It was all Jim could do to force his lungs to keep working. The way his heart kept hammering bruises into his chest definitely wasn't helping.
Though he had known things were spiraling out of control, when he'd finally stolen a moment to come down from the bridge, even Spock's confession back on Cursioa hadn't prepared him for this.
He wasn't sure what chilled him more, Bones trembling atop his knees or the lost look haunting Spock's eyes.
Someone was going to pay for this, and in that moment, Jim was glad blatant revenge was not part of Starfleet's mission. If it had been, he didn't have confidence in his ability to restrain the cold rage that was slowly freezing his insides.
"The mind is the most complex part of any being." Spock's voice startled Jim, who had just gotten used to Bones' shaky breaths as the only sound in the room. "Until a solution is found, we need to keep the doctor awake. Losing consciousness could be fatal for him."
Fatal…
Jim swallowed, his throat too dry to form any sort of coherent reply.
Fortunately, Spock wasn't finished. "He permitted me to take a look inside his mind. It's too... It's in such turmoil, I fear if he loses consciousness in this state, his mind will not be able to wake him up again."
Heart skipping several beats, Jim glanced down at Bones, giving his shoulder a quick shake.
"Bones?" It came out as a hoarse whisper, yet Jim didn't have it in him to raise the volume. "Bones!"
A groan echoed in Bones' chest and he shifted the slightest bit, words slurred as he said, "Still here, Jim. I'm... yeah..."
"A solution." Jim was looking at Spock now, nearly giving himself an ulcer as he wracked his brain for long-buried instructions on how to breathe. "You said you have one."
"I said I have a hunch."
"Hunch, solution, same thing." Spock just raised a brow. "Look, I'll make them be the same thing, but first I need to know what you're thinking. Come on, Spock, you need to give me something to work with here."
He didn't need to say the rest out loud. All three of them knew they were running out of time.
"I was able to repair some of the damage done by..." Spock began, faltering as his gaze flickered to Bones for a brief second. Okay... definitely talking about that after this. "However, I could be wrong, but I believe the only one who can return the doctor's mind to normal is the one who did the damage in the first place."
Another groan filled the air, louder this time. "I was afraid you were gonna say that," Bones mumbled.
"Leonard," Spock went on, voice softer—gentler—than Jim had ever heard it before, "it would seem to be the only way."
"There's use'lly another way. Jim, tell 'im there's always another way."
"I..." Despite the growing desert in his mouth, Jim swallowed. "I think he's right, Bones. I think we have to—"
"No."
"Bones..." Jim whispered, cursing his stupid voice for not being stronger; for not doing what he wanted it to.
A heavy sigh. "At least knock me out first."
"You know I would if I could, but we can't risk something like that."
"Joke, Jim... It..." When Bones sucked in a sharp hiss, Jim felt his stomach flip, then clench tighter than a boa constricting its prey. "It was just a joke..."
Right.
Glancing at Spock, Jim wet his lips. "Do you think he can stand long enough to get down there?"
Though his first officer opened his mouth, another voice answered.
"He's right here, ya know. Why don't you ask 'im?"
His friend's eyes were closed still, the lids twitching in a vain attempt to open. "Bones?"
A beat, then another sigh. "Yeah, I can, jus'... Just give me a minute…"
"On a scale of one to ten, how intense is your—"
"If you have to ask, Spock," Bones interrupted with a moan masquerading as a chuckle, "then you know it's bad. But I can make it. I'll… Y'all are gonna have to help me up, though…"
Spock was on his feet in an instant, crouching low enough to wrap his hands around Bones' arm and back.
It felt like trying to put a square peg in a round hole, but with no small amount of strain, Spock and Jim helped Bones to his feet.
And then, they just stood there for a long moment, Jim bracing Bones on one side and Spock on the other.
Waiting.
Waiting for Bones to catch his breath.
Waiting for Bones to open his eyes.
Waiting.
Waiting for the pain to stop.
But Jim knew that wasn't an option. They couldn't simply wait for that, they had to make it happen.
There's a way out of this, he told himself as Bones put a limp hand to his temple, eyes opening at last. There has to be.
And if there's not, I'll make one.
Because when there weren't any winning scenarios, you had to create your own.
"Bones...?"
The doctor waved a hand, blinking a few times. "Fine... 'M fine, Jim."
Jim pursed his lips. "For now. Come on, let's get you to the transporter. The sooner we get down there, the be—"
They hadn't taken but one step forward when he felt Bones go slack in his arms, stumbling for a brief second as Jim tightened his grip.
"Let's hurry it up," Bones said, his breaths shallowing again while his face contorted in pain. "I don't know how much longer… These damn voices, they won't… won't even let me think. So loud… They're so…"
Spock slipped Bones' arm over his shoulders and Jim followed suit, determination eating away at the anxiety.
