Chapter Twenty

The day of the Musgroves trip dawned grey and misty, yet the weather would not affect Anne's mood. Surprisingly she had slept well and was looking forward to being away from home, even it was for only three nights. The Musgroves had been approached and at the behest of Lady Russel, willingly included Mary in their invitation. However as of ten minutes previously, Mary had summoned Anne to her bed chamber complaining of a sore throat, informing her sister she could not possible venture out in the cold. She would rather stay in bed with the nursemaid to look after her. Anne had been torn between wanting to insist her sister accompany her for her own sake; for she spent too many days in bed for a young girl. At the same time, Anne could not help but be pleased she would not have to deal with her youngest sisters complaints and be free to give her attention elsewhere.

As Lady Russel would still be enjoying her breaking her fast at home in the lodge, she would not discover the change in plans until Anne was already away. Something else she could not help but be grateful for. It was not that she wished to avoid her god mother, rather lately she felt she was constantly disappointing her and it caused Anne to be greatly conflicted between that of wanting to please her dear friend, and wishing for her own happiness. She had followed the Lady's advice before, only for her to regret it ever since. She could not help but examine her hand, the one he had held as he helped her in and out of the carriage, the way his face had lit up when she confessed her wish to see the Laconia, or his own torment at the fact he would be leaving soon. Could it be he still harboured some feelings for her? And not ones of resentment, but of warmth. She thought on of his reaction to her explanation for ending their engagement, she hoped she had been clear and he understood it had all been for his sake. That she was only thinking of him. That she had loved him then and that had never changed.

"Surely, if there be constant attachment on each side, our hearts must understand each other ere long."

She sighed and packed the last of her things she would require for her visit. Before she left her room, she took the handkerchief now hidden in her keepsake box and stuffed it in to her reticule, if anything it would be an excuse to converse with the Captain should she need it, and if not, it would be a comfort to her.

The plan – as derived by Charles and Frederick, was they should leave early and travel as far as Exeter, there they would take lodgings and allow the horses time to rest before setting off on the remainder of the journey to Plymouth the next day, the same on the return. Therefore she would be away from home for three nights. Three nights in Frederick's company. Not alone, she reminded herself, and yet her stomach still fluttered at the thought. The Musgroves had prepared a basket to keep them nourished on the journey to Exeter and Anne was afraid she would be unable to eat. She looked again at the weather and frowned, she hoped it would not rain. With the gentleman on horseback they would surely be drenched by the time they reached the inn.

At just after half past nine the Musgroves carriage arrived to collect Anne. She was half glad half disappointed to find Captain Wentworth did not accompany them, but then she supposed he would not wish to be seen in Kellynch. She gathered her things and after a quick goodbye to her family – those who were out of bed – she was off with Mrs Musgrove kindly chattering away in her ear. Once inside their generously comfortable carriage, she breathed easier. She was finally free of the constraints of Kellynch and off on her own little adventure.

Their party met with Charles and Richard at Uppercross and just when she was wondering if Frederick had gone on ahead, he appeared at her side of the coach, he nodded his greeting but his face was expressionless. She offered him a small smile and was pleased to find it returned before his eyes were set on the road ahead. She sat back listening once again to Mrs Musgroves chatter, every now and again glancing sideways. Only once did she find him staring back at her but when he saw her looking, he was quick to face the road again. She rolled her eyes to herself. The many ups and downs of their acquaintance was beginning to make her queasy.

Over the next two hours Anne drifted in and out of sleep, her head resting comfortably against the soft fabric of the interior of the Musgroves carriage. The whisperings of the married couple across who commented on how lovely the young Miss Anne was for coming with them and how they still wished she could have accepted Charles, lulled her in and out of consciousness. When she did awake Anne kept her eyes fast shut, she did not wish them to know she was listening. It wasn't until the soft snores of her companions filled the carriage did she dare to slowly open her eyes. Mrs Musgroves head was resting on her husband's shoulder and Mr Musgrove's head lay against her hair. Anne smiled to herself. It was a rarity to see a married couple so close after such a long time. She coveted it, and with that she could not help but look out of the window.

