Three timid knocks were heard against the door. Lyra opened her still sleepy eyes and sat up with difficulty. Pantalaimon, curled up on a chair, stretched and yawned.
After the unexpected and brief reunion with Will and Kirjava, the two had talked for hours. Despite their sincere and emotional reunion, reality quickly caught up with them. Since the Land of the Dead and their trying separation, their relationship had evolved. Debates could quickly become heated and contentious, with disagreements being a regular occurrence. And although their fights were a source of worry and pain for both of them, neither was yet able to put their pride aside and take the first step towards forgiveness. As usual, their nighttime discussion had been the stage for discord and tears. Pantalaimon had explained to her the reasons for his departure, his journey across the continent, his encounter with Nur Huda el-Wahabi. Of course, Lyra was happy and relieved to have found her dæmon again, but bitterness and jealousy still lurked and always emerged at the wrong moment. The words, sharp and bitter, came out without her really controlling them. The discussion had ended with Pantalaimon reproaching her for her selfishness and regretting having gone to so much trouble to find her. He had curled up on the pillow. Lyra had tried to apologize, but the dæmon refused to pay attention to her. She had resigned herself to lying down and eventually fell asleep with a heavy heart.
Through the window, daylight was starting to appear as Nur entered the room with a brass teapot in one hand and a jute bag in the other. She delicately placed the teapot on the table while Lyra sat down on the mattress, yawning. Pan jumped onto the low table and greeted Nur without bothering to look at Lyra.
" By rummaging through the house, I found some dried mint and dates", said the girl as she unpacked her findings. "I hope it will suit you."
Lyra muttered thanks and took the steaming cup that her interlocutor handed her. The overpowering smell of mint penetrated her nostrils, awakening her senses and making her let out a long sigh. She tried to glance at her dæmon. He quickly averted his eyes. A mouse appeared on Nur's shoulder, and she affectionately scratched its nose. Pan looked surprised.
" This is Ljubja", announced Nur with a timid laugh. "We met in a cupboard right here."
"Nur and her dæmon were separated by force", Pantalaimon explained to Lyra.
Finally, he spoke to her! Lyra was briefly relieved, a feeling quickly replaced by a long shiver that ran down her spine.
" What... what happened?" she asked with difficulty.
" We were kidnapped in broad daylight on a street", Nur recounted. "There were three men... They took my Issam, locked him in a cage, threw me into an alley, and left me there. They didn't care about Issam's pain and screams. I think... I've never felt so much pain in my life... I wandered around the city crying for hours. I thought I would die with every step. When I finally found my way back home, my parents rejected me. A girl without a dæmon? Better to have the devil at your table…"
Time stood still. Everyone at the table listened to Nur's story with bated breath. Everyone at the table had already experienced this feeling and could imagine, with great accuracy, the pain of this story. The stories of dæmons kidnappings were true. A trafficking network had taken hold in several cities around the world. They abducted children whose dæmons were not yet fixed and sold them to dishonest people. Children without dæmons died of suffering or hunger. Lyra shuddered. In her memory, vivid images of Tony Makarios, wandering with a dead fish in his arms, appeared.
" I hid", the young girl continued, "only coming out at night to look for food wherever I could, stealing from stores and trash cans. Can you imagine it? My parents are professors, we're cultured, well-bred... and there I was, without a dæmon, scavenging through garbage... I searched for Issam everywhere I could. When I realized it was no use, I decided to flee for good and look for somewhere else where I could have a semblance of a life or find another dæmon... I met Pantalaimon in Germania... He seemed as lost as I was."
Lyra looked at the pine marten, a lump in her throat.
" I'm going to be honest with you, Lyra Silvertongue", Nur added sternly, "I wanted Pan to become my dæmon, for us to adopt each other. The feeling seemed mutual. But I quickly realized that he only had you on his mind. He wanted to find you despite all your fights. I was angry with you. I thought you didn't deserve him. Why is it that people who don't love their dæmons can keep them, while people who were forcibly separated, like me, become outcasts?"
Lyra felt confused, she lowered her eyes, not daring to look at the girl and the dæmons. Nur continued:
" Through our journey, we realized that there was a place like this where abandoned or torned dæmons come to wander. So we came. And here we are, in this room."
A heavy silence settled over the table. Pantalaimon took a step towards Lyra. At the sight of him, the young woman's eyes blurred. The dæmon placed his paw on Lyra's hand. She raised her other hand and approached the body of the pine marten. Pan flinched and finally accepted the caress. Lyra's eyes filled with tears.
" Pan... I..."
She stuttered like a child, embarrassed, moved, exhausted by all the emotions that felt.
" Forgiveness can be a long search, to confess and to accept", said Pantalaimon seriously, "For you as well as for me. I can't completely forgive you yet, and you can't forgive me yet. It will be difficult to change, but I know we can do it, you and me, as we always have. Despite all the bitterness I carry, I care too much about you to give up."
