Chapter Twenty Six

Anne walked quickly along the dimly lit corridors until she found daylight. She didn't feel the tension leave her until she stepped back out on deck amongst the hustle and bustle of the ship. What was she thinking? Going into what would become his bed chambers? It was foolish and improper and …

The way he had looked at her when he spoke of marriage, of not having a wife; she had felt the pain of her decision in the year six all the more keenly. All what he had said that morning as they walked together, his talk of feelings, of having been happy and her responses of how she knew they would get on. She had laid her heart open and now it appeared he was attempting to do the same. But for all the conversations about feelings they had shared over the past few days, their incessant talk about the past and 'what if's' it did not alter the fact that in just a short while he would be leaving on the very ship on which she now stood.

What could possibly come of all their confessions?

Naught but more heart ache and pain for the both of them.

She could wait for him… would wait for him… but for how long? If the war lasted, if he was away for a significant amount of time, would their feelings waver? Would he be tempted by another? Would she be forced into a match for the sake of her family? She shook her head, disgusted at either thought. Then of course there was the very worst, the thought of him not returning at all, that caused her to shiver and sway as her hand reached out for the railing she swallowed down unshed tears, no she could not even allow herself to think on that outcome.

"Miss Anne?"

She turned to find Mrs Musgrove staring at her with kind and concern in equal measures, and behind her the rest of their party. Frederick was at the back, his eyes searching her face anxiously.

"Sorry, Mrs Musgrove, but I have a frightful head ache, would it be possible for us to return to the Inn? Or if you should like to stay, I am happy to return alone."

Mr and Musgrove looked at each other worriedly, and Anne could see, with an edge of disappointment, they did not wish to leave yet but wanted to do right by their guest. Anne looked about her wanting to make the situation better for all. "Perhaps if one of the lieutenants could be spared they could see me safely to a chair and you can remain. I do not wish to cease your enjoyment for my sake." Anne felt guilty enough for being deceitful once again.

Benwick immediately stepped forward eager to be of assistance to the lovely young lady, but at the sound of a throat clearing behind him he instantly desisted. Frederick was at Anne's side before she could blink, addressing the Musgroves. "If you please Mr and Mrs Musgrove, my Lieutenants are otherwise engaged with your visit, I on the other hand are more than happy to deliver Miss Anne safely back to the Inn."

Anne was speechless, trying to remain indifferent and unaffected by his offer, while inside her heart was beating rapidly and her chest so tight she could hardly breathe. It was, as far as Anne could see, blatantly obvious he had made a point of singling her out, offering to escort her himself when he had so many other men at his disposal who could have more than easily done the job. It was also apparent that he was concerned for Anne's wellbeing and coming on the back of his admission about thinking of matrimony, she was worried the Musgroves would be suspicious. Although the thought of spending more precious time with Frederick was appealing, she could not help it would only make matters worse in the long run. The more she allowed her feelings to flourish, the harder it would be for them to part again. She looked longingly at Charles silently begging him to offer his own services. However he only offered her a sly grin and a wink in return.

"I say that's very good of you Wentworth, I am sure we would not trust our dear Miss Anne with anyone else." Mr Musgrove was saying.

Mrs Musgrove was adding that she was sure the Lieutenants were quite welcome to take up the rein of the visit and advising them, and just like that, Anne was being led to the gangplank amongst well wishes and hopes for a speedy recovery. She could feel Frederick beside her even if she could not see him there, for she daren't look into his face, she had always being able to detect his presence even when they were not in the same room. Just being in the same building was enough for her to feel him beside her.

He did not offer her his arm this time and she wasn't sure if it was for propriety's sake, being in the port amongst those that knew him, or whether she had offended him in some way. They reached the carriages when she slowed to a stop, he turned to look at her questionably. "If it is not too much trouble I would prefer to walk. I think it would help clear my head."

"It is quite a walk." he told her.

"It is fine. I like to walk."

He smiled and they walked on. As the streets became more deserted Frederick toyed with the idea of taking her arm once more, but her reaction to his declaration on the Laconia had him confused and worried he was pushing her too fast. He did not wish to make all the same mistakes as last time. He was about to ask her if she would like to lean on him when she inhaled sharply.

"Why do you assume it is too late for you to find a wife?" She was so nervous it came out as rushed and rambled but she knew he had heard her clearly enough.

He looked up at the sky and then at the floor avoiding her eyes. "Because I rather believe it is."

"Do you have someone special in mind?"

His head snapped up so quickly, and he looked at her with such intensity it stole the breath from her lungs once more. "I would have hoped we both know the answer to that question." he breathed.