Frederick was once again looking at her, but this time he did not look away. She wondered silently if it was because the Musgroves were no longer witnesses to the exchange. She worried how she must appear; slumped against the seat, her bonnet likely skewed and her face flush from sleep. She straightened herself up and smiled again as prettily as she could muster. Her smile was returned and she felt hers widen. He mouthed something to her, but she could not make it out. He looked up at the road again and she wished she knew what he had said, in an instant she was pushing down the window pane. "I beg your pardon," she cried as loud as she could without waking the Musgroves. But it was not loud enough against the sound of the horse's hooves and the wind around them. Frederick did not even turn his head from the road and she wondered if he had taken offence at her having not understood him. She called to him again and this time a little louder, she glanced behind her to make sure she had not awoken her hosts, but they were still locked in the embrace sleeping soundly.

Captain Wentworth turned at her voice. "I only asked, if you are well?"

"Better than you I expect." she called. "Are you not tired?"

"It has not been a difficult ride, and the views are incomparable." He looked pointedly at her and she blushed.

He could not be talking about her, surely he meant the hills or the meadows. Not her. She sat back in the carriage unsure of how to proceed. In the year six when they were first together he had flattered her constantly and she had fought hard to deter him, in the end she would match each compliment of her, with one of her own aimed at him. He soon gave up. Was he inciting their banter again? She chewed on her gloved hand wondering what to do. Without giving it any more thought she leaned back out of the widow. "I agree." He looked at her, instantly a warm smile on his face and the slightest tinge of a blush on the tips of his cheek bones. Before he shook his head chuckling and forced his gaze back to the road.

They had only gone on a little further when Charles, riding at the other side of her, signalled for them to stop. Mr Musgrove woke with the abruptness of the carriage coming to a halt and hastily woke his wife.

"What is it dear are we there?" she asked sleepily.

"No my love, I believe it is time for lunch."

The baskets were opened and small parcels passed to the driver while the others crowded around the carriage. It was still too damp to dine outside. So the gentleman took a turn sitting down in the comfortable surroundings while Anne and the Musgroves stretched their legs. Anne had stopped to admire some wild flowers when Frederick was at her side. He watched her as she breathed in deeply engulfing the fragrance and smiling. "I find you are enjoying our little jaunt, despite the inclement weather." he commented.

"You have discovered my secret." She smiled brightly. "I am. I admit. I have travelled so little that every fresh place is of interest to me."

"Have you been away from home lately?"

"No," she lowered her gaze not meeting his eyes. "I was at Bath for a brief time the winter after …" she looked up at him searching his face and hoping he understood that which she could not speak of.

He nodded and then shook his head. "You did not care for Bath I know."

"No. I know I once professed that one does not love a place the less for having suffered in it, but with Bath, I find that it has been all suffering, nothing but suffering." She looked away again.

"Forgive me, I did not mean to upset you."

"You did not. Only the memories ... are upsetting."

After a few seconds silence Frederick exhaled. "We should speak of other things." They stood stoic again each trying to determine a safe topic especially when they were not alone.

Anne had already spied Charles eyeing them suspiciously. "Have you much to do in Plymouth, with the Laconia I mean."

He smiled, glad for something he could at least converse about without concern. "Yes, although my first lieutenant is more than capable, I will feel better once I see her again."

"It was a great prize for sure."

"It was. Although on the journey back, there was a time when I thought neither she, The Asp nor I would see port again." he told her. Anne gasped. "After I had bought her in, we were in the Sound, when a gale came on, which lasted four days and nights, and which would have done for poor old Asp, in half the time. Four and twenty hours later, and I should have been a gallant Captain Wentworth, in a small paragraph at one corner of the newspaper; and being lost in only a sloop, nobody would have thought about me."

Anne shuddered. She would have thought about him, she would have cared deeply. She would have been devastated, inconsolable, broken all over again.

"Are you cold? Perhaps you should go back inside the warmth of the carriage."

"No, no it is not that." Anne murmured. "I had no notion you had gone through such a thing."

He smiled. "I did not tell you for you to pity me, only to prove the luck the Laconia has brought me so far. I am still here. And much better for it."

"Miss Anne? Are you ready to depart?" Mrs Musgrove called out to her.

Anne looked up at the Captain apologetically, she would have liked to hear more of his stories. He gestured for her to lead the way back over to the carriage and as she did her foot caught on a root buried in the earth causing her to stumble. He took her arm and held her firm. "Steady as you go there Miss Anne, it would not do for you to take a tumble." The feel of his hands on her, even if it was just to keep her from falling, had her nerves rattled and she felt that same spark that she had the night of the assembly and before then, almost three years before.

"Thank you Captain." she said quietly.