Lyra felt her heart swell. Since when had Pan, so mischievous, become so philosophical? She pulled herself together.
" And Ljubja?" she asked Nur.
The mouse dæmon replied in a high-pitched voice:
" My human rejected me. We had too many differences as we grew up. I preferred to leave before things got worse... While searching here, I met Nur. I believe we quickly realized that our personalities could get along."
Again, Lyra looked at Pantalaimon, heavy hearted. Nur took a sip of tea and then asked Lyra:
" What are you going to do next?"
A glance at her dæmon to confirm her intention and Lyra replied:
" We have people to find... in Bodø…"
" Bodø? Where is that?"
" In Sveden, I think... Or maybe in New Denmark", Lyra hesitated.
" It's very far from here!" Nur hissed in surprise.
Lyra nodded. They had a long way to go, and they couldn't afford to waste too much time. She continued:
" I think we're going to Aleppo, it's a few hours' walk from here. There, we should be able to find a train to get closer... And what about you two?"
" I don't want to stay in this country... It's both painful and dangerous. I don't know yet…"
Nur nervously played with date pits. Lyra wiped her hands on her pants and said:
" Come with us. Together, we'll be able to go unnoticed more easily. Maybe you can take a train and go back to Germania or Syracuse? It seems that the sun shines almost all year round there and there's no problem finding work or food."
Nur smiled widely and accepted this offer. Lyra felt oddly relieved to have someone to travel with. She was apprehensive about being alone with Pan.
Quickly, they set off on their journey. Their goal was to reach the citadel as soon as possible, and the road was long. With a little hope and strength, they would reach the city by sunset.
Nur and Ljubja walked ahead, carried away by an animated discussion that seemed exciting. Lyra and Pantalaimon, on the other hand, walked in silence. She seemed thoughtful.
" Are you thinking about Will and Kirjava?" her dæmon asked.
Lyra nodded and said:
" It seems incredible that they're really here, in our world, flesh and blood, don't you think? What does it mean? That a window is open somewhere?"
Lyra's heart beat faster at the thought. Instinctively, she bent down to pick up Pantalaimon and put him on her shoulder so they could talk properly, like before.
" And did you hear that sailor?" she continued, absorbed in her thoughts. "He called him Doc."
" Maybe Will became a doctor in his world?" the dæmon wondered.
" A doctor...but why on a ship? Isn't the land route safer? And why Bodø? Why the North?"
" Maybe that's where the window is? You remember, Dust is denser under the Northern Lights."
Lyra nodded. Oh, she couldn't wait to reach the North. Ahead of her, Nur and Ljubja stopped under a tree and took out a gourd from their backpack. After taking a long drink, Nur handed it to Lyra, who accepted it with relief. She had been seized by thirst without warning, and the sun, at its zenith, had dangerously intensified it. Nur then pulled out a loaf of bread and a small piece of cheese from her bag.
" You're real treasure hunters!" exclaimed Lyra, admiringly.
Nur chuckled flattered and cut a piece of cheese before passing it to Lyra. Pantalaimon jumped from her shoulder to join Ljubja. At that moment, Lyra and Pantalaimon realized the physical closeness they had shared a moment ago. They looked at each other and Lyra attempted a shy smile before sitting down next to Nur.
" You seem to get along well." she said, nodding towards the mouse dæmon.
" Yes", Nur replied, visibly delighted. "I'm really relieved. It's strange to have a settled dæmon already, but... it won't replace Issam."
" How long have you been without a dæmon?" asked Lyra.
" Three years, seven months, and eight days." Nur answered instantly.
The little dæmon climbed onto her lap. Lyra looked down at her piece of bread, wordless. A long silence ensued, only broken by the sounds of their chewing and the whispers of the dæmons. Nur broke it:
" And that man who came to meet you last night? Who was he?"
" You heard that?" stammered Lyra.
" Yes, well, bits and pieces…"
Lyra rose, stretching.
" It's... someone important. It's a long story…"
" I like long stories", the young girl replied with a smile. "And I think we still have a long way to go."
A sandy gust of wind swept across their faces. Nur sneezed and started laughing. Lyra smiled. Why not, after all? They set off and Lyra began to tell her. She told her about Jordan College, Roger, the Gyptians, the Gobblers, and her journey to the North. She told her about Ma Costa, Lord Faa, Iorek, and Lee. She told her about Bolvangar, terror and horror. She told her about the escape, Cittàgazze, and the lost children. She told her about Will, the spectres, and the Subtle Knife. She was eager for storytelling, to relive those moments. She narrated, not omitting any detail except her parents and the prophecy. And Nur was hanging on her words as the sun slowly declined. Soon, the large gates of the citadel loomed before them. Lyra stopped her story, thinking about what to do next. Nur took her hand and declared:
" I know this city. I know where to go to find shelter for the night. Come, follow me. We'll need to be discreet."