Anne blushed. "And you believe it is too late because-"

"Because I presumed your feelings had not held as steadfast as they once had." He took her hand in his, caring nought for the passes by. "Anne, what I have been trying to tell you since we arrived here, is that I have never stopped caring for you." He closed the small distance between them. "I have tried to forget you, I even thought I had succeeded until the day I came back and my brother told me you were to marry another. I knew then I could never truly let you go. At first I thought I was jealous at you being able to move on while I never could, but since then, I have thought on it." He smiled. "In truth, it is all I have thought about, throughout all our conversations and mentions of the past, the only thing that has become plain to me is that I love you Anne." He swallowed hard and then taking a deep breath in, continued his confession. "I have loved none but you. My heart is even more your own than when you almost broke two years and half ago." Anne sucked in a ragged breath trembling. He squeezed her hand trying to steady her. "Am I too late? Are such precious feelings gone forever?"

"Frederick-" the use of his Christian name gave him some hope at least. She was not dismissing him. The idea of loving him was not so abhorrent to her. She sighed and he felt that hope disperse. "I had thought you meant it was too late because of the fact you will be leaving soon." she admitted.

He pulled his free hand down his face sighing himself. "I had almost forgotten about that in the midst of everything."

"That is all I have been thinking of." She slowly removed her hand from his grasp and walked a few paces ahead.

He soon caught her up. "Tell me this, please, if I was not leaving, if I had come back to stay, would you … do you think you could come to love me again?"

Anne's throat constricted as if something had stolen the very oxygen from the air, and then she felt tears began to gather. She looked around her desperate to not make a scene on the street. She nodded violently. "I already do." she half sobbed. "I never forgot you either. I never stopped loving you. You were the reason I turned down Charles. I was not even sure I would ever see you again or if you were married or if you hated me, and yet I still could not imagine myself married to anyone but you." Tears fell down her cheeks but she did not care, it felt so good to say the things she had held dear for so long; to know he felt the same. He stepped towards her as close as he could and held both her hands in his, kissing the inside of her wrists each in turn and then using his free hand to wipe away her tears.

"You love me?" he asked her smiling.

"Yes." she repeated, nodding and smiling through the tears. They both spent a few moments beaming at the other before her smile faded and she dropped her head shaking it. "But it is no good." she wailed, and chastised herself for sounding like Mary.

"Why?" Frederick was so elated at her admission, he could not think of anything that could possibly put a damper on his mood.

"You are leaving." she said sadly.

His smile instantly vanished. "Yes." He acknowledged, cursing Napoleons inexplicable timing under his breath.

"I will wait." Anne assured him, and she meant it, he knew it.

"I know you will, but I would not have you do that Anne. You have waited for long enough. I will not have you waste anymore of your life waiting for me."

"But-" Anne felt like the ground was giving way beneath her feet, did he really expect her to forget all they had said, her heart, she could not do it. Surviving without him, believing him to hate her was bad enough, but to know he loved her and to not be with him, would be worse. "I cannot live my life without you by my side."

He smiled again deeply. "You have no notion how good it sounds to hear you say that." He sighed contentedly, pulling her to him once more. He had not let go of her hands and he liked the feeling of them being anchored together. "But we must think practically, right the mistakes we made last time. The best we can hope for is that when I go to your father he will now accept me and offer us his blessing and then we will at least be engaged, I could always arrange for you to stay with Sophia if she is travelling. But, should your father refuse-" he paused looking at her, she was pulling a face. "What is it?"

"It is … nothing." She looked away again but he placed a hand beneath her chin and pulled her gently back round to face him, silently begging her to tell him how she felt. She sensed his need for her to be honest so she explained. "It is just… you talk of going to my father and you have not…" she trailed off and it took him a few moments to realise what she was getting at.

He chuckled. "It would be more gentlemanly of me, if I actually asked for your hand would it not?"

Her cheeks reddened, but she was smiling.

"I just assumed-" he started.

Anne touched his arm interrupting him. "Please do not ever assume. That was one of the mistakes we both made last time."

He nodded. Taking her hands in his once more, he took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly; his gaze fixed on her. "Miss Anne Elliot of Kellynch, would you do me the greatest honour of increasing my happiness exceedingly by agreeing to be my wife? Again."

Her happiness shone out of her as she smiled widely. "Yes Captain Wentworth I agree. Again. But this time it will be the last time, as I never wish to suffer as I did two years ago when we were parted. This time we shall be married, no one shall persuade me otherwise."

Frederick did not wait for a private moment or to be unobserved, in truth he thought of nothing but Anne when he pulled her to him and captured her soft lips with his own. Her age and innocence had made him overly cautious the first time they were attached. He did not want to scare her by showing her how much he felt truly felt for her. Now, although just as innocent, he knew she was older and wiser even by just a couple of years, it had made all the difference. If he was unsure of her willingness to participate he need not have, for after the first moments of surprise passed, she hastily kissed him back desperate to show him the extent of her feeling also, where words would not do.