A/N Apologies for the delay in uploading, the kids were on their Easter break and so my time was taken up with them!
From now on I will try to upload every Wednesday. I already have quite a few chapters ready to go.
As always, please leave a review and let me have your thoughts; good or bad.
Chapter Eleven
Frederick looked around the room for her but there was no sign. The tables had been set and the Gould's were inviting everyone to take their places. Frederick saw his chance and slipped out of the room un-noticed. He had barely gotten ten feet along the corridor when he ran into the one person he sought. "Miss Anne!"
"Captain!" Anne looked shocked again to see him. She looked around him, evidently expecting him to be accompanied by someone else.
"I needed some air." he told her.
She smiled and then suddenly aware they were once more alone, she made her excuse and attempted to leave, when one word stopped her in her tracks. "Anne."
The use of her Christian name sounded so foreign from him, and yet so familiar. She turned to face him, half of her face in shadow. "Yes." she murmured.
"I believe it is obvious to both of us, we need to discuss some things. I do not know for how long I shall be here, but while I am, I wish … I would like for us to be able to speak with one another … to discuss everything that happened." He paused leaning back against the wall so that he was completely engulfed in shadow. "We were once good friends … before everything else. I should like us to part this time as such." he said softly.
His voice coming out of the darkness and his words were all too much for Anne as she held on to the wall for Support. "I would like that too." she whispered honestly.
He smiled although she could not tell in the dark. "Tell me Miss Anne, do you still favour the early mornings for your daily stroll?"
She felt her heart race and was glad she was holding on to something. "Yes," was all she said before scurrying away, while her legs still worked.
Frederick remained a few more minutes so as to not draw attention to his return. In arranging to accidentally meet with her on her walk he was reliving the past; yet, he did not care. He would meet her –alone- and they would finally put an end to all the questions, the hurt and their past. Then she would be free to go and marry Musgrove – Frederick had to admit Charles was a good man, and he knew he would endeavour to make her happy. She would have been happier with him, but it was not to be, and so he would allow her to be happy with someone else. With Charles Musgrove.
The rest of the evening passed by without further event. Frederick felt the eyes of Lady Russel and Sir Walter on him most of the night, but he surmised as long as he kept his distance from Anne, they would leave him alone. And so he did, and so they did. Despite the enforced politeness throughout the group, no one could deny there had been a shift in their otherwise placid party.
Captain Wentworth was back.
Anne endured a fitful night with barely any sleep, she remembered having a night like that long ago. The night before their first meeting in the year six, she had hardly shut her eyes all night. This time it was not nervous energy which had kept her awake, she had spent most of the night thinking over what she wanted to say, what she had to say. If ever things between them could go back to how they were – no not how they were – but as friends at least, things needed saying. They hadn't arranged a time or a place to meet, and yet she knew the hour and the very spot where she should see him and see him she did.
She had no sooner arrived at the clearing – their spot, when he appeared. He approached her with caution as if he was afraid she should bolt. His eyes flickered all around him. Was he expecting someone else she wondered? "Good morning Captain." she said finally.
"Good morning. Is it to be just the two of us or-"
"Yes, unless… are you expecting anyone else?" Anne was perplexed, she had no clue as to who he could be referring she might have brought along. Did he not wish them to discuss things alone? She had thought that to be the purpose of their meet. Was he afraid she would have brought her God Mother? Or perhaps one of her sisters?
"No, it is just myself … unless you are expecting someone else?" he asked again. She shook her head and he offered her a half smile, before sinking down to the log on which they always used to sit. As he sat, he let out a hiss as if he was in pain. Anne raised an eyebrow silently asking him about it. "I had a difficult ride on my journey back and am feeling the after affects this morning." he explained.
"They say it gets worse as the days go on, before getting better." she informed him. Anne appeared very knowledgeable of such matters, and not being a keen rider herself -at least not in the past– Frederick looked at her surprised. "The trick is to keep moving." she added. Upon seeing his puzzled face, she murmured "Or so I have heard."
