The next few weeks were difficult to get through for Elizabeth. She had the pain from her incision and she also ended up with an infection for which she needed antibiotics. She was told she could continue to breastfeed Jameson but it caused him to have tummy issues so she pumped and dumped out the milk.

As a result, Jamie got used to drinking out of a bottle by the end of the ten days and wouldn't latch on afterward. It was really disappointing and that combined with her hormones that were raging, she cried a lot. She didn't want to feed him out of a bottle. She wanted the breastfeeding bond.

"Honey," Luke said, putting his arm around her as she fed Jamie his bottle.

"No, Luke. Don't tell me its not a big deal or its going to be fine. You don't understand."

Luke nodded. She was correct. He didn't understand but he wanted to. "Tell me so I can understand, babe."

"You're not a mom. You won't ever understand."

"So that's it then? You won't even try to explain? The conversation is over?"

"Yes."

He nodded and got up, leaving the room. Her tears continued to fall as she looked down at her son, peacefully drinking his meal, his eyes on her.

"I'm sorry, Jamie. I'm sorry that Mommy can't feed you the way that's best."

"Mommy?" Aria said, walking in and climbing up next to her. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm sad, bugs."

"Why?"

"Its hard to explain, honey."

Aria leaned against her shoulder and sat quietly for a few moments. "You can tell me. I'll always listen."

Elizabeth kissed the top of her head and thought about those words that she usually said to Aria. Not the other way around.

"Thank you, Aria May."

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you back."

Max ran into the room and barked at Aria. She got up and let Max into the backyard and then back in a few moments later.

Lucas dressed to go to the lab, frustrated and exhausted and everything that a new father feels. Elizabeth was struggling. Lucas was out of words to describe how hard it was to live with her struggles and her tears. He couldn't imagine being her and how she must feel.

He slammed his dresser drawer shut, tied his tie, grabbed his lab coat and headed to see Aria. "Honey, are you ready to go to school?"

"Mommy is sad again."

"I know."

"Will she be okay alone? Maybe I should stay here too."

"Sorry, honey. You need to go to school but I'm going to make sure that someone is here with her okay?"

"Don't I get a say?" Elizabeth asked as she walked up, sleeping Jamie in her arms.

"Of course you do, babe."

"I don't need anyone to stay with me. I can do this on my own."

"Elizabeth, if I didn't have to leave right now, I would insist that you and I talk." He kissed her quickly. "Instead, since its Friday, I'm going to pick up dinner for us and we can chat later."

"So I don't get a say in that either?"

"Talk later," he told her, kissing Jameson's soft head and her cheek and then he and Aria left. "I love you."

…..

The doorbell rang around noon. She wondered who Lucas sent to check up on her. She walked quickly, shushing Max so the baby wouldn't wake up.

"Faith."

"Hi!" Faith walked in with a gift bag, a diaper bag and Micah, her own son, in her arms. She kissed Elizabeth's cheeks and Elizabeth immediately started crying.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that Luke made you come all the way over here and babysit me like I'm a child. I'm sorry I can't control my tears."

Micah was a month older than Jameson and bigger too. He had blonde hair, matching his parents and blue eyes.

Elizabeth took the baby from her friend and held him close. "Hi, Mikey. Auntie Beth loves you."

"Where's Jamie?"

"Sleeping in his crib."

"Alright. So we can sit for a minute and talk?"

"You don't have to do this. Luke is just worried."

"I'm not doing anything I don't want to do, Beth. You are my best friend and we have both been so busy the last few months. I want to know what's going on with you. I want you to know what's happening with me. I miss you."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes as tears fell. "I'm so sick of crying. I miss you too, Faith."

Elizabeth sighed as she heard Jamie start crying on the monitor. "He just went to sleep."

"I'll get him. You hang out with Micah for a few minutes."

"You don't have to."

"I want to, Beth."

A few minutes later, Faith walked back in with a freshly diapered Jameson. "Wanna switch, Elizabeth? Jamie is hungry and its almost time to feed Micah too."

They switched and Elizabeth headed into the kitchen with Jamie to defrost a bag of milk from the freezer. When she came back to the couch, Faith was also feeding her son from a bottle.

"You don't nurse him?" Elizabeth asked.

"I do a few times a day but I supplement with formula. He wasn't growing like they wanted so we decided to supplement."

"I wanted to nurse him," Elizabeth admitted.

"You can't?"

"I got that infection in my incision and…the antibiotics bothered his tummy so I had to pump and get rid of the milk. So he's used to a bottle now."