Looking back, Jim wouldn't ever be able to figure out how they made it all the way from medbay to the transporter room like that—not in a million years. Much of the journey was a blur of a whispered you're almost there almost there almost there in the back of his head, Bones' poor attempts at biting down on the pain, and Spock's soothing voice.
Halfway there, Bones had begun to slump again, his eyes barely open. That's when Spock had come in, making the doctor concentrate on his voice. Making him talk. Making him stay awake.
"You know," Bones slurred, "it'd be a whole lot easier t'stay awake if this conversation wasn't so dull. Not that I don't enjoy goin' over mission reports with ya, Spock..."
Jim adjusted his grip. "So, make it interesting. Tell me something interesting, Bones."
"I don'... I don't have anything interesting to say..."
"Sure you do. Tell me some cool facts you learned recently."
"Why doesn't Spock do it? He always has interesting facts on hand..."
"I'm glad to know you find my facts interesting, Doctor."
"Didn't mean to say that… Now I'll never hear the end."
"I'm sure he won't hold it against you. Come on, Bones. Something. Anything. You need to keep your mind awake."
"If anything makes me conk out, it's not gonna be my damn mind." Bones paused to catch his breath and Jim readied himself to resume his nagging, but then, "Did you know that lack of sleep'll kill ya faster than starvation?"
"How about a less depressing interesting fact," Jim said, and in lighter circumstances, he would've rolled his eyes and done nothing to hide his grin.
"I'm a doctor, not a comedian. What'd you expect?"
"I don't know, something that doesn't remind me of death?"
He could see the doors. They were almost there.
Almost...
"Did you know," Bones tried again, voice lower this time and laced with pain, "that every once in a millennia or so, the stars around… 'round Lunar IV move so fast, they look like… Earth's Aurora Borealis? Christine told me that. Be nice to see sometime. Think... I think it's comin' up soon, but..." Another pained hiss drove a dagger through Jim's heart. "I don't know..."
"We'll see it." The promise was out of Jim's mouth before he could really think about it. Almost there almost there almost—"After this is all over, we'll go see it. All of us together."
Just hang on, Bones. Just hang on a little longer.
But already, his friend's lids were sagging closed.
"What makes the stars move at such a speed, Doctor?" Spock's question was accompanied by a light jostling of Bones' arm that had him blinking again. "And why so few times in so many years?"
"You're the science officer here, you tell me."
"I'm not the only one in blue," Spock returned.
"Right. Forgot 'bout that…"
"All right, Bones." The transporter doors slid open and Jim choked back a sigh of relief. They weren't out of the woods yet. "Stay with me, we're almost there. The Cursioan medical center," he barked at the ensign currently manning the controls. "The coordinates should still be in the system."
They hauled Bones onto the platform and adjusted their grip, Spock's Vulcan strength taking on more of the weight as Bones' legs slowly continued to give out.
"Still hate this thing." Bones' words were so soft, Jim thought he might've imagined them. The pain bleeding off Bones' face, however, was no trick of the mind and Jim sucked in a breath.
"Energize."
Though he'd never admit to it, arriving in the hospital was disorienting at first, and for a moment, Jim couldn't remember where he was. The only thing on his mind was Bones.
Spock didn't seem to share this problem, leading the way down the hall almost before they had even fully materialized.
Right. Jim blinked, focusing on their mission. Theon.
Taking a page out of the Cursioan rulebook, Spock barged right in without knocking, not wasting a single second of time when they arrived at the right room.
It took Jim a minute to realize they weren't alone with the patient. Beside Theon's bed sat Minister Aedon, brows furrowed and lengthy fingers steepled in concentration.
Concentration that was, of course, broken by their sudden entrance.
"Captain Kirk!" the minister exclaimed, jolting up out of his chair. "What is the meaning of this?"
"I don't know, Minister, you tell me. How long has your council been destroying people's minds behind your back?" Jim pressed forward, shoving the Cursioan out of the way and gently easing Bones into the chair. Bones, for his part, continued in a struggle for consciousness that was, quite honestly, painful to watch.
It all made Jim want to be sick.
But you can't do that right now. You have to focus. Focus…
"Or did you know?" he went on, fixing the minister with a hard glare. "Did you know all along and that's why you kept stalling us all that time?"
Now, that was an idea. It would certainly make sense.
Though he hated to admit it, Aedon did look flustered and genuinely confused. "Stall you? Whatever would give you the idea...? Captain, what in the stars are you going on about?"
"Never mind. We don't have time for that, but you can mark my words, we are talking about it later."