He smiled to himself, so she was still not a keen rider. He did not know why but knowing that she was yet not so changed brought him pleasure. Then he realised she could be speaking of what she had learned at the hands of her fiancé and he stopped smiling.
Anne noticed the difference and frowned herself. "Firstly I should like to apologise for my God Mothers ignorance-" Anne began.
"It is a bit late for that, do you not think?"
Anne took a breath. "I meant for her behaviour last night. Her addressing you as Commander and then even after you corrected her, she did not apologise for her error or offer your congratulations at your success."
Frederick rolled his eyes and sighed. "No, she did not. But you should know, I am no longer anxious for her good opinion. I no longer care or need to earn favour with her."
"You never did." replied Anne quietly.
"We both know that to be grossly inaccurate. She -in place of your own dear mother- was, and I presume still is, a very important part of your life and I was especially keen to be seen by her as being deserved of you." He felt himself blush and did not know why. "Back then." he added. He did not know why he felt the need to clarify that, but he did.
There it was, their first acknowledgment of their shared past and more importantly their attachment. Anne was quiet for a while and he had begun to think the meeting had been a bad idea and a waste of his time.
"She is still an important part of my life." Anne admitted. "However, I am no longer so influenced by her and her ideas of what should make me happy, as I was then."
Frederick thought bitterly how it was all too little too late. Charles Musgrove would benefit from this new found confidence where he never had. "Yes, so I see." he said through gritted teeth.
Anne looked confused. "I beg your pardon?"
"Your involvement with Charles Musgrove. I doubt Lady Russel thinks him, a lowly squire, adequate for Lady Elliot's daughter either."
Anne suddenly felt rage at his insult directed at Charles. "It so happens the Musgrove's are a very wealthy, much respected family in this neighbourhood." She felt herself blush at her show of defending Charles.
Frederick looked up, surprised at her outburst and then disappointed. "I am sorry. I should not have said anything. If I have caused offence to you or your betrothed, then I apologise."
Anne softened, "I accept your apology. It is just …" she paused, her eyes wide. "Betrothed?"
Frederick swallowed. "I did not… I was under the impression it was common knowledge."
"It is common knowledge that Charles and I are engaged?" she squawked.
Frederick did not wish to discuss it, this was not what they were supposed to be discussing. "Miss Anne, I believe we are here to talk of other matters – personal to us. And time is getting on."
Anne was angered not only by his rumouring, but also at his abrupt change of subject. She had been on the way to telling him the true nature of her involvement with Charles, but now she was irritated she thought better of it. Let him think she was engaged to another. He would be gone soon and maybe the knowledge of her having moved on would help him do the same. And then when he was settled and far away she could breathe again. If he had not settled already. She realised then she never found out from Edward Wentworth if he was in fact still single. "You are right. Please continue."
Frederick stood, his size dwarfing Anne's, she would have been intimidated had she not known him as well as she did. That being so, she saw only the strong arms that had once surrounded her. The broad back that would stoop so he could kiss her wrist. She swallowed down the memories, save she should blush again.
"I want you to know that I forgive you." he said, exhaling loudly in relief. He waited for her reaction.
Anne stared at him until she felt she needed to sit. She shook her head. "You forgive me."
"Yes, I have had almost three years to think on it and I know it was not all your doing, you were persuaded to end our attachment by others, and too young to understand the hurt and heartache you caused."
Anne blinked several times attempting to gather her thoughts and determine if she had in fact heard right. At the first mention of forgiveness, she had been a little irked, although it had been her decision to end things between them, she believed this meeting was for her to explain her actions and them both to admit fault and the part they each played. To discuss it. But he was not interested in explanation, only blaming her and offering her forgiveness for it. For almost a year after they parted, she had blamed herself entirely and wished for nothing but his forgiveness. Now she was angry. "So you believe I was too young, too naïve to know my own mind? That I was led and influenced by others into making the decision to release you from our engagement," she said slowly.
He winced at the word engagement. "Yes." he said simply.
"And you forgive me for it?" Anne said in disbelief.