed on his chest. "This is my stop. Not yours. You still have a long way to go. So back on the train, you go. Go on. Get going." Mikado stared blankly at her.

"Look, I'll be fine," she insisted. "I had a good run. You're holding up the flow here. Get back on the train. You don't want to upset that girl waiting for you." Mikado started to ask but then realized he told her about his girlfriend. Instead, he wordlessly turned and walked back onto the train. He sat down as the doors slid closed. Keiko waved goodbye as the train pulled away. Mikado watched as she turned and walked away to the abandoned station.

The tadpole found himself alone.

Sometime later, Mikado happened to turn and look next to him. A little girl sat looking up at him. She had long black pigtails and was dressed in hospital clothes like him.

"Oh, how did you get here?" he asked. The girl shrugged and shook her head.

"I don't know," she said. "Where are we going?"

"I have no idea," the tadpole said. She shifted in place in her seat.

"I get to go home today," the little girl said.

"Ah, I see," Mikado said. They rode in silence for the rest of the trip.

Mikado wandered around the halls of the hospital. He was cleared to go home minutes ago. Still, he couldn't leave until he was sure that Anri was going to be okay. It all started to come back to him. The only question was who was the intended target?

He walked past an open door when something caught his attention. Keiko's body lay in her hospital bed as a sheet was being pulled over her. Two old women dressed in black stood with the doctor as they cried. Mikado couldn't help but listen in.

"What happened?" the younger of the women asked.

"We believed that he suffered from-" the doctor said.

"She," Mikado corrected. The women and the doctor looked up.

"Excuse me?" the doctor asked. The tadpole shifted in place.

"You called her a 'he'," he said. "She was a transwoman. Please stop calling her a he."

"Kid, do you have any relation to this person?" the doctor asked.

"No, but…" Mikado said. He paused before pushing himself to speak. The tadpole lifted his chin.

"I just know it wouldn't be right to misgender her!" he blurted out.

"Now listen here!" the doctor shouted.

"He's right," the younger of the two women spoke up. The doctor turned back to the old woman. She trembled as she clenched her fists by her side.

"Please… respect our sister," she said. The older woman put her hands on her shoulders. The doctor sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Fine, we believed that she suffered from congestive heart failure," he said, begrudgingly. "We tried to resuscitate her but…" Mikado quietly walked away at this point.

He came toward another hallway before he stopped in his tracks. A nurse was wheeling a little girl dressed in jeans and a pink t-shirt out from the elevator. She held a big stuffed Hello Kitty doll by her side. Mikado recognized her by her long black pigtails. The little girl perked up when she saw him.

"Nii-san!" she said, waving.

"Hey there," he said. The nurse pulled to a stop as Mikado walked closer. The little girl broke into a huge grin.

"I get to go home today!" she said.

"Her surgery went well," the nurse said. "We managed to untangle her large intense just in time. She had to stay for a couple of nights to make sure everything went okay."

"Ah, I see," Mikado said, nodding.

"Mama's waiting for me outside!" the child added. The tadpole felt himself smiling.

"Excuse me, do you know where I can find my girlfriend's room?" he asked. "Her room is right here." Mikado showed the nurse the text on his phone.

"Oh sure," she said. "The ICU is on the sixth floor. You can just take that elevator back there and go all the way up. You'll find her room down the hall."

"Okay, thank you," Mikado said, bowing his head. The tadpole turned and walked by them down the hall.

"Bye, Nii-san!" the little girl shouted after him. Mikado waved back at her as he kept walking down the hall. He started to think back to that train again. The tadpole shivered as he pressed the up button.