"Is he at least getting breast milk too?"

"Yeah."

"That's good."

"I'm struggling, Faith," she whispered as they continued feeding their babies.

"Motherhood is hard. As much as you plan for things…they don't always happen. I mean, you wanted a regular childbirth but had to have a c-section. I went a few weeks overdue and couldn't get an epidural because my birth went really fast."

"I wanted the connection with Jamie that I would get from feeding him myself."

"Beth."

Elizabeth looked at her friend. "You are. He's looking up at you with his dark eyes. He knows you are his mommy and he loves you. You have a connection with him that no one else can ever have. You don't have to breastfeed him to have it. I know that it was your dream but sometimes dreams have to change."

Elizabeth looked down at Jamie. He was looking up at her, slowly gulping his meal, never wavering. "I love you so much, Jamie." She kissed his soft forehead and inhaled that heavenly baby scent.

"Thank you, Faith. For helping me come to my senses."

"What are best friends for?"

……

Elizabeth got a text from Lucas around 3pm that her dad William was going to pick up Aria from school and she would stay the night with him and Grace.

About 4pm, she got a text reminder that Lucas was going to pick up Chinese food for supper.

Then at 5pm, he texted that he was leaving work and he'd be home in an hour.

Her nerves were hitting her hard. She owed him a big apology and talking about what was bothering her…made her feel inadequate as a mother and a wife.

She cleaned the kitchen, loading the dishwasher with bottles and dishes from breakfast and lunch. Then she started a load of never-ending laundry and fed the dog and Jamie and pumped so he would sleep while she and Lucas shared dinner.

At 6pm, she heard his truck in the garage and Max barked. Just once. She was a smart dog and knew exactly who was home.

"Babe?" Lucas said softly, not wanting to disrupt anyone's sleep.

"Here." She turned toward him in the kitchen and the tears came again.

He put the food and his messenger bag on the counter and gently wrapped his arms around Elizabeth. He didn't speak, he just held her, rubbed her back and waited for her to initiate a conversation. He wouldn't force anything.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," she mumbled into his shoulder.

"So am I."

"You did nothing wrong. I was being so difficult and…you just loved me. You don't need to apologize."

"I walked away and I pushed maybe a little too much to get you to talk."

"No. I shouldn't have pushed you away. I'm so sorry for that too."

He grabbed a tissue and dried her tears. "When you are ready to tell me how I can help, I'll be here."

"Just this…holding me and being patient. That's all I need. I promise to talk to you."

"Alright. Why don't we eat some food and talk by the fire? I have some news about work."

"Perfect."

……

A few minutes later, they were sitting on the couch, eating their food.

"Cleveland?"

"Yeah. My boss recommended me for the head of the cancer research department at the Cleveland Clinic."

"Wow! Sweetheart, that is amazing."

"Yeah. I guess."

"You guess? Head of Cancer Research? You absolutely deserve that recognition and that job."

"But, I'm not sure the timing is right."

"Maybe not."

"How can we move now? It's the start of the school year for Aria. You just had a baby and surgery and a rough recovery. We just moved into this house."

"All those things are true but this is a once in a lifetime chance, Lucas."

"I have to let him know tomorrow if I want to apply for it. Then there will be interviews and I may need to fly out there. If we decide I should."

"I think you should at the very least interview, babe."

Lucas put his plate down and ran his fingers through his hair, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Are you alright? Honestly, Beth? Post Partum is a real thing and if you need me to help you…"

"I don't know if that is what this is but I will tell you."

Jameson squawked on the monitor. "I'll get him," Lucas offered, kissing her softly. "I love you."

"I know. I love you too."

……

An hour later, all three of them were still snuggling on the couch, talking.

"Faith helped me see that motherhood is unpredictable and sometimes the plans we have don't always happen."

He nodded, burping Jamie.

"She is off work for another few months so we are going to get together at least once a week and talk and later shop or go to lunch. Just so we have that connection, you know."

"Mommy and Me thing?"

"Yeah, kind of like that."

"That's a good idea, Beth. I'm glad you have each other." That was another reason why he didn't think it was the right time to move away. She'd be losing having Faith close by.

"I know what you are thinking, husband. If we move, she and I will still keep in touch. I'll be just fine."

"I'm worried about you."

"I know and I've been struggling but you and Faith both listened to me and helped me see that I was looking at some things in a negative way. You don't have to worry about me."

He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her temple. "I'm your husband. I'll always worry some. It's my job."