CHAPTER 9
A/N: Thanks to pacumeme57, Mariu4, BizzleB90, heyamustbreal, Supergirl2121, valuchavr, santana is my satan, Mari1-921, Marie RieRie England, writersblock1000 and the Guest for their reviews! Keep them coming! Special thanks to WhitWalk for proofreading this chapter. Enjoy!
THE NEXT DAY (TUESDAY) – AT PARAMOUNT – IN SANTANA'S OFFICE – SANTANA POV
"I mean, don't get me wrong…" Quinn says, as we're having lunch in my office. "I love that Mr. Schue organized a 'Glee kids' day' in Lima, but I'm not sure that travelling with children for just one weekend is worth it. Because then, they have jet lag and the first night back in L.A. is always a nightmare! Especially with your goddaughter! I swear, I think she woke us up like 3 times last night… which is manageable if you have a few days off but when you have to work on the next day, it's…"
"I slept with Brittany." I suddenly cut her off, raising timid eyes towards her.
Quinn looks at me in shock but stays silent, for what feels like forever.
"What…?" She eventually frowns in confusion. "When?!" She asks and I'm not sure why she's whispering, considering that it's just the two of us in my office right now.
"Saturday night… after the first Gleeks night out…" I reply in a shy voice.
"Saturday, but…" She frowns again, as the realization that I was with Melissa on Sunday finally hits her.
"So… I take it that Melissa doesn't know?" She asks and I silently shake my head no.
"My life is such a disaster, Q… I don't even know what to do!" I say in a desperate voice, on the verge of crying.
"Okay, okay…" She says in a comforting tone, squeezing my hand. "Let's just… rewind a little." She suggests. "How did this happen…?"
"I don't know… I… Britt was pretty drunk that night and I didn't want her to go home alone in that state! So, we split a cab and I was planning to go to my parents' right after dropping her off but… she was struggling to open her front door…" I say. "So, I helped her get to her room… And I swear, I never meant to stay there! But even if I keep thinking about it over and over, I honestly don't even know how it happened, Q! We just kissed out of nowhere and… I… I just… I couldn't stop…" I eventually confess with a shrug.
"Well, you were also pretty drunk that night, San… We all were!"
"I know but… I can't blame what happened on alcohol." I say, looking down at my hands. "I was still lucid enough to know what I was doing." I finally admit.
"And cheating on my girlfriend is already awful enough but… with my ex-wife? The mother of my children?" I add, shaking my head in despair. "I've created such a fucking mess for so many people, Quinn…" I sob, hiding my face in my hands.
"Shhh…" Quinn says, moving closer to me on the couch, to engulf me in a tight hug. "It's gonna be okay…" She whispers, rubbing my back while I sob hysterically in her arms, finally letting it all out.
"What happened after?" She eventually asks once I calm down. "What did Britt say?"
"Nothing, I uh… I left before she woke up."
"You what?!" She says in an outraged tone, slapping my arm.
"Ow!" I frown. "I know, okay?" I say, getting up from the couch before she can slap me again. "But I panicked, Q! I knew that Brittany would want to talk about it and I was not ready to face her or what we had done! So, I went home!" I shrug. "And then, Melissa showed up in Lima and things got so complicated, I… I didn't know how to handle it…"
"And now, I have all these confusing feelings…" I add. "I can't have sex with my girlfriend, because I feel too guilty for cheating on her! And whenever Melissa kisses me, now I also feel like I'm cheating on Brittany! Even though we're not even together!" I say, raising my arms in frustration. "I'm so lost that I don't know where to go from here…"
"Ok, I know you don't want to hear this…" Quinn says. "… but I really think you should start by talking to Britt, San… You have to discuss what happened, and find out what it meant! Besides, can you imagine how she must be feeling right now? You sleep with her and then, not only are you gone by the time she wakes up, but she sees you with Melissa on the next day?!" She adds and I immediately feel guilty.
"I'm just… I'm terrified…"
"Why? Aren't you curious to know how she feels? And what she thinks?"
"I'm not sure I want to know…" I trail off. "What if she says it was just a drunken mistake and she goes back to Nick?"
"But you don't know that, that's why you should talk to her!" She repeats. "What if she says she wants to be with you?"
"That's just as scary, Q! We're divorced! Do you know what that means? It's not just a box that I tick on forms under 'civil status', okay? There was a point in our lives where Brittany and I both decided to end our marriage!" I say, raising my arms. "At least, Melissa and I have a great relationship! Am I supposed to throw that away, just to fail with Brittany again?"