When Bones is safe.
"You!" Whirling on Theon, Jim jabbed a finger at the bedridden being. "You did this and you're the only one who can fix it. I think you know that, don't you?"
Lips set in a thin line, Theon's gaze flickered from Jim to Bones, lingering for a long moment before flicking back again.
"What do you want me to do?"
Jim hadn't expected compliance. From what Spock had said, objections, redirected blame, and a multitude of excuses, sure, but not this.
However, he was done being thrown off-kilter.
Bones was running out of time.
"You did something to his mind and now he's about to—" No. No, he wasn't about to die.
"I am not the only one who did something to the doctor's mind."
"I have done all I can on my end." Spock's response was quick and clipped, but Jim couldn't dissect it right now.
Right now, all that mattered was helping—
"Whatever you need to do," Jim pressed, not particularly liking the way Bones was slumping slowly forward, "do it, but you will help him. I can assure you, you won't like the consequences if you don't."
The Cursioan hesitated a few seconds, and just when Jim was about to reiterate his threat in clear, more pointed terms, Theon reached out. An invisible force pulled Bones' chair closer to the bedside and it took all the self-control Jim had left to keep from reaching out and smacking that hand away.
This needs to happen, he reminded himself. Bones needs this. He…
And yet, as Theon continued to press his fingers into Bones' pale skin, Jim couldn't help but shiver.
Spock's words bombarded his mind and it was as if he was hearing the story again for the first time.
"I cannot find the words to describe it, nor do I think I will ever be able to forget it. I… I don't think I have ever seen him so terrified, Jim…"
How could he have overlooked it all for so long?
"So that's why he's been playing the part of your shadow lately… But… why you?"
Spock had raised a brow. "Why not me?"
"No. No, Spock, that's not what I meant. Of course, he can come to you for anything, just like you can to me and I can to..."
Bones' twitched and Jim took a step, only to feel Spock's hand on his arm. Right.
Damn it.
"I only meant... Well, he and I tell each other almost everything. Why did he think he couldn't come to me with this?"
"As I said, he did not wish to put the mission in jeopardy. And, perhaps... Perhaps this is the 'almost' of 'everything.' Or perhaps he feared your reaction; feared you might take full responsibility for what happened when, Jim, it was not your fault."
Yeah...
Sure.
An eternity and a day seemed to drag by, with Jim holding his breath and Spock's grip tightening ever so slightly on his arm. But then again, he would never let Spock know he noticed.
Noticed the Vulcan could be a lot more emotional than he let on when his human side got the chance to take the reins.
Bones fell forward when Theon dislodged his hand at last, and this time, Jim didn't let anything stand in his way. Not Spock, not his self-control, nothing. He made a dash for his brother, catching him before he could fall very far and, with Spock's help, settling him against the back of the chair.
"Well?" Jim asked, barely able to hear himself over the incessant thumping of his heart in his ears. "Is he...?"
Theon nodded. "The doctor will be all right. He is merely sleeping, as, to his mind, I suggested he do so."
Jim saw Spock's eyes narrow. "So, not only can you invade minds, but you can make mental suggestions as well?"
"Not unlike your own species, I presume," Theon shot back.
Instead of replying, Spock scooped Bones into his arms and left the room.
"Captain." And really, the man's voice was starting to give him a headache. Nevertheless, he turned his attention to Aedon. "What does this mean for our negotiations? What has Theon done?"
"Why don't you ask him?" Swallowing a sigh, Jim straightened his shoulders. "I'll be in touch eventually, Minister, but my crew comes first. Always."
He left it at that, running to catch up with Spock and praying Theon was telling the truth.
And if he's not...?
Jim clenched a fist, forcing his insides to calm down. Feeling murderous was not what he needed at the moment. He needed to be cool and collected. He needed to think. He needed to lead.
Because there had to be some sort of solution to all this.
Bones is going to be fine.
But there was still Cursioa to deal with, as well as whatever feud was going on between his first officer and that damned councilor.
First, Bones.
The transporter enveloped them and Jim took another breath.
First, make sure Bones is okay... Then, you can think about everything else.
Right.
Maybe he could even get Bones' version of the story and—
One step at a time.
Right.
Inhale, exhale…
He would focus on the present, which meant getting Bones to a bed in medbay where they could monitor his vitals; where they could confirm that, yes, he was okay.
And besides, something told him Bones wouldn't be too keen on reliving the experience just so Jim could hear about it.
Maybe Jim wouldn't ever hear about it at all.
He tried not to let the thought get to him.
It's not about you.
Yet, he couldn't stop the guilt every time he looked at his friend. Nor the tiniest pinprick of jealousy that poked his heart whenever he looked at Spock.