Chapter Twelve

Frederick had the feeling he was saying the wrong things, but he couldn't work out how or what. As far as he could tell -in his own mind, everything he had said so far, had been right. He knew they could never move past the past without him forgiving her for her part.

Anne opened and closed her mouth several times before finally getting to her feet and pacing the small area. Now he knew he had upset her; Anne only ever paced when she needed to calm herself down. "When you asked me for my hand in marriage you did not think me too young." she argued. He opened his mouth to comment but she continued oblivious. "You professed to love me, was that a lie?"

"You know I loved you." he said quietly and without pause.

"And did that love instantly vanish the moment our engagement ended?" she asked bravely.

Frederick hesitated, he wasn't ready to reveal the fact the love he had had for her then, remained still. "No." he replied.

"Then may I ask why, if that was your belief: that my young age had allowed me to be persuaded by others, when you realised it, you did not come back here and ask me to reconsider?"

Because I was afraid you would say no again. That I would be denied a life without you a second time. Because I could not survive another humiliation at the hands of your family. Because I was young myself, and stupid and angry.

"Because … I was away at sea. And then it was too late. The feelings were gone." He was talking of her feelings and how they now laid with another, but Anne thought he was referring to himself.

She gulped back the urge to cry. "Well for your information, I do not require your forgiveness." She marched up to him standing in front of him, pulling herself up to her full height -though it barely grazed his shoulders. "I may have been young and naïve, but I knew what I was doing. I knew my decision would hurt you, cause us both pain, but that it would be better in the long run. I made the decision – no one else, and I stand by it. Look at all you have accomplished. Can you honestly stand there and claim all that happened after you left, would still have come to pass should we have married?"

He looked away unable to answer her. She was correct. Everything he had accomplished had been after they parted, but who was to say those chances and opportunities would not have come his way regardless. He clenched teeth. "You still believe you did the right thing?"

"I do not blame others, nor myself for having been guided by them." clarified Anne.

Frederick was seething at her responses. "Answer me this, say Mary came to you in the same situation; in love with a man who is unsuitable and nothing to recommend him but his love for her, would you offer her the same advice as you were given, as you took?"

Anne hesitated. "I cannot answer that, it would depend entirely on the circumstance-"

"Then answer me this!" he interrupted. "Are you happier now, with the life you have now, than any I could have offered you?"

Anne could feel her nerves returning – no she was not happy. The only way she would be happy was to have him by her side for the rest of her life. He was leaving – going back to sea. She would probably never see him again. She kept repeating those facts in her head as he looked at her so intently her legs nearly gave way. He demanded the truth from her and she did not believe she had the strength to deny him. She finally gathered the courage to answer him when the church bells chimed. They both turned towards the noise. That sound had always been the indicator their time was at an end. "I must return." she whispered, half to herself.

Frederick put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "We are not done here Miss Anne. We must speak some more."

Anne thought quickly. "The assembly tonight." she blurted out. "Are you invited?" He nodded and she could not help her eye roll – was everyone in Somersetshire desperate to meet the famous sea Captain? "Of course you are. Well then we can speak tonight." she finished.

"Tonight?" he looked at her incredulously. "In a room filled with people, including your family?"

Anne shrugged back her shoulders defiantly. "I will find a way." she promised before quickly hurrying away.

Frederick trudged slowly home, his head no clearer than when he had set out that morning, if anything he was more confused. Why had she been so keen for him to know she was the one who had parted them? If she was so happy in her situation now, why not just accept his forgiveness and part as friends? Unless –maybe she was not so happy. She had been reluctant to answer him when he asked her out right. Perhaps life with Charles Musgrove was not what she wanted or needed in order for her to be happy. Perhaps it was something else. Someone else.

When he arrived back at Edward's cottage he found him in his usual arm chair, a book in his lap. As he entered the room, his sibling's eyes left the pages and met Fredericks gaze. "Well?"

Frederick crossed the small sitting room and deposited himself in his usual spot. "We talked."

Edward noted the clock on the wall. "Not for long. Am I permitted to ask what about?"

"Her future as Mrs Musgrove mostly. That and her family." he purposely withheld the information about Anne and the whole forgiveness business. He was sure Edward would preach to him something about only God being able to truly forgive.

Edward meanwhile was concentrating on concealing his astonishment. Anne was either deceiving Frederick, for what reason Edward knew not, or the situation had changed since he last spoke to her and she had once again been persuaded by her family. Yet, she had seemed so determined and no announcement -even informal– had been made. "Strange." he pondered aloud.

"What is?"

Edward looked at Frederick surprised at first to find him there, he had been so lost in his thoughts. He gathered himself quickly. "Strange that no one mentioned it last night at the party, and yet she spoke openly about it with you. Did she speak of the particulars? Dates?"

"No … she..." he thought back on their conversation and when he did he realised she hadn't actually spoken of it at all. Only to question the existence of the rumour and to defend Charles. "No she did not." he finished. "But as you say, if it has not yet been announced it was unlikely for her to divulge her plans to me."

"And you spoke nothing of the past? About what happened between the two of you?"

"I know what happened." Frederick snapped, his head beginning to ache.

"But you do not know or understand why."

Frederick frowned. "I told her I forgave her."

Edward almost laughed out loud. "You … you did what?"

"I told her I forgave her. I know now she was too young and impressionable and only acting upon the guidance of others."

"Am I to understand, that instead of you asking her why she did what she did, and understanding her motives, talking things through, you told her what she had done and why, and that you forgive her for it?"

"Yes."

"Tell me, was this when your meeting ended?"

"Around that time, yes."

Edward let go of his chuckle, laughing loudly.

"I fail to find anything amusing about my predicament."

Edward shook his head still grinning. "This is the woman you once professed to love most, and who -I believe- you still hold feelings of a deep nature for, and you have accused her of being nothing but a weak minded lump of clay ready to be moulded into whatever those around her design."

"That is what I believe – although I would not put it quite as blunt as that."

Edward ceased all amusement and rolled his eyes getting up from his chair. "Then I believe Miss Anne has had a lucky escape from you and I wish her every happiness with Charles Musgrove."

"Now see here Edward! You can have no idea of what pain she put me though, what I still endure."

"No, because you would never tell me!" Edward shouted back at him. Frederick opened his mouth to argue and realised he had no argument. For whatever reason, his words had upset her and apparently his brother not only understood why, but was on her side. So maybe he was at fault. For that morning anyway. Edward could see his brother was struggling internally and wanted to help. "I will say it one more time – talk to her. Not at her, to her and more importantly listen. I think you may be surprised by what she has to say."

Frederick gave a brief nod. "Are we attending the assembly tonight?"

Edward smirked. "I have not been invited to so many occasions since you were here last time. Yes, we can go if you so wish, thought I doubt you will have time to speak with her then."

Frederick smiled, remembering her words. "I will find a way." he repeated.