"Look, I'm not trying to point fingers here but… no matter how great your relationship with Melissa is, it didn't stop you from cheating on her." She shrugs and I immediately look down at my feet, feeling ashamed. "And I know you're scared it may not work with Britt… but you're not in the same situation as five years ago, San… And you know it."
"Maybe but…" I sigh. "… it doesn't mean it would work! What if Brittany and I get back together, and then we break up? I don't know if I can go through that pain again, Quinn…" I say in a sad voice, shaking my head. "And what about the kids, uh? Don't you remember how bad it was for them after the divorce? Gabriel stopped talking for weeks! Do you even know how devastating it was for me to see my sweet, happy boy completely shut down like that?" I add. "I don't want to put my children through that again…"
"Look, I know how tough it was on all of you, I was there…" Quinn nods in sympathy. "But Gabriel is doing just fine! He's got poetry and his girlfriend… And every time I see him now, he's all smiles, just like before!" She says. "But you know what, San? I think you should forget about other people for a minute…" She adds, making me frown.
"I'm serious!" She says upon noticing my confusion. "Don't think about Melissa, Nick or even your kids… You can consider all that later! But for now, you should just focus on the most crucial question: you need to ask yourself if you want to be with Brittany…" She adds and I only sigh in response, looking down at my feet once more.
"How did it feel… being with her again?" She eventually asks, breaking the silence.
"It felt like… coming home…" I whisper, with a shrug.
LATER THAT DAY (LATE EVENING) – AT SANTANA'S HOUSE – IN BED
I was planning to sleep early tonight but given the way Melissa is kissing my neck right now, she apparently has something else in mind. I would normally happily go along with it but… I'm not myself since my night with Brittany.
"Mel, honey…" I say in a soft voice, once I feel her hand on my breast.
"Mmh?" She says, still kissing my neck.
"I'm sorry but… I um… I'm not feeling very well tonight." I eventually say.
"Still not?" She asks, looking at me with concerned eyes, before placing her hand on my forehead. "You don't have temperature but… maybe you're coming down with something?"
"Yeah, I don't know… But I should probably rest..." I say. "Is it ok if we just sleep?"
"Of course, honey!" She says, pressing her lips on mine. "We'll catch up when you feel better…" She adds, wiggling her eyebrows, before hugging my body, her head resting on my chest.
It's the third night in a row that I make excuses to avoid sexy times and I'm not sure how long I can keep this up… Melissa knows all too well that I'm not the kind of person that turns down sex…
A WHILE LATER
It's quite late now and if Melissa is long asleep, I'm definitely awake. My head is full of thoughts and as my eyes are set on the ceiling of my bedroom, I can't help but wonder if Brittany still has sex with Nick…
But the simple thought of his hands on her body drives me so jealous that I decide to focus on happy thoughts instead. Fortunately, after a while thinking of my children, I eventually fall asleep as well.
THE NEXT MORNING (WEDNESDAY) – AT SANTANA'S HOUSE
Mel has just left for work when someone suddenly rings the doorbell.
"What are you doing here, mija?" I frown upon seeing Sofia on my doorstep. "You're supposed to be in school!" I add, upset.
"I know… and I promise I'll be in school by the time the second period starts… But I had to see you, mama. It's an emergency!"
"What's going on?" I ask in a worried voice, inviting her to sit on the living room couch.
"I suppose you haven't heard yet but… mom and Nick broke up." She says, making me open my eyes wide.
"What?! When?"
"I'm not sure… I think they may have broken up the same night we came back from Lima…" She says, uncertain. "But what I know for sure is that Nick didn't come home last night and mom was acting really strange. She first said he was on the night shift but I knew she was lying." She shrugs.
"He already did the night shifts when we were in Lima and he's not allowed to do it for such a long period! And then, I noticed that some of his stuff was gone, so… I confronted her and she broke into tears, saying it was over between them." She says and weirdly enough, I immediately feel sad. I don't want Brittany to be in pain, and I never meant to hurt Nick either.
"I… uh…" I trail off, not knowing what to say.
"Did something happen in Lima?" She asks.
"What makes you think something happened?" I shrug innocently.
"Because you were both acting strange when we came back from our trip with the grandparents. And mom and Nick are now broken up, even though they were completely fine before she went to Lima!" She says. "And you look very weird right now too."
"You always say we're weird, mija, so…"
"Yes, but usually I say that because you don't act like a normal divorced couple!"
"What would you possibly know about what divorced couples are supposed to be like?" I ask.
"Most of my friends' parents are divorced, mama! And they either hate each other or barely talk! While you and mom have always been super close!" She argues. "But this time, something is different…"
"What's different?" I shrug.
