Chapter Twenty One

They reached Exeter in good time and were able to take an early dinner in the Inn, both of which Anne found very reputable and presentable. They spent a pleasant evening in the lounge with Captain Wentworth telling more tales of his time at sea, from being a young boy up to his current action in Domingo. Anne listened avidly while attempting to remain nonchalant in front of the others. She would have loved for them to be alone and her free to ask the many, many, questions she had inside of her. Now she had to make do with being polite and ladylike in front of her friends and appearing only slightly interested.

Every now and then though she would forget herself and she found herself leaning towards him in an effort just to be closer to him, he would look at her a certain way, so reminiscent of their past, and she would be lost for a moment as if they were the only ones in the room. Then the Musgroves would make their presence known and she would be back in reality. The reality being they were no longer an affianced couple.

"Do you think you will be ready in time to travel back with us, or will you have to remain behind?" Charles asked.

Anne was suddenly very much in the present. She had not even thought about him not returning with them. Had she been so stupid? She had taken it for granted he would be retuning with them. Perhaps he had already said his goodbyes to Edward and had no intention of returning to Monkford. She looked at him awaiting his answer, knowing the desperation must be showing on her face.

"I … I do not know yet Charles. I will make my decision when I see her and what state my men have her in." he chuckled.

And the subject changed as Richard began asking ridiculous questions about life aboard the ship, ones she knew would irk Frederick and at the same time she had to admit she had had the same thoughts before she knew any better. The use of servants, cutlery, food, sleeping arrangements, it had all been a mystery to her before their time together. Then he had talked at length until she was almost as knowledgeable as any Captains wife who had experienced such things. She was sure she could answer most of Dick's questions herself, but she'd rather sit back with her eyes fluttering closed listening to Frederick's voice. She imagined this was what their married life would have been like, sat in an evening by the fire while Frederick regaled others with their stories, only these she would have been part of them too. She would have been by his side while he experienced all that he told.

"Miss Anne."

The sound of her name sprang open her eyes and embarrassingly she found all their party was eyeing her with pity.

"I seemed to have bored the young lady enough with my tales." Frederick said, but his eyes sparkled with mirth and she knew he had not taken offence.

"Nonsense." she smiled. "I was only resting my eyes and imagining all that you have said. You are a very adept story teller Captain. I could almost imagine I was there with you." The words caught in her throat but it was too late she had spoken them aloud without thinking of the repercussions. Frederick coloured and looked away. Charles was grinning, Richard simply looked bored and Mr and Mrs Musgrove were already speaking of others things. Having embarrassed herself enough for one evening Anne got up to leave. "If you would excuse me, I believe I am a little tired after all. I will retire."

"Oh my dear should you like me to assist you? I don't believe there are any maids to help you." Mrs Musgrove asked her kindly.

Anne was momentarily floored, she hadn't thought of this. Mr Musgrove would of course be there to help his wife ready for bed but she had no one. She caught Frederick smirking and she realised he was probably finding the whole situation of her; a grown woman, needing someone to help her to bed amusing, she straightened her shoulders. "No there is no need Mrs Musgrove, thank you. I am well able to attend myself."

The smirk vanished and Frederick simply nodded his approval. She wished them all good night and made her way up to her room. After shutting the door and placing her stub of a candle on the dresser, she leaned against the door and shut her eyes tight, gathering her breath and letting her racing heart slow down. What had she been thinking saying something like that and to him of all people? She imagined she was with him. Even if it was true, she should not have said such a thing. What must he think of her?

She pushed off the door and began to un pin her hair, it was one of the more simpler jobs she could perform while she thought how she could possibly remove her dress with all its buttons on the back. She looked in the mirror turning so she could see the fastenings, she attempted to dislodge some, but after ten frustrating minutes she only managed a few before her arms would no longer stretch or cooperate. She sighed heavily and flopped down to the bed. She looked towards the empty basin and jug and longed for a bath or at least a wash. In her naivety she had failed to pack wash things, she was the daughter of a Baronet, too used to everything being provided for her. She would simply have to sleep in her dress tonight and then beg Mrs Musgrove's assistance in the morning to help her change. She drew back the covers ready for bed when there was a tap at the door.

Panic spread over her as she realised her hair was down and her dress loose enough about her neck she had to hold it to her. "Hello?" she whispered. The tap grew louder in to a knock. Anne jumped at the sound. She placed a hand on the door handle summoning the courage to open it, realising too late her feet were also bare, having removed her shoes and stockings for comfort. She swallowed down her nerves and opened the door a crack, holding her hair back.

A young girl stood in front of her, small with black hair scraped back under a tatty bonnet and kind eyes. She carried a jug of water which was steaming and an array of other items she half tucked under her arms obviously giving her the ability to knock on the door.

"Yes?" Anne asked perplexed.

"If you please Miss, I've been sent to assist you for bed."

"I thought all the maids were already engaged elsewhere."

"They were. I'm not actually a maid. I live a couple of streets away. The gentleman asked me to come and help, and earn a coin if I dare say."

"Gentleman?"

"The Cap' Wentworth miss. My brother, he is on the Laconia. Sorry miss, may I come in, this pitcher is terrible heavy."

Anne startled. "Oh, of course I am so sorry." she held the door wide for her. Still in shock that Frederick had gone to such extremes for her.

"As I was saying, my brother, he says the Captain is such a good man, he would do anything he asked and when he called on us and asked if my brother knew of a maid who could help, I said I would go myself." She beamed proudly.

"When was this?"

"A few minutes ago, Miss."

Frederick must have left just after her and what? Ran to the nearest house of a man under his charge? Anne was so bewildered she could not see straight.

"Nancy?"

Anne stilled at his voice, it sounded so near, and she was suddenly very aware she had left her bedroom door wide open while she stood there in a state of partial undress. She turned to close it quickly as the girl struggled with the pouring the water into the basin. Just as it was almost closed his face was before her.

Frederick has the decency to blush when he caught the sight of Anne Elliot; her hair down, holding her dress to her, the lace ribbons of her stays on show. He averted his eyes dropping his gaze to the floor and it was then he noticed her bare feet. Ten tiny toes peeking out from under her dress. He did not know why that sight affected him more than her hair but it did. He gulped and instantly looked away. "I do apologise Miss Anne I should not-"

"What are you doing here Captain?"

"I..." he turned around to answer her and quickly turned back, a hand over his eyes, he could have sworn he saw her smirking but he ignored it. Speaking once more into the corridor rather than in her direction. "Soap."

"Soap?"

"Nancy, she left the soap behind." He said at last.

Anne could barely control the laughter which was bubbling up inside of her. She had no notion seeing her thusly, could affect him so, she had never seen him so undone. Nancy was already behind her muttering. She thrust her hand through the gap in the door and took the soap from the Captain before going back to her preparations.

"Thank you." Anne said quietly.

"It is only soap. I know, I know you might not have remembered to pack everything. I always keep a spare bar with me." he winced at the ridiculousness of his statement, why should a navy Captain have a bar of soap with him at all times? He could only hope she assumed it was some kind of sailor custom.

"No, I meant thank you for Nancy." She held tightly on to the edge of the door as if stopping herself from opening it and inviting him in.

He finally turned to face her, she was significantly covered by the door as to prevent him from seeing anything he shouldn't. "It was nothing."

"It was everything." she whispered in reply.

His eyes widened by her declaration but before he could comment further she was saying good night and the door was shut.