The small group set off. They passed along busy alleys, brushing against the walls like shadows. In the center of the streets, stalls stood with intoxicating scents of spices and flowers. The inhabitants were gathered, sharing a dish or tea. The conversations were lively and joyful. This sudden blossoming of life, joy, and voices made Lyra dizzy, and she preferred to focus on Nur's brisk pace. After another crowded alley, they arrived in another deserted one. A muffled silence enveloped their steps. Nur was moving fast. She stopped in front of a small dark wooden door. She took a deep breath and knocked quickly, a succession of rhythmic knocks. The door opened slightly, and Nur murmured a word before entering, Lyra following her. They climbed a stone staircase and emerged into a hallway. Lyra heard voices in a nearby room. Nur headed towards it with determination. As she entered the room, the voices fell silent briefly before resuming with even more gusto. Lyra followed suit. A small group of women surrounded Nur. They hugged and kissed the young girl, exclaiming and laughing heartily. They spoke a language Lyra did not know. Every word was musical, melodious, and jovial. Their daemons surrounded Ljubja and exclaimed as well. Cats, robins, monarch butterflies, crows, and other sparrows flitted emphatically around the mouse. Every word was a song to Lyra's ears. Nur, who shared this language, gestured towards her. The young woman made a timid greeting, and the women gathered around her. They hugged her tightly, pressed her arm, stroked her hair, and kissed her cheeks. Lyra had a slight vertigo from all these sudden displays of affection. She started laughing and nodding her head without understanding a word the women were saying to her. The rush of meetings ended, and an older woman took her hand and made her sit on a mattress. She then handed her a steaming plate of semolina and fragrant vegetables, along with a soft piece of pita bread. Lyra's stomach rumbled loudly. She had only eaten a few dates, a piece of bread, and cheese, so she was hungry.
" You can say 'Choukran,' it means 'Thank you'." explained Nur, sitting beside Lyra.
So Lyra thanked them. One word seemed so poor, but it was all she could say. The women had gathered in a circle and continued their enthusiastic conversations. While enjoying her plate, Lyra questioned her friend about this wonderful place.
" When I was taken from Issam," she recounted, "and after being chased out of my home, I found refuge here. There are only women. All have a particular story, but they have in common being expelled from their homes by their families. Some because they had a child out of wedlock, or because they had an abortion, others because they loved women or because they were abused and repudiated... So they created this place called 'The Shelter.' They welcome outcasts, those who are rejected. They welcome you without judging you, give you food, a mattress, and let you take the time to regain your strength before continuing on your journey. Without them, I think I would have died in a ditch…"
Lyra looked with wonder at this assembly of women exchanging rapid words in a harmonious concert. She had never experienced pure sisterhood, so she let her back lean against the wall with delight, filling her stomach with the delicious dishes and watching these women speak with infinite kindness to Nur and Ljubja. Not understanding was not important, absolute love radiated around them like a powerful and luminous aura. She started to feel very heavy, her eyes were stinging, and she felt a great desire to sleep. Pantalaimon yawned at length. Nur suggested they find a place to rest a little, which she accepted with pleasure. The girl thanked the women warmly, and they said goodbye. After climbing a steep staircase, Nur showed a small, antic room where several mattresses were piled up.
" It's modest," she said, "but it will do for resting."
She lay down, yawning, followed by Ljubja. Lyra settled on the nearby mattress, and Nur turned to her with eager eyes.
" What did you do after Cittàgazze?" she asked.
Lyra smiled, pleased that the girl's interest had not waned. She continued her tale, recounting the witches, the shaman, Will, always Will. She started to hear Nur's slow and peaceful breathing so she fell silent. Despite hoping for it, sleep did not come. When she closed her eyes, she saw only Will, heard only Will... She and Pantalaimon had a long, unknown journey ahead. Discouragement slowly descended on her body like a weight. Her eyes burned, and she felt her chest become heavy, her breathing labored. The walls seemed to widen and then contract around her like a thick, sticky embrace. She felt herself sinking heavily into the mattress. Her breath caught, and her heart pounded violently in her chest. She tried to grasp the edges of the mattress, but her body remained still. That was when Pan came to nestle against her chest.
" It will be alright," he murmured. "We'll find them together, don't worry."
Lyra placed a trembling hand on his fur. Her mind calmed, her breathing gradually returned to a normal rhythm, and she let out big, heavy tears.
" You're tired and worried." her dæmon added. "Nothing can happen to us here. I trust these women. Tomorrow, we'll take a train to the North."
Lyra took a deep breath and, closing her eyes, exhaled before allowing herself to be carried into a heavy, dreamless sleep.