Chapter Twenty Two

Frederick leaned against the wall and breathed deeply. He had not known what had possessed him to go running out of the Inn in the evening and banging on the door of his mid shipman Carter's door, demanding he find him a maid. It was pure luck (Laconian Luck) that had Carter's sister Nancy offering her services. He could not imagine what the Keep must have thought as he returned with the young girl, ordered a pitcher of hot water and then walked her upstairs. He laughed to himself at the sight he must have displayed. He heard the voice of the Musgroves coming up the stairs and made his way quickly to his own room. Trying in vain not to remember the sight of Anne with her hair down and her bare feet.

How many times had he allowed himself to imagine just that over the two years since they had been separated? It was not proper and yet he could not help himself. It was not that his thoughts of her were unsavoury, no matter how lonely he had been he had never stooped that low. It was more the idea of her being his wife that he fantasied about. Evenings spent by the fire, long leisurely walks with no one to mind them or clocks reminding them of their need to be elsewhere, and at night falling asleep with her in his arms and waking with her beside him. Making her laugh with his amusing anecdotes and watching her eyes light up as she read something that interested her. Taking her with him on his travels, seeing her reaction to all the new sights. It was all these things that had haunted his dreams while he lay in his bed aboard the Asp.

Now here he was lying just a few feet away from her. Though in separate rooms. Hers had been the last face he would see until he woke and that would have to do he supposed. Until tomorrow when they would reach Plymouth and he would confess all he felt. For he knew now it was the right thing to do, the only thing he could do. If he were ever to chance his happiness again, he needed to take that leap even if it could end in disaster, yet the more time they spent in each-others company he could not fail to notice her warmth and glimpses of the intimacy they once shared. Could Edward be right? Could she be just waiting for him to renew his attachment and all that had transpired once before could come to pass once more?

Anne smiled as Nancy witted on about how nice the Captain was and well respected by his men. He was kind to them all, but did not "stand no messing mind. Makes them all write letters home when I'm sure most of 'em would not. There now miss, let's get you out of that fine dress of yours." Anne allowed her to unfasten the rest of her dress already at ease with the recent stranger. "How do you know Captain Wentworth if you mind me asking, miss?"

"We are acquaintances, our party is to Plymouth to see the Laconia."

"Ah yes, my brother is due back there himself tomorrow. And he takes our youngest brother with him."

"He has a place on the Laconia too?" Anne could not help but imagine this was a rarity for a young man to be placed with his brother on his first vessel.

"Aye Captain Wentworth went to the school himself and made sure he was with our brother when he heard he was coming up. He told them it was so Sam could keep an eye on him. He takes care of everyone like that. It is a pity."

"A pity?" Anne asked as her dress was pulled away from her, she held her hair aloft while Nancy undid her stays and began work on her corset.

"That he has no one to take care of him." Anne flinched but luckily Nancy was already making her way over to the bed putting away Anne's clothes. "There once was talk of a young lady, broke his heart by all accounts. The men sometimes speak of it, The Captain does not know." She looked suddenly at Anne as if terrified she may have got the men in trouble.

Anne only smiled. "Your secret is safe with me."

"They say he was madly in love with her." Nancy rushed out, her enthusiasm for telling her tale obvious. "Some say he even asked her to marry him, but that she released him soon after, broke his heart. He jumped on the first ship he could and fled the country. He was never quite right after that," she added the last part sadly, and when she found Anne looking at her dismayed, she hastily elaborated. "Oh a fantastic Captain for sure, but he always seemed distant, like something was missing and he never quite found it, at least that's how our Sam puts it. He said one night when they were in Domingo, the Captain was in his cups- a rare thing by all accounts- as he was usually the one who looked after the others. Anyway this particular night..." she paused while she soaped up a cloth and passed it to Anne. Anne ran the cloth up and down her arms inhaling the sweet smell of lavender, she gasped. The soap was her soap. The one she ordered in from London her one frivolity. He remembered her soap? Or was it a coincidence; that a man should have this soap at his disposal? She felt herself grow weak and looked in the glass to find her face ashen, "Are you well miss?"

"Yes, just a little fatigued from the journey. Please, please continue."

Nancy looked at the ceiling as if trying to remember where she was and then nodded to herself. "So this particular night, he raised a glass and had all his men toast."

"Is that unusual?" asked Anne, drying off her skin.

"No, it was the person whom they were toasting."

"Oh?"

"He had every man on that ship raise a glass to 'Annie, whom could have been part of all this had only she loved me enough. One and twenty today, finally of age. Many Happy returns.' Or words to that effect I don't remember them exactly, and our Sam being half cut at the time does not have a good memory of it either, but he says the sentiment was there. He had loved her and she had left him. The Captain never mentioned her again and the men knew better than to raise the matter."

Anne hugged her arms about her trying to warm herself despite the heat from the fire. She knew she had hurt him, but she could not have imagined how it must have been for him to be so far from home and family, thinking she did not love him. To have faced it all on his own, keeping his sorrow hidden and still doing his job, being the best he could be. Anne stepped behind the screen and removed her shift as Nancy passed Anne her nightdress, she couldn't speak any more and suddenly she was dreadfully tired, and the prospect of spending the next two days together no longer held the appeal they once did. He was going to so much effort for her and she had been so quick to put him right about what happened, to prove she only did it for him, that she had forgotten about his pain. He had spoken of bitterness and resentment. That he should have fought harder, well now she would have to be brave enough to fight for the both of them.

"Will you need anything else miss- oh good lord I have just realised I do not even know your name, the Captain just kept calling you 'the young lady'."

Anne stopped short at the question, but it was no use in lying, she would find out soon enough. "It is Anne."

Nancy gasped as both women looked at each other, it could be a coincidence; lots of young women were called Anne and yet in that moment Anne knew Nancy knew it was her. That she was Annie.

"Um …" she looked about the room trying to avoid Anne's eyes. "The Captain has asked me to return in the morning, what time do you normally rise?"

"About half past seven will be fine, thank you."

"You're welcome miss." She curtseyed. And then left.

Anne stood in the middle of the room for longer than she should. Her feet were cold and the fire was dying out, she had no notion of time, it could be the middle of the night, or perhaps barely an hour had passed since Nancy left. She was searching her mind for an answer, for advice of what she should do, she was without friends or family to ask. Then she shook her head violently. She would not go to them again anyway, not this time.

No, she had to make up her own mind and stick to it, if she thought there was something worth pursuing with the Captain, then she would find the strength inside her to do it. It came down to one fact, she loved Frederick and she wanted -beyond anything- to be with him for the rest of her life. She needed him by her side, she had tried living without him and she had barely survived the short time since he had been gone, but that glimpse into her life without him had taught her to see it had been a mistake to walk away from him, to let him walk away from her. Now he was back and they were once more in the same circles she could not let the opportunity pass her by, she had been given a second chance and she intended to make full use of it. Tomorrow she would endeavour to share with him the workings of her heart and listen to him while he told her of all the hurt he had gone through at her hands.