"I don't know… Now, you actually act all distant, like a real divorced couple! And it's not just me who thinks so, Diego and Gabriel noticed too." She says.
Of course, the kids would pick up on that, because they've always seen me and Britt getting along! Even after the divorce, we would still talk and laugh together, occasionally teasing each other, and always backing each other up in front of our children.
"Did you have a fight?" Sofia asks for the second time, her worried eyes set on me.
"No, mija… We did not have a fight." I say right away, to reassure her. "You don't have to worry about mom and me, okay?"
"But if it was not a fight, then… what was it?" She asks. "Because something is going on, mama!"
"Nothing is going on…" I sigh.
For fuck's sake, when is she going to drop it?!
"Oh my God!" She suddenly says, her eyes opening wide and her jaw dropping in shock as if she had an epiphany. "You slept together?!" She says in disbelief, and I find myself completely frozen in my spot, unable to say a word.
How did she even figure it out? And what am I supposed to say now? Should I deny it and play it like that's insane? But it's probably too late for that… And what if she asks her mom the same question, would Britt tell her the truth? God, of course, Britt would tell her the truth!
"Ok, mija, listen to me…" I eventually say. "You can't tell anyone about this, okay?" I add, aware that I basically just confirmed her suspicions. "I don't know if mom told Nick, maybe she did and maybe this is why they broke up… But I haven't told Melissa" I sigh in a sad tone. "It's… it's complicated."
"Are you… are you guys getting back together…?" She asks, obviously still trying to process the situation.
"I… I don't know." I shrug. "It's all happening so fast that I haven't even got a chance to wrap my head around it! So please, promise me you won't tell anyone until mom and I figure it out! Not Melissa, not Liam, not even your brothers…" I plead.
"Okay…" She eventually nods. "I won't tell anyone…"
"Thank you…" I whisper, squeezing her hand in gratitude.
LATER THAT DAY – AT BRITTANY'S HOUSE
As I'm standing on Brittany's doorstep, I'm feeling nervous as hell. Knowing myself, I could stay here for hours without ever ringing the doorbell, or even just walk back to my car and go home. But I know I can't hide forever… Brittany and I have children together, it's not like I will be able to avoid her for long.
After taking a few deep inhales to give me courage, I eventually force myself to ring the doorbell. My heart immediately beats faster and although it only takes Brittany a few seconds to open the door, it feels like forever.
"What are you doing here, Santana?" She frowns.
That's not very welcoming, but I guess I deserve that.
"Hi… I uh… I thought that maybe we could talk…?" I say timidly.
"Oh, now you want to talk?" She says, crossing her arms.
Okay, she's definitely angry… And seeing how red her eyes are, she obviously cried.
"I just… I came to see how you were doing…" I shrug. "You broke up with Nicholas…?" I ask, in a mix of compassion and disbelief.
"His name is NICK!" She says in a frustrated voice. "And how do you even know I broke up with him?" She asks. "Oh… Sofia told you." She adds and I silently nod in confirmation.
"Well, you don't have to worry, Santana." She says. "Even if Nick deserved the truth, I didn't tell him I cheated on him with you, to be sure it wouldn't get back to you. So, you're free to be with Melissa if that's what you want." She adds before walking towards the living room, leaving me on the doorstep. Even though she didn't invite me in, I eventually close the front door and follow her.
"Why did you do it…? Break up with him…" I ask. "I know you loved him."
"I did love him." She immediately confirms and although I have always been aware of that, I still feel a sting in my heart. "But if I really loved him the way I think I did, I wouldn't have been able to cheat on him! Not even with you." She shrugs, and I immediately look down at my hands, thinking that she makes a valid point. Can I really claim I love Melissa after sleeping with another woman?
"He's a wonderful man…" She says in a cracking voice, trying to hold back her tears. "And I hate that I hurt him but… he deserves better."
"Are you really sure this is what you want, Britt?" I ask. "I mean, you were pretty drunk that night… and…"
"It had nothing to do with alcohol, San…" She cuts me off. "Sure, I was tipsy enough to be clumsy with my keys and lose balance but… I knew what I was doing." She admits. "And although I didn't plan for us to kiss, I decided not to stop it… I wanted it to happen."
"And as soon as I got back to L.A, I knew I had to break up with Nick. He deserves a faithful girlfriend who only wants him, not a woman who is in love with someone else." She adds, taking me aback.
Did she just say "in love"…?
"Britt…" I sigh. "I just don't want you to ruin your relationship over something we know is not working…" I say in a sad voice. "We divorced for a reason…"
"I know… But as much as it was a reason back then, it's not a reason anymore, San…" She shrugs. "Our lives are so different now, and the kids are older." She argues while I remain silent, not knowing what to say.
"Why are you pushing me to get back with Nick? Don't you love me…?" She eventually asks while moving closer to me, her blue eyes staring into mine.
"That's not fair…" I whisper, shaking my head. "You know I love you, Brittany… I always have! Even the divorce didn't change that, because… I just don't know how to unlove you!" I shrug, having a hard time hiding the emotion in my voice. "But that doesn't mean it would work between us…"
"But how can we know if we don't try?" She says with pleading eyes. "San, that night with you… it felt right." She shrugs. "And as much as I loved Nick, I had not felt this kind of connection in a long time…" She says. "Not since 5 years ago! And I know you felt it too…" She whispers, standing so close to me that I can feel her breath against my lips.
Our eyes are locked and once again, my heart is pounding hard in my chest. She eventually closes the gap and tenderly presses her lips on mine, sending shivers down my spine.
Even though I kiss her back for a few seconds, I eventually pull away.
"No, no… we can't do this…" I say, out of breath. "I just came here to talk, Brittany! So… here." I add, placing a chair between us. "There has to be furniture between us at all times, because we both know what will happen if we kiss again!"
"Fine… You want to talk? Let's talk!" She shrugs. "I'll even start, okay?" She suggests, taking a long exhale.
"I really want to be with you…" She eventually says in a sure voice, looking into my eyes. "Our night together was eye-opening, San! And now, I'm sure more than ever that I belong with you!"
"And I know Melissa is great, but… you can't re-create what you and I have." She says and I'm so intimidated that I immediately look down at my feet.
"So… it's your choice." She adds, slowly going around the chair to kiss me on the cheek. "If you want me, I'm here." She whispers.
THE NEXT DAY (THURSDAY) – AT THE RESTAURANT – BRITTANY POV
"So… how are you doing, Britt?" Quinn asks me as we're having lunch just the two of us.
I can tell by the softness in her voice and the compassionate look in her eyes that she knows… She knows both about my night with Santana and my break up with Nick. And that's not really surprising, considering that Santana and Quinn usually tell each other everything.
"Well, this week has certainly been an emotional hell…" I sigh. "My break up with Nick was so horrible, Q…" I say, shaking my head. "I know it had to be done, but… I still broke his heart…"
"I'm sure it was hard, but you did the right thing, Britt." She nods, squeezing my hand.
"And um… how is it going with San…?" She asks.
"I don't know…" I shrug. "We had a good talk yesterday – which I guess is progress already – and I told her I wanted to be with her, but… I haven't heard from her since then."
"Oh well, you know San…" Quinn says. "She's as slow as a snail for these things! Everyone will figure out what she really wants before she does herself!"
"Yeah, I guess that's pretty accurate." I sigh. "But what if she picks Melissa…?" I ask in a worried voice.
"Honestly, I don't see that happening, Britt…"
"She loves her though…" I shrug. "I know she does, I saw the way she was looking at her all these years…"
"Well, I'm sure she loves Melissa, just like you loved Nick, but…" Quinn trails off. "Okay, I'm not supposed to tell you that but… when Santana and I talked this morning, she admitted – and I quote – that 'she'll always love you the most', so…" She says. "I think it's not even about Melissa anymore… She's just scared!" She shrugs. "She's afraid of what failing again would mean for both of you, and for your kids… But she'll come around, you'll see."
"I hope you're right…" I whisper.
"For what it's worth… even if I appreciate Melissa, I'm totally rooting for you two! Team Brittana all the way!" Quinn says while raising the fist, making me chuckle.
"Thanks, Q…" I say with a small smile.
LATER THAT DAY (EARLY EVENING) – AT THE ARTS SCHOOL – SANTANA POV
When I enter the auditorium to attend Gabriel's poetry showcase, Brittany is already seated on our usual row.
"Hi…" I say in a shy voice.
"Hi…" She smiles timidly. "I uh… I saved you a seat." She says. "A couple of seats actually, I didn't know if Melissa was coming with you or not…"
"Thanks." I reply, taking the seat next to her. "And um… no, Mel is not coming. She's at a PTA meeting tonight." I say and we immediately fall into an uncomfortable silence.
"What about Sofia and Diego? Are they here?" I ask, to keep the conversation going.
"No, I'm afraid they will have to skip this one." She replies. "Diego is at the birthday party of a boy from his baseball team, and Sofia is at Charlotte's, to work on this science project they have to turn in tomorrow."
"Right…" I say.
So… that means I will spend the whole evening alone with Brittany.
I must be cursed.
LATER THAT NIGHT – AT THE ARTS SCHOOL
"So, what did you think?" An excited Gabriel asks me and Britt, after the show ended.
"Oh, you were so good, bud!" Brittany says, hugging him. "You gave me goosebumps all the way through your 'shattered heart' poem!"
"Same here!" I add. "I know I'm going to repeat myself, but you really have an immense talent, mijo! I'm one proud mama!" I say, giving him a kiss.
"Thanks!" My boy says with that magic smile of his, making all in the world good again.
"You're ready to go home?" Britt asks our son.
"Well, um… since Stella is here too, I was wondering if we could stay a little longer?" He asks shyly.
"Sure, buddy, we can stay for a while." His mom nods and he smiles wide, before running to his girlfriend.
"Do you want to grab a drink?" Brittany asks me, nodding towards the bar.
"Oh, I uh… I don't know…"
"Come on, San… Are you really going to leave me here all alone while I wait for our son?" She asks.
"Um... Well, I guess I can stay a little longer…" I say, checking my watch. Melissa's PTA meeting is most likely still going on anyway.
A WHILE LATER – AT THE ARTS SCHOOL – AT THE BAR
"Stop looking at me like that…" I whisper, before taking another sip of wine, even though all I want right now is gulp the whole glass.
"Like what?" Britt asks, frowning in confusion.
"Like you saw me naked!" I whisper.
"Well, I did…" She shrugs with a smirk, making me roll my eyes.
"Britt, what are you doing?" I sigh.
"I'm flirting with you." She shrugs.
"Yeah, I know that!" I say, raising my hands. "You have been flirting with me the whole evening! You're even wearing that damn dress!" I add, pointing at her outfit.
"What about my dress?"
"Oh, please, Britt… Don't play innocent with me! That's the dress you used to wear every time you wanted to get things your way! Because you knew I would want to have sex with you after seeing you in it, and I would eventually give in to whatever you were asking."
"Well, does it still work?" She asks.
"What?!" I frown in confusion.
"Does it make you wanna have sex with me?" She asks in a sultry voice, making me swallow hard.
"I… uh…" I mumble, suddenly feeling intimidated.
"Mom, I'm ready to go home now!" Gabriel fortunately interrupts us, while Brittany's eyes are still set on me.
"Alright… Well, I guess we'll go then." Britt smiles at our son, before gathering her stuff.
"Bye, mama… Thanks for coming!" Gabriel says and I get up to hug him goodbye.
"It was my pleasure, mijo! I'll see you soon!"
"Bye, San…" Britt says, leaning to press her lips on my cheek for a little too long, her hand resting on my shoulder.
As she pulls away, her seductive blue eyes briefly meet mine, and I feel like all the air has been sucked out of my lungs.
I sit back on my stool, waving one last time at them. And as I watch them walk away, all I can think of is that Brittany's dress most definitely still works…
A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER (SATURDAY EVENING) – AT SANTANA'S HOUSE – IN THE LIVING ROOM
"Well… I think I'm gonna go to bed!" I tell Melissa, as the movie we've been watching just ended.
"Already?" She asks, surprised.
"Yeah, I'm beat! But you can stay up longer if you want, honey!" I smile, before kissing her forehead.
"San, wait…" She says once I'm almost out of the room.
"Yeah?" I ask, turning around.
"Are we…" She says, pausing for a second. "Are we okay?" She eventually asks, raising worried eyes towards me.
A/N: I know, I know, I always end the chapter at the wrong time! Sorry! But hopefully, it makes you look forward to the next one! I hope you enjoyed Quinn's interventions, she has a big role in my other story but had barely appeared in this one, so I wanted to bring her to the spotlight for once ;-)
I know many of you thought Nick was cheating on Brittany, while others also thought that Melissa was cheating on Santana. Although that could have been a good story, I can now tell you that it is not the case in this fanfic. I needed both Nick and Melissa to be the perfect partners, because assuming that Brittana eventually get back together, I want it to be because they want to be together and not because something went wrong with their respective partners. But more on that later...
I also know some readers were disappointed that they had drunken sex, but that was also a choice on my side. Although their love never disappeared, I felt that they both really tried to move on after their painful divorce, and I couldn't see them cross that line without a little push like alcohol. That being said, I hope the chapter makes it clear that they both still knew what they were doing and decided to sleep together anyway. But, as you noticed, Santana and Brittany are now moving at very different paces.
So, please let me know what you thought of this chapter! And what do you think will happen next: will Santana tell Melissa? Will she stay with Mel or try again with Brittany?
Please note that I might take a while to update the story as I need to reflect further on it. In the meanwhile, you can always check my other fanfic "Tell our story" if you like. Thank